Is Your Workplace Toxic? Or is it You?

Here’s a hard truth: if you’ve been in more than one "toxic" working environment, you are participating in the toxicity of that environment. 

Ouch. I know. You hate this.

This makes you want to burn my books, unsubscribe and troll me on social media. But I’m sorry—it's the truth. I’ve been coaching for way too long, and have way too many examples of this, not to tell you the truth.

If you’ve clashed with bosses and co-workers in a significant way at more than one job, then you need to take a hard look at those commonalities—because it wasn’t all them.

Part of that energy was also coming from you. People react to our energy—even subconscious energy that we have no idea we’re emitting. You might think the email you sent to your team or co-worker was “nice” or just “straightforward,” but what they read was something far more sinister (or vice versa).

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve coached corporate executives or employees who are convinced that all their toxic issues at work are everyone else’s fault—only to work with them to change their energy, and boom—the energy around them begins to immediately shift.

I will tell you what I tell my clients, the truth: You control you, and that’s it. You control the energy you bring every day—and that energy is either bumping into resistance, triggering defensiveness, anger, and frustration, or it’s defusing that vibe in yourself and others. That’s the truth.

Defensiveness arises when we bring an energy or communication style that triggers the other person's need to defend, recede, or protest. If that is not the energy we bring, then we typically won’t get that response from people. If I’m bringing a collaborative spirit, open mind, safe communication style, and a willingness to learn—and have checked my ego at the door—I will stop getting met with toxic behaviors. Maybe not immediately, but they will recede, because that fire will no longer have the oxygen it needs to survive.

By choosing to change the energy I bring, I can impact the energy of others in a positive way, thereby creating the type of environment that is healthier for everyone. 

By focusing on solutions, listening, openness, safe communication, and being willing to learn and adapt, I can create a mentally safe workplace for myself—regardless of what other people do.

Remember that what you focus on expands. So every time you say you hate your job, your boss, or a coworker, you are exacerbating the problem and contributing to its growth and toxicity. 

I can choose to stop stoking the flames of negativity and toxicity by disengaging from those conversations and not perpetuating those narratives. Over time, people will interact with me differently and respond to me in new, more positive ways. I am actually more likely to get my desired outcomes by using this approach than I ever would have by forcing my way, being defensive, negative, or leading with ego.

Honestly ask yourself these questions: In the past 6 months at my job, can I truly say that I’ve brought positive, open, productive energy each day? Have I encouraged others, spoken highly of them, or given positive reinforcement when it was warranted? Have I focused on finding solutions that work for everyone—or just pushed my own agenda? Have I been open to feedback, suggestions, and criticism—or have I been defensive and accusatory? Have I been self-aware, or have I been focused on everyone else being the problem? Honestly, what kind of energy do I bring to my job, my coworkers, and my boss? Has this served me? What are some things I can work on to improve this and feel more positive about work? How can I focus on ME instead of everyone else and everything going on around me? I control me—so let’s start controlling me and see what happens!

This is what I mean by being self-aware and doing personal growth work. It’s not an Instagram quote or a trending TikTok. It’s REAL work.

It’s genuinely being receptive to seeing your behavior, actions, reactions and current reality in a new light and from a new angle—and that is not easy to do. In fact, most people can’t. So I applaud you for reading that, and for thinking about it, if you’ve found yourself in a relatable situation. Because it’s not easy to take this coaching note, but if you’re open to it and willing to make changes, it will dramatically improve your work experience and your working relationships. 

This is a BIG DEAL.

Making some simple tweaks to the energy you bring will change everything in your life, not just work, but all your relationships. Instead of sending a subliminal signal that repels people or causes them to negatively interact with you, you’ll now be sending a softer one that attracts amazing people, experiences, opportunities, loyalty, and money into your orbit. And those are things we all want, am I right?  But sometimes we have to hold up the mirror and be willing to do the difficult personal work in order to get our environment to begin reflecting the very things we desire.

How to Deal with Negative or Stressful Thoughts About Work

If this applies to you, shifting your perspective and thoughts around your job is crucial—not only for your mental health but also for your job performance, job security, and future career opportunities. Focusing on the problem will only bring more of that problem, so it’s essential to find a new solution and direct your attention toward it moving forward.

Ask yourself: What stresses you out about work? What’s at the root of what you don’t like? Is it something you can change? What would be the best-case scenario if it did change? How would you like to feel at work? How would you like to be treated?

Let’s say you can’t stand someone at work. You probably can’t change the fact that you have to work together, but what’s the best-case scenario? What if you got along with that person? I know—you probably don’t want to get along with them. You probably just want them gone! But that’s not what we’re doing here. We’re not putting that energy into the universe.

So, what if there was no tension? What if they didn’t annoy you? What if they didn’t do XYZ? Would that improve your daily work life? What are you grateful for right now as it relates to your job? What is the statement that helps you feel empowered and in control of how you feel as it relates to work? 

Here’s a sample motto:

“I am grateful for my job and love my team! People are drawn to me at work, and I feel valued, respected, and get along with everyone.”

Say your new Power Motto every morning—10 times—before you start work, open your computer, or check your email. Say it between meetings. Say it before you interact with the person or situation that used to bother you. Keep repeating it until whatever frustrated you about your job no longer triggers or impacts you.

This is how you take control of your emotions, reactions, and feelings, preventing yourself from internalizing the challenges of the day. It’s a powerful way to protect your mental health.

Wanna work with me? I just opened up spots for my brand-new Think It: Private Coaching Experience 8-weeks of 1 on 1 sessions to learn all 7 of my mindset tools where I’ll customize them for you and your life.

About the Author: Sarah Centrella is a multi #1 best-selling author, master life coach, executive coach, speaker and the Founder of VIVIAMO.

This work is copyright protected 2025 Centrella Global LLC