"You're Not Lazy. You're Not Broken." — What Sam Williams Taught Me About Agency, ADHD, and Midlife Transitions

“Stop treating yourself like a problem to be solved. Start seeing yourself as a beautiful sunset to be appreciated.”

— Sam Williams, on my Coach Class podcast

In this week’s Coach Class, I sat down with someone who, in just 30 minutes, taught me more about self-compassion and neurodivergence than I’ve gleaned in the past year.

Sam Williams is a chartered engineer, an ICF-accredited coach, a mother, and a woman navigating late-diagnosed ADHD and perimenopause. But labels don’t quite do justice to the depth she brings to her story—or the clarity with which she now lives her life.

What started as a brief appearance in a BBC documentary on ADHD led Sam to share a raw, reflective LinkedIn post about the stories she used to tell herself. That post—where she questioned long-held internal narratives like “I’m lazy” or “I’m in decline”—stopped me in my tracks. I knew instantly I wanted her on the podcast.

Rewriting the Script

During the episode, Sam introduced a phrase that’s still ringing in my ears: “belief admin.” It’s the mental housekeeping we all need but rarely do. The process of surfacing outdated, limiting beliefs and gently (or not so gently) challenging them. For Sam, these beliefs had built up over years—some seeded by society, others shaped by undiagnosed ADHD and a lack of awareness around hormonal changes.

“I had a backlog,” she said. “Like too many tabs open in my head. And I started asking: Is this belief actually true? Has it always been true? And how helpful is it now?”

It’s a deceptively simple but incredibly powerful practice—especially for those of us prone to internalising difficulty as personal failure.

From Passenger to Pilot

Sam described the shift from being a “passenger” in her life to reclaiming agency. And it wasn’t through sheer force of will or productivity hacks. It was through awareness, self-inquiry, and allowing herself to slow down.

“I stopped trying to fix myself, and started to appreciate myself. Like a sunset, not a problem.”

She described how her ADHD had gone unnoticed for decades, largely because she was high-functioning in a world that only recognises extremes. It was only when perimenopause hit—magnifying her symptoms, disrupting her cognitive functioning, and stripping away old coping strategies—that she was forced to pause. And in that pause, she didn’t just crash—she rewired.

She went back to school. She studied ADHD, menopause, and coaching. She became the kind of guide she’d once needed. And now she’s helping others walk a similar path.

Midlife as a Software Upgrade

One of the most striking reframes Sam offered was about perimenopause. Rather than viewing it as the beginning of decline, she called it a “midlife software update.”

Yes, you may feel a dip in cognitive clarity. Yes, it may feel like you’re losing the sharpness or reliability that once defined you. But what if—what if—it’s not the start of a downfall, but the start of a reconfiguration?

“You’re letting go of the wiring that’s no longer needed. You’re making space for the next version of you.”

That mindset shift alone could change lives.

What Men Need to Hear

As a man, and as someone who works in spaces that are often male-dominated, I had to ask: what can we do better? Sam’s answer was simple but challenging.

“Raise your awareness. Be curious. Don’t wait until you understand everything to care. Just start showing up. Be the calm in the storm for someone.”

Whether it’s in the workplace, at home, or with friends—those of us who haven’t lived this experience still have a responsibility to support those who are. To listen more. To interrupt less. To stop assuming that strength means silence.

Coaching Through Complexity

As the episode drew to a close, Sam left me—and, I hope, you—with one final takeaway.

“Every time you take a risk to be true to your soul, your example helps others.”

In coaching, leadership, or life—it’s not perfection that builds trust. It’s presence. It’s the willingness to show up as you are, flawed and learning. And when coaches model that kind of self-acceptance, they create space for clients to do the same.

🎧 Listen to the full episode here.

If something Sam said resonated with you—whether it’s the inner critic, the shift from survival to agency, or the quiet relief of hearing someone say “you’re not broken”—you’re not alone.

👇 I’d love to hear your reflections in the comments.

#CoachClass #ADHD #Neurodivergence #Menopause #Coaching #SelfCompassion #Leadership #Midlife #Podcast