How to Navigate Conflict Dynamics

Conflict gets a bad rap in the workplace. Early in my career, I believed conflict had no place in a healthy workplace. As I progressed, I realized that it was quite the contrary. The lack of conflict isn't a sign of a healthy work culture, rather it is an indication that important debates, discussions and differing viewpoints are being disregarded or suppressed. This insight revealed another key aspect: high-performing teams do not shy away from conflict. They embrace it, leveraging diverse opinions to drive optimal outcomes for customers. What sets these teams apart is their ability to handle conflict constructively. So how can this be achieved? I reached out to my friend Andrea Stone, Leadership Coach and Founder of Stone Leadership, for some tips on effectively managing conflict in the workplace. Here's the valuable guidance she provided: 1. Pause: Take a moment to assess your feelings in the heat of the moment. Be curious about your emotions, resist immediate reactions, and take the time to understand the why behind your feelings. 2. Seek the Other Perspective: Engage genuinely, listen intently, show real interest, and ask pertinent questions. Remember to leave your preconceived judgments at the door. 3. Acknowledge Their Perspective: Express your understanding of their viewpoint. If their arguments have altered your perspective, don't hesitate to share this with them. 4. Express Your Viewpoint: If your opinion remains unswayed, seek permission to explain your perspective and experiences. Remember to speak from your viewpoint using "I" statements. 5. Discuss the Bigger Objective: Identify common grounds and goals. Understand that each person might have a different, bigger picture in mind. This process can be taxing, so prepare beforehand. In prolonged conflict situations, don't hesitate to suggest breaks to refresh and refuel mentally, physically, and emotionally. 6. Know Your Limits: If the issue is of significant importance to you, be aware of your boundaries. For those familiar with negotiation tactics, know your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement). 7. Finalize Agreements: Once an agreement has been reached, continue the engagement to agree on responsibilities and timeframes. This ensures clarity on the outcome and commitments made. PS: Approach such situations with curiosity and assume others are trying to do the right thing. 🔁 Useful? I would appreciate a repost. Image Credit: Hari Haralambiev ----- Follow me, tap the (🔔) Omar Halabieh for daily Leadership and Career posts.

The #1 killer of teams isn't failure. It's how you handle conflict. Understanding these 4 behaviors—and their antidotes—has saved me millions of dollars and countless hours of pain. In the 1990s, Dr. John Gottman identified “The Four Horsemen,” destructive behaviors that predict divorce with 91% accuracy. From my experience, these same behaviors destroy company cultures, teams, and break up partnerships. Here’s what they are—and how to counteract them: 1️⃣ Criticism Sounds like: "You’re selfish; you never think of others.” ✅ Antidote: Use “I” statements to focus on the issue. Example: “I feel out of the loop when I don’t know project updates. Can we align better next time?” 2️⃣ Contempt Sounds like: “Cry me a river. I’m dealing with bigger priorities than your issues.” ✅ Antidote: Build a culture of appreciation. Highlight strengths and express gratitude regularly. 3️⃣ Defensiveness Sounds like: “I was busy! Why didn’t you handle it?” ✅ Antidote: Take responsibility. Accept feedback, and apologize when needed. 4️⃣ Stonewalling Sounds like: “Silence” (Shutting down and withdrawing during conflict) ✅ Antidote: Practice self-soothing. Take a break to calm emotions, then return to the discussion. Conflict is inevitable. How you handle it determines your success. Master these antidotes to foster trust and build resilient teams. What is your favorite approach to managing conflict skillfully? Let me know in the comments. 👇 ♻️ Repost this to share with anyone looking to improve having crucial conversations. And follow Matt Schnuck for more!

Conflict is inevitable. How we manage it is both an art and a science. In my work with executives, I often discuss Thomas Kilmann's five types of conflict managers: (1) The Competitor – Focuses on winning, sometimes forgetting there’s another human on the other side. (2) The Avoider – Pretends conflict doesn’t exist, hoping it disappears (spoiler: it doesn’t). (3) The Compromiser – Splits the difference, often leaving both sides feeling like nobody really wins. (4) The Accommodator – Prioritizes relationships over their own needs, sometimes at their own expense. (5) The Collaborator – Works hard to find a win-win, but it takes effort. The style we use during conflict depends on how we manage the tension between empathy and assertiveness. (a) Assertiveness: The ability to express your needs, boundaries, and interests clearly and confidently. It’s standing your ground—without steamrolling others. Competitors do this naturally, sometimes too much. Avoiders and accommodators? Not so much. (b) Empathy: The ability to recognize and consider the other person’s perspective, emotions, and needs. It’s stepping into their shoes before taking a step forward. Accommodators thrive here, sometimes at their own expense. Competitors? They might need a reminder that the other side has feelings too. Balancing both is the key to successful negotiation. Here’s how: - Know your default mode. Are you more likely to fight, flee, or fold? Self-awareness is step one. - Swap 'but' for 'and' – “I hear your concerns, and I’d like to explore a solution that works for both of us.” This keeps both voices in the conversation. - Be clear, not combative. Assertiveness isn’t aggression; it’s clarity. Replace “You’re wrong” with “I see it differently—here’s why.” - Make space for emotions. Negotiations aren’t just about logic. Acknowledge emotions (yours and theirs) so they don’t hijack the conversation. - Negotiate the process, not just the outcome. If you’re dealing with a competitor, set ground rules upfront. If it’s an avoider, create a low-stakes way to engage. Great negotiators don’t just stick to their natural style—they adapt. Which conflict style do you tend to default to? And how do you balance empathy with assertiveness? #ConflictResolution #Negotiation #Leadership #Empathy #Assertiveness #Leadership #DecisionMaking

A recent post about Project Aristotle, our study on team effectiveness at Google, brought back a key personal learning. In that work, psychological safety, as defined and deeply researched by Amy Edmondson, emerged as the single most important factor behind team success. A key aspect of psychological safety is creating an environment where it’s safe to disagree. When we talk about conflict on teams, we often think in terms of “more” or “less.” But that framing is incomplete. What matters just as much as the presence of conflict is the quality of it. Here’s a 2x2 I find helpful, inspired by the work of Liane Davey, Priya Parker and Kim Scott. For me, the most insidious quadrant here is unhealthy peace, where surface-level harmony conceals deeper dysfunction. It often feels like saying “Sure, that works” even when your inner voice is saying “this doesn’t sit right.” You see avoidable mistakes happen. You may be in the room physically but are checked out mentally. Healthy conflict feels very different. You can disagree openly while still feeling like you belong. You walk out of a hard conversation with more clarity and more trust. You experience being stretched and challenged in a way that sharpens you and your team. So how do you know where you stand? Here are a few reflection cues that are helpful: -- Am I holding back because I want to be thoughtful, or because I’m afraid? -- Do I leave hard conversations feeling like something real got said? -- If I disagree with someone in power, do I trust they’ll listen? Like any muscle, the ability to engage in healthy conflict takes practice: -- You have to start with curiosity: “Can you help me understand how you got there?” -- You need to muster courage to name the discomfort: “This is hard to talk about, but I think it matters” -- Reflect after the disagreement: Did we learn? Did we grow? It’s one thing to have healthy conflict with peers. It’s much harder when there’s a power gap and when the person across from you controls your ratings, promotions, or future opportunities. That’s why leadership role modeling matters. If leaders don’t create environments where disagreement can be surfaced safely, they are setting their teams back. Make it easier for others to be both brave and heard -- that's the kind of leadership I've aspired to.

At Amazon, two of my top engineers had a shouting match that ended in tears. This could be a sign of a toxic workplace or a sign of passion and motivation. Whether it becomes toxic or not all comes down to how management deals with conflict. In order to deal with conflict in your team, it is first essential to understand it. A Harvard study has identified that there are 4 types of conflict that are common in teams: 1. The Boxing Match: Two people within a team disagree 2. The Solo Dissenter: Conflict surrounds one individual 3. Warring Factions: Two subgroups within a team disagree 4. The Blame Game: The whole team is in disagreement My engineers shouting at each other is an example of the boxing match. They were both passionate and dedicated to the project, but their visions were different. This type of passion is a great driver for a healthy team, but if the conflict were to escalate it could quickly become toxic and counterproductive. In order to de-escalate the shouting, I brought them into a private mediation. This is where one of the engineers started to cry because he was so passionate about his vision for the project. The important elements of managing this conflict in a healthy and productive way were: 1) Giving space for each of the engineers to explain their vision 2) Mediating their discussion so that they could arrive at a productive conclusion 3) Not killing either of their passion by making them feel unheard or misunderstood Ultimately, we were able to arrive at a productive path forward with both engineers feeling heard and respected. They both continued to be top performers. In today’s newsletter, I go more deeply into how to address “Boxing Match” conflicts as both a manager and an IC. I also explain how to identify and address the other 3 common types of team conflict. You can read the newsletter here https://lnkd.in/gXYr9T3r Readers- How have you seen team member conflict handled well in your careers?

What to do if you’re facing conflict at work with a peer    During my corporate leadership journey, I had a conflict with a peer.   It drained my energy every time I interacted with him.   A simple phrase changed our relationship: "This is one of those moments I think we need to agree to disagree."    It was not about who was right or wrong.   It was about respecting different perspectives.   This allowed us to start to listen to one another.   To work together instead of fighting.   Leaders often delegate conflict management to HR or even their leader, fearing confrontation or appearing silly.    The tendency is to shut down or resist.    But ignoring issues isn't a solution.    Instead, encourage open dialogues:    “Have you had this conversation with your peer?” "Is there something that you can do differently?"    “How can they work better with you?”    Recognizing differing viewpoints is key.   Conflicts may stem from resistance to change.    By encouraging honest discussions and taking responsibility, we can resolve them.    Remember, a strong relationship's foundation lies in crucial conversations. #executivecoaching #executivesandmanagement #leadership #leadershipdevelopment #management

When a team member jumps to an angry conclusion. You notice the change in body language. Defenses are raised. People either shut down or attack. The situation blocks constructive conversation. Last night I had a great session about conflict with my Executive cohort at NYU School of Professional Studies. We exchanged ideas on preparing for inevitable conflicts at work—how to show up with intention instead of reacting on autopilot. Here’s what stuck with me: ✔ Preparation starts before the conflict. Deep breathing can regulate your nervous system. One slow inhale can stop a bad reaction before it starts. Prepared phrases to de-escalate, set boundaries, and increase understanding. ✔ Body language matters. Open posture. Uncrossed arms. Calm eyes. Signals safety instead of threat. ✔ Your voice is a tool. Lower tone. Slow pace. Don’t match the other person’s energy—reset the room with your own. ✔ Micro-pauses buy clarity. A one-second pause gives your brain time to think. It helps you respond instead of react. ✔ Lead with validation. Try: “I can see this is frustrating.” It doesn’t mean you agree. It means you’re listening. Conflict isn’t the problem. Unpreparedness is. If you want to build trust, show up prepared. #marketingleadership #conflict