Emotional Intelligence in Work

I got to train 75 managers in how to hold Tough Conversations and how to Lead with Emotional Intelligence this week. One of the hardest moments they identified was when a team member shared a situation with a strong emotion like, 💬 "I just applied for a promotion and didn't get it again." or 💬"I've been waiting for 6 months for a development opportunity and am still waiting." or 💬"I'm struggling with personal challenges at home." The initial reaction was to want to say, "How can I help you navigate this?" or "How can I support?" These are great responses motivated to 1) help the person and 2) find a solution. But, people feel relief not because of what you do but because of the connection you make with them. In fact, jumping to a solution without acknowledging how they're feeling can intensify the feelings of being misunderstood or not supported. This is where empathy is so powerful. By taking a moment to make a statement to acknowledge the person's emotion they are feeling in the situation, we can help them feel seen, heard, and connected to. This might sound like, 💬"That's a really frustrating situation. I know how hard it is to go after an opportunity and not get it." or 💬"I know how much work you've put in to be selected for this opportunity. I'm sorry you haven't gotten the result you wanted." or 💬"I'd love to hear more. Are you willing to share with me about your situation?" By identifying with someone's emotion or asking questions to give them space to share how they're feeling, we create connection, build trust, show them support, and can help de-escalate the feelings they are experiencing. Do you have any tips for expressing empathy when a team member shares a hard situation or emotion? #leadershipdevelopment #emotionalintelligence #empathy

Remote Work doesn't mean you ignore your people. Here are 15 ways I lead my remote team with empathy: 1. Start with Check-Ins ➔ Begin meetings by asking how everyone is doing. ➔ Show genuine care for their well-being. 2. Respect Time Zones ➔ Schedule meetings at times that work for everyone. ➔ Avoid assuming everyone shares the same hours. 3. Encourage Breaks ➔ Remind your team to step away from screens. ➔ Normalize taking mental health days when needed. 4. Be Transparent About Challenges ➔ Share your struggles to create openness. ➔ Build trust by showing your human side. 5. Listen Without Interrupting ➔ Give your full attention during one-on-ones. ➔ Use active listening to validate their concerns. 6. Celebrate Small Wins ➔ Recognize progress, even if it’s minor. ➔ Create moments of joy and motivation. 7. Clarify Expectations ➔ Provide clear guidelines to reduce stress. ➔ Ensure they know what success looks like. 8. Be Flexible with Deadlines ➔ Understand personal circumstances that may affect timelines. ➔ Collaborate on finding realistic solutions. 9. Ask for Feedback ➔ Regularly check how you can support the team better. ➔ Act on feedback to show you value their input. 10. Develop Social Connection ➔ Create opportunities for virtual team bonding. ➔ Use icebreakers or casual chats to ease isolation. 11. Provide Resources for Growth 12. Acknowledge Overwork 13. Lead with Gratitude 14. Be Patient with Tech Issues 15. Create a Culture of Safety When it comes to remote teams EQ >>> IQ It's easier to burn out in remote settings. Take care of yourself and your team. What did I miss? ♻️ Repost this to help others. P.S. I am on a mission to make remote entrepreneurship simple for millions.

Emotional (artificial) intelligence. Lets talk about it. This is a person who is EQ-adjacent. They know enough about emotional intelligence to speak to it, but they lack the years of practice to move it from knowledge to wisdom. So many people fail to truly move past self-awareness to higher levels of EQ to ever really get to successfully managing relationships. They use the language of EQ but have not internalized and manifested it into their core operating system. The over-confident novice believes they are focused on their team but somehow every coaching engagement - positive or negative - is really about how it reflects on their own leadership or needs. Their language says YOU but their meaning says ME. 🔸“You have grown so much [under my wing].” 🔸 “I see so much potential in you [if you stick to my program].” 🔸 “Great self awareness! [According to my more highly attuned EQ radar than yours].” A hurdle in growing as a leader is acknowledging the ego living in our basement and conflating KNOWING about EQ as making us automatically capable of using it. We think the assignment is suppressing our egos. It is not about suppressing it. The work is in managing it; bringing awareness to it; and gently moving it aside when needed. 🟢 Coach without always needing to qualify it with your own personal experiences. 🟢 Ask questions without a prepared response or lesson. Discover together. 🟢 Acknowledge moments you’ve made it about you, and gently redirect back to the person in front you. Mentoring isn’t about “arriving” at the top of a social hierarchy at work. If you believe in the SERVICE part of servant leadership, then the best mentors are always being mentored themselves. When we try to speed up our journey of self discovery and the slow accumulation of practiced wisdom, it’s like captaining a boat that’s going too fast. Speed often times invites fear, and fear ALWAYS anchors people to self-preservation first. So don’t just get a pulse check on whether you’re feeling fearful. We are good at hiding fear from ourselves. Another way to increase our awareness of whether “self” is creeping too much into our leadership approach is to do a SPEED check. If conversations feel rushed, if you’re borrowing against future trust not yet earned, if you’re citing your own growth more than theirs, if you’re short-cutting to the “lesson”… you’re speeding.

The most painful feedback I ever received: “You’re right, but no one wants to work with you.” Ouch. 🎯 Hard pill to swallow: In corporate life, being liked often matters more than being right. Early in my career, I thought technical excellence was everything. I’d charge into meetings armed with data, ready to prove my point. But I kept hitting invisible walls. Then it clicked. The colleague whose “inferior” solutions got approved? They built relationships over coffee chats. The “less qualified” peer who got promoted? They made others feel heard and valued. Lesson learned: It’s not about being fake or playing politics. It’s about understanding that humans make decisions with both hearts and minds. Technical skills get you to the table. People skills keep you there. The best ideas don’t win in isolation—they win through trust, rapport, and emotional intelligence. Your brilliance means little if people dread working with you. Your solutions won’t get implemented if others feel steamrolled. Sometimes being right is less valuable than being someone others want to be right with. Here’s how to balance being right with being liked:  1. Listen actively  ↳Make others feel heard.  2. Communicate with empathy  ↳Understand others’ perspectives.  3. Build relationships  ↳Invest time in getting to know your colleagues.  4. Offer collaboration  ↳Invite input and share ideas.  5. Share credit generously  ↳Acknowledge others’ contributions. Remember: People may forget what you said, but they’ll never forget how you made them feel. 🤔 Ever been the “right but rejected” person? ♻️ Repost to help others navigate the corporate world. #CareerGrowth #EmotionalIntelligence #WorkplaceCulture

Feeling more like a therapist to your team than a leader? You’re not alone. During my recent market research project, one theme popped up again & again: leaders today feel like therapists. And not just any therapists — ones who didn’t sign up for the job, didn’t get trained for it, & now feel completely drained by it. You know what I’m talking about: *Unprompted tears in a 1:1. *Defensive outbursts between teammates. *Coaching someone through their embarrassment after a presentation went sideways. You’re doing your best, but it feels like your role has shifted from leader to emotional crisis manager. So now what? Do you update your title to “Leader + Therapist” & call it a day? Absolutely not. If this resonates, here’s what I need you to know: being a leader today requires emotional intelligence. It’s not optional, & it’s not just about managing tasks + hitting KPIs. Humans —your humans— are emotional creatures. They want to bring their whole selves to work, & if we want to bring out the best in them, we have to meet them where they are. The good news? There’s a way to lead without losing yourself in the process. Let’s break it down using Daniel Goleman’s emotional intelligence framework: 1. Self-Awareness The foundation of emotional intelligence. Tip: Before stepping into your next 1:1, pause and ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now, and how might that impact this conversation?” Your emotions will set the tone—intentionally or not. 2. Self-Management Managing your emotions in real-time. Tip: When a team member brings unexpected emotions, resist the urge to fix. Instead, ground yourself with a simple practice like taking three deep breaths before responding. This helps you stay calm and present. 3. Social Awareness The ability to read the room (or Zoom). Tip: Notice what’s not being said. Is someone’s body language tense? Is their tone sharper than usual? Ask open-ended questions to understand what’s really going on. 4. Social Influence Bringing people together and inspiring action. Tip: When emotions run high (think: team conflict or post-presentation panic), acknowledge what’s happening first. Try saying, “I can see this was frustrating—let’s talk about how we can move forward.” Validation builds trust & opens the door to solutions. Leadership will never be emotion-free. But by sharpening your emotional intelligence, you’ll stop feeling like a therapist & start feeling like the confident, connected leader your team needs. What do you think? Have you felt more therapist than leader lately?

How do you help your team navigate their professional responsibilities while processing deeply concerning (read: abjectly terrifying) political developments? I wish I didn’t have so much experience at this, and I wish I’d had more tools and resources five years ago, because I really failed at this a lot. Now, we have some practices at Seed&Spark and Film Forward that make space for the rollercoaster of emotions and the stark new political realities that in many cases almost immediately impact our team members in some way. 1. First, acknowledge reality. We don't leave our humanity at the door when we come to work. When people are worried about their safety or the safety of their loved ones, pretending everything is "business as usual" only increases anxiety and erodes trust. 2. As a remote team, we acknowledge that we also may be feeling things very differently based on where we are. We may have to make space for certain team members who are, for example, living in the middle of a climate disaster one week and others who live near an active shooting the next week. This is the world we live in. So we do a “red yellow green” check in at the top of each meeting - everyone can state how they are showing up. And we can adapt how we are resourcing certain priorities (or just how much moral and professional support we are providing our colleagues) using that information. It builds trust and support in a team that rarely sees each other in person. 3. Make space (as in: PAID TIME OFF) for mental health needs and civic action. I put these in the same bucket because often civic action is a mental health support action as well: it keeps people connected to community and purpose. Is there really a meeting that is more important than people going out to fight for a better future? 4. Don’t shut down conversations about how hard this is. It’s perfectly reasonable to feel like showing up to work in most jobs is playing violins on the titanic. If people can’t feel validated for their fears they will not be able to locate their purpose in your workplace. 5. Don’t bury your head in the sand about business realities or infantilize your team. This is the time to triple-down on transparency and give everyone the context they need to make grown up decisions. The only way out is through, together. #Leadership #WorkplaceCulture #InclusiveWorkplace #CorporateResponsibility

Just concluded a review cycle, during which I encountered two recurring questions: -"How can I, as a manager, effectively address emotions during a review with a direct report?" -"Following my review, my manager indicated a need for me to improve my emotional intelligence. Where should I begin?" Here are my recommendations: Ensure that feedback regarding emotional aspects is not introduced for the first time during a formal review. Utilize regular one-on-one sessions to address this area. If improvements are not happening addressing this topic in a formal review is then appropriate. Broaching emotional topics with individuals who may struggle with emotional intelligence can be challenging. I find the metaphor of "The Elephant and the Rider," introduced by Dr. Jonathan Haidt, to be particularly effective in facilitating a conversation. In this metaphor: The Elephant represents the emotional side. The Rider symbolizes the analytical and rational side. When elaborating on this concept, I emphasize strengthening the Rider rather than attempting to subdue the Elephant. Presenting it as a journey of improvement, practice, and exercise, cultivates a feeling of empowerment instead of triggering sentiments of shame or guilt regarding emotions. Make sure to also have clear examples so you can work through them together and demonstrate how a stronger rider can be a benefit in those situations. Ultimately, this approach grants individuals a sense of control and empowerment. To best capture this sentiment, I often invoke the words of Oscar Wilde: "I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them."

Developing leadership skills in a remote setting presents unique challenges, but it’s far from impossible. Here’s how I would approach it, blending practical strategies with principles from leadership development: 1. Shift the Mindset: Leadership Skills are Both Taught and Modeled While it’s true that many leadership skills are “caught” through observation, remote environments require us to expand the definition of “proximity.” Leaders can still model behaviors, communicate effectively, and provide guidance through virtual platforms. Acknowledge that leadership can be learned intentionally through structured experiences and deliberate interactions. 2. Leverage Technology to Bridge the Gap Use Video Platforms for Interaction. Make video communication a norm for leadership development activities. Video calls allow the mentees to observe body language, tone, and how leaders navigate difficult conversations. Record and Share Leadership Moments. Share recordings of meetings or interactions where effective leadership is demonstrated. This provides a library of real-life examples for emerging leaders to study. 3. Design Intentional Development Opportunities Use Virtual Shadowing. Pair up emerging leaders with seasoned leaders for virtual “shadowing” during meetings or decision-making sessions. Try role-playing exercises in small virtual groups to practice conflict resolution, giving feedback, and other key leadership skills. Conduct Project-Based Leadership. Assign stretch projects that require remote leaders to lead a team, solve a problem, or manage a deliverable. Provide coaching along the way. 4. Focus on Building Soft Skills Remote environments amplify the need for skills like emotional intelligence, active listening, and clear communication. Leaders should: • Practice empathy during one-on-one or team meetings. • Encourage open dialogue and foster trust in virtual spaces. • Learn to communicate decisions and feedback succinctly and effectively online. 5. Foster Peer Learning and Community Create forums or regular sessions where leaders at all levels share challenges, solutions, and insights. Learning from peers can be as powerful as learning from senior leaders. 6. Feedback and Reflections are Critical Encourage self-reflection and continuous feedback loops. Use tools like anonymous surveys, 360-degree feedback, or regular check-ins with a coach to help emerging leaders assess their progress. 7. Model Leadership Virtually Senior leaders must demonstrate the behaviors they wish to instill in their teams: • Be visible and approachable. • Show vulnerability when appropriate, acknowledging the challenges of remote leadership. • Create a culture of inclusion, collaboration, and accountability. Leveraging these strategies will make leadership development in remote environments not only feasible but become a catalyst for innovation and growth.

To establish deeper relationships and become a truly effective leader - whether of teams, partnerships, people, etc - there’s one pivotal action that can transform other’s trust in you. You have to learn what it takes to trigger the release of oxytocin. Oxytocin, the “trust hormone” establishes deeper trust by fostering a sense of loyalty and emotional connection. Everything I do starts with how do I establish trust. And now I’m starting to understand it starts with the release of Oxytocin. Unlocking trust is the number ONE driver to establishing deeper relationships and effective leadership. How can leaders foster this trust or the triggering of Oxytocin? Here's a few ways that can happen. 🍯 Genuine Personal Interactions One-on-One Meetings: Regularly check in with partners and team members on a personal level, show interest in their well-being beyond the tasks. Create Memorable Experiences: Organize events outside of zoom / the office to build personal connections. 🍯 Acts of Kindness and Recognition Appreciation: Recognize and celebrate individual and team achievements publicly. Simple acts of gratitude can go a long way in boosting oxytocin levels. Support: Offer help and support when team members face challenges, get in the weeds with you team and show them that you are invested in their success and well-being. 🍯 Active Listening and Empathy Listen Fully: Practice active listening by giving full attention, asking open-ended questions, and validating feelings during conversations. Show Empathy: Acknowledge and empathize with others’ experiences and emotions, fostering a deeper emotional connection. 🍯 Building Trust through Transparency Honesty: Be transparent about company goals, decisions, and changes. Trust is built on honesty and openness. Integrity: Consistently act with integrity and follow through on commitments, reinforcing trustworthiness. 🍯 Encouraging Collaboration and Teamwork Collaborative Projects: Encourage team projects or experiments that require cooperation and ownership Shared Goals: Create shared goals that everyone can rally around, promoting a sense of unity and collective purpose. 🍯 Creating a Positive Work Environment Safe Spaces: Create a safe environment where team members and partners feel comfortable expressing ideas and concerns without fear of judgment. Positive Culture: Promote a culture of positivity, respect, and inclusivity, where everyone feels valued and respected. 🍯 Lead by Example Model trust and integrity in everything you do. Show your team you genuinely care. These strategies aren't just theories; they’re the toolkit to how I build teams, partnerships and even creating a live experience. By focusing on building trust and strong relationships, you’ll create an environment where the people around you feel seen, heard, known, and most importantly, valued. Be Great. Be Arcadia 🐻

My client came to me experiencing physical symptoms of stress whenever she spoke with her manager. She thought she should “just get over it”… And she should feel “grateful” to still have a job. (when so many others were being let go) After we started coaching together, she realized: She’d gone small in the workplace to protect herself. It was an automatic response from her past. And although it had helped her advance her career in some ways… It was making her current situation worse. To really thrive at this stage of her career would require new and uncomfortable ways of being. Together we mapped out her commitments. These came alive in our session: 💥 She would start a shared document with her manager. Top of document -- her scope of work. Next, her top level goals for the year. Next, current quarter's priorities. 💥 She would own her wins against the priorities in each 1:1 and share the traction to future wins 💥 She would proactively ask about and gain mutual understanding about any new foci that her manager had top of mind. And, for new scope, co-calibrate any shifts in foci for the week or two weeks ahead. 🗺 She mapped out a way forward with autonomy… It built mastery in leaning into a hard situation. She got laser-focused about her purpose. She had been hiding her talent, voice and ideas to stay safe all her life. But now it was time to exercise her new mastery - ⬆ In service of her sustainability, her family, her work with her boss and the organization whose mission she cared about. Her new compass 🎯 served her growth and development long term and even if things fail for her with her boss… She is stronger & more resilient. In vertical development she's ready for 2024. Your power and purpose come from facing discomfort. Bring it.