Why Humility Hurts Women in Performance Reviews

Ladies, ever felt like your performance review was more about your personality than your achievements? If so, you are not imagining it. Sadly, this study highlights a clear gender disparity in how feedback is given: ♀️ 68% of women are labeled 'collaborative,' vs only 31% of men. ♀️ Women often receive tags like 'helpful,' 'nice,' and even 'opinionated.' ♀️ The term 'abrasive' is used for 22% of women but just 2% of men. ♂️ 54% of men are 'confident' and 63% are 'ambitious,' with far way less women getting these empowering tags. So, what can we do about it? Here are a few strategies: ♀️ Request Specifics: If feedback seems vague or personality-focused, ask for VERY specific examples of how behaviors impacted work outcomes. ♀️ Set Clear Goals: During your review (and other times), steer the discussion towards clear, measurable goals. ♀️ Self-Advocate: Prepare a list of your achievements and contributions before your review. Make your case with facts and figures, not traits. Keep this list updated monthly! ♀️ Seek Allies: Build relationships with mentors who can give objective feedback and advocate on your behalf ... especially when you are not in the room. Ever been called any of these labels? Which ones? It's definitely time to change the narrative and make sure reviews reflect our true contributions, not outdated stereotypes. #WomenInBusiness #Leadership

Your Hard Work Won’t Speak for Itself Young people, especially those from underrepresented backgrounds, often struggle with confidently owning their achievements. We work hard, break barriers, and accomplish incredible things, but when it’s time to talk about it, we shrink. I learned this the hard way. I recently made it to the final stage of a competitive interview. Fourth stage. I mean the last round!. I gave my best, and the feedback? "You did well, but it felt like you were too humble about your achievements." I didn’t get the role. Maybe this wasn’t the only reason, but it played a role. And it stings. Because I know I was qualified. I know I had the skills. I know I had the experience. But I made one mistake: I assumed my work would speak for itself. Many of us have been conditioned to believe that talking about our successes is boasting. That confidence is arrogance. That our results alone will tell our story. But here’s the truth: 🚫 Your hard work won’t speak for itself—you have to speak for it. 🚫 Humility should never come at the cost of visibility. 🚫 If you don’t confidently own your impact, you risk being overlooked. This is especially true for young women, people from marginalized communities, and those stepping into leadership roles for the first time. We’re taught to be grateful for opportunities rather than to own the fact that we deserve them. But that mindset has to change. So, to every young leader, change-maker, out there,speak up about your work. Take up space. Let the world know the value you bring. If you don’t, who will?

As performance review season approaches, I've been reflecting on a conversation from over a decade ago that still sits with me today. During my review, my manager told me I "needed to work on my confidence." When I asked for clarification, she said, "Think about how [male colleague] would have handled this situation." I can't fully fault my manager - who was herself a woman. We all carry internalized biases that we've absorbed from years of working in systems that often value traditionally masculine behaviors. It's a stark reminder that unlearning these patterns requires conscious effort from all of us, regardless of gender. That moment crystallized something I've observed throughout my career: vague feedback often masks unconscious bias, particularly in performance reviews. "Lack of confidence" is frequently used as shorthand to describe women's leadership styles, while similar behavior in male colleagues might be viewed as "thoughtful" or "measured." Here's what I wish that manager had said instead: 🔹 "I'd like you to take the lead in proposing solutions to the team, rather than waiting to be called on." 🔹"Let's work on defending your decisions with data when faced with pushback from folks." 🔹"I noticed you often preface your ideas with "I think..." Let's practice delivering recommendations with clear rationale and conviction." 🔹"Here are specific techniques to influence cross-functional stakeholders more effectively." As leaders, we are responsible for being intentional and specific in our feedback. Vague critiques like "needs more confidence" or "should be more assertive" without concrete examples or actionable guidance don't help our reports grow – they perpetuate harmful stereotypes. To my fellow managers preparing for year-end reviews: 🔹Be specific about behaviors, not personality traits 🔹Provide clear examples and contexts 🔹Outline actionable steps for improvement 🔹Check your biases - are you applying the same standards across your team? Remember: The impact of your words may last far longer than the conversation itself. #Leadership #PerformanceReviews #UnconsciousBias #WomenInBusiness #ProfessionalDevelopment

I once got feedback that I was “intimidating.” I took it to heart. I spent the next few years trying to be as approachable, warm, and agreeable as I could be. I assumed this was a character flaw that I needed to fix. But years later, I realized something: this feedback wasn’t about me. It was about the system - one that judges women more harshly and polices their personalities more than their performance. And the numbers back this up. 👇🏽 🎯 Women are 7x more likely to receive negative personality-based feedback than men. 🎯 56% of women have been called "unlikeable" in reviews (vs. 16% of men). 🎯 Harvard Business Review found that 76% of “aggressive” labels in one company’s reviews were given to women (vs. 24% to men). This Is the Leadership Double Bind: Speak up? You’re “too aggressive.” Stay quiet? You “lack confidence.” Show ambition? You’re “unlikeable.” Ask for a promotion? You’re “too pushy.” And here’s the kicker - it’s worst for high-performing women. This is why women... ↳  Hesitate to showcase ambition. ↳  Are reluctant to ask for opportunities. ↳  Are leaving workplaces faster than others. So, what can we do? Here are 3 ways we can start changing this narrative today: ✅ Check your language. Is the feedback about personality or performance? If you wouldn’t give the same critique to a man, please reconsider. ✅ Challenge vague feedback. “You need to be more confident” isn’t actionable. Women deserve the same clear, growth-oriented feedback as men. ✅ Support women’s ambition. If certain leadership traits (ex. being assertive) are seen as strengths in men, they should be seen as strengths in women too. Have you ever received unfair feedback? What’s one piece of feedback you’ve had to unlearn? 👇🏽 ♻️ Please share to help end unfair feedback. 🔔 Follow Bhavna Toor (She/Her) for more insights on conscious leadership. Source: Textio 'Language Bias in Feedback' Study, 2023 & 2024 #EndUnFairFeedback #IWD2025

Ladies, are you guilty of downplaying your experience? Are you guilty of selling yourself short when you’re talking to recruiters and hiring managers, or when you’re networking? If so, I want to help you recognize some of the things you’re saying or not saying that can have implications on your career and how you’re coming across to others. The example I’m going to give you is a real-life example from this week that drives home the differences that exist between men and women when it comes to speaking about their careers, experience, and achievements. I had a conversation with a great female candidate looking to pivot to the buy-side. What made her great? 👉 2 years of IB experience at Evercore 👉 MBA from Columbia B-School 👉 Great energy and a lovely personality 👉 Female and POC Sounds great, right? I’m sure you’re all collectively shaking your heads in agreement. When she introduced herself the first time over LinkedIn messaging, she referred to herself as just a "finance professional". And when we spoke on Zoom, she downplayed her background more than once. Let’s unpack this a bit. Had this candidate been male, I would have immediately known about his experience at Evercore and his MBA from Columbia. Not because he was arrogant or cocky, but because men often communicate their strengths more directly. They have learned to confidently highlight their achievements and goals without a second thought. In contrast, women tend to adopt a more modest approach. We often worry about how others will perceive us and end up using softer language that can dilute our accomplishments. This can sell us short and make our value proposition seem less compelling. This humility, while commendable, can unfortunately obscure our true potential in professional settings where first impressions are crucial. Don’t get me wrong, it's not about changing who you are or adopting “MANnerisms” so much as mastering the art of articulating your value effectively and confidently in a manner that resonates universally. Remember, advocating for yourself with conviction is just as important as the accomplishments that back you up. So next time you're discussing your career or achievements, pay attention to what and how you're saying it. You might just discover that you've been guilty of downplaying your own greatness too! . . . #privateequity #diversity #womeninbusiness