Managing Challenging Conversations

The culture war clash over diversity, equity, and inclusion will continue forever unless we can bring it from 10,000 ft in the air back down to earth. "Commitment to an inclusive culture for all?" "Marxist philosophy?" "Policies for achieving belonging?" "Wokeism?" Buzzwords against buzzwords against buzzwords, with no one the wiser as to what's actually being discussed. Rachel needs a lactation room, so we're converting a meeting room into one. Steven's going to be a dad and wants to spend time with his newborn kid, so we're expanding "maternal leave benefits" into "parental leave benefits." Andrew's a customer who has shared feedback about our product being inaccessible, so we're having him talk to the product team. Bianca helped us realize that our company's meetings are chaotic and don't make space for everyone's voice, so we're setting meeting norms. Sam worked on debiasing the hiring process at a previous role and we could benefit from that, so we're looking at standardizing our own process. Arjun shared helpful feedback about the difficulty managers face in managing their distributed teams, so we're building out more resources and structure. There is only one "ideology" present in DEI work done right, and it's shared by pretty much every pluralistic democratic society in our world: that everyone deserves dignity, respect, and opportunity regardless of the beliefs, values, needs, circumstances, experiences and perspectives we hold. That's it. The remaining 99.9% of the work is operational. How do we remove barriers to opportunity and fairness in the workplace? How do we meet people's many needs so we can bring out their potential? How do we create an environment where different people can come together and build something bigger than themselves? A great deal of that operational work ought to be done better. Diversity, equity, and inclusion work has a lot of room for improvement, and it'll take everyone's feedback and active involvement — yes, even from skeptics — to ensure that work succeeds. But to get there, we have to get our heads out of the clouds and bring the conversation back down to earth. Flowery abstractions, even if they make us feel righteous and good, will not save us. It's the mundane pragmaticism of speaking in real terms, with real people, to solve real problems, that will break through the misinformation and polarization that keeps us stuck in the status quo.

Overheard a Product Manager on the train today, frustrated that leadership wouldn't act on customer feedback about a 15-minute delay. Didn't interrupt—felt wrong—but here's what I wanted to say: That 15-minute delay? It's not about the time. It's about trust. Early in my career, I watched a payment platform lose 40% market share because we ignored "minor" delays. Customers weren't complaining about 15 minutes—they were warning us their workflow was broken. The real problem wasn't convincing leadership. It was translating the complaint into language they understood: "This 15-minute delay happens 20 times per day across 5,000 users. That's 41,000 lost hours monthly. At $75/hour, we're burning $3.1M of our customers' money." Suddenly, it's not feedback. It's a P&L discussion. To that PM on the train: Your instincts are right. But next time, don't fight to be heard—speak their language. Show how fixing that delay creates competitive advantage. Better yet, show what happens if a competitor fixes it first. The best product leaders I know don't push feedback up. They pull solutions down by making the business case impossible to ignore. What "minor" customer complaint is your team dismissing today?

𝗜 𝗹𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝘀𝗮𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗿𝗻. For a long time, I thought I was strong at handling objections. I’d respond clearly, explain the value, and even share proof of outcomes. But people still hesitated and then it clicked me. I was hearing their words, but I wasn’t catching what was underneath their doubts, fears, and unspoken concerns. Here are 𝟮 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽𝘀 that helped me shift from listening to truly understanding: 𝟭. 𝗣𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 & 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗯𝗲: ↳ Slow down: Don’t jump into explaining. Take a breath. ↳ Listen between the lines: What emotion sits behind the objection? Fear of risk? Lack of clarity? Past bad experiences? ↳ Ask better questions: Simple, open prompts like “Can you tell me more?” reveal what they actually mean. ↳ Hold space: Let them express their real concern without rushing to fix it. 𝟮. 𝗔𝗰𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗹𝗲𝗱𝗴𝗲 & 𝗔𝗱𝗱𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀: ↳ Validate their concern: Sometimes people just want to feel seen before they feel convinced. ↳ Get to the root: Address the fear, not just the statement. ↳ Respond with clarity: Once you understand the real issue, your explanation becomes sharper and more relevant. ↳ Build trust: Understanding creates safety. Safety creates decisions. 𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗽𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗲𝗲𝗽𝗲𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗼. #sales #coach

At Amazon, two of my top engineers had a shouting match that ended in tears. This could be a sign of a toxic workplace or a sign of passion and motivation. Whether it becomes toxic or not all comes down to how management deals with conflict. In order to deal with conflict in your team, it is first essential to understand it. A Harvard study has identified that there are 4 types of conflict that are common in teams: 1. The Boxing Match: Two people within a team disagree 2. The Solo Dissenter: Conflict surrounds one individual 3. Warring Factions: Two subgroups within a team disagree 4. The Blame Game: The whole team is in disagreement My engineers shouting at each other is an example of the boxing match. They were both passionate and dedicated to the project, but their visions were different. This type of passion is a great driver for a healthy team, but if the conflict were to escalate it could quickly become toxic and counterproductive. In order to de-escalate the shouting, I brought them into a private mediation. This is where one of the engineers started to cry because he was so passionate about his vision for the project. The important elements of managing this conflict in a healthy and productive way were: 1) Giving space for each of the engineers to explain their vision 2) Mediating their discussion so that they could arrive at a productive conclusion 3) Not killing either of their passion by making them feel unheard or misunderstood Ultimately, we were able to arrive at a productive path forward with both engineers feeling heard and respected. They both continued to be top performers. In today’s newsletter, I go more deeply into how to address “Boxing Match” conflicts as both a manager and an IC. I also explain how to identify and address the other 3 common types of team conflict. You can read the newsletter here https://lnkd.in/gXYr9T3r Readers- How have you seen team member conflict handled well in your careers?

Just 6 months into it, I almost quit my job Had just become a PM (my dream job) Had already released my first feature Was owning a critical product But, I kept feeling I "sucked" at it. Every "conversation" I had turned into an ugly "argument" And I could never win. Forget winning, I couldn't even get my point across. What happened next? I learned how to tackle tough conversations. It took a long time, but it was worth the time and energy. These are the 5 things that help me tackle every conversation like a pro, especially the tough ones. First, let's understand what is a tough conversation: Any conversation that has one or more of these characteristics: - requires a critical decision or agreement - where most people have strong opinions - and most of these opinions are differing These conversations are TOUGH because: in most of them, people become emotional, frustrated, or angry. (I know this because I've felt all of those) Once that happens, there is no way the conversation will lead to a productive outcome: So, here is what I do (and you should too) to win tough conversations 1. 𝗪𝗲'𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗺 a) Remind the group:WE'RE IN THE SAME TEAM b) Remind them of goal. c) Have a clear plan for the meeting:     - this is the PROBLEM     - why we're the best people to solve it     - solving the problem >> winning the argument 2. 𝗖𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗮 𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝘃𝗶𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁: Make everyone feel it's safe to share opinions. • It's OK if opinions do not match • It's still OK if some are controversial • It's OK as long as everyone: feels safe to share without fear AND respects each other (Then repeat step 1) 3. 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗹 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗘𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 We've all been there - in situations where we react emotionally. Only to regret it later. In tough conversations, control emotions. Remind yourself - it's imp to reach a conclusion. With emotions in control, you will be: - logical - honest - open to listening 4. 𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻 & 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗘𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗵𝘆 Enter each conversation with an open mind. Focus on listening and UNDERSTANDING others Don't listen to respond. Listen to understand. Respond. Not react. That doesn't mean you don't say what you have to. It means you still say it, but with listening and empathy. 5. 𝗙𝗼𝗰𝘂𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 It's easy to think that others need to improve their communication. But if you think logically, YOU also NEED TO CHANGE (and IMPROVE). Identify all the things you could do better next time. And then do them. ----------------------------------------------------- Let me know if you relate to such situations, and how do you tackle them?

Sharing an approach I’ll be using to kick off the facilitation of an HSE Leaders Forum tomorrow that I hope others might find valuable. Instead of starting with the usual introductions (name, job role etc), I want to focus on the reason we are there: discussing innovative ways to solve the challenges participants are facing in their workplaces or industries. Each participant will introduce themselves by sharing a challenge framed as a "How Might We?" (HMW) statement. This simple method encourages participants to: 1️⃣ Clarify the Challenge: Turning a health and safety challenge into an opportunity helps focus the conversation on possibility. 2️⃣ Spark Collaboration: Open-ended, opportunity-focused challenges invite diverse perspectives and ideas. 3️⃣ Create Immediate Value: Sharing key challenges helps everyone see where they can contribute and connect meaningfully - on the things that matter. "How might we better communicate critical risk management expectations with subcontractors?" "How might we reduce working at height activities in our business?" "How might we assure critical risk controls in real-time?" I’ve found this approach aligns discussions with what really matters, and leaves participants with actionable insights. If you’re planning a collaborative session, this could be a great way to shift from introductions to impactful conversations right from the start. Feel free to adapt this for your own forums or workshops; I’d love to hear how it works for you and if you have any other facilitation tips. #SafetyTech #SafetyInnovation #Facilitation #Learning

🎯 Master the Art of Internal Audit Interviews: A Guide for New Auditors After years in internal audit, I've learned that the key to uncovering meaningful insights isn't just the numbers - it's how you conduct interviews. Here's my survival guide to conducting effective audit interviews: 1. The Power of Preparation: - Research the department's processes before the interview - Review prior audit reports and known issues - Prepare a structured question list but stay flexible - Understand the interviewee's role and responsibilities - Pro tip: Keep a water bottle handy - it's amazing how often "taking a sip" saves you from awkward silences 2. Interview Psychology 101: - Start with easy, factual questions to build rapport - Use the "funnel technique": broad questions first, then drill down - Pay attention to non-verbal cues - they often tell the real story 3. Question Techniques That Get Results: - "Walk me through..." - Gets detailed process explanations - "What happens when..." - Reveals exception handling - "How do you ensure..." - Uncovers control mechanisms - "Can you show me..." - Verifies actual vs. described procedures 4. Active Listening Tips: - Take brief notes but maintain eye contact - Pause after responses (silence often prompts additional details) - Summarize key points to confirm understanding - Listen for inconsistencies with documented procedures 5. Common Pitfalls to Avoid: - Don't interrupt or rush responses - Never make assumptions or judgmental comments - Avoid leading questions that suggest answers - Don't fill silent moments with unnecessary talk Remember: The best auditors aren't just good at finding issues - they're excellent at getting people to share information willingly. What interview techniques have worked well in your audit experience? Let's share knowledge! #InternalAudit #AuditTips #IA #Auditing #RiskManagement #Leadership

Are your direct questions killing your deals with indirect buyers? Most sales reps approach every conversation the same way. Direct questions. Pushy tone. Bad timing. I learned this lesson the hard way selling to “softer” personas like HR, generally speaking. I'd ask "What's driving this to be a priority?" and watch them instantly close up. What changed my results was what I call the Triple T approach: 1️⃣ TACT: Frame questions through a third party lens ("I typically find that leaders like yourself...") 2️⃣ TONE: Slow down, soften your voice, appear thoughtful and curious rather than interrogating 3️⃣ TIMING: Build rapport first, then ease into business questions gradually Here's a practical example: BEFORE: "What's your pain point? Why now? What's your budget?" AFTER: "What's interesting is... usually when I talk to HR leaders like yourself who are considering a change... I find there's something happening in the business driving this to be key priority for them. What's that look like in your situation?" Same core question. Completely different response. This approach creates psychological safety for indirect buyers to open up about their real challenges. Since implementing this method, I've uncovered 10X more pain points and closed deals other reps couldn't touch. The best part? This works in ANY high stakes conversation (personal or professional). - Want to run better discovery than last time? You’d be foolish not to check this out: https://lnkd.in/gexS_66B

I used to do this one thing before difficult conversations but it did not help I believed in - Rehearsing possible responses - Playing out worst-case scenarios - Micromanaging every potential reaction Here's the real game: It's not about perfect answers. It's about perfect presence. Because the truth is no amount of preparation can: ↳ Perfectly predict the other person’s response ↳ Control their emotions ↳ Script every possible outcome Instead, before entering a difficult conversation, prepare your mindset to: a) Stay grounded when triggered b) Keep breathing when tense c) Return to center when pushed This is what I do before tough talks: 1) 2-minute breathing exercise The 1-4-2 technique can be a good starter. This helps you think with a sane mind 2) Write down 1 main point This should be how you feel and what you want to do moving forward. The rest develops with the conversation 3) Set intention to listen fully The only way a difficult conversation can be eased is when you listen enough. You don’t need to be on mute. Ask clarifying questions and acknowledge the feelings of the other person to listen better 4) Carry a solution-oriented mindset We feel everyone loves difficult conversation. But it’s as hard for them as it is for you. Having a solution-oriented mindset you ensure that you work things out for the good It may sound easier when said But doing this saves relationships #difficultconversations #relationshipbuilding #personaldevelopment #softskills #communicationskills LinkedIn Guide to Creating LinkedIn for Learning LinkedIn Talent Solutions LinkedIn News India