Coaching Communication Techniques

𝐂𝐨𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬: 𝐃𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐫𝐬 Brentford Football Club head coach Thomas Frank demonstrated his effective communication abilities when he was mic'd up during a match. He communicated very calmly, clearly, and with detail, so players knew how to fulfil their individual roles within the team. 𝗥𝗼𝗹𝗲 𝗖𝗹𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆 An important coaching and leadership lesson from this video concerns role clarity. Do the players you coach know their roles and, thus, their priorities when competing? Ryska et al. (1999) found evidence to suggest that coaches should develop strategies that help athletes understand and accept their roles within the team. In particular, Ryska and colleagues stated that coaches should promote open and continuous dialogue or communication with players. Frank clearly did this, and when the player required additional clarification about where to stand from a goal kick, he received a very detailed answer. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗜𝗺𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 As such, coach leadership is very important. Northouse (2016) defined leadership skills as “the ability to use one’s knowledge and competencies to accomplish a set of goals or objectives” ( p.44). Further, Northouse (2016) suggested that effective leaders require 1️⃣ conceptual skill (i.e., vision and strategic creation),2️⃣ human (i.e., people skills and the ability to create an environment of trust), and 3️⃣ technical (i.e., specialised knowledge and skills)., It is imperative that coaches communicate clear messages that can be understood by their athletes regarding how they can contribute towards team goals by utilising Northouse's (2016) conceptual mode of leadership: 1️⃣ 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹: Share the vision with the athlete regarding how you believe he or she can contribute to the team's success and the importance of his/her role within the team. As alluded to, I believe Frank did an outstanding job of this. 2️⃣ 𝗛𝘂𝗺𝗮𝗻: Build an effective relationship with the athlete so he or she will trust your training methods and the role he or she is expected to play. Also, encourage athletes to voice concerns and ask questions, boosting role clarity by eliminating confusion. Frank also did this too. He embraced the substitute about to go onto the pitch and reminded the player to enjoy himself: "𝑂𝑘𝑎𝑦, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑙𝑎𝑠𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝑠𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑡 𝑒𝑛𝑜𝑦 𝑖𝑡, 𝑜𝑘𝑎𝑦" 3️⃣ 𝗧𝗲𝗰𝗵𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹: Create drills and training sessions that improve the players' skills in the desired areas and facilitate team success. The famous quote from 𝗝𝗼𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗻 𝗪𝗼𝗹𝗳𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗴 𝘃𝗼𝗻 𝗚𝗼𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲 is: "𝐴 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑑" Frank communicates and explains in a way that his players will understand.

The leader leaned forward on the table, clicky pen posed to write, his legs crossed at the ankles, and said, “Kerri, this is the body language I’d most often have when starting a conversation. I feel comfortable. Can I do what feels natural?” He was in a coaching presence pilot I’m running and we had just reviewed body language - specifically the body language they’d use at the beginning of a coaching conversation. I moved a chair across from him, imagining he was my leader and how his body language would make me feel. I said, “Your body is giving me the impression you’re ready to solve a problem. And my sense is that you’d solve it for me, maybe not with me. So, if I was your employee and I had a technical or strategic problem, I might like tour body language. But if I’ve been called in for a coaching call, I don’t feel at ease. I don’t feel there is space or time for me to reflect or figure things out for myself. I’d take your physical cue and start brainstorming or solving, instead of reflecting and exploring. Now, if you uncrossed your legs, dropped the pen, and sat a little more back and asked me a question, I’d be open. And if the conversation got to a problem solving mode, and you moved forward to this gesture, I’d know you were right beside me to figure things out.” When you study leader body language, remember it’s okay to change your body to match the intention of the message. So, the start of a coaching call or presentation may look and feel physically different as you get into things. That starting gesture impacts the initial tone. Try this for yourself. Imagine you’re going to start a coaching conversation. What does your body naturally do? Do the gesture infront of some trusted advisers and peers. Ask them, “How does this gesture make you feel?” The places that make the most impact is feet placement, posture, the hands, and your eyes. Play with switching those up. The hard part is making it feel natural. So once you’ve learned how to adapt the body slightly, try assuming that pose more often until it feels natural. That will set you, and the coachee, at ease for a possibly transformative coaching conversation. #leadershipdevelopment #leaderpresence #careerstories

Last week, I was invited to speak with a group of young managers and emerging leaders. The conversation was wide-ranging: leadership, coaching, current challenges, and what’s ahead. They came with lots of curiosity, openness, and stimulating questions that mattered a lot to them. At one point, someone asked: “What’s actually in the toolbox of a great coach?” What do you need to know, and how do you need to work to genuinely support others? I shared this: It starts with you (the “armchair”) If you’re not comfortable with yourself, you can’t be present with someone else. You need to be able to settle. To quiet the noise inside. Coaching begins with being fully available in the moment, without trying to impress or fix or steer. Then: listening. Real listening (the “stethoscope”) Not reacting. Not preparing your next question. Active listening means listening for their truth. Not your version of it. And being okay with the silence in between. And from that space, you ask open questions (the “wonder questions”) Not to lead, but to unlock. Questions like: What’s on your mind? What part of this feels most unresolved? What would progress look like for you? Not for the organization, but for you? These questions don’t direct. They expand. We also talked about reframing and the ability to change perspective (the “mirror”) Someone may come in saying, “I’ve failed. This project fell apart.” And through the process, they come to see, “I challenged the status quo, and now I see what needs to change.” Reframing means looking again, differently, until new meaning, and often new energy, appears. Then came the conversation about goals (the “bow and arrow”) Coaching should have a goal. But it’s not the coach’s goal. It’s the coachee’s. And it’s not about ticking boxes. It’s about growth and transformation. The coach doesn’t lead that journey. They walk beside it. You hold the process, not the answers. You stay in service of their direction. And underneath all of this: self-awareness (the “enlightened mind”) Not as a nice to have. As a discipline. You should be aware of your own biases and your blind spots. You need to learn how to empty yourself, so you don’t bring your own values or assumptions into the space. Your work isn’t to shape the coachee in your image. It’s to create space for them to discover who they want to become. On their terms. That was the conversation. It left me quietly optimistic, because what they were asking wasn’t just about tools. It was about responsibility. About how we show up and help others to leverage their potential. What do you think? *********************** If you want to learn more about coaching, feel free to reach out on Linkedin or via my website. I´m an executive coach, consultant, and advisor to senior leaders and entrepreneurs worldwide. A former leader at Amazon, L’Oréal, Chewy, and executive board member at Tchibo. #coach #coaching #growth #personaldevelopment #team #fulfillment #leader #leadership

When I was a leader, there was a time that I thought that improving my coaching skills meant giving better advice and moving quickly to solutions 😅. I was wrong. The first thing they teach in coaching certification is this: Coaches don't give advice. Instead, we believe that the coachee is the best person to solve their own problems as it helps them take ownership, builds creativity and fosters resilience. When I see leaders made this coaching mindset transformation, too, they get better growth, creativity and results in their teams. Here are three shifts you can make to improve your coaching skills as a leader: ➡️ SHIFT 1: Transform from hearing to intuitive listening. Intuitive listening is hearing a person fully beyond their words at face value. It is that little jolt, nudge or zinger you feel inside when you sense something is off, not lining up or maybe information is being withheld. You can ask questions like: ❔"I have a hunch there might be a deeper worry here, but tell me otherwise?" ❔“How long has this been a concern for you? Why is that?" ➡️ SHIFT 2: Move from problem solving to problem identifying. So much “coaching” is fruitless because leaders are too quick with advice or getting into action that we solve the wrong problem. Here are questions to help you get to the root of the issue so you solve the RIGHT problem. You can ask questions like: ❔“Why would it be so bad if XYZ happened?” (Points you towards the worry or belief holding them back) ❔“If you could make XYZ happen, what are you hoping that helps you avoid?” ➡️ SHIFT 3: Shift from telling to asking. Once the problem has been identified, it can be so tempting to unleash all of the brilliant advice that you've been holding back ;) However, great coaches know that asking the client/coachee how THEY'D solve the problem leads to better creativity, results and ownership. You can ask questions like: ❔What's been your current approach to solving this? ❔What else could you try? ❔What worked when solving another similar challenge? ❔How could this be happening FOR you? TRY THIS NEXT: In your next coaching conversation, ask one more question that you normally would before jumping into action. What coaching strategies have you tried to help you ask better questions and refrain from jumping in to solve the problem?

The best coaches know when NOT to speak. When a client goes silent, most coaches feel the urge to jump in and fill the gap. But silence isn’t a gap to fill—it’s a space for reflection. In fact, some of the most profound moments in a coaching conversation happen in silence. When you hold back from speaking, 3 things happen: 1. The client processes what they’ve shared. When the client hears their own words in the silence, they start to connect the dots. Their thoughts settle, and new insights begin to surface. 2. You give yourself the space to reflect. Silence isn’t just for the client. It gives you the chance to process what’s been shared, notice patterns, and decide what to ask next. 3. The client feels invited to go deeper. Silence creates an open space. When you don’t rush to fill it, the client often feels drawn to explore further. They may go beyond surface-level thinking and uncover what’s really going on beneath the surface. If a client sits in silence after you’ve asked a question, it’s not a failure—it’s a sign that they’re processing your words at a deeper level. Let them sit with it and resist the urge to rescue them from the discomfort. Because in that silence is where the real shift happens. Sometimes, the most impactful thing you can say as a coach…is nothing at all. P.S.: When did you learn to get comfortable with silence in a coaching session? (Picture by Abbiramy S R)

COACHING TIP: Don’t ask questions when you already have the answer. Coaching is often described as asking questions (although personally, I think this does the art or science of coaching a disservice, but that’s a different conversation). The result is that sometimes people ask questions when they already think they know the right answer or have “the” solution. This creates a fundamental breach of trust that undermines the communication. When people detect this behavior, they feel manipulated rather than engaged in genuine dialogue. The core issue is transparency. Questions are meant to gather information, invite reflection that increases awareness, but when used to “coach” correctly while concealing your existing point of view, they become tools of deception rather than understanding. Your audience may sense something is "off" even if they can't articulate why, leading to that uncomfortable feeling of being played. This approach backfires because: 🔸 It feels condescending. Leading questions often come across as treating others like children who need to be guided to the "correct" answer you already have. 🔸 It damages credibility. Once people realize you're asking disingenuous questions, they'll question your motives in future interactions. 🔸 It stifles real conversation. Genuine questions invite authentic responses and can lead to unexpected insights. Fake questions shut down that possibility. So what to do instead? Be transparent! Let your team members know you have some ideas but want to hear from them first. Or instead of asking, "Don't you think we should consider other options?" when you've already decided they should, try "I think we should explore other options because..." This direct approach respects your audience's intelligence and time while maintaining your integrity. Authenticity builds trust; manipulation erodes it. Choose clarity over clever questioning when you already have your way forward.

One of the greatest misconceptions about coaching is that it is about asking questions. As a thinking partner, questions alone are not enough. Coaching is a reflective inquiry process. Sharing what we hear people say and what we notice about the shifts in their expressions is just as powerful as the questions we ask. Summarizing key and repeated words, grabbing and sharing when they say, "What I really want is...", and identifying contradictions in their observations and stated desires are powerful statements that disrupt the automatic the thought processing that keep our clients stuck. The intent of coaching as reflective inquiry is not to find solutions but to provoke critical thinking. The curtain is pulled back, revealing gaps in logic, inherited and outdated beliefs, and unsupported fears affecting their choices. Solutions emerge when thoughts are rearranged and expanded. Don't make coaching so difficult! You don't have to analyze what they say. You don't have to remember and ask a powerful question. You don't have to be profound with your insights. The more you cleanly and concisely share what they offer with their words and emotions so they can hear themselves think, the more profound is your coaching. Pairing your compassionate, curious questions with reflective statements is how you create lightbulb moments. Save this post to help you remember what to do when you don't know where to go in a coaching conversation! #MarciaReynolds #BreakthroughCoaching #executivecoach #coachingtips #coaches #breakthrough

Don't coach the PROBLEM, coach the PERSON. You might have heard this often, but do you know how to apply it in your coaching? Here are 4 of my favorite tools to separate the PERSON from the PROBLEM. 1. Draw out their NEEDS, not their WANTS. Your client will always share what they want and what's getting in their way. Your job is to help them understand what they really need at the moment. Wants are external desires, and Needs are their internal cry for help. 2. Focus on their END GOALS, not their MEANS GOALS. Your client will most likely get attached to a MEANS to getting something they want. Your job is to help them understand the end goal behind why they need it so they can find new ways to achieve it. 3. Challenge the ASSUMPTIONS. When you listen to your client's story, notice the Assumptions they make. It's those assumptions that are stopping them from seeing things clearly. 4. Reframe their STORIES. What's the story you are telling yourself right now? I often ask my clients this because it acts as a reminder that they don't need to believe all their thoughts. Keep playing your infinite game, Coach Sid

5 Simple Coaching Steps for Transformative Leadership Great leadership requires more than just decision-making—it demands the ability to coach others effectively. Whether you’re guiding a team member, addressing a challenge, or mentoring a peer, the way you approach conversations can make all the difference. Created by Executive Coach Kim Ades and her Frame of Mind Coaching® methodology, here’s a simple but powerful framework for coaching conversations: 1️⃣ Check Your Story: Before you engage, leave your assumptions and biases at the door. Assume positive intent and create a safe space for dialogue. 2️⃣ Get Their Story: Ask open-ended questions like, “What happened?” and genuinely listen to their perspective without jumping to conclusions. 3️⃣ Dig Underneath Their Story: Go deeper. What’s not being said? What emotions are driving their behavior? Understanding the full picture requires asking thoughtful questions. 4️⃣ Identify Their Beliefs & Encapsulate: Test your hunches about their beliefs and restate them clearly to confirm. Help them see the belief that might be holding them back. 5️⃣ Challenge Their Beliefs: Offer new perspectives. Show how a different mindset can open doors to growth, success, and fulfillment. As a Vistage Worldwide, Inc. Chair, I see firsthand how these steps—grounded in Kim Ades’ transformative approach—can shift not only individual mindsets but also organizational outcomes. These coaching techniques are not just tools—they’re essential for fostering trust, understanding, and meaningful change. Are you applying these steps in your leadership? Which one resonates most with you? Let’s share insights below! #Leadership #Coaching #NYCCEOs #VistageNYC #KimAdes #FrameOfMindCoaching #TransformativeLeadership