How to Use Listening to Build Trust in Negotiations

“SHUT UP!” That’s what I thought as I watched a sales rep interrupt a client mid-question. The client paused, clearly frustrated, and said: “That’s great, but that’s not what I was asking about.” And just like that, the deal was lost. The mistake? Talking too much. I’ve seen it happen time and time again—sales reps jumping in too quickly, rushing to fill silences, or answering before they’ve fully understood the client’s needs. I have made this mistake countless times as well. The human response when you have a thought is to act on it. But is it actually achieving the goal you intend it to? Isn't that the whole point? But I’ve learned of a technique that changes everything: Pause for two seconds after the client stops speaking. Count those two seconds in your head if you have to. It might feel awkward at first, but it works. Here’s why: 1. It gives you time to process what they’re saying. 2. It shows the client you’re actually listening—not just waiting for your turn to talk. 3. It creates space for the conversation to breathe. And then? Before you answer their question, repeat what they’ve said in your own words. Let them confirm that you’ve understood. Only then do you respond. Those two seconds of silence—they’re respect. They’re trust. They’re the difference between a conversation that feels rushed and one that feels meaningful. Because the truth is, sales isn’t about how well you speak. It’s about how well you listen. So, the next time you’re on a call, try it: Pause. Wait. Listen. Those two seconds might just change everything.

“Ah yes, I’m already under contract.” That one shows up a lot. And it’s tempting to handle it. To lean in. To start convincing. But here’s the thing: When you’re convincing, you’re losing. Because now it’s about you. Not them. So instead of trying to overcome it, try leaning back. Here’s how that might sound: “Sounds like you’re locked in for the next few years.” (Pause. Breathe.) “What do you like about them?” “Seems like they’re checking every single box.” Then a humbly ask: “Are there any conditions under which you’d consider reviewing your options for X?” “Sounds like you’re happy with how things are going and would only consider switching if…” Now you’re not handling. You’re learning. You’re understanding their word. And that opens space. Because if they say, “We’ll want to explore our options in March,” great. Now you know what matters. If they say, “Honestly, I haven’t thought about it since…” you’ve poked the bear. Contracts expire. Problems don’t. You’re not trying to win today. You’re planting seeds for tomorrow. Let them talk. Be curious. Be patient. That’s how trust gets built. And trust is why people choose you.

𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐛𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐬. 𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐛𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐲. We once had to shut down four city blocks in downtown Phoenix for a private Macklemore concert. On the surface, it sounds like logistics. In reality, it was about trust. It took a month meeting with city departments, knocking on doors, and listening to city employees who mostly wanted to help the public, get a paycheck and benefits, plus not lose their job. Each had their own concerns: safety, traffic, liability or what would their boss do to them. Instead of pushing my agenda, I focused on their pain points and showed that I understood what mattered to them.  After the month of planning, we started at 2:15 the morning of the concert, to set up - they would not let us close the roads, then I convinced them it was okay, after the bars closed. That’s how you move big, complicated projects forward. Not with pressure. Not with shortcuts, instead - by giving people confidence that you see them, hear them, and will protect their interests (if nothing else, that they won’t get fired, their kids will be okay and life will be good). The principle is simple. 𝐈𝐟 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲’𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐝𝐨𝐨𝐫𝐬. 𝐈𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐫 𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲’𝐥𝐥 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦. Whether you’re closing a deal, running a campaign, or trying to get four blocks of a city to shut down, the foundation is the same: trust built through listening. What’s one way you’ve built trust in a tough negotiation? #Trust #Negotiation #DealMaking #TILTTheRoom #MediaLaw #Macklemore Christopher Voss Kwame Christian, Esq., M.A. Alexandra Carter Dr. Robert Cialdini Scott Tillema

If you want to be a world-class leader, you need to be a world-class listener. 5 tips to be a better listener: — Active listening is the fastest way you can make all your employees feel heard. When someone feels heard, they’re empowered to: - Trust more - Perform better - Communicate openly We know most founders (guilty here) talk WAY more than we listen. We’re used to giving directions, selling, raising funds, coaching, etc. But that creates a professional divergence on what we actually need to focus on. Now let’s get to the good stuff… — 1. Avoid interrupting Interrupting makes people feel undervalued and can disrupt their train of thought. Let the other person finish their points before you jump in and tell them what you think. Don’t listen just to see what to answer ;) — 2. Ask open-ended questions This encourages people to share more information and express their thoughts and feelings more deeply. 3 questions that are guaranteed to make people open up: “What makes you say that?” “Can you tell me more about that?” “What would YOU do in my situation?” We tend to bias people asking closed q’s like: “would you do A or B”? — 3. Pay full attention There’s no greater way to show someone respect than this. Keep eye contact, remove distractions, and nod & smile when appropriate. And whatever you do, DON’T check your emails or messages. I did it so many times 10 years ago. I hated that burnt-out version of myself. — 4. Listen with your eyes Think active listening is all ears? UCLA research shows that 70-90% of communication is NON-verbal. Body language is crucial in how we convey and interpret messages. Look out for: - Hand gestures - Facial expressions - Posture (closed or open arms/shoulders) Subtly emulate these to build trust. — 5. Relay what you heard This helps make sure you have understood the other person correctly. Repeat back what they said in your own words. “So what you’re saying is…” They’ll correct you if you’re wrong. They’ll feel understood if you’re precise. — As you can see it doesn’t take much extra effort to be engaged and empower others through active listening. The real effort comes for us to shut down the “Problem-Solving Mind” and ACTUALLY listen, without thinking of what to answer. Start implementing this with your team and watch how much their morale is boosted. Got value out of this? Repost ♻️ to share to your network and follow Ignacio Carcavallo for more like this!