Abandon Reason In Relationships
If you want stronger relationships—whether in business, friendship, or love—here’s a counterintuitive truth:
You need to stop relying on reason.
That’s right. Forget about logic, critical thinking, and problem-solving.
Because while reason is useful for strategy and planning, it’s almost useless when it comes to building trust, intimacy, and emotional connection.
Strong relationships aren’t built through logic. They’re built through emotion.
What Reasoning Is Good For
Let’s be clear: Reasoning has value. It’s how we solve problems, make decisions, and analyze information.
We use it for:
In the context of projects, deadlines, investments, and logistics, reasoning is indispensable.
But when it comes to human beings?
Reasoning falls flat.
Why Logic Fails in Relationships
If you’ve ever tried to “reason” your way through an argument with your partner, resolve tension with a friend, or de-escalate a conflict at work with facts—you already know:
It doesn’t work. In fact, it usually backfires.
Here’s why:
1. We’re 98% Emotional, 2% Rational
Modern neuroscience has made this clear: Humans don’t make decisions based on logic. We decide based on emotion—and use logic to justify what we already feel.
So when someone is angry, hurt, anxious, or afraid, your bullet-point arguments and “rational explanations” won’t help.
They’ll make things worse. Because logic invalidates what the person actually feels. And if someone feels unheard or unseen, they’ll resist—even if you’re “right.”
2. Emotions Override Logic Every Time
Emotions like love, fear, jealousy, or shame don’t respond to evidence. They respond to empathy. They respond to presence. They respond to being felt with—not thought at.
You can’t logic someone out of feeling unloved. You can’t reason someone out of sadness, or fear, or betrayal.
If you try, they won’t hear you. Not because they’re irrational—because they’re human.
3. Relationships Are Too Complex for Logic Alone
People are not spreadsheets. We carry wounds, traumas, subconscious drives, childhood conditioning, and social expectations.
And none of that is logical.
Even when both people in a conversation are intelligent, thoughtful, and well-meaning, they will still come to different conclusions based on their emotional experience.
This is not a failure of intelligence—it’s the complexity of being human.
4. Logical Solutions Feel Cold Without Emotional Validation
Let’s say you propose a perfect, well-thought-out solution to a problem in your relationship. It makes sense. It’s fair. It solves the issue.
But the other person still feels upset.
You ask, “Why can’t you see that this makes sense?” They shut down. They push back. They get more upset.
What’s happening?
You skipped a step: You didn’t validate the emotion first.
When people feel unseen emotionally, even the best solution feels cold and dismissive.
5. Unacknowledged Emotion Leads to Conflict
The longer emotions are ignored, the more they build. Resentment brews. Communication breaks down. Eventually, logic gives way to outbursts—and everyone wonders why the relationship feels so hard.
The issue isn’t the facts. It’s the lack of emotional recognition.
The Real Tools That Build Relationships
If reasoning doesn’t build trust, what does?
These four skills:
These are the tools that defuse conflict, deepen trust, and create intimacy.
They’re not about being right. They’re about making the other person feel safe enough to be real with you.
Abandon Reason. Embrace Emotion.
This doesn’t mean emotions are always “correct” or should be obeyed blindly. But it means they must be acknowledged—because they’re real.
You cannot logic your way to closeness. You cannot debate someone into connection. You cannot fix a relationship with facts alone.
But if you learn to meet people where they are emotionally, everything changes:
The next time you’re in a difficult conversation, pause before reaching for logic. Instead, ask yourself:
What is this person feeling right now? Can I name it for them, without judgment or agenda?
That’s the moment connection begins. That’s the moment reasoning steps aside—and real relationship starts.
Abandon reason. Embrace emotion. And watch your relationships transform.
If logic and reason are standalone tools, how do they fall short when stripped of emotional valence and regulation? Our primary and secondary subconscious patterns shape "default reasoning," where habitual beliefs are guided by emotionally charged filters—like parataxic distortions and doxastic reasoning—rooted in unresolved psychological data. These unconscious processes create biased emotional responses, reinforcing reactivity, misattribution, and chronic hypervigilance. Local predictions and dialectic reasoning help form empathetic bonds, but when under-reasoned affective forecasting dominates, it leads to false intuitions and the introspection illusion. Validation, at its core, is a reasoned emotional response—highlighting our deep-seated need for connection. So, when logic alone fails to foster understanding, what parts of our reasoning are we unconsciously rejecting, and why are we so quick to bypass the emotional truths they reveal?