Authenticity on the Fast Lane

One of my best friends is a former workmate at a multinational corporation. She is not the easiest person to have a conversation with if you’re a surface person. Simply put, she doesn’t take crap, doesn’t suffer fools, and pulls no punches; the kind of person you’d like to have in your corner if you’re prone to idiocy. She has wit, charisma, an abundance of gray matter and stunning looks. But any man who has tried to give her unwanted attention has borne the sting of her tongue. I have never met anyone else who best epitomizes the saying it’s better to be cruel to be kind than her.

On numerous occasions she has called out my BS with a straight face and no apologies; such a breath of fresh air because I don’t have many people who point out my nakedness. She has held me accountable when I have said I will keep up my urban running, hustling, parenting, writing and all other commitments that I care to share. She has refused to accept a poor version of myself whenever I have presented such. As I have travelled in both abounded and abased states, she has remained true to her principles and to our friendship. For her own longevity and my selfishness, she will remain anonymous.

Tell them the truth. When doing performance review, let them know where they could do better, where they deserve high-fives and where they absolutely must change if they are to have a successful career. ‘okay’ is not useful feedback. When letting them go due to personal issues don’t say it’s restructuring; tell them the truth so they can improve where the issue is their performance, or they can leave with grace where the issue is the employer. We all know how ‘it’s not you, it’s me, it’s me’ deprives one of any closure or quick healing that you might have hoped for from a breakup; the statement sucks away all power from you.

Give the gift of truth to your friends

Do you know what’s harder than calling out someone you don't like? It’s when you have to call out a friend. It feels great to cheer your friends, it’s easy to be part of the chorus of kudos. In fact, it’s relatively easy to be genuinely happy for someone when you have a healthy internal balance. But you don't do them a favor when you hide harsh truths from them. Being nice is not always being kind. And that definitely doesn’t make you a good friend. So, give them the gift of truth and earn their respect.

Like that guy who thinks he is the sharpest tool in the shed and regales everyone with lofty yarns of utopia’s Rome. Please spare his future audience by telling him the facts about his witlessness.

I have been toying with what a walk on the authentic side of humanity really looks like, and for me its more like:

• Try something new with the risk of messing up. See what happens. It could be beautiful.
• It’s not enough not to die today. It is imperative that you live today to the best of your ability.
• Criticize less, contribute more. The world needs more builders, not auditors.
• We reverse-park in parking lots to gain control over what little we can. It’s not much, but it counts for much to have some control over our lives. Ah, these little joys.
• The more money you have, the more worried you get because the more you have to lose. This is especially true where money means the world to you.
• The culture is busy self-destructing on self-improvement. ‘Its okay to not be okay’ reverse-whispered to an entire generation reads: “It’s not okay to be okay” and so we end up tolerating the mediocre, the half-efforts, the lazy, the bland and the spineless.
• Hard work rarely pays off and the luck always runs out. There’s no bigger perennial loser’s anthem than this. Because roses eventually smell like shit and your dog secretly hates you.
• Two types of art: Make art like your livelihood depends on it, or your life depends on it. Either one will show on the finished product.
• Death wants you alive. Life wants you dead. These two want to exercise power over you. And in that space comes poetry. Make it beautiful and worthwhile every day.
• Like a poor life decision, today is the day to escape through the window of your cage, jump over the back fence, sit in a blue stoned back alley with music, a good book, a bottle of your favourite fermented fruit drink and make life out of thin air. Simply put, today is the first day of your life if you decide it to be so.
• Do the ultimate life test – write your eulogy. Then to cure your egotism and vain machismo, read your eulogy. There is time to begin righting the parts that sound wrong. But also live your life well so that people do not have to lie at your funeral. Start today.

The corporate space is looking for strong authentic people to steer organizations into new horizons with employees who believe in the collective course beyond their perks. It is the only sustainable model, but that world does not have enough of that type of person.

Life is looking for people who are true to themselves and to those they care about so as to raise the trust equilibrium. Because not using what we have is worse than not having what we can utilize. The biggest have/have-not here being the brain.

What more can I say authentically… Have we connected this year? Okay then, Happy New Year!