Can we be at ease in times of hardship?

This article is the transcript for a session I delivered on 4 and 8 May 2020, as part of Relume's weekly Restore Factory Settings. It is a 30 minute reflective practice happening every Monday at 0800 and Friday 1700 (UK time) during lockdown. Each week we explore a different theme in support of building a resilience mindset.

This week, Claire Genkai Breeze is taking a pause from our weekly sessions. She asked if I would help deepen our exploration of resilience versus endurance by bringing my perspective to this enquiry. 

To do this I want to share a question that I have been reflecting on lately; can we be at ease in times of difficulty? Or put another way - can we develop a resilience mindset when we are being asked to fundamentally endure something? 

To help reflect on this question, and deepen our enquiry, I am going to share a few key insights from my use of heartbeat analytics. I have used this technology for a number of years to measure when a person is in a state of stress and recovery. 

This has helped me to explore, at a physiological level, the difference between someone who can bounce back versus someone who keeps going.

To start, there are three guiding principals I want to offer in support of this reflection:

1. There is no right or wrong way to build resilience 
2. Be more you - this is my starting point for starting or deepening a resilience practice 
3. Be curious - I hope some of what I share will challenge your thinking on what it means to be resilient 

The science of stress

Before I go any further I want to describe what I mean by stress and recovery.

When our autonomic nervous system is in the sympathetic state we are activating the stress response. We need this response for all manner of things - we experience a natural increase in cortisol each morning to get us out of bed, ready to start the day. 

However many of us spend too much of our day in this state, which depletes us - leading to feelings of exhaustion or injury or perhaps it leads to mental health challenges. Someone with an endurance mindset is predominantly in this state - and they can take pride in coping through it.

In contrast, the the para-sympathetic states is the recovery response. This helps us to repair, re-energise and bounce back. 

Bouncing back is key here. A resilient person typically experiences lots of recovery in their evening and night, and even at points through their day. 

So stress is not bad. Nor is experiencing difficulty. Resilience, therefore, is our ability to bounce back from periods of stress or difficultly.

Building resilience starts with being more you

With that in mind, I want to bring us back to our first principal - there is no right or wrong way to build resilience. 

All of us benefit from getting a great night’s sleep. And drinking too much alcohol is the only activity which is a universal stressor. But beyond this, I have found we are incredibly unique and what we need to build a resilience mindset depends on our particular context - and who we are. 

From a physiological perspective, one person’s stress can be another person’s recovery. 

For example, commuting to work for one person is a stressful point of their day. But for someone else it’s a precious space to be with their own thoughts. It’s a buffer of time to recover between their home and work responsibilities. 

At home, some people recover when they are preparing dinner or watching TV before bed. And for other people, cooking feels like a chore and being in front of the TV means their minds wander and process the challenges of their day. Even thinking about something stressful can move the body into the sympathetic nervous system - the stress response. 

This means building a resilience mindset does not start with a list of things that you should or ought to do! 

Instead, it starts with being more you. By focusing on the activities and practices that uniquely support you to recover. 

This creates great possibility because your recovery can come from many places. 

We can recover by exploring our mindset, such as through the practices Claire has been exploring with you in previous weeks. For example, by grounding and resourcing ourselves. Learning to live our lives with a realisation of impermanence and understanding how a preferential mind can tip us into a state of endurance. 

And we can find ways to recover in more practical ways too. By eating the food that suits our needs, moving our bodies in a way that brings us joy, or giving ourselves permission to do more of the things we love. 

I’m going to say that again - doing what we love is a big source of recovery.

In other words, building resilience can come from our mindset. Or from the relationship that nourish us. Or just by being sufficiently hydrated! 

What are your unique sources of stress?

I’d like us to use this concept of being more you as part of our reflective practice today. Let’s begin by briefly reflecting on our stressors. 

• To begin, feel free to close your eyes and get comfortable in your chair. 
• Take a moment to consider something in your daily routine, right now, that you experience as being stressful. 
• It could be something that feels obvious. Like going to bed late. Or perhaps it’s eating food that doesn’t make you feel good afterwards. Or spending too much time on your phone.
• Your stressors might lie in less obvious places. So take your time to pause and reflect. There is no rush here. 
• Perhaps it’s something you are watching on Netflix at the moment. Or a belief you are holding. Such as an expectation that you should be just as productive in lockdown as you are in normal times.
• Notice what is happening in your body right now.
• Just be curious. Remember, there is no right or wrong in what you might be experiencing.

Let’s try the opposite state now.

What are your unique sources of recovery? 

• So settle into your seat again and let your awareness rest gently on how your body is being supported in the seat
• Connect with your breath. Begin with a deep breath in through the nose, and out through the mouth. 
• Let your awareness be alert but very soft
• Feel anchored and solid where you are
• Become aware of your stillness inside and around you
• Now bring your mind to something that that brings you joy
• It could be something you are you are already doing in lockdown - or something you used to do
• It might be an activity, a place, a memory or being with a person
• Let the effect of it fill you. Become aware of your breath and see if you can keep your attention light
• What do you notice? What are you experiencing in your body right now? 
• Stay curious. As we sit here what do you notice changing? 
• Are there any sensations that are deepening, or staying the same? 

Can we be at ease in times of difficulty? 

I often get asked how we can discover our unique sources of recovery without using heartbeat analytics to measure it.

The technology helps but I have found that many people intuitively know the answer - sometimes without realising it. 

At some level, the body knows what it needs. So follow your energy. Or curiosity. It is a great starting point. 

Just begin. Or perhaps give yourself the permission to do more or less of something that you’re already doing. And then notice how you feel as a result.

The response may not always be immediate. Practices need just that - practice. 

In my experience, this is how we can find ease (or moments of ease) in times of difficulty. By giving yourself the permission to be more you.

Go well,

Rowan