Comparison is the thief of joy!

If you find yourself scrolling through social media comparing your messy reality to everyone else's perfectly curated BAFTA nomination, welcome to the club nobody really wants to join.

It hit me like a truck when I was found out I was a Finalist in the Merseyside Women of the Year awards and after the initial moment of joy, my heart sank and my stomach flipped. Instead of celebrating and savouring the moment, my inner critic went into overdrive. "Who are you to be part of that? Look at all these other incredible women - check out what they have done! And there's you alongside them ... paddling furiously upstream in the messiness of chaos that is your life right now ...."

Ever had that experience? Comparison-itis?

As midlife women we can be prime targets for the comparison trap. If you're life is anything like mine, juggling ageing parents and their increasing needs, trying to keep a business afloat or holding down a job that demands everything we've got, and fridges that never stay full, and bills that need paying and appointments that need making ... Add in the potential for rollercoastering hormones, the exhaustion that sleep doesn't fix, and the emotional load we are dragging around with us - is it any wonder we look around and think everyone else has cracked it whilst we're still figuring it out?

Why We Compare

It's human nature, but I think midlife amplifies it. Many women find themselves at this point in their lives questioning everything - with so much change going on, kids that don't need us any more, a world that is often stressful, workplaces that can feel quite demanding - our choices, our achievements, our bodies - is this how it is now then? Social media shows us the woman who's just launched her third business whilst looking effortlessly groomed, she rocks up wearing white jeans that are perfectly pristine, lipstick that never smudges and hair that is perfectly coiffured - we soon forget that nobody posts about their 3am anxiety spirals or the days they eat cereal for dinner because they're too knackered to cook.

Why It's Damaging Us

Comparison steals our joy and our confidence. It makes us feel inadequate when we're actually doing an incredible job managing an impossible load. It stops us celebrating our wins - like my nomination - and we risk measuring our behind-the-scenes reality against everyone else's show-reel, and we'll always come up short. In this week's Really Useful Conversations podcast I am talking more about comparison-itis and how we can be our own worst enemy, so tune in if you get chance?

But what do we do about it?

First, remember that everyone's winging it. That woman who looks like she's got everything together? She's probably comparing herself to someone else too.

Start celebrating your small wins. You kept everyone alive today? Win. You remembered to take your vitamins? Win. You asked for help instead of burning out? Massive win.

Curate your social media feeds ruthlessly. Unfollow accounts that make you feel rubbish about yourself. Follow women who are real about the struggles of midlife.

And here's the big one - talk about it. Share your reality with other women. You'll be amazed how many of us are feeling exactly the same way.

In her book "Playing Big" Tara Sophia Mohr suggests that we make peace with the inner critic rather than trying to silence it or fight it, understanding its protective function while not letting it control your decisions and choosing to acknowledge its concerns whilst making our own decisions about our ability to tackle whatever it is that voice is keeping us safe from.

Being nominated for the MWOTY award really brought it home to me and it has done me no good whatsoever - we need to stop diminishing our achievements and start owning them. Yes, it's scary putting yourself out there, but somebody nominated me because they saw value in what I do and I need to hold on to that and treat myself with the same compassion I would if a friend were nominated.

I'd tell her that she had done well to be chosen from the 70+ nominations they had. I'd point out that her achievements are on top of a busy life of carenting, running her own business, having been Mayoress and all those challenges this past year, and reminding her of the people (and rescue dogs!!) that have benefitted because of what she does, on top of the daily grind. I'd celebrate her and start a campaign to get her votes because she deserves them ... I'd tell her it was worth celebrating, not comparing ...

And I would ask you to vote for her right here ..... https://merseysidewomenoftheyear.co.uk/finalists-2025/158/

What's your comparison trigger? And more importantly, what small win will you celebrate today?