The Danger of “Getting Along” vs. Getting It Right

The Danger of “Getting Along” vs. Getting It Right

Ever sat in a leadership meeting—whether it’s a management team, a boardroom, or a volunteer leadership group like EO or YPO—and watched a terrible idea roll through the room like a slow-moving train wreck, and no one said a word?

Everyone just nodded, sipped their coffee, and quietly hoped someone else would speak up.

Yeah. I’ve been there.

And here’s what I know. Teams that care more about getting along than getting it right are walking into a trap. I have seen it in boardrooms and peer groups, executive meetings and nonprofit committees. The packaging may look different, but the failure pattern is the same.

They confuse agreement with alignment. They prioritize harmony over honesty. They protect feelings and sacrifice outcomes.

Let me say this plainly. The difference between a high-functioning leadership team and a performative one is simple. Do people challenge each other, or do they keep their heads down and play nice?

Too Much Nice, Not Enough Courage

I have spent years inside EO leadership, corporate boards, volunteer roles, and executive teams. I have served as a member and I have sat at the head of the table. And the clearest indicator of a weak team is not a lack of intelligence, strategy, or vision. It’s the lack of challenge.

When I am on someone else’s team, I ask hard questions. Not to stir things up. Not to be difficult. I ask because I care about the result.

When I am leading, I look for people who will challenge me. If I am surrounded by people who always agree with me, I know I am in trouble.

Too often, we pick people because they are easy to work with. Because they keep things smooth. Because they are "nice." That’s fine when you’re planning a dinner party. It’s deadly when you are trying to lead something that matters.

When No One Challenges the Idea

Here’s what happens when there is no challenge:

• No one asks the tough questions

• Bad ideas get approved because nobody speaks up

• Real problems get ignored because no one wants to be "negative"

• Teams start making change for change’s sake just to look busy

Then, when things predictably go sideways, people double down. They fall into the sunk cost fallacy instead of just admitting they were wrong and course-correcting. I have watched this happen to brilliant people. Smart, talented, well-meaning folks who were just too afraid to say, “This doesn’t make sense.”

And that fear is often tied to politics, cultural tension, or unspoken social dynamics. When challenge gets confused with aggression, or disagreement gets labeled as disloyalty, people stop telling the truth.

The Elephant Slayer in the Room

Every team needs someone who will name the thing everyone is avoiding. The one who asks, “Are we solving the actual problem, or just the politically safe one?”

That’s the elephant slayer. The person who wants to understand what’s really going on, not just what is convenient to believe.

We need more of those people. Especially in today’s cultural climate, where surface-level alignment is sometimes valued more than real clarity. Where asking the wrong question can get you labeled, sidelined, or shut down.

I believe sunlight is the best disinfectant. When we stop questioning the problem, stop examining the assumptions, we stop making progress. Instead, we perform leadership. We implement bad decisions because we are trying to avoid discomfort. And the outcomes of that kind of leadership often make things worse, not better.

The Best Teams Challenge Each Other

I once led a board where every idea I brought to the table got immediate pushback.

“Chuck, what if this doesn’t work?”

“Are we solving the real problem here, or just the one that looks easy to fix?”

“What’s the risk if this fails?”

Was it comfortable? Not even a little. Was it effective? Absolutely.

I would take tension over politeness any day. The strongest leadership teams are not the ones that get along best. They are the ones that sharpen each other. They disagree with respect. They debate with purpose. They refuse to nod along when something does not feel right. 

Different Outfits, Same Mistake

I have seen EO boards treat their leadership year like a ceremonial baton pass. No hard decisions. No real change. Just keep it smooth and hand it off to the next group.

I have seen corporate execs sign off on half-baked initiatives just to maintain alignment. Nobody wants to be the one who raises the red flag.

I have seen passionate, values-driven people avoid conflict and let things fall apart simply because they were afraid to ask a hard question in the wrong tone of voice.

That’s how you turn potential into mediocrity.

If You’re the Smartest in the Room, Find a New Room

I don’t want a team that agrees with everything I say. I want the one who calls out my blind spots.

I want someone who says, “Chuck, that’s a bad idea.”

Not because they want to win the argument.

Because they want the mission to succeed.

That is what I have always tried to be for others, and it is the kind of team I try to build every time I lead.

Because iron sharpens iron. Not foam. Not silence. Not forced consensus.

Gut Check: Are You Leading, or Just Keeping the Peace?

Ask yourself: 

• When was the last time someone openly disagreed with me?

• Are we pressure-testing ideas, or just passing them through?

• Are we solving root problems, or just managing optics? 

• Is this team brave, or just polite?

If your answer makes you uncomfortable, good. That’s the beginning of growth.

Leadership Is Not a Social Club

The best decisions do not come from agreement. They come from friction. From trust. From challenge. From someone who says, “Let’s slow this down and make sure we are not just checking a box.”

So if your meetings are too smooth, too polite, or too quiet, you have work to do.

Real leadership does not avoid tension. It walks into it with clarity, curiosity, and courage.

And the teams that do that? They win.