Expanding Your Window of Safety (Part 2)
Here's what I've learned after years of studying nervous system regulation and helping high-achievers break through their ceilings: you cannot think your way to a new identity. You have to act your way there.
We spend so much time trying to believe our way into confidence, visualize our way into abundance, and affirm our way into success. But here's the truth—your identity isn't shaped by your thoughts. It's shaped by the accumulated evidence of your actions.
Why Action Trumps Affirmation
Every time you take action aligned with who you're becoming, you're literally rewiring your brain and nervous system. You're creating new neural pathways that say, "I am someone who does this." Not "I want to be someone who does this" or "I'm trying to become someone who does this"—but "I AM."
This is why people who talk about their goals endlessly but never act stay stuck in the same patterns. Their identity remains unchanged because their evidence remains unchanged.
On some level, we know we're lying to ourselves.
But here's the catch: most of us try to leap from Point A to Point M without building the bridge. We want to go from struggling freelancer to six-figure entrepreneur overnight. From invisible to industry leader in one bold move. From financially stressed to abundantly wealthy without the messy middle.
Your nervous system will sabotage every attempt at quantum leaps until it believes you are safe enough to expand.
The Adjacent Principle: Your Nervous System's Best Friend
The key is using what I call the Adjacent Principle—taking action that's one or two steps beyond your comfort zone, not ten steps. Close enough to feel manageable, far enough to create growth.
Instead of launching the $10K program when you've never sold anything over $500, you create the $1,500 offer. Instead of pitching to speak at the biggest conference in your industry, you start with the local networking group. Instead of quitting your job to start your business, you begin with evenings and weekends.
This isn't playing small—it's playing smart. You're building evidence for your nervous system that expansion can feel safe.
Some people can ride the wave of hype and hustle all the way to their goals. I don't understand these people. And I'm definitely not one of them. I need cold, hard evidence to convert self-belief into an authentic identity.
The Three-Fear Framework
I've discovered that most self-imposed income and impact ceilings come down to three core fears:
1. Uncertainty (Fear of Change) "If I succeed at this level, everything will be different and I don't know if I can handle it."
2. Overwhelm (Fear of Capacity) "If I achieve this goal, the demands on me will be too much to manage."
3. Abandonment (Fear of Isolation) "If I become too successful, I'll outgrow my people and end up alone."
Here's my current real-time example: I'm pursuing some stretch goals that rationally align with everything I want for my business, my family, and my biz partners. But as I take action toward these goals, my body reflexively tightens. Shoulders hunched, breathing shallow. The old belief (and my Inner Saboteur) surfacing: "This level of achievement will overwhelm you."
Instead of backing down or pushing through with willpower, I'm doing both—taking the adjacent action AND addressing the triggered belief. This is Conscious Action.
Take Conscious Action
When you notice yourself hitting a ceiling or feeling resistance to taking action:
1. Identify the Action Adjacent What's the smallest version of this action that still creates stretch? If pitching the $50K client feels terrifying, what about the $5K client? If posting daily on LinkedIn creates panic, what about twice a week?
2. Name the Fear Which of the three fears is getting triggered? Uncertainty, overwhelm, or abandonment? Get specific. "I'm afraid that if I get this client, they'll expect me to be available 24/7" (overwhelm). "I'm afraid that if I post on social media, my current network will cringe... then judge me" (abandonment).
3. Take Action While Addressing the Fear Don't wait until the fear goes away—it won't. Act while simultaneously tending to your nervous system. Take the call while doing box breathing. Send the proposal while planning how you'll celebrate afterward. Raise your rates while scheduling coffee with a friend who supports your growth.
4. Perform the Post-Mortem After each action, ask yourself:
Building Wealth Identity Through Evidence
And here's how this applies more specifically to wealth creation.
Every adjacent financial action builds your "wealthy person" identity:
Your nervous system needs proof that you can handle more money before it allows you to create and keep it. That proof comes through consistent, adjacent actions that gradually expand your financial comfort zone.
The goal isn't just to make more money—it's to become the kind of person who naturally attracts, manages, and multiplies wealth.
When your nervous system feels safe with abundance, wealth creation becomes inevitable rather than accidental.
So what's your adjacent action? What's the smallest step that feels like growth but doesn't send your nervous system into full panic mode?
Take that step. Then take the next one. Your future self is built one conscious action at a time.
Coming up in Part 3: How to activate your parasympathetic nervous system while taking action, so you can stretch and stay regulated simultaneously.