Fifty at Fifty - Finding time for fun

Shortly before I turned 50 last Feb, I read a book called "Your Best life at any age" by Andrew Fuller. Yes, it was in the "self-improvement" section. :)

The blurb said this "Have you ever wondered if you are living up to your potential? What if you knew in advance the common pitfalls and traps you might fall into when you hit a certain age? Imagine how you could improve your life if you knew exactly what might be looming on the horizon"

It went through various life stages looking at what typically happens and how you can make the most of it. I wish I had bought it sooner. This is what they said about turning 50 (I have paraphrased, buy the book!)

“Traditionally people became grandparents at this age. What do they do now? They come to therapy. Carl Jung once observed more people enter therapy around the age of 49 than at any other time.

The reason is that the early fifties is often a life and death battle - the battle is between Thanatos (death and destruction) and Eros (the life force) The way that people resolve or avoid this battle determines the rest of their days. There is a test of courage here. The courageous have the impetus to take risks in life, the timid may recapture the playfulness of early years before sinking back into the pedestrian mainstream.

There are opportunities when we consider our direction in life and transform ourselves. For some, this is an unsettling time. People who can tolerate a time of ambiguity and uncertainty often discover new interests that fulfill them.

If ignored, medicated, or trivialized, a great possibility for your future is missed”

With those words ringing in my ear and tired of moaning about my menopausal aches and moods not atypical of women of my years, I decided to come up with a list of 50 things to try in my 50th year.

The focus was to discover what “fun” meant to me and discover some passions that I could develop in the next decade and protect a bit against incoming empty nest syndrome as my daughters fly off to uni.

I did 38 of them and I’ve given myself an extension – so that tattoo is happening later this year when my daughter turns 18 and we can do it together and I WILL get into my wedding dress again!

It's been amazing in many ways – it made me really focus on my needs and passions which I haven’t done since I had kids, it made me crystalize what I wanted to do more of as I approach my “second spring” and it made me do some brave things which I may not have done had I not had the list. (like wearing red lipstick!). This is not to say that this year hasn't continued to throw a number of emotional and physical bricks at me and my family but this list has really helped keep me positive when before I may have wilted. At 50, we are inevitably, the sandwich generation.

Highlights include taking my family back to the place we had our honeymoon in Italy for our 20th wedding anniversary, writing and running a career advocacy program with the amazing Lukeisha Paul for minority groups, reading 50 books was tough but some life-changing reads, traveling, and wild swimming. Walking 10k with my husband after him being in intensive care for covid, four months previously was a very emotional tick off the list.   I’ve discovered lots of things I will do more of in this decade and I will definitely continue this focus on finding time for myself!

Now I’m working on my 60 at 60 lists but I’ve got 9 years for that. I’m planning to be Dr. Davey by the age of 60!

This was my list.

1.      Visit roman baths

2.      Spa at somewhere really fancy ( I did lots)

3.      Read or listen to 50 books

4.      Wear really red lipstick

5.      Do a headstand in yoga or crow pose (just once)

6.      Try cold water swimming

7.      Do an Italian cookery course in Italy

8.      Revisit our honeymoon destination

9.      Eat in a Michelin-star restaurant – ah did 3!

10.   Run 5k

11.   Have a big party – that’s coming next year!

12.   Start a blog

13.   Have a gratitude diary for a whole year

14.   Make a new friend

15.   Make contact with an old friend from 30 years ago

16.   Have a family portrait 

17.   Have reiki

18.   Try SUP

19.   Go back to Oxford

20.   Lift heavy weights

21.   Three peaks

22.   Coaching course

23.   Go skiing again

24.   Go clubbing or to a festival

25.   Get into my wedding dress again

26.   Create and run a career advocacy course

27.   Do a month of yoga with Adriene (in a month)

28.   Grow 3 vegetables you’ve never grown before in your allotment

29.   Try forest bathing

30.   Declutter the ENTIRE house

31.   Do not speak for an entire day or check any electronic devices

32.   design the garden

33.   Do a 10-mile walk with Brett 😊

34.   Learn to meditate/breathe properly!

35.   Go to Ottolenghi

36.   Have a bbq on the beach

37.   Get out of an escape room

38.   Get a tattoo (nell)

39.   Rock climbing (Evie)

40.   Have a personal shopper/style consultant

41.   Ride a horse (real or otherwise)

42.   Make a piece of jewelry

43.   Do a grand tour in Italy

44.   Take up a new sport

45.   Learn front crawl

46.   Do an interior design course

47.   Go to a cabaret

48.   Finish the house

49.   Go on holiday on my own

50.   Do Zoe

I’ll leave you with more wise words from this book whilst I start work on the next chapter. I'm really sure these words will ring true for many who find the to do list of life gets in the way of finding time to think and plan.

“ Still yourself - the temptation is to remain busy. We rebel against the idea of retreating telling ourselves there are people who rely on us, who need us to keep scurrying on the treadmill of life. Do not look for an outcome. There are no deadlines. Slowly, gently by giving yourself space in your life to listen, you begin to unearth the voice that is truly yours. At first it will barely be a whisper, no louder than the beating of your heart, But over time it will grow in strength. It is in that voice that, if given time to develop, will tell you what is truly important to you.

Yes, it did. Thank you for reading!