"If I don't say yes, they'll stop asking..."

For years, I was the Yes Girl.

• Yes to new projects.
• Yes to last-minute requests.
• Yes to those random things no one else wanted to do... catering included.
• Yes to pushing my needs, my rest, my self to the bottom of the list.

I LOVED being the Yes Girl. I loved being seen as the reliable one. The go-to. The "we couldn't do it without her."

😊

Because somewhere along the way, I learned...

• Saying yes = being good.
• Being helpful = being valuable.
• Being available = being loved.

Until I was so depleted, I started fantasizing about moving across the country to become a yoga instructor (I was not practicing yoga at the time). Until I was crying in the shower because the idea of getting through another day made my chest feel like it was collapsing.

Until the people I was bending over backwards for didn't even notice I was breaking.        

• "But you always seem so positive!"
• "You never say no...?"
• "You're doing AMAZING though!"

Exactly.

I had become so good at pretending I was fine that even I stopped believing myself when I wasn't.

But at some point, the truth hit me like a slap across the face:

Every time I said yes to someone else, I was saying no to myself.        

No to my peace.

No to my creativity.

No to my capacity to rest, to heal, to balance, to LIVE.

And deep down, I was afraid that if they stopped asking, they'd stop needing me.

I was afraid that if they stopped asking, I'd be invisible.        

My self-worth was so wrapped up in my success, others' perception...

That if I stopped, I would die.

Because my "life" was my identity as a hard worker. And I'd created an impossible standard for myself. Years of saying "YES!" led to a full-page to-do list of critical items... but no way of completing it.

I literally could not stop saying yes... until the universe did it for me.

I burned out. Which ended up being the biggest blessing.

Burnout felt like my body screaming NOOOOOOOO a million times.        

I finally learned...

• Saying no doesn't make you less lovable.
• Saying no doesn't mean you're selfish.
• Saying no doesn't mean you're hard to work with.

Saying no means you're finally learning how to love yourself... to say YES to yourself constantly.

❤️🩹

Because boundaries are not rejection.

They are protection. They are reclamation. They are how we remember that we are HUMAN... not machines.

These days, I'm far from perfect.

I still catch myself hesitating before I say no, afraid someone might thing I'm lazy or <gasp> difficult.

But I'm learning to pause. To breathe. To ask:

"If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to?"        

I say yes to what lights me up.

Craft nights with my friends. Snuggle sessions with my cat. Afternoon naps. Reading long novels on anything but sales. Soaking up the sun. Making a nourishing meal.

I say yes to work that feels purposeful.

Amazing clients I often call friends. Doing things my way... even if it's not THE way. Being a real, vulnerable, raw human.

I say yes to people who see me as whole, even when I set limits.

Long, deep conversations over espresso martinis. Friday morning bagels and sauna sessions. Late night dancing in DJ booths.

I trust that the people who are meant to be in my life will not leave when I stop saying yes.

They will see my no as an act of integrity.

And they'll love me more because of it.

💜

Thanks for reading

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