I HEAR YOU. I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING.

HERE’S WHY.

By: Craig Mitchell

President, Robroy Enclosures

Dr. Steven Covey, in his tremendously valuable book: “THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE,” identifies “Habit 5” as: “Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood.”

By this he means that most people do not truly listen with an intent to understand what they are hearing. Instead: most people listen with the intent to reply.

In all interpersonal relationships, this tendency can be the root cause of most communications problems, leading to breakdowns in relationships and failures in planning. The results can be disastrous.

As business managers we must be aware of this potential danger --- not only in others, but in ourselves. This can be surprisingly difficult. Although we are all trained to read, write, and speak, our training in how to listen (and hear and understand) is frequently deficient.

As with so many issues where we, as managers, are responsible for helping others, we must first begin with ourselves. 

Are we listening to understand?

Ask yourself: “While someone else is speaking am I often preparing, in my own mind, how I am going to respond?” 

If so, your intent is not truly to understand but to ensure that your opinion is expressed or your point is made.”

Ask yourself: “When I am judging what a person is saying to me, is it because I am using only my own frame of reference and my own personal experiences in reacting to what I am hearing?”

If so, you risk not understanding the wide variety of differences that cause people to have diverse viewpoints. When that happens, you cannot be empathetic. You cannot put yourself in someone else’s position to understand who they are and why they believe what they believe. That is a dead-end in communications and in human relationships.

Ask yourself: “Do I automatically assume that what I believe is the only ‘right’ way there is?”

If so, you probably represent a human condition mocked by comedian George Carlin when he said: “Have you ever noticed that everyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” The point being: no single person is at the center of the universe. When you start to believe you have all the right answers you are about to experience some unpleasant realities from the rest of the world.

It has been said that the ability to hear is a gift. The willingness to hear is a choice.

In business making the choice to hear is critical to success. The reason is this: By listening to understand you greatly increase the probability that those to whom you truly listen will, in turn, truly listen to you. That is the foundation for a win/win relationship and creates an ongoing synergy for positive, results-oriented communications.

Moreover, listening to understand increases the likelihood that critical personal and business negotiations will succeed to the benefit of all. Why? Because doing so helps ensure a healthy balance between the need to assert a position while still showing consideration and respect for the positions of others.

How important is the need to listen to understand?

Well, just think beyond your personal and business relationships to the rest of what happens in the world. The media is overflowing with stories about people who do not listen to other people. Much of politics has become a process of polarizing. Humans dehumanize other humans to justify their own positions.

That is not the way to live. That is not the way to be.

Living and working and growing in harmony depends on appreciating diversity. It depends on respecting others even when you disagree. It depends on putting yourself in the position of others to appreciate why they are how they are.

Whether it is in business or in your personal life: much --- so very much --- depends on listening with the intent to understand.