Neurodiversity 101:Are You Ever Just Enough?

In a world that thrives on neat boxes and binary labels, many neurodivergent individuals are often left asking:

Where do I fit?

Am I disabled enough to qualify for support?

Am I too different to be accepted?

Am I just right for this space—or simply too much or too little?

The Goldilocks dilemma

I am calling this the Goldilocks dilemma—a constant balancing act between invisibility and exposure, capability and struggle, exclusion and exceptionalism. Should we disclose and define ourselves as disabled or should we fit in and 'shut up' so we remain invisible and not too much of a problem to others...

Not quite bad enough…

Too many are told their struggles or challenges they are experiencing are not “severe” enough to merit help. They don't quite hit the mark. They then have to mask, push through, and internalise the message: “You're managing, so you must be fine.” I often think of swans swimming and can see many people apparently coping but dumping all their pain in the home ( and on others close to them).

This arbitary and varying threshold leaves people unsupported until crisis hits—especially in schools, workplaces, and health settings. We have a repair mentality rather than a prepare one!

Not quite good enough…

Yet, even when thriving, success can bring its own barriers. “If you’ve done well, you can’t really be that neurodivergent, can you?” The achievements become invalidating, erasing the extra energy it took to get there. This creates a paradox: to be accepted, you must appear successful—but not too successful, or your identity may be questioned.

If you have coped here then you can do more and more... with the strategies that worked in one setting but may not be the same in a role after you have been promoted... at this point it can all go wrong and you slip back down.. wounded and internalising once again all your feelings as a failure.

So what’s ‘just right’?

Inclusion should not depend on just performance. We need systems that recognise fluctuating needs of us ALL, the cost of coping ( or not), and the reality that support should be proactive—not reactive.

Equity comes not from defining who is “deserving” but from understanding that everyone has the right to thrive, not just survive. In an ageing workforce, with often 5 generations at work this is becoming a topic for us all to be involved in and not a THEM and US discussion.

What do you need to do in workplaces?

• Do your policies focus on thresholds rather than trajectories?
• Are your inclusion practices designed for the real world—or an idealised one?
• Are they reviewed on a regular basis to say are they working in your setting? What has changed?
• What can be done to better notice and support the “almost” and “in between”?

Let’s build cultures that value authenticity over perfection. That honour effort as much as outcome. And where being “just enough” is not a gatekeeper, but a doorway.

What do you think?

Blog Author

I am Amanda Kirby, CEO of Do-IT Solutions a tech-for-good company that delivers consultancy and guidance, consultancy, training and web-based screening tools that have helped 10s of 1000s of people. Contact us and we can discuss how we can help.

We strive to deliver person-centered solutions relating to neurodiversity and wellbeing.I am a mixed bag of experiences and skills and have 25+ years of working in the field of neurodiversity.

I am a medical doctor and was a practicing GP, I am a Professor, and have a Ph.D. in the field of neurodiversity; most important of all I am a parent and grandparent to neurodivergent wonderful kids and am neurodivergent myself.

(*Thoughts and ideas are all my own)