Own Your Failures / Replay Your Wins
Ed Darling
Public Speaking Trainer 🎤 Transforming Leaders into Charismatic Speakers — 1-1 Coaching | Team Training | Event Speaker
If you want to become a speaker, who’s more:
A. Confident
B. Competent
I have two ways to speed up the process.
But first, let’s talk about negativity bias.
"Negativity bias is our tendency to register negative stimuli more readily and dwell on them longer."
As humans, we’re wired to focus more on what might go wrong than what could go right. It’s a survival instinct — but in public speaking, it works against you.
It shows up as:
All of these hold you back — stopping you from stepping up, and making you overly self-critical afterwards.
Two techniques to break the cycle:
1. Own Your Failures
Bad speaking experiences can weigh heavy. Even thinking about them can bring a shudder of embarrassment. But holding onto that baggage won’t help you improve.
The solution? Share it. Tell the story of your worst-ever speaking moment, cringeworthy details and all. It’s tough at first, but once you process that emotion, it loses its grip.
Inside Charisma Club, we do this as a group exercise, but you can try it with friends, family, or colleagues.
2. Reflect on Wins
Negativity bias also makes us gloss over our successes. Even when things go well, we barely acknowledge them.
So start replaying your wins. Think back to the times you spoke confidently — relive those moments, feel the feelings, and reinforce them.
By default, your brain clings to failures and lets victories fade. These two techniques flip that script.
Own your failures. Reflect on your wins.
That’s how you step up.
To your speaking success, Ed
Head of Partnerships and Talent. Board Director. Entrepreneur. Business Owner. Recruitment/HR specialist. Senior leader in state and independent education sectors.
4moThanks Ed. Sharing negative experiences can be cathartic. Will share my public speaking disaster with you, next time we meet.
Events & Community Lead
5moGreat article. All too easy to fall into the trap of negative thinking cycles, especially when social media shows everyone else's wins all the time; it can feel like we're being left behind. Thanks for the reminder to reflect on things we ourselves have done well, too!