Be. A poem on authentically embracing being a woman by Shivani Ghai.

Be.

You’re too loud, they said, don’t be.

You’re too proud, they said, don’t be.

You’re too wild, they said, don’t be.

Manners should be mild, they said;

Mine won’t be.

You’re too bossy, my team said, don’t be.

You’re too bitchy, my team said, don’t be.

We prefer it when you’re bubbly, my team said;

Clients like ‘em ditsy, my team said;

I won’t be.

You’re too emotional, my boss said, don’t be.

Is it hormonal? my boss said, don’t be.

You look hysterical, my boss said, don’t be.

You should try to be more rational;

I won’t be.

You’re so feisty, he said, don’t be.

You can be so pushy, he said, don’t be.

Feminists are frumpy, he said, don’t be.

You’ll make a great mom, he said;

I won’t be.

Abrasive, don’t be.

Aggressive, don’t be.

Ambitious, don’t be.

Frigid, don’t be.

Irritable, don’t be.

Vulnerable, don’t be.

Oh won’t we?

-Shivani Ghai

This poem is an embodiment of the author’s struggle to be authentic as a woman in social and cultural contexts where authenticity has double standards.

The poem begins with the author’s exploration of her childhood growing up in India, and in an Indian home internationally. The author recalls the stifling of her childhood wildness by frequent reminders to be mild mannered and how girls should behave while growing up next to a younger brother who was awarded different freedoms.

It continues to her college and professional experiences in team settings where she was constantly told that she looks pretty when she smiled and her ambition and pursuit for excellence were perceived as domination. In the same world she saw male counterparts commended for their assertiveness while she was chided for her “aggression”. In a male dominated industry, her menstrual cycle was a constant topic of discussion as she tried to passionately make a point. Her vulnerability and compassion were seen as weaknesses by the same people who told her she was too harsh. Her words seek to define the tight rope all women seem to have to walk in the professional contexts.

The poet then treads into the realm of her personal life where partner after partner misunderstood her, stifled her, tried to contain and tame her. The poet acknowledges that traditional gender roles will not shackle her, perhaps at the cost of a family.

The poet concludes with a war cry for all women to stop being bound by social, cultural and gender norms and just BE.