The Power (and Suspicion) of the Unexpected “Thinking of You” Message

You know the feeling.

Your phone lights up with a message from someone you haven’t heard from in months—maybe years. The words seem warm enough:

“Hey! Been thinking about you. How’s everything?”

A part of you lights up. Oh wow, they thought of me.

And then, like clockwork, another part of you kicks in—the skeptical, experienced part. Wait… do they actually care? Or is this leading somewhere?

Because let’s be honest: we’ve all been on both sides of this.

Sometimes, we genuinely think of someone and want to check in. Other times… well, they crossed our mind because we need something—a connection, a favor, a quick reply to a question we wouldn’t dare ask cold.

And yet, even when we sense there’s an agenda, a small part of us wants to believe there’s also something real in that message. That we’re remembered not just for what we can do, but for who we are.

This is the unspoken tension in professional relationships: the dance between authenticity and utility. We all know networking is about connections, and connections are about exchange. But at what point does a relationship stop feeling like a connection and start feeling like a transaction?

Maybe the real power of an unexpected “thinking of you” message isn’t just in sending it, but in how we respond to it.

What if we leaned into curiosity instead of cynicism? What if we challenged ourselves to actually care—just a little—about the person behind the potential ask?

Or, at the very least, what if we sent those messages without an agenda every once in a while—so that when we do need something, it doesn’t feel so calculated?

Because deep down, we don’t just want to be thought of. We want to be remembered. And there’s a difference.

I've learned to pay attention to that quiet impulse—that inexplicable whisper that makes someone suddenly cross my mind: I wonder what so-and-so is up to? Or when something I see or do brings them into my awareness. Instead of letting the thought pass, I try to act on it, recognizing the energy that moment carries. Send the message. Fire off that email, WhatsApp, Slack, audio voice, video message —whatever it may be. Let the person know they crossed your mind. You never know what it might mean to them.

Beyond Networking: The Need to Be Seen

I remember feeling this in an entirely different setting, back in school. A girl reached out to me frequently, checked in, invited me places. I enjoyed the attention—until I realized the driver behind it. She was deeply religious, and her goal wasn’t friendship, but to get me involved in church activities, to "save my soul," maybe.

I went along with it for a while, trying to ignore the persistent, nagging feeling that this wasn’t about me, it was about her mission. Her interest was vested which isn't bad in itself, and for her it was important and an act of appreciation.

This brings me to a bigger theme: the deeply human need to feel seen, heard, and accepted just as we are.

If we took a closer look at our daily actions and decisions, we’d likely find that many are rooted in a desire for acceptance and recognition—even when most of what we do goes unseen, there’s no applause, no validation.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, Ana Claudia Arantes, and David Kessler have all explored this overwhelming need and its significance, particularly in the face of mortality.

Accounts from people who have been clinically dead and revived often describe a profound experience of absolute acceptance—and, with it, peace. No judgment. No exceptions. Just completely and wholly accepted.

Sawubona: "I See You"

This desire to be seen, to be remembered, is ever-present—whether in small daily interactions or in life’s biggest moments in which we stop to contemplate our finitude. We give each other meaning. We reaffirm each other's existence.

In South Africa, where the author & psychologist Susan David, PhD, is from, there’s a beautiful Zulu greeting: SAWUBONA

Literally translated, it means: "I see you, and by seeing you, I bring you into being."

Sawubona validates. It tells the recipient they are not just someone that crossed paths with them, but a person worthy of acknowledgment.

It is our relationships with one another—our mutual recognition—that bring us into being.