The reason why you keep experiencing the same work problems over and over again

If you're feeling unfulfilled in your work, you might have an idea about why, at least at a surface level.

(For example - the "why" might be that you have too much to do in your current role, and you're overwhelmed.)

Yet, in order to have any hope of moving into a more fulfilling situation, it's important to understand the deeper "why" — that is, why you always end up with too much on your plate.

Especially if this is a recurring or persistent problem.

Because having “too much on your plate” once in a while is already a problem — but having it happen over and over is likely a symptom of something deeper.

And if you described to me a variety of ways this problem of "too much on your plate" has shown up in your life, I would likely be able to spot the patterns and diagnose the root cause: the deeper “why” behind it.

Of course, it’s obvious why finding the root cause matters: it allows you to address the problem at its source instead of just treating the symptoms.

HOWEVER – and this is where a lot of coaching approaches go wrong –

To eliminate the root cause of the problem, you first need to understand the emotional payoff you’re unconsciously getting from having it.

Let me explain.

ALL of our problems - or better yet, the parts of us that create our problems - have a POSITIVE INTENT, and in most cases, it is to meet some EMOTIONAL NEED that we’re likely not even aware of.

I know it might sound strange, but experience has shown me - again and again - that this approach is far more effective for actually understanding and resolving the root causes of any issue...

…Much more than demonizing the issue, blaming the part of you that’s driving it, or rushing to fix it just to make it go away (which is what we usually do).

To explain how this approach works (and why), let me offer you a few possible reasons why you might be consistently having “too much on your plate” and how those reasons are connected with a positive intent to meet your deeper emotional needs:

— PEOPLE-PLEASING TENDENCIES: the need to be liked. Perhaps you have a strong need for approval and you worry you’ll disappoint others so you overextend yourself.

— “RESCUER SYNDROME”: the need to be needed. Perhaps you equate your value with how useful you are to others, and you secretly doubt that others are capable of solving their problems on their own.

— HYPERVIGILANCE: the need to have things under control. Perhaps it’s hard for you to deal with the unknown and trust that things will turn out okay, so you use excessive control (over other people, decisions and processes) to make sure nothing surprises you.

— HYPER-ACHIEVEMENT: the need to succeed. Perhaps your self-respect is dependent on constant performance and achievement. And so you constantly need new challenging goals to feel validated.

— RESTLESSNESS: the need for variety and excitement. Perhaps you’re easily bored and so you need to find new sources of excitement and pleasure in the next activity or constant busyness.

These are just a handful of reasons why you might always find yourself buried in too much to do. There are plenty more I’ve seen and could write a ton about - perfectionism, fear of failure, workaholism as a distraction from other problems in life…but you get the picture.

In all of those cases, ending up with too much on your plate is just a byproduct of your mind’s attempt to meet some important, and likely unexpressed, emotional need - for being liked/needed/having control, success, excitement and so on.

And fulfilling that need is the payoff you get by having too much on your plate.

Yet, this is what I’ve seen most people do when they end up with too much on their plate:

Their first instinct is to solve it strategically: they either hire more people so they can delegate, or try to simplify their business to reduce the noise, or take a break to rest and recharge.

And if they realize this isn’t purely an external problem — that it’s a recurring pattern they carry — they usually try to fix it by managing themselves.

For example, they apply productivity hacks so they can handle their to-do list more effectively. Or they work on their boundaries so they can say ‘no’ more easily.

All of those approaches can be helpful – and often are in the short run. Some of them may even be hitting right at the root of the problem!

But if they don't address the unmet emotional needs in the background that are driving the problem, they're hardly going to be effective.

Both the strategic changes and the self-management are attempts to eliminate or contain the problem without listening to the part of you that’s creating it in the first place, and what that part needs.

And that is the most common reason why people are unable to resolve persistent problems in their lives, despite all their effort, and even when they correctly diagnose the root cause.

how to uncover the hidden emotional needs?

There are several ways to uncover the hidden emotional need behind the problem you’re experiencing.

In my work, I use a blend of assessments and a technique I call narrative analysis — which involves examining your life story, the language you use, and even your body language.

Because how you speak and how you carry yourself often reveals more about what you truly want and need than your conscious mind can access.

I also guide conversations with different “parts” of you — asking what they need, what they fear, and what they’re trying to protect.

It might sound unusual, but done in a psychologically safe and nonjudgmental space, it’s a surprisingly powerful method for surfacing long-silenced needs and understanding the hidden emotional payoffs behind your patterns.

To help bypass mental filters and rationalizations, I often use creative tools like symbolic imagery, visualizations, spatial objects, and projection cards.

This lets your inner truth emerge in ways that might feel too vulnerable to say out loud — especially when the need you’re carrying feels embarrassing or hard to admit.

Now, these are all tools and modalities — but what really makes them effective is the core premise behind my method which I described earlier:

That recurring problems in our lives are never random or purely external. They’re usually ways your mind is trying to meet an important emotional need. And even if that effort is clumsy or destructive, it still comes from a positive intent.

This premise shapes my entire approach and it’s precisely what allows me to get to the root cause so fast and help you make changes from a place of acceptance and compassion, not shame.

what happens when you recognize the emotional need behind the problems you experience

Becoming aware of your deeper needs may sound simple, but it’s actually a major milestone in any self-development journey.

Incredible things become possible once you gain this self-awareness.

Because once you recognize the emotional need behind the problems you experience, you will regain your ability to CHOOSE:

You will start to catch yourself in the moment — when you're about to slip into an old habit that doesn’t serve you.

And instead of defaulting to automatic, habitual patterns, you can decide to meet your needs in a way that’s more constructive – i.e., without feeling like you’ve got too much on your plate (or whatever the pattern is for you).

So for example, when you're tempted to launch a new offer or create a whole new program (again), you might pause and ask if that's the most satisfying way to meet your need for excitement or stimulation. Could there be another way that doesn’t overwhelm you?

Or when you feel the pull to jump in and rescue your team, you might ask whether that's the only way to feel needed — or whether there’s a way to support them that doesn’t make them so dependent on you.

When you understand and articulate what you truly need, you can stop trying to meet those needs in roundabout, exhausting ways, and start creating a version of work that supports your whole self.

Uncovering the hidden emotional needs driving your behavior at work or in your business — and learning how to understand and interrupt those patterns so you can experience more fulfillment — is one of the core pillars of how I work with clients.

The main way I do it is in my 6-week private coaching program for high-achieving founders and leaders who are unfulfilled despite all their success.

They might crave a change in career or business direction but feel unsure about which way to go — either because they have too many ideas or lack clarity about what they truly want.

Or they may want to stay on their current path, but recognize that their work needs to be redesigned to better align with their true nature.

In either case, they benefit immensely from doing this kind of deep inner work because it helps them understand what truly drives them, why those needs exist, and what a more meaningful, sustainable way of meeting those needs could look like.

If this post spoke to you, and you're ready to do the work of understanding what actually drives your patterns — so you can make changes that last — DM me and we’ll see if the 6-week program is a fit.

You can find the full details in the link in the comments.