What I've Learned About Life from my Near Death Experience

One minute, I was excited to finally feel better and leave the hospital, the next…I was dying.

Each breath felt laboured and slow. An oxygen mask was put on me.

“Michaela, can you hear me?“

I couldn’t respond more than a nod.

“Michaela, we need you to open your eyes.”

I opened them for a moment, a few nurses and my surgeon were staring down at me, concerned.

I shut my eyes again and heard voices mumbling.

Low blood pressure…

Hemoglobin…

Internal bleeding…

“Michaela, we have to operate again ASAP, there’s something wrong. Sign this consent and we’ll get you back in the OR.”

I scribbled on the paper, and shut my eyes again.

I could feel tears running down my cheeks onto my gown.

I wasn’t ready to die, not yet.

My baby wasn’t even a year old.

This was supposed to be a routine surgery.

I had so much left I wanted to see and experience and give.

I’ve never been so sad and felt so alone than I did in that moment.

I was wheeled back in and stared at the clock on the wall in the stark, sterile OR. I hoped that this wasn't the last thing I'd ever see.

The surgeons, anesthesiologist, and nurses were much quieter and more serious this time.

I was put under quickly.

When I woke up again, I cried again, but with joy.

I was alive. I had made it.

Later, I learned from my surgeon that they had hit an artery during my gallbladder removal surgery and I was slowly bleeding internally.

I was in the hospital for a week due to complications with my blood transfusion and blood pressure and recovery was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

In the video below, I was doing laps as requested by my surgeon after being pumped with fluids for days, which is why I was so swollen.

I struggle every day with the trauma from that day in October, and am currently undergoing therapy and treatment for severe health anxiety, something I've share more about in a future post.

But I will NEVER give up until this heart stops beating.

I am here for a reason…I have so much left to do, so much more to see, so many more stories to share to connect any of us that feel like we don't quite fit.

This isn’t a fairytale story, I know…

But it is one that has taught me that life is far too fragile and precious to be wasted on people and jobs that don’t bring you fulfillment and joy.

So go out there and build a life that you can be proud of, I know I will be.

Love and coffee, Mick

Ps. If you've had a traumatic experience in your life, please share it in the comments and let's heal together 💓