What’s Your Goal? A Lesson in Influence

In the work I do—teaching people how to ethically influence others—I interact with professionals at every level: from senior executives to field reps, underwriters to salespeople. No matter their title, I’ve noticed something surprising.

Many people try to persuade without a clearly defined goal in mind.

Sure, in sales we often assume the goal is obvious: "make the sale." But that’s still pretty vague. What exactly are you asking the other person to do? When do you want them to do it? What does success really look like?

Let me share a story to show why specificity matters.

In one of my Principles of Persuasion workshops, teams are tasked with convincing a school board to let a student—Jimmy—back in school after he’s been expelled for bad behavior. The teams usually build great arguments using the principles of influence... but most of them never say when they want Jimmy back in school.

Without that clarity, the school board is left to decide. Maybe they bring Jimmy back next week, maybe in two. The persuaders lose control of the outcome because they never clearly stated their goal.

Now imagine if they had ended their pitch with:

“It’s our sincere hope that you’ll let Jimmy back in school tomorrow.”

Suddenly, there’s a specific ask. If the board says “no,” now comes what I call a moment of power—an opportunity to ethically influence the decision using a psychological principle you already know well: reciprocity.

The Power of the Concession

Years ago, Dr. Robert Cialdini and his research team ran a fascinating experiment. They approached students at Arizona State University with this request:

“Would you be willing to chaperone a group of juvenile delinquents on a day trip to the zoo?”

Only 17% said yes.

Then they tried a different approach. First, they made a big ask:

“Would you be willing to be a mentor to juvenile delinquents for two hours a week for two years?”

As expected, nearly everyone said no.

Then came the follow-up:

“If you can’t do that, would you be willing to chaperone them on a zoo trip for a day?”

This time, 50% said yes. Same zoo trip, triple the acceptance rate.

Why the Big Jump?

1. Contrast – A one-day commitment felt small compared to a two-year ask.
2. Reciprocity – When the requester conceded, the other person felt a nudge to concede too.

Back to Jimmy—by making a specific request like "tomorrow," if the board says no, the team can retreat to, “What about Monday?” That fallback is now more likely to be accepted than if it had been the first offer. This is ethical influence in action: no pressure, no manipulation—just smart, strategic communication.

What This Means for You

Whether you're in sales, leadership, customer service, or just trying to get your kids to eat their vegetables, these lessons apply.

Here’s what I’d encourage you to do:

1. Be Clear About Your Ask

Don’t leave decisions open-ended. Ask for what you want—clearly and confidently. Want a job at $95,000? Ask for it. Don’t offer $85,000 hoping they'll "meet you in the middle.” If they say no to $95K, you can modify your offer and fall back to $90K. That’s much stronger than starting low and having nowhere to go.

2. Have a Plan for “No”

Expect resistance—it’s part of persuasion. But if you’ve thought through your fallback options, you can shift gears without losing momentum. In fact, you might even increase your odds of a “yes” the second time around.

3. Use Influence, Not Pressure

Influence is not manipulation. When you understand the science—like contrast and reciprocity—you can guide conversations ethically, respectfully, and effectively.

As I wrote in Influence PEOPLE, it’s about taking advantage of Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical.

Let’s Start a Conversation

Have you ever gone into a meeting or negotiation without a clear goal—and paid the price for it? Or maybe you’ve seen the power of a well-timed concession firsthand?

I’d love to hear your stories, lessons, or questions in the comments.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 800,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!