When a Handshake Hides the Truth: The Masks We Wear and the Body That Knows
It was a typical day in management training. The room was air-conditioned, people dressed in crisp formals, pens ready, eyes half attentive. The trainer walked in and began with something seemingly trivial: the handshake.
“A loose hand means disinterest,” he said. “A firm handshake shows confidence. The distance you maintain while talking reflects the warmth or awkwardness between two people.”
Heads nodded. Notes were taken.
Then he smiled and added, “Remember, impressions sell. You must master these cues if you want to sell your product, your idea—or yourself.”
At that moment, something inside me paused.
I wondered: Who decided this was the truth? And more importantly: What if the real truth is buried beneath all this training?
The Body Never Lies
Long before we had handshakes, body language guides, or sales pitches, we had something else: a body that felt.
Your body knows when you’re safe. It knows when someone’s lying. It tenses around manipulation. It softens around love. It freezes in fear. It blooms in joy.
Science now confirms this ancient wisdom.
The vagus nerve—our body’s internal communicator—sends more signals from the body to the brain than the other way around. Your gut instinct? Real. Your racing heart in stress? Real. Your tight chest in dishonesty? Real.
Dr. Stephen Porges, the creator of the Polyvagal Theory, explains how our nervous system responds to safety and danger even before our brain can label the experience. We’re wired for connection, not just presentation.
But here’s the irony: we stop listening.
The Mask We Learn to Wear
We were once children who smiled only when we felt joy. We ran toward people we loved and away from those who scared us. We lived from the truth of our bodies.
Then came the lessons.
“Be nice.” “Shake hands properly.” “Don’t show weakness.” “Suppress your feelings.” “Smile for the client.” “Close the deal.”
In our desire to succeed, we swapped truth for technique. We trained ourselves not to feel, but to perform.
We became fluent in the language of masks—while becoming foreigners to our own body.
And Then... We Yearn
Years later, something strange begins to happen.
You’re promoted. Your LinkedIn is impressive. You speak well, dress well, sell well.
But... There’s a strange ache in your chest. There’s tension in your neck that no massage fixes. There’s a loneliness in rooms full of applause. There’s a restlessness in the silence.
Why?
Because the body remembers what the mind has learned to forget.
The price of ignoring the body is disconnection from life itself.
What Can We Do Instead?
We can return.
To ourselves.
Here’s how:
Pause Before You Perform Before shaking hands, ask: Am I being real? Let the handshake be an expression, not an act.
Listen to the Body’s Whisper When your chest tightens in a meeting, don’t dismiss it. When your gut churns at someone’s words, don’t override it. These are signals. Not mistakes.
Practice Felt Presence, Not Polished Presentation A study by Harvard researcher Amy Cuddy revealed that authenticity increases trust far more than perfection. People feel you before they understand you.
Reclaim the Language of the Heart Speak honestly, feel deeply, show vulnerability. It is not weakness. It is human. And it is powerful.
Let Goals Be Aligned With the Soul Don’t chase goals that need you to become someone else. Real success comes when your mind, body, and soul walk in the same direction.
Final Thought
A firm handshake can’t hide a shaky soul. A perfect pitch can’t hide inner pain. A charming smile can’t compensate for a disconnected heart.
But…
A person who is real—even in silence—can move mountains.
Let your nervous system lead you back home. Let your body be your compass. Let your heart beat loud again.
Not for performance.
But for truth.
Because in a world full of practiced masks, the most magnetic thing you can be… is real.