Why I Talk to the Dead
Matt Anderson
Sales Coach | Author of “Fearless Referrals” I share proven systems sales professionals use to become the top 1% in their market—by turning strong relationships into recurring revenue. Follow for actionable insights.
Eight months ago, 8 months ago, I had a bizarre spiritual experience driving 1000 miles in the company of Mark, a friend who had died 40 years ago in a car crash when we were 17:
It was so helpful for my head that ever since there are many days when I talk with him (NOT as a medium – you won’t see me on any popular talk shows relaying messages from their granny!). It’s usually when I walk the dog.
Here’s why this has become a powerful daily practice:
1. It Calms Me
We live in anxious times. Even in a comfortable household, anxiety is everywhere—even my dog has it (and I wish I were exaggerating). Just getting in the car reveals the collective stress: drivers desperate to get somewhere, anywhere.
Mark is a quiet ear. A sponge to hear about the life he missed. We walk. I talk. There’s no judgment, no agenda. He gets it. We grew up in the same town, with the same people and pressures.
Our conversations are a powerful took to reduce my stress, help me:
Explaining life to Mark—starting from the 1980s—reminds me that hustle culture didn’t always rule. That alone is calming.
2. It Gives Me Priceless Perspective
The most profound thing I get from Mark? He’d gladly take every experience—the joy, the pain, the freezing 1am unwanted trips outside with the dog.
When I’ve had a tough day, a fight with my wife, or business is painfully slow, perspective snaps back fast when I picture Mark’s ashes at Coventry Crematorium. He’d take this life—any part of it—in a heartbeat.
It resets me. Reminds me of Kahneman’s focusing illusion:
“Nothing in life is as important as you think it is while you are thinking about it.”
Being with Mark pulls me out of petty spats and misplaced frustrations. He helps me zoom out.
3. It Grounds Me and Offers Guidance
Explaining the adult world to Mark is surprisingly different from explaining it to my (almost) teenage son.
Mark and I shared 17 years of landlines, records, and rugby. No iPads. No Netflix. No email or to-do list overwhelm.
It’s also really enriching for me to attempt to explain concepts that never mattered to us as teenagers such as managing hardwired habits, getting rid of bad habits, and how difficult it can be to change.
When I have personal challenges I don’t want to share with others, I talk to Mark. He listens. I reason. I calm down. It’s grounding and judgment-free.
4. It Makes Me Very Grateful
Even on rough days, Mark helps me appreciate the little things he can't experience anymore:
Being self-employed has its stressors. But I’m grateful I get to feel all of it—and that those feelings pass.
Our walks remind me of the vast web of people I’ve met over decades. They enrich my inner world. And the small experiences—a view in Colorado, seeing wildlife in the Tetons, a presentation in a distant town—feel like gifts.
5. It Stops Me Complaining
When I whine about:
Mark shows up in my mind. I cringe. And I hear myself say, “Okay, yes—you’d take all of this in a heartbeat. Thank you.”
6. It Opened the Door to Talking with My Dad and Grandmother Again
One day, I thought: “I should talk to my dad.”
He died 28 years ago. The thought had never crossed my mind.
But it felt—awkwardly—great.
7. It’s Very Human and Very Common
Think I’m crazy?
Luis Enrique, manager (head coach) of Paris St. Germain, lost his 9-year-old daughter Xana to bone cancer in 2019. He said:
"Physically, she may not be here, but spiritually she is. Because every day we talk about her, we laugh, and we remember because I think Xana still sees us. She hasn't died. She's still with us.”
They launched a foundation to support families of terminally ill children.
In Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill shared his nightly mental meetings with an imaginary council of historical heroes. He called them his “Invisible Counselors.
He did admit: “This is the first time I’ve had the courage to mention this,” but described the benefits to his nightly meetings in bed as having “led me into glorious paths of adventure, rekindled an appreciation of true greatness, encouraged creative endeavour, and emboldened the expression of honest thought.”
What’s This Got to Do with Business?
Your energy matters. No one likes edgy salespeople.
Whatever creates stress or steals your spark, this is a terrific tool in the toolkit to ground yourself.
You don’t need a Mark. Just think of someone who’d be delighted to hear your thoughts. I won’t tell anyone if you try it. ;)
Since I can’t help you talk to the dead, here are 3 ways I can help frustrated yet financially successful professionals stop people-pleasing and start prioritising what (and who) truly matters:
1. Build referral strategies that unlock your best contacts and higher-level business
2. Carve out time to prospect bigger, more exciting opportunities
3. Create a no-limits, purpose-driven business magnet mindset
Happy to discuss if any of this resonates: See Featured Section for link.
I invite you to update me! Matt © Matt Anderson, 2025
Markus Heitkoetter | Author - Podcast Host- Speaker - Stocks & Options Trader - Real Estate Investor - Founder of RockwellTrading.com
5moThanks for sharing, Matt