Why I wrote 'Conversational Wisdom'

In 2003 I was called into my performance manager’s office and told why I wasn’t being promoted. I felt crushed, like I’d failed, and angry.

But that pouring of negative emotion didn’t stay with me for long and that was because of the strength of the relationship I had with John.

Whilst John was my performance manager, he was also a #coach. He was incredibly skilled at helping me think for myself. He listened. He believed in me. He wasn’t afraid of sharing some difficult messages, and most of all, he helped create a working environment where I learned to spread my wings and fly.

I wanted to be able to do what he did. I wanted to be a coach.

I studied, I practiced, I qualified, and I had my dream job #coaching every day.

And then I met Emily Cosgrove . Emily had a long career in #mentoring, and our research began.

We knew the power of coaching and mentoring; we’d experienced it, touched it, studied it, and felt it. And we also knew how these two different approaches are nuanced in terms of purpose, intent, and process. We got curious about what might happen if we took away the labels we give to different approaches to conversations. We wondered how people in their everyday work use their conversations to affect change. We asked, ‘What makes a great leadership conversation?’

What emerged is what we have called our framework of Conversational Wisdom® - something John had in abundance. The framework invites us to be more human, to use our experience, knowledge, and intuition to make choices about what to say and how to say it. It highlights the skills required to listen to all voices, step into difficult conversations, and create brave and psychologically safe environments. And it illustrates the importance of awareness and the ability to notice what is happening in the moment.

But we didn’t want to just write about the theory. We wanted to grow our understanding of how others have developed their own #conversationalwisdom wisdom and the wisdom of people around them. The second part of the book is packed with stories and practical examples that bring to life both the immense power of building a human connection and also the challenges in the context of today’s workplace.

I know that my children are growing up in a world where face-to-face conversation is being challenged in monumental ways and I also know that as human beings, we are hardwired for #connection. The conversations I had with John had a profound impact on where I am today, despite the difficult messages that I didn’t want to hear, and they hinged on his ability to connect.

Both Emily and I have a passion for conversation and believe that now is the time we need to start paying more attention to the way we talk to each other. We all need to become wiser in how we use our conversations. Every day.

So, let's talk.

‘Conversational Wisdom’ is written by Emily Cosgrove and Sara Hope and is published by Routledge. The book is available for pre-order here and will be launched on 19 June 2023.