Why wishing won't make you more confident

"I wish I was more confident"

I hear this regularly. Longingly. A bit like "I wish I was taller" as if it's a fixed thing. As if some people are 'confident' and others aren't.

But here's the thing. Confidence - more specifically self confidence - can be developed. But not by wishing and not by thinking.

I've had times in my professional life where I'm thriving, nailing it, performing brilliantly and my self confidence has been high. There have also been times where I've felt total despair. As a fee earner after the markets collapsed in 2008. As a consultant with a difficult client. Post maternity leave when my resilience was low and my anxiety was high.

I bet you have had similar confidence highs and lows too. You probably have some things you can do brilliantly and you are really confident about, and other things less so.

There will always be situational elements to how we are feeling - our role - our boss - our colleagues or clients. People and factors we can't control. One of the secrets to increasing our confidence, is to focus on the things we can control.

My new interactive workshop 'You have the power to increase your confidence - seven strategies for success' helps you develop this and other areas.

Today I want to share the concept of stepping outside of your comfort zone by setting yourself micro-challenges.

"The best way to gain self confidence is to do what you are afraid to do" - Swati Sharma

Can you think of something you are good at now, and feel confident doing, but weren't always so? What steps did you take to get from then to now?

During the pandemic I started doing short live broadcast sessions to my Facebook group on career development topics. The first time I was terrified. I felt sick and sweaty. I was afraid I would mess up the tech and no one would be able to hear me. But I was also aware that I'd never get braver and more confident if I didn't push myself. So I did. And I got through it. Afterwards I felt euphoric and relieved. I'd survived! A small group had joined the session and engaged. A friendly audience. I got some feedback from a professional friend and took it on board.

I planned another session. It was still scary. I was nervous, but it wasn't as bad as the first time. The session was a bit longer. The audience was a little bigger. I made some tweaks following the feedback.

It became a regular thing. I invited guest speakers. One time I did have a tech challenge trying to dial in my guest. But I managed it in the moment. I explained to the audience what was happening. I had to stop and restart the broadcast. My heart was thumping. Every second felt like a minute. But it was OK. People joined again and the show went on! Again I survived.

Five years later I feel an excited buzz and a healthy nervousness before a webinar or speaking engagement. I'm still twitchy re the tech and am happier if I'm in the room with people or have tech support, but I have significantly grown my confidence of 'public speaking'. If I'd set myself a challenge back then to speak on a stage to an audience of 200, I'd probably had said no thank you! But last year I did a headline session for 90 minutes for an audience of around 200. My biggest audience so far, me on the stage with my Madonna microphone.

I started small and set little goals. I prepared and practiced. I achieved those small goals and set slightly bigger ones. I achieved them too. And my confidence slowly grew.

"Confidence is the gift you get after you do the scary thing" - Lynda Field

So next time you are wishing you were more confident, reflect on what small steps you can take to move towards the big aspiration.

💪

If you'd like to sign up for my other monthly newsletter Positivity Bites, with totally different content, you'd be very welcome - here's the link.

Get in touch if you'd like to chat about how I can support you or your team with Executive Coaching, Workshops and Leadership Sessions.