You’re doing your role right. So why does it feel so wrong?

You’ve optimised, achieved, even healed. But peace still feels far away.

Daniel Philips

Jul 28, 2025

Earlier this year, my second eldest daughter sent me a photo.

I was 14.

Grinning. Open. Awkward. Alive.

She messaged: “You look my age here Dad!”

She meant it with love.

I felt it as grief.

Tight chest. Drop in the gut.

That kind of sadness that hits before the thought even forms.

Because she saw resemblance.

But I saw disconnection.

That boy in the photo? He was sensitive.

Soft-spoken. Intuitive. Bullied. Excluded.

Told his gifts were weaknesses.

So I did what many of us do.

I adapted.

I learned to wear the mask.

To do what was needed.

To be who the world would accept.

And I got good at it.

Really good.

But that moment - when I said yes to being acceptable - was the moment I split from being real.

I see this a lot now in the men and women I walk with.

People who are intelligent. Awake. Solid. Functional.

And still deeply, deeply tired.

Not because they’re lazy. Or stuck. Or unmotivated.

But because they’re still performing.

Still shape-shifting.

Still leading from a version of self built for survival.

And it’s exhausting.

You can’t build a liberated life from a self that doesn’t feel real.

You can’t parent with presence when your nervous system is still on alert.

You can’t find joy when all your energy is going toward holding it all together.

Even if you’re calm on the surface…

Inside, something stays on guard.

The Diplomat. The Achiever. The Rescuer. The Critic disguised as Logic.

They kept you safe. Got you here.

But they can’t take you further.

Sometimes it shows up as being short with your kids.

Avoiding intimacy with your partner.

Snapping when you mean to soften.

Unable to rest, even when everything is “done.”

Because the doing isn’t the problem.

It’s the holding. The pretending. The decades of disconnection.

This isn’t burnout.

This is a soul asking to be met.

And often, it comes in midlife.

When the old strategies stop working.

When the mask gets heavy.

When the ambition feels hollow.

We call it a midlife crisis.

But what if it’s actually a sacred return?

This week’s edition of The Freedom Path goes deeper into the moment that broke me open and how I help clients stop performing and finally lead with soul.

👉 Read the full piece here on Substack