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No Extra Points
The Evolution Of Football
I figured out why the Mayans calculated
the date of the end of the world
All of a sudden football doesn’t seem so violent
They had this
thing called the
Mayan Ballgame
that they cut
your head off if
you played like a
little turd
The Native Americans played with spears
In 5th grade Social
Studies class I did this
project on the Native
Americans and my baller
teacher reacted very
strongly to it, which
means you can put faith
in the things I say
You’re telling me
that the violence
embedded in our
modern American
culture does not
stem from the
violent ways of
the original
Americans?!
Teddy Roosevelt
told his son it
was better to
die playing
football than
to be a punk
[sn]itch
They commemorated the teddy
bear after such a man
’98 was the year
Rex Grossman?
A German in Germany got
really excited when the
conversation turned to the
’07 Super Bowl (somehow),
but when I mentioned Rex
Grossman, he got confused.
I remember late nights
playing Madden in Ann Arbor
▪ Randy Moss in real life was the
only player to play like a
Madden character
▪ MichaelVick in the game was
ridiculous
The Richard Sherman effect
Yet another football player gets shot
outside a strip/night club
And they say
rappers are
the scum of
society, pfff!
Still though – None of that matters for
the final gameday experience
No Extra Points

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No Extra Points

  • 2. The Evolution Of Football
  • 3. I figured out why the Mayans calculated the date of the end of the world All of a sudden football doesn’t seem so violent They had this thing called the Mayan Ballgame that they cut your head off if you played like a little turd
  • 4. The Native Americans played with spears In 5th grade Social Studies class I did this project on the Native Americans and my baller teacher reacted very strongly to it, which means you can put faith in the things I say You’re telling me that the violence embedded in our modern American culture does not stem from the violent ways of the original Americans?!
  • 5. Teddy Roosevelt told his son it was better to die playing football than to be a punk [sn]itch They commemorated the teddy bear after such a man
  • 7. Rex Grossman? A German in Germany got really excited when the conversation turned to the ’07 Super Bowl (somehow), but when I mentioned Rex Grossman, he got confused.
  • 8. I remember late nights playing Madden in Ann Arbor ▪ Randy Moss in real life was the only player to play like a Madden character ▪ MichaelVick in the game was ridiculous
  • 10. Yet another football player gets shot outside a strip/night club And they say rappers are the scum of society, pfff!
  • 11. Still though – None of that matters for the final gameday experience