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Annotations for Persuasive Paper 4
Ideas Score: 2
The controlling idea (Why uniforms should not be required at school) is only minimally developed. The writer is
focused on the assigned topic and persuasive purpose, and there are many supporting ideas, but the supporting
ideas are usually developed with only a single sentence. The response lacks sufficient information to provide a
sense of completeness. A more successful strategy would have been to select fewer supporting reasons and fully
develop each one.
Organization Score: 2
At first glance, this paper does not appear to have much of an overall organizational strategy, but the writer listed
the supporting reasons in the first part of the paper and then explained them in the second half of the paper. This
is not a particularly effective plan, but it demonstrates minimal competence in organization. The writer opens with
a single statement of his/her position. Supporting ideas do not seem to be sequenced in the first half of the paper,
but the writer does elaborate reasons in the order in which the ideas were announced in the first paragraph. There
is no conclusion. Transitions are often inappropriate (“The reason why I said...”).
Style Score: 2
The indignant tone of the paper is somewhat uneven. Word choice is simple, ordinary, and repetitive (the second
reason, the third reason, the fourth reason, the fifth reason, the sixth reason). There is awareness of audience
(“There may be more reasons I haven’t said anything on,” “Now that I told you the reasons let me explain them,”
“Think about it if you walked into a school and all the kids are wearing the same thing”), but little control of
language to engage the audience. The writer’s voice (distaste for uniforms) is very clear (“I can’t even picture [my
high school] in uniforms.”). There is little variation in sentence structure.
Conventions Score: 2
The writer demonstrates minimal control of the three components of conventions. The majority of sentences are
correct except for a fragment and a run-on at the bottom of page one (“The reason why I say the school will be
plain. Think about it if you walked in a school and all the kids wearing the same thing and nobody wearing anything
else.”). Usage is usually correct (except the wrong form of “too”) and clear but extremely repetitive. Some of the
elements of mechanics are correct. Capitalization is correct at the beginning of sentences. Spelling is correct
(except for “boaring, “fith,” and “cloths”). There is only a single paragraph break. There is little correct internal
punctuation except for apostrophes in contractions. Overall, simple forms and repetition in all components indicate
minimal competence.](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/georgiahighschoolwritingtest-140611140357-phpapp02/85/Georgia-High-School-Writing-Test-Instruction-and-Assessment-Guide-107-320.jpg)
Georgia High School Writing Test Instruction and Assessment Guide
- 1. Georgia High School Writing Test (GHSWT)
- 2. 2 Table of Contents Part I: Introduction Part II: Persuasive Writing Part III: Writing Topics Part IV: Rubrics Part V: Ideas Part VI: Organization Part VII: Style Part VIII: Conventions Part IX: Preparing to Score Student Writing Samples Part X: Sample Student Papers Part XI: Additional Practice Papers Part XII. Writing Instruction Resources
- 3. 3 Part I: Introduction 1. Why is the GHSWT changing? 2. The Test Development Process • High School Core Development Team • High School Advisory Committee • About the Test Document Released • High School Field Test: Administration • Benchmarking • High School Field Test: Scoring • Bias Review Committee • Standard Setting 3. Administering the Test 4. Scoring Information • Domains • Score Scale • Weighting of Domains • Calculating the Weighted Raw Score • Performance Level Descriptors 5. GPS Alignment
- 4. 4 Why is the GHSWT changing? • When the Quality Core Curriculum was replaced by the Georgia Performance Standards, it became necessary to review all the statewide writing assessments in order to align them with the new performance standards. • In March 2005, the Georgia Department of Education (GaDOE) held focus groups with educators from around the state to discuss what they liked/disliked in current writing assessment program. Educators made recommendations about all aspects of the current assessment program. • Teachers from every part of the state came together to develop the scoring rubrics, the writing topics, the administration conditions, and the performance levels for the new assessment based on the Georgia Performance Standards.
- 5. Introduction: Test Development 5 Test Development Process: 2005-07 Focus Groups Core Development Team Advisory Committee Field Test Administration Benchmark Committee Scoring of Field Test Papers Analysis of Field Test Data Bias Review Standard Setting Operational Assessment (2007)
- 6. Introduction: Test Development 6 High School Core Development Team • Convened in July 2005 • Primary Responsibilities: – Review existing Georgia High School Writing Test – Align assessment with the Georgia Performance Standards – Develop structure for new Georgia High School Writing Test – Select genre of writing: Persuasive – Draft new GHSWT scoring rubrics • Analytic scoring with four new domains – Ideas – Organization – Style – Conventions • Preliminary low, middle, high descriptions
- 7. Introduction: Test Development 7 High School Advisory Committee • Convened in July 2005 • Provided additional feedback to GaDOE about decisions made by Core Development Team – Genre – Rubrics – Administration conditions • Drafted the High School “About the Test” document • Prompt development – 50 persuasive writing topics (prompts) developed for field testing – Recommended releasing the writing prompts and samples of student writing each year after the assessment
- 8. Introduction: Test Development 8 “About the Test” Document • Released August 3, 2005 in order to provide advance notice prior to operational assessment in September 2007 • Information about changes to the assessment – Description of persuasive genre – Description of the scoring system: • New domains: Ideas, Organization, Style, Conventions • Components and description of effective writing – Sample persuasive topic and writing checklist
- 9. Introduction: Test Development 9 High School Field Test: Administration • Why field test? – To try out prompts with a sample student population – To collect data on the prompts • Difficulty of prompts • Differences across subgroups of students: (gender, ethnicity) – To select only those prompts for operational assessments that meet technical quality standards • 50 persuasive prompts were field tested in February 2006 – Approximately 1,000 students from across the state wrote on each prompt – Each student in a classroom was given a different prompt
- 10. Introduction: Test Development 10 Benchmarking • March 2006 • Scoring rubrics finalized – 5 score points per domain – Score point descriptions revised • Scoring decisions for each domain: Ideas, Organization, Style, Conventions • Scored persuasive papers • Papers to be used as benchmark papers for rater training • Benchmark papers will be made available for professional development on the Georgia Department of Education website
- 11. Introduction: Test Development 11 High School Field Test: Scoring • April 2006 • Each rater completed a training program and passed a qualifying test • Field test papers were scored by a minimum of 2 raters
- 12. Introduction: Test Development 12 Bias Review • May 2006 • Committee analyzed the 50 field test writing topics for bias and sensitivity by – Reviewing the wording, content, and task of each writing topic – Reviewing the scores/data from field test • Committee members looked at the students’ mean (average) scores on each writing prompt – By gender – By ethnicity
- 13. Introduction: Test Development 13 Standard Setting • June 2006 • Committee members used Performance Level Descriptors to determine the score ranges for the three performance levels: – Does Not Meet the Standard – Meets the Standard – Exceeds the Standard
- 14. Introduction: Test Development 14 Administering the Test • First administration: September 26, 2007 • Session length: 100 minutes • Main Administration: One day • Make-up Administration: One day (September 27, 2007)
- 15. Introduction: Scoring Information 15 Changes in How the Georgia High School Writing Test is Scored: Domains Georgia High School Writing Test • Content/Organization • Style • Conventions • Sentence Formation New Georgia High School Writing Test • Ideas • Organization • Style • Conventions
- 16. Introduction: Scoring Information 16 Changes in How the Georgia High School Writing Test is Scored: The Score Scale Georgia High School Writing Test • Four score points in each scoring domain • A score of “4” represents the highest level of competence in each domain. Georgia High School Writing Test • Five score points in each scoring domain • A score of “5” represents the highest level of competence in each domain.
- 17. Introduction: Scoring Information 17 Changes in How the Domains are Weighted Weighting means that the scores in some writing domains will be given more weight than others in determining the total score that a student receives. Georgia High School Writing Test Weight Content/Organization 4 Style 2 Conventions 2 Sentence Formation 2 New Georgia High School Writing Test Weight Ideas 2 Organization 1 Style 1 Conventions 1
- 18. Introduction: Scoring Information 18 Weighting of Domains Weighting means that the scores in some writing domains will be given more weight than others in determining the total score that a student receives. Scoring Domain Domain Weight % of total score Ideas 2 x raters’ scores 40% Organization 1 x raters’ scores 20% Style 1 x raters’ scores 20% Conventions 1 x raters’ scores 20%
- 19. Introduction: Scoring Information 19 Domain Score to Total Weighted Raw Score Conversion Domain Scores Total Weighted Raw Score Ideas (x 2) Org. (x 1) Style (x 1) Conv. (x 1) Rater 1 Rater 2 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 10 Rater 1 Rater 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 20 Rater 1 Rater 2 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 30 Rater 1 Rater 2 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 40 Rater 1 Rater 2 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 50 The following table indicates the total weighted raw scores for several domain score combinations. Two raters score each student paper, assigning a score of 1-5 in each of the four domains. The range of total weighted raw scores is 10 – 50.
- 20. Introduction: Scoring Information 20 Performance Level Descriptors for GHSWT • Does Not Meet the Standard • Writing samples that do not meet the standard demonstrate limited focus on the assigned topic or persuasive purpose and may lack an introduction or conclusion. The writer’s position may be unclear. Development is minimal, and ideas are listed rather than developed. Ideas may not be grouped appropriately, and transitions may be limited. The writing shows little awareness of audience or reader concerns. Word choice and sentences are simple and/or repetitive. The writer’s voice is inconsistent or not apparent. Frequent errors in sentence formation, usage, and mechanics may interfere with or obscure meaning. Demonstration of competence may be limited by the brevity of the response. • Meets the Standard • Writing samples that meet the standard are generally focused on the assigned topic and persuasive purpose and contain a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The writer’s position is clear and sufficiently developed. Supporting ideas are developed with some examples and details, and the writer addresses some reader concerns. Supporting ideas are presented in a generally clear sequence. Related ideas are grouped together and connected with some transitions. Word choice is generally engaging, and there is some variation in sentence length and structure. The writer’s voice is clear, and the writing shows awareness of the audience. Sentence formation, usage, and mechanics are generally correct, and errors do not interfere with meaning. The text is of sufficient length to demonstrate effective writing skills. • Exceeds the Standard • Writing samples that exceed the standard are consistently focused on the assigned topic, persuasive purpose, and audience, and have an effective introduction, body, and conclusion. The writer’s position is well developed, and the validity of the writer’s position is established. Supporting ideas are fully elaborated with specific examples and details that fully address readers’ concerns and/or counterarguments. The main points of the argument are logically grouped and sequenced within paragraphs and across parts of the paper. Varied transitional elements are used to connect ideas. Word choice is varied and precise throughout the response, and sentences are varied in length and structure. The writer’s voice is distinctive, and the writer demonstrates sustained attention to the audience in the introduction, body, and conclusion. Sentence formation, usage, and mechanics are consistently correct in a variety of contexts. Errors are minor and infrequent. The text is of sufficient length to demonstrate effective writing skills in a variety of contexts.
- 21. Introduction: GPS 21 GPS Alignment The Grade 11 Writing Assessment is based on the following Georgia Performance Standards. The domains under which each element is evaluated are listed in the “Area(s) of the Assessment” column. Standard Area(s) of the Assessment ELA10W1 The student produces writing that establishes an appropriate organizational structure, sets a context and engages the reader, maintains a coherent focus throughout, and signals closure. I, O, S ELA10W2 The student demonstrates competence in a variety of genres. I, O, S ELA10C1 The student demonstrates understanding and control of the rules of the English Language, realizing that usage involves the appropriate application of conventions and grammar in both written and spoken formats. C Domain Abbreviations I = Ideas O = Organization S = Style C = Conventions
- 22. Introduction: GPS 22 GPS Alignment Standard Elements Area(s) of the Assessment ELA10W1 a. Establishes a clear, distinctive, and coherent thesis or perspective and maintains a consistent tone and focus throughout. I, O b. Selects a focus, structure and point of view relevant to the purpose, genre expectations, audience, length, and format requirements. I e. Writes texts of a length appropriate to address the topic or tell the story. I, O f. Uses traditional structures for conveying information. O g. Supports statements and claims with anecdotes, descriptions, facts, statistics, and specific examples I
- 23. Introduction: GPS 23 GPS Alignment Standard Elements Area(s) of the Assessment ELA10W2 a. Engages the reader by establishing a context, and developing reader interest. I, S b. Develops a controlling idea or formulates an arguable thesis that makes a clear and knowledgeable judgment. I c. Uses specific rhetorical devices to support assertions. I d. Clarifies and defends positions with precise and relevant evidence. I e. Excludes information and arguments that are irrelevant. I f. Organizes points of argument effectively to achieve desired outcome. O g. Addresses readers’ concerns, counterclaims, biases, and expectations. I h. Achieves closure by summarizing main points of argument, appealing to reason, ethics, or emotion, or encouraging action. O
- 24. Introduction: GPS 24 GPS Alignment Standard Elements Area(s) of the Assessment ELA10C1 a. Demonstrates an understanding of proper English usage and control of grammar, sentence and paragraph structure, diction, and syntax. b. Correctly uses clauses, phrases, and mechanics of punctuation. c. Demonstrates an understanding of sentence construction and proper English usage. Conventions
- 25. Introduction: GPS 25 GPS Alignment Standard Elements Area(s) of the Assessment ELA10C2 a. Produces writing that conforms to appropriate manuscript requirements. b. Produces legible work that shows accurate spelling and correct use of the conventions of punctuation and capitalization. c. Reflects appropriate format requirements, including pagination, spacing, and margins, and integration of source material with appropriate citations. Conventions
- 26. 26 Part II: Persuasive Writing 1. Defining Persuasive Writing 2. Persuasive Writing in the GPS 3. What Persuasive Writing Is and Is Not
- 27. Persuasive Writing 27 Defining Persuasive Writing Persuasive Writing: Writing that has as its purpose convincing others to accept the writer’s position as valid, adopt a certain point of view, or take some action. Methods: • Provides logical appeals, emotional appeals, facts, statistics, narrative anecdotes, humor, and/or the writer’s personal experiences and knowledge.
- 28. Persuasive Writing 28 Persuasive Writing in the GPS ELA10W2 a. Engages the reader by establishing a context and developing reader interest. b. Develops a controlling idea or formulates an arguable thesis that makes a clear and knowledgeable judgment. c. Uses specific rhetorical devices to support assertions. d. Clarifies and defends positions with precise and relevant evidence. The student produces persuasive writing that structures ideas and arguments in a sustained and logical fashion; the student:
- 29. Persuasive Writing 29 Persuasive Writing in the GPS ELA10W2 e. Excludes information and arguments that are irrelevant. f. Organizes points of argument effectively to achieve desired outcome. g. Addresses readers’ concerns, counterclaims, biases, and expectations. h. Achieves closure by summarizing main points of argument, appealing to reason, ethics, or emotion, or encouraging action. The student produces persuasive writing that structures ideas and arguments in a sustained and logical fashion; the student :
- 30. Persuasive Writing 30 What Persuasive Writing Is and Is Not An effective persuasive composition . . . An effective persuasive composition is NOT: Clearly establishes a position on the issue and fully develops an argument with specific details and examples Formulaic writing or a repetitive, standard five- paragraph formula that repeats the writer’s position and supporting reasons Defends the writer’s position with relevant evidence that is appropriate for the audience identified in the writing topic A list of irrelevant ideas or supporting ideas that are inappropriate for the audience identified in the writing topic Demonstrates that the writer can anticipate and counter the audience’s position on the issue Writing that fails to consider the audience’s position on an issue Uses specific facts, personal experience and knowledge, and/or statistics to support the writer’s position A list of facts, a story, and/or personal anecdotes that are unrelated to the writer’s position Includes appeals to logic and/or emotion A chance for the writer to simply vent about a topic Contains an organizational structure appropriate for persuasion Writing in which ideas are presented in an illogical or confusing order
- 31. Persuasive Writing 31 What Persuasive Writing Is and Is Not An effective persuasive composition . . . An effective persuasive composition is NOT: Is multi-paragraph writing that supports a specific side of an issue A single paragraph Uses appropriate writing voice to engage the reader Flat, uninteresting writing Uses precise language and varied sentences An essay that contains imprecise language and little sentence variety Introduces the reader to the issue, fully develops a position, and provides a sense of closure Writing that presents ideas without introducing, developing, and/or providing closure May contain a short narrative in the introduction or a skillful extended narrative that supports the writer’s position A story that does not address the persuasive purpose of the topic Contains correct sentences, usage, grammar, and spelling that make the writer's ideas understandable Incorrect sentences, usage, grammar, and spelling that distract the reader from the writer's ideas
- 32. 32 Part III: Writing Topics (Prompts) 1. Sample Writing Topic (Prompt) 2. Understanding the Writing Topic 3. Format of the Writing Task 4. The Writing Checklist
- 33. Writing Topics 33 Sample Writing Topic (Prompt) Writing Situation Many public school systems across the country require students to wear uniforms. Some educators believe that wearing uniforms will help students concentrate more on their school work. On the other hand, some students argue that having to wear uniforms prevents them from expressing their individuality. Your principal is considering whether students at your school should wear uniforms. Directions for Writing Write a letter to your principal expressing your view on school uniforms. Provide convincing reasons and specific examples to support your position.
- 34. Writing Topics 34 Understanding the Writing Topic: The Writing Situation • All GHSWT writing topics contain two sections – the Writing Situation and the Directions for Writing. • The Writing Situation gives the background for the writing assignment. • The first sentence of the Writing Situation introduces the general topic. • The remaining sentences in the Writing Situation help the writers think about different aspects of the topic, realize that they do know enough about the topic to write and then to focus their individual responses.
- 35. Writing Topics 35 Understanding the Writing Topic: The Directions for Writing • The Directions for Writing tell what the students are supposed to do for the writing assessment. • The first sentence of the Directions for Writing provides the students with a format for writing and gives the students an identifiable audience. • The final sentence of the Directions for Writing reminds the students to give many specific examples and ideas to elaborate their supporting ideas.
- 36. Writing Topics 36 Format of the Writing Task 1. The Directions for Writing specifies a format - such as a letter, speech, or a newspaper article - to give students a writing task that is similar to real world writing situations. 2. Regardless of the specified format, students should have a clear controlling idea that is well developed with relevant details and examples. 3. Adhering to the conventions of a particular format is not evaluated on the state writing assessment. 4. For example, if students are asked to write a letter, they will not be penalized if they fail to address the letter to the person named in the prompt or sign their name at the end of the letter. 5. Likewise, it is not necessary for students to write their responses in two columns to simulate a newspaper article. 6. The students’ writing ability is being evaluated, not their knowledge of formatting letters, speeches, or newspaper articles.
- 37. Writing Topics 37 The Writing Checklist Student Writing Checklist for Persuasive Writing Prepare Yourself to Write • Read the Writing Situation and Directions for Writing carefully. • Brainstorm for ideas. • Consider how to address your audience. • Decide what ideas to include and how to organize them. • Write only in English. Make Your Paper Meaningful • Use your knowledge and/or personal experiences that are related to the topic. • Express a clear point of view. • Fully support your position with specific details, examples, and convincing reasons. • Include an appeal to logic and/or emotions. • Organize your ideas in a clear and logical order. • Write a persuasive paper and stay on topic. Make Your Paper Interesting to Read • Use examples and details that would be convincing to your audience. • Use appropriate voice that shows your interest in the topic. • Use precise, descriptive, vivid words. • Vary the type, structure, and length of your sentences. • Use effective transitions. Edit and Revise Your Paper • Consider rearranging your ideas and changing words to make your paper better. • Add additional information or details to make your paper complete. • Proofread your paper for usage, punctuation, capitalization, and spelling.
- 38. 38 Part IV: Rubrics 1. The GHSWT Rubric Top to Bottom 2. Overview of Score Points 1 – 5: Five Levels of Competence 3. New GHSWT Rubrics • Ideas Rubric • Organization Rubric • Style Rubric • Conventions Rubric 4. Traditional version of the Rubrics for Ideas, Organization, Style, and Conventions
- 39. 39 Using the New GHSWT Scoring Rubric: The Rubric Top to Bottom Domain Components Level of Competence Domain Title and Overview Score Point Descriptions (1-5)
- 40. Rubrics 40 Overview of Score Points 1-5 Five Levels of Competence Score: 1 Lack of Control (of the elements of the domain) Score: 2 Minimal Control (of the elements of the domain) Score: 3 Sufficient Control (of the elements of the domain) Score: 4 Consistent Control (of the elements of the domain) Score: 5 Full Command (of the elements of the domain) GREEN = The degree to which the writer demonstrates control of the components.
- 49. 49 Part V: Ideas 1. The Components of Ideas 2. Controlling Idea 3. Elements of Supporting Ideas 4. Relevance of Detail 5. Development of Ideas 6. Depth of Development • Depth of Development in a Paragraph • Examples of Depth of Development in Score Points 1-5 7. Sense of Completeness 8. Genre Awareness 9. Awareness of the Persuasive Purpose 10. Reader Concerns
- 50. Ideas 50 The Components of Ideas IDEAS Controlling Idea Supporting Ideas Relevance of Detail Awareness of Persuasive Purpose Sense of Completeness Depth of Development Ideas: The degree to which the writer establishes a controlling idea and elaborates the main points with examples, illustrations, facts, or details that are appropriate to the assigned genre.
- 51. Ideas 51 Controlling Idea An effective controlling idea: • Serves as the focus of the paper • Ties all of the information in the paper to the assigned writing topic and persuasive purpose • Helps the reader understand the writer’s purpose: “What is the writer convincing me to think or do?” • May be directly stated but is usually implied
- 52. Ideas 52 Elements of Supporting Ideas Supporting Ideas Relevance Development Genre Awareness
- 53. Ideas 53 Relevance of Detail Relevance Writer’s Topic Assigned Genre of Writing Audience Purpose
- 54. Ideas 54 Development of Ideas Development Depth of Development Fluency of Development
- 55. Ideas 55 Depth of Development Controlling Idea Supporting Ideas Major Details Specific Examples And Elaboration
- 56. Ideas 56 Example of Depth of Development in a Paragraph Sample Body Paragraph Uniforms keep us from expressing our individuality. I like to express myself and my interests through my choice of clothes. But if I looked like 1,000 other people, how could I be expressive or original? No teenager likes being told what to wear everyday. I have some friends who attend schools where they have to wear uniforms. None of them ever say they like the uniforms. They are all unhappy because their individuality is stifled. I do not want to be that frustrated with my clothing. Supporting Idea Major Details Specific Details and Examples Controlling Idea: I am against required school uniforms (stated in the opening paragraph)
- 57. 57 Example of Depth of Development in Score Point 5 Ideas Score 5 Topic: School Uniforms How would you feel waking up every morning already knowing what you have to wear? Great, right? It’s true that you would spend less time searching for an outfit, but what if what you had to wear was the same thing you wore yesterday and would have to wear tomorrow? Uniforms, to me, are anti-individualist. I think students at my school shouldn’t have to wear uniforms just because students at other schools have to wear them. Everything would be so boring and plain, no personality. I know you think you’ll have fewer behavior problems and greater concentration with dress code, but trust me, you won’t. There will still be fights about who looks better. No matter how we dress, some personalities are going to butt heads. I think students will be getting in trouble because they have to wear uniforms. Instead of concentrating on work, students will be upset and complaining all the time. When I went to private school, I was not focused on my school work, but on how goofy I thought I looked. Uniforms are more expensive than regular clothes. It’s not like you just need one pair of the bottoms and one top. Each student would need multiple uniforms. Some parents might not be able to pay that much because they need that money to pay rent and food costs. Would you rather have students be able to eat or dress identically? Uniforms keep us from expressing our individuality. I like to express myself and my interests through my choice of clothes. But if I looked like 1,000 other people, how could I be expressive or original? No teenager likes being told what to wear everyday. I have some friends who attend schools where they have to wear uniforms. None of them ever say they like the uniforms. They are all unhappy because their individuality is stifled. People who are unhappy are not going to be able to learn. I believe that school uniforms will do very little of what most administrators hope they will do. They will create new problems that interfere with students’ learning. When students are forced to wear uniforms, they lose their sense of self and feel like just another face in the crowd. Students may even drop out to avoid wearing a uniform. As long as schools actually take the time to enforce dress codes, what students wear should not be an issue. Uniforms unify dress, not students. I don’t know yet what I’m going to wear tomorrow and I like it that way.
- 58. Ideas 58 Example of Depth of Development in Score Point 4 Ideas Score 4 Topic: School Uniforms How would you feel waking up every morning already knowing what you have to wear? Great, right? It’s true that you would spend less time searching for an outfit, but what if what you had to wear was the same thing you wore yesterday and would have to wear tomorrow? Uniforms, to me, are anti-individualist. I think students at my school shouldn’t have to wear uniforms just because students at other schools have to wear them. Everything would be so boring and plain, no personality. I know you think you’ll have fewer problems with dress code, but trust me, you won’t. There will still be fights about who looks better. No matter how we dress, some personalities are going to butt heads. I think students will be getting in trouble because they have to wear uniforms. Instead of concentrating on work, students will be upset and complaining all the time. Uniforms cost a lot more money than regular clothes. It’s not like you just need one pair of the bottoms and one top. They would need multiple uniforms. Some parents might not be able to pay that much. They need that money to pay rent and food costs. Uniforms keep us from expressing our individuality. I like to express myself through the way I dress. So if I look like 1000 other people, how can I express my individuality? Also, wearing my own clothes makes me comfortable and that makes me feel confident. If I am confident, I can learn better. Students don’t like to be dressed the same way. If your reasoning for uniforms is the cliques in the school, I can tell you that uniforms won’t help. Uniforms will not solve the problems in the school that you think they will. They will create new problems that interfere with students’ learning. Students may even drop out to avoid wearing a uniform. A better solution would be to enforce our current dress code.
- 59. Ideas 59 Example of Depth of Development in Score Point 3 Ideas Score 3 Topic: School Uniforms How would you feel waking up every morning and knowing already what you have to wear? I think students at my school shouldn’t have to wear uniforms just because students at other schools have to wear uniforms. Everything would be so boring and plain, no personality. You would even have to wear the school’s choice of colors. I know they say you’ll have less problems with dress code, but trust me, you won’t. There will still be fights about who looks better. I think students will be getting in trouble because they have to wear uniforms. Instead of concentrating on work, students will be upset and complaining all the time. Uniforms cost a lot more money than regular clothes. It’s not like you just need one pair of the bottoms and one top. They would need multiple uniforms. Some parents might not be able to pay that much. Uniforms keep us from expressing our individuality. I like to express myself. So if I look like 1000 other people, how can I express my individuality? Students don’t like to be dressed the same way. Also, wearing my own clothes makes me comfortable and that makes me fell confident. If I am confident, I can learn better. Uniforms will not solve the problems in the school that you think they will.
- 60. Ideas 60 Examples of Depth of Development in Score Points 1 and 2 Ideas Score 2 Topic: School Uniforms I think students at my school shouldn’t have to wear uniforms because other students have to wear uniforms. There will be more problems at school if students have to wear uniforms and some parents will have a hard time getting uniforms for their kids. I think students will act better with out wearing uniforms. I think students will be getting in trouble because they have to wear uniforms. Students don’t like to be dressed the same way or wearing the same clothes at my high school. So there may be more fights with uniforms It’s hard to find uniforms at stores. Uniforms cost a lot more money than regular clothes. Some parents can’t pay for uniforms, and some have many kids in school. So it wouldn’t be right to make students wear uniforms. Uniforms would just cause more problems at school. I don’t see why would should have to wear them. Uniforms make students go crazy. Ideas Score 1 Topic: School Uniforms I think students shouldn’t have to wear uniforms because others students have to wear uniforms. I think students will act better with out wearing uniforms. students don’t like to be dress the same way or wearing the same clothes at my high school. it hard to find uniforms at stores. uniforms cost a lot of money than regular clothes. some students don’t feel comfortable in uniforms I think students be getting in trouble because they have to wear uniforms. uniforms keep students from doing their work or getting their work done uniforms make students go crazy.
- 61. Ideas 61 Sense of Completeness Two features give a paper a sense of completeness: 1. Fullness of information 2. The paper drawing to a natural close • Having a sense of completeness is not the same as having a concluding statement or paragraph. A paper may have a conclusion and still leave the reader feeling that the information or argument presented is incomplete. • The paper must be both fully developed and draw to a natural close.
- 62. Ideas 62 Genre Awareness The degree to which the writer selects ideas, an organizational plan, and stylistic devices that are appropriate to the genre of writing. Organization Style Ideas Genre Awareness
- 63. Ideas 63 Awareness of the Persuasive Purpose Demonstrating Awareness of the Persuasive Purpose • Establishes a clear position on the issue • Provides relevant supporting ideas • Selects convincing details and examples appropriate to the audience assigned in the writing prompt • Uses specific rhetorical devices to support assertions • Addresses readers’ concerns, counterclaims, biases, and expectations
- 64. Ideas 64 Reader Concerns in Persuasive Writing Reader Concerns are the expectations a reader brings to a piece of writing. General reader concerns: Readers have a need for enough information to understand the writer’s purpose and message. A reader should be able to pick up a paper without knowing the assigned prompt or assigned genre and be able to identify the writer’s purpose. A reader should be able to tell if he/she is reading a report, an argument, or a narrative. Specific reader concerns: Reader concerns will vary based on the task assigned in the writing topic.
- 65. 65 Part VI: Organization 1. The Components of Organization 2. Types of Organizational Patterns 3. Formulaic Writing • Sample of Formulaic Writing 4. Effective Organization 5. Introduction-Body-Conclusion 6. Sequencing of Ideas 7. Grouping of Ideas 8. Persuasive Organizing Strategies 9. Transitioning
- 66. Organization 66 The Components of Organization ORGANIZATION Overall Plan Introduction Body Conclusion Sequence Of Ideas Transitioning Persuasive Organizing Strategies Grouping Of Ideas Organization: The degree to which a writer’s ideas are arranged in a clear order and the overall structure of the response is consistent with the assigned genre.
- 67. Organization 67 Types of Organizational Patterns • Chronological Order of Events • Comparison/Contrast • Spatial Order • Order of Importance of Ideas • Problem/Solution • Cause/Effect Order • Classification Order • Definition/Description
- 68. Organization 68 Formulaic Writing Characteristics of A Formulaic Paper 1. The writer announces his or her thesis and three supporting ideas in the opening paragraph. 2. The writer restates one supporting idea to begin each of the three body paragraphs. 3. The writer repeats or restates his/her controlling idea and supporting points in the final paragraph. 4. Entire sentences may be repeated verbatim from the introduction, used as topic sentences in each of the body paragraphs, and repeated in the conclusion.
- 69. Organization 69 Sample of Formulaic Writing I believe students at our school should not have to wear uniforms. I feel this way because uniforms would be boring, we can’t play sports in uniforms, and uniforms are expensive. The first reason why we shouldn’t wear uniforms is because they are boring. If everybody had to wear the same thing everyday, it would be boring to look at. It would be better if we got to pick out own clothes. I don’t want to wear the same thing every day. So making us wear uniforms to school we just be too boring. The second reason why we shouldn’t wear uniforms is because you can’t play sports in uniforms. It is really hard to play sports in school uniforms, because sometimes we have to play hard to win. We cannot practice in uniforms, because it is just practice, so we would like to bring our clothes from home. We can’t play sports in uniforms. My third and final reason why we shouldn’t wear uniforms is because uniforms are expensive. You would have to buy more than one uniform, so you would have something to wear every day. That would be expensive. It might sound like a good idea, but having to buy all those uniforms would be too expensive. In conclusion, those are my reasons why we should not wear school uniforms. They are really boring for the students, we can’t play sports in uniforms, and they are too expensive for us. So I hope you agree with my reasons and decide not to make us wear uniforms to school.
- 70. Organization 70 Effective Organization • The organizing strategy is appropriate to the writer’s argument and topic and guides the reader through the text. • Ideas are sequenced and grouped appropriately and logically. • The introduction sets the stage for the writer’s argument. • The conclusion provides a sense of closure without repetition. • Transitioning is used to connect ideas within paragraphs and across parts of the paper.
- 71. Organization 71 Introduction-Body-Conclusion Introduction: Sets the stage for the development of the writer’s ideas and is consistent with the purpose of the paper Body: Includes details and examples that support the controlling idea Conclusion: Signals the reader that the paper is coming to a close
- 72. Organization 72 Sequencing of Ideas Sequencing: The way the writer orders the ideas of the paper to implement the overall plan. Clear sequencing helps the reader understand the writer’s ideas. Effective sequencing: Ideas build logically on one another and lead the reader through the paper. Ineffective sequencing: The ideas may have little relationship to one another and could be presented in any order.
- 73. Organization 73 Grouping of Ideas • In order to effectively group ideas in a piece of writing, the writer must first understand the logical relationships between the ideas that support the controlling idea. • Grouping ideas within paragraphs is not the same as formatting paragraphs. Grouping involves the logical presentation of ideas rather than simply indenting to indicate the beginning of a paragraph. • Even if a writer fails to correctly format paragraphs, ideas may still be grouped logically.
- 74. Organization 74 Persuasive Organizing Strategies Introduction Supporting ideas Conclusion Argument Address counter-argument Conclusion Introduction Both sides of the issue Conclusion Introduction Anecdote illustrating position Conclusion
- 75. Organization 75 Transitioning Making Connections Between Ideas • Transitions lead the reader through the paper by linking parts of the paper and ideas within paragraphs. • Transitions are used between sentences, between paragraphs, and within sentences and within paragraphs • Transitions can signal the type of relationships between ideas • May be explicit or implicit – May be a single word, a pronoun, a phrase, or a logical linking of ideas – Explicit transitional words: for instance, consequently – Implicit transitional devices: synonym and pronoun substitution, moving from general to specific or from specific to general
- 76. 76 Part VII: Style 1. The Components of Style 2. Word Choice • Levels of Language • Types of Language 3. Audience Awareness and Tone 4. Demonstrating Audience Awareness in Persuasive Writing 5. Voice 6. Sentence Variety
- 77. Style 77 The Components of Style STYLE Word Choice Audience Awareness Voice Sentence Variety Style: The degree to which the writer controls language to engage the reader.
- 78. Style 78 Word Choice • Effective word choice is determined on the basis of subject matter (topic), audience, and purpose. • Word choice establishes the tone of a piece of writing. • Word choice involves more than the “correct” dictionary meaning of a word. • Word choice goes beyond precision to include the connotations (the associations, meanings, or emotions a word suggests) of words.
- 79. Style 79 Levels of Language (described in the Grade 11 Scoring Rubric) Level Example Precise and Engaging “I cannot deny that segregation or even tension exists between these groups, nor that attire seems to be a defining variable among these groups.” Simple and ordinary: “We like to wear the clothes we got on.”
- 80. Style 80 Types of Language (described in the Grade 11 Scoring Rubric) • Descriptive: uses details that appeal to the senses and enables the reader to see, hear, and/or feel what the writer recounts • Figurative: figures of speech or phrases that suggest meanings different from their literal meanings (hyperbole, metaphor, simile, irony) • Technical: precise terms and phrases used to clarify or explain a particular subject matter or process • Carefully crafted phrases: the purposeful selection of vivid words and phrases to create a sustained tone and engage the reader; groups of words that convey a clear meaning and serve a particular rhetorical purpose
- 81. Style 81 Audience Awareness and Tone • Audience Awareness refers to the ways a writer can make an impression on or engage the reader. – Because a piece of writing is created to be read, an effective writer attempts to create a relationship with his or her audience. – The effective writer anticipates what the audience will find interesting or engaging. • Tone refers to the attitude a writer expresses toward the reader, the subject, and sometimes himself/herself. It reveals how the writer feels about what he or she is saying. – To be effective, tone must be consistent with the writer’s purpose. – Tone is established through choice of words and details. – Some of the techniques used to engage the audience vary by genre, but all pieces of writing have a tone.
- 82. Style 82 Demonstrating Audience Awareness in Persuasive Writing • Emotional Appeals • Figurative Language • Connotative Meanings • Evocative Voice • Rhetorical Questions; “How would you feel if..” • Addressing the reader: “You should” or “We all should”
- 83. Style 83 Voice • A paper that demonstrates voice conveys a strong sense of the person behind the words and the person’s attitude toward the topic. • The writer’s voice should be appropriate for the topic, genre, and audience. • Voice gives the reader the sense that the writer is directly addressing the reader. Ralph Fletcher: • “Voice is the most important the most magical and powerful element of writing.” • “Voice makes the reader trust the writer, makes the reader feel an individual relationship with the writer.”
- 84. Style 84 Sentence Variety How Sentences Vary: 1. Length • The number of words • Word length 2. Structure • Simple • Complex • Compound • Compound-complex 3. Type • Declarative • Interrogative • Imperative
- 85. 85 Part VIII: Conventions 1. The Components and Elements of Conventions 2. Overview of Score Points 1-5 3. Balancing Strengths and Weaknesses in the Components and Elements 4. Determining Competence in Conventions 5. The Elements of Sentence Formation 6. The Elements of Usage 7. The Elements of Mechanics
- 86. Conventions 86 The Components and Elements of Conventions CONVENTIONS Sentence Formation Usage Mechanics Correctness, Clarity of Meaning, Complexity, End Punctuation Subject/Verb Agreement, Standard Word Forms, Verb Tenses Internal Punctuation, Spelling, Paragraph Breaks, Capitalization Domain Components Elements
- 87. Conventions 87 Overview of Score Points 1-5 Levels of Competence in Conventions Score: 1 Lack of Control Score: 2 Minimal Control Score: 3 Sufficient Control Score: 4 Consistent Control Score: 5 Full Command GREEN = The degree to which the writer demonstrates control of the components of Conventions.
- 88. Conventions 88 Balancing Strengths/Weaknesses in the Components and Elements of Conventions Score Point 5 • Correct and varied in all elements of Sentence Formation, Usage, and Mechanics Score Point 4 • Correct in most elements of Sentence Formation, Usage, and Mechanics • Some elements may be weak, missing, or lack variety Score Point 3 • Correct in majority of elements of Sentence Formation, Usage, and Mechanics, but there may be some errors in each element. • Correct in two components but one component may be weak. Score Point 2 • Minimal control in all three components or one component may be strong while the other two are weak Score Point 1 • Overall lack of control in all three components although some elements may demonstrate strengths
- 89. Conventions 89 Determining Competence in Conventions • Using the scoring rubrics appropriately requires reading for competence. This means looking for a demonstration of the writer’s ability to control the components, not tallying errors. • Avoid “counting errors” to determine the Conventions score. It is necessary to evaluate the severity and frequency of errors to determine the level of competence demonstrated by the writer. • Nearly every student paper contains errors. It is the degree of control – the proportion of correct to incorrect instances and the complexity of what is attempted - that determines the Conventions score. • Errors in Sentence Formation, Usage, and Mechanics may force the reader to carefully reread a portion of the paper, and may prevent the reader from understanding the writer’s meaning. • Even a “5” level paper may have errors in some of the elements of Conventions, but these errors do not interfere with meaning.
- 90. Conventions 90 The Elements of Sentence Formation SENTENCE FORMATION Correctness Clarity Complexity End Punctuation
- 91. Conventions 91 The Elements of Usage USAGE Subject Verb Agreement Standard Word Forms Possessives Pronouns
- 92. Conventions 92 The Elements of Mechanics MECHANICS Internal Punctuation Spelling Paragraph Breaks Capitalization
- 93. 93 Part IX: Preparing to Score Student Writing Samples 1. Applying the Analytic Scoring Guidelines 2. Scoring Cautions
- 94. 94 Applying the Analytic Scoring Guidelines 1. Keep the on-demand testing context in mind. These student responses are essentially first drafts constructed with no resources. 2. Read through the entire writing sample. 3. Use the scoring rubric to make a tentative score range decision: • Score point 1 or 2 • Score point 2 or 3 • Score point 3 or 4 • Score point 4 or 5 4. Reread the entire writing sample to collect evidence to determine the score. 5. Assign domain scores for Ideas and Organization. 6. Repeat the process for Style and Conventions domains.
- 95. 95 Scoring Cautions 1. Do not base the score on the single most noticeable aspect of a paper. 2. Withhold judgment until you have read the entire response. 3. Do not allow the score you assign in one domain to influence the scores you assign in the other three domains. 4. Avoid making judgments based on neatness, novelty, or length. 5. Base each scoring decision on the assessment sample the writer has produced, not what you think the student’s potential competence in writing may be. 6. Do not allow your personal opinions to affect the score the writer receives. Whether you agree or disagree with the writer’s ideas should not influence your score.
- 96. 96 Part X: Sample Student Papers 1. Persuasive Writing Topic 2. 11 Persuasive Papers with Score Point Annotations
- 97. 97 Persuasive Writing Topic Writing Situation Many public school systems across the country require students to wear uniforms. Some educators believe that wearing uniforms will help students concentrate more on their school work. On the other hand, some students argue that having to wear uniforms prevents them from expressing their individuality. Your principal is considering whether students at your school should wear uniforms. Directions for Writing Write a letter to your principal expressing your view on school uniforms. Provide convincing reasons and specific examples to support your position. The sample papers in this section were written in response to the above writing topic. Student names have been removed for purposes of privacy.
- 99. 99 Annotations for Persuasive Paper 1 Ideas Score: 1 A controlling idea is not established. Although the writer states that he/she does not like school uniforms, this position is not developed. The writer loses focus and begins discussing school rules, breaks, and food. The writer does not demonstrate an awareness of the persuasive purpose. This brief paper is more of a rant than an argument. Organization Score: 1 There is little evidence of an organizing strategy. The writer’s ideas could be rearranged in almost any order without affecting the meaning. Ideas are not sequenced in any meaningful order. There is no introduction or conclusion. The writer does not use transitions. Style Score: 1 The writer does not demonstrate minimal control of the components of Style. Word choice is imprecise and occasionally confusing (“Other people problem want to wear them,” “some school don’t wear uniform,” “all of us want a lots of food everybody fill the same way”). There is little awareness of audience, and the writer’s voice is not apparent. The writer fails to control language to engage the reader in this brief paper. Conventions Score: 1 The paper does not demonstrate minimal control of the components of Conventions. There are frequent errors in usage and mechanics (“people problem want to wear them,” “some school don’t wear,” “clothes we got on,” “a lots of fun” “everybody fill the same way”). The paper also contains run-on sentences and fragments. A paper this brief would have to be nearly error-free to receive more than a 1 in Conventions.
- 101. 101 Annotations for Persuasive Paper 2 Ideas Score: 1 The writer provides several reasons why students should not be required to wear uniforms (students will act better without them, students don’t like to wear the same clothes, uniforms cost a lot of money, some students don’t feel comfortable, uniforms keep students from doing their work). None of these reasons are explained or developed (the writer does not indicate why students will act better wearing uniforms or why uniforms will keep students from doing their work). The response indicates little focus on the assigned topic and persuasive purpose. There is not enough information in the paper to establish a controlling idea. Organization Score: 1 There is no evidence of an overall organizational plan. Ideas are listed in no particular order. The paper lacks a conclusion, and transitions are not used to link ideas. Style Score: 1 The writer fails to control language to engage the reader. Word choice is confusing and imprecise (“students shouldn’t have to wear uniforms because others students have to wear uniforms”). The writer’s voice is not apparent, and the tone of the paper is flat. There is little evidence of audience awareness. Conventions Score: 1 The paper does not demonstrate minimal control of the components of Conventions. The paper consists of one run-on sentence, and there are frequent errors in both usage and mechanics (“students don’t fell,” “others students,” “students be getting in trouble.”). The paper contains very few correct instances of the elements of usage and mechanics.
- 103. 103 Persuasive Paper 3 (page two)
- 104. 104 Annotations for Persuasive Paper 3 Ideas Score: 2 The writer’s position is clear (opposed to school uniforms), but development is minimal. The writer lists reasons why uniforms should not be worn in school (they don’t affect your grades, they don’t fit some people, jeans fit better, people like different kinds of shoes), but these supporting ideas are not developed. The response lacks sufficient information to provide a sense of completeness and address reader concerns. Overall, the paper is minimally focused on the assigned topic and persuasive purpose. Organization Score: 1 The paper contains little evidence of an organizing strategy. The first sentence refers to a letter from the principal, but the issue of school uniforms is not introduced. The writer then lists various statements about uniforms in no particular order. The paper lacks transitions and a conclusion. Unrelated ideas are grouped together. Style Score: 1 The writer fails to control language to engage the reader. Word choice is confusing and imprecise (“Some girls like to wear hill and some girl do,” “uniforms do not look right on them. Because of there same”). The paper, which is comprised mainly of run-ons and fragments, lacks sentence variety. The writer’s voice is not apparent, and the overall tone of the paper is flat. Conventions Score: 1 There are severe and frequent errors in sentence formation, usage, and mechanics. The majority of the paper consists of fragments and run-ons, and there are usage errors in virtually every sentence (“you going to work,” “the school buy,” “If they tell use what can of shoes to wear,” “you can wears”). Some words are spelled correctly, but there is no paragraph indentation and very little correct punctuation.
- 106. 106 Persuasive Paper 4 (page two)
- 107. 107 Annotations for Persuasive Paper 4 Ideas Score: 2 The controlling idea (Why uniforms should not be required at school) is only minimally developed. The writer is focused on the assigned topic and persuasive purpose, and there are many supporting ideas, but the supporting ideas are usually developed with only a single sentence. The response lacks sufficient information to provide a sense of completeness. A more successful strategy would have been to select fewer supporting reasons and fully develop each one. Organization Score: 2 At first glance, this paper does not appear to have much of an overall organizational strategy, but the writer listed the supporting reasons in the first part of the paper and then explained them in the second half of the paper. This is not a particularly effective plan, but it demonstrates minimal competence in organization. The writer opens with a single statement of his/her position. Supporting ideas do not seem to be sequenced in the first half of the paper, but the writer does elaborate reasons in the order in which the ideas were announced in the first paragraph. There is no conclusion. Transitions are often inappropriate (“The reason why I said...”). Style Score: 2 The indignant tone of the paper is somewhat uneven. Word choice is simple, ordinary, and repetitive (the second reason, the third reason, the fourth reason, the fifth reason, the sixth reason). There is awareness of audience (“There may be more reasons I haven’t said anything on,” “Now that I told you the reasons let me explain them,” “Think about it if you walked into a school and all the kids are wearing the same thing”), but little control of language to engage the audience. The writer’s voice (distaste for uniforms) is very clear (“I can’t even picture [my high school] in uniforms.”). There is little variation in sentence structure. Conventions Score: 2 The writer demonstrates minimal control of the three components of conventions. The majority of sentences are correct except for a fragment and a run-on at the bottom of page one (“The reason why I say the school will be plain. Think about it if you walked in a school and all the kids wearing the same thing and nobody wearing anything else.”). Usage is usually correct (except the wrong form of “too”) and clear but extremely repetitive. Some of the elements of mechanics are correct. Capitalization is correct at the beginning of sentences. Spelling is correct (except for “boaring, “fith,” and “cloths”). There is only a single paragraph break. There is little correct internal punctuation except for apostrophes in contractions. Overall, simple forms and repetition in all components indicate minimal competence.
- 109. 109 Persuasive Paper 5 (page two)
- 110. 110 Annotations for Persuasive Paper 5 Ideas Score: 3 The controlling idea of this paper (students should wear uniforms) is sufficiently developed. Most of the supporting ideas (students can express individuality outside of school, students should be thinking about their education not what they wear to school) are relevant and developed with some examples and details. Some supporting ideas are only partially developed (save teachers energy, making the school organized and colorful). The response contains sufficient information to address some reader concerns (when students can express their individuality). Organization Score: 3 The overall organizational strategy (introduction, reasons in support of uniforms, conclusion) is generally appropriate to the writer’s argument. The opening paragraph introduces the writer’s position and why uniforms might be helpful. Related ideas are generally grouped together, but some unrelated ideas are included in some of the paragraphs (the paragraph about individuality also includes information about how uniforms can improve learning). Ideas are presented in a generally clear sequence, and the paper ends with a conclusion that provides closure. Style Score: 2 The paper contains generally simple and ordinary language (“it would be better off,” “what they are going to wear to school,” “it is best for their students,” “messing with their pants”). The writer demonstrates minimal awareness of audience (addressing the principal in the final sentence). There is minimal variation in sentence length and structure. The writer’s voice is not distinct. Although the writer attempts to use strong vocabulary words, they are often used in an imprecise manner (“It is irony how some students,” “I highly think,” “very pressuring thing”). The writer demonstrates only minimal control of language in an effort to engage the reader. Conventions Score: 2 The writer demonstrates minimal control of the components of Conventions. There are frequent subject-verb and word form errors (“wearing uniforms help students,” “look more organize,” “more school activity,” “uniforms is”). Some sentences are formed correctly, but others begin with “so” or “because.” The writer demonstrates competence in mechanics (spelling and internal punctuation are generally correct) but not in usage or sentence formation.
- 112. 112 Persuasive Paper 6 (page two)
- 113. 113 Annotations for Persuasive Paper 6 Ideas Score: 3 The writer’s controlling idea (uniforms can be good or bad) is sufficiently developed. The writer includes two supporting ideas in favor of uniforms (same parents money on clothes, reduce gang violence and teasing) and one reason against having uniforms (can’t express individuality). The supporting ideas are developed with some examples and details. Although it is acceptable to cover both sides of the issue, this writer does not fully elaborate the reasons for and against wearing uniforms in school or come to a conclusion about whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The response contains sufficient information to address some reader concerns on both sides of the issue. Organization Score: 3 The overall organizational strategy (introduction, two reasons for uniforms, one reason against uniforms, conclusion) is appropriate to the writer’s argument. The opening paragraph introduces the writer’s position and supporting ideas, and the conclusion repeats this information in a slightly different way. Related ideas are grouped together in paragraphs, and the writer’s ideas are presented in a generally clear sequence. The paper is somewhat formulaic in that the supporting ideas appear in the introduction, body, and conclusion, but the exact sentences are not repeated in each part of the paper. Style Score: 3 Word choice is generally engaging and appropriate (“gang violence,” “reduces the teasing,” “specific color,” “exactly the same,” “distinguished”) with some lapses into simple and ordinary language (“a big issue,” “the same thing,” “uniforms can be good or bad”). There is some variation of sentence lengths and types. Although the writer does not take a definite side on the issue, the concerned tone of the paper is appropriate to the topic. Conventions Score: 4- The paper contains consistently correct simple, complex, and compound sentences with consistent clarity of meaning at the sentence level. Usage is also consistently correct. There are a few minor errors in internal punctuation (missing apostrophes in possessive pronouns and missing commas after introductory clauses), but spelling, capitalization, and paragraph indentation are consistently correct.
- 115. 115 Persuasive Paper 7 (page two)
- 116. 116 Annotations for Persuasive Paper 7 Ideas Score: 3 The writer is focused on the assigned topic and persuasive purpose. The controlling idea (Why we should not require students to wear uniforms) is sufficiently developed with relevant supporting ideas (I haven’t been made fun of for my style of dress, I can’t concentrate if I’m not comfortable). The first supporting idea is well developed with a personal anecdote (rhetorical device). The second supporting idea, in which the writer tries to refute the claim that uniforms will increase concentration, is neither as well developed or as focused. The statement about looking “mainstream” does not support the premise that uniforms have an effect on concentration. The writer attempts to address reader concern by agreeing at the beginning of the second paragraph that uniforms might prevent some students from “being made fun of because of there clothes.” Organization Score: 4 The writer’s overall strategy is effective: to refute the claims made about the benefits of uniforms by using his/her personal experiences and then extrapolating to other students. The introduction sets the stage by explaining how important image is to teenagers and how few outlets they have for expressing their individuality. The conclusion is also effective as it questions how teens can express themselves without being able to wear their own clothes. Ideas are sequenced appropriately as the body of the paper moves from the individual to teenagers in general. Related supporting ideas are generally grouped together except for the one stray reference to looking mainstream on the second page. Style Score: 4 The impassioned tone of the paper is appropriate to the persuasive purpose. Word choice is precise and engaging (“If there not comfortable, there going to try to get comfortable.” “How many people actually want to hear a teen’s voice?”). Awareness of audience is consistent as the writer addresses multiple rhetorical questions to the reader (“How else will we express how different we are from each other?”). The writer’s voice is consistent and distinctive (“I have not personally witnessed it.”). Sentences are varied. Conventions Score: 3 The writer demonstrates sufficient control of all three components of Conventions. The majority of sentences are correct although there are some run-ons at the beginning of the second page and a sentence beginning with “So” on the first page. Usage is generally correct with the exception of the wrong form of “they’re,” “we’re,” “taken,” “our selves,” and “it’s.” Most of the elements of mechanics are generally correct with the exception of spelling (“exspected, botherd, listhen, exspress”).
- 118. 118 Persuasive Paper 8 (page two)
- 119. 119 Annotations for Persuasive Paper 8 Ideas Score: 3 The controlling idea (we should not have school uniforms) is sufficiently developed. The supporting ideas (students will not like the monotony of uniforms, uniforms stifle self expression and creativity) are relevant and are developed with some examples (students won’t look their best, uniforms will not promote unity), but some ideas are repeated from paragraph to paragraph. The writer does attempt to present and refute opposing viewpoints. The response contains enough information to provide a sense of completeness, but supporting arguments are not distinct. Organization Score: 4 The writer’s overall plan is appropriate to the persuasive purpose. The introduction sets the stage for the writer’s position by stating why uniforms seem like a good idea but really aren’t. The writer sequences his/her ideas by moving from how uniforms stifle self expression to how unhappy students will be to refuting the perspective that uniforms will promote unity in the student body. The conclusion is a summary of the writer’s main points. Transitions are effective both within and between paragraphs. Style Score: 4 The language and disgruntled tone are appropriate to the persuasive purpose. Word choice is engaging (“The excuses for these criminally unfashionable garments are they promote unity” “The only unity the uniforms will promote will be against the uniforms.”). The writer’s voice is consistent and impassioned. The writer’s attitude toward the topic of uniforms is clear in every sentence. Conventions Score: 4 The writer demonstrates consistent control of all three components of Conventions. Sentences are consistently correct, complex, and clear. Most elements of mechanics are correct with the exception of the spelling of “individality.” Some of the word forms are awkward (“cause an upset reaction”) or incorrect (“uniforms has been a growing trend,” “students stay concentrated”), but these errors are minor and do not interfere with meaning.
- 121. 121 Persuasive Paper 9 (page two)
- 122. 122 Annotations for Persuasive Paper 9 Ideas Score: 4 The writer effectively addresses advantages and disadvantages of uniforms before proposing a compromise solution (wear uniforms Monday through Thursday). Supporting ideas (some people can’t afford to buy expensive clothes, required uniforms may cause individualistic students to express themselves in unacceptable ways) are well developed with specific examples and details. The paper contains complete information as the writer demonstrates how the compromise solution will address the arguments for both sides of the issue. Organization Score: 4 In the opening paragraph, the writer introduces both sides of the issue (uniforms solve some problems but harm individuality). Related ideas are grouped logically in the body paragraphs (argument in favor of uniforms, argument against uniforms, compromise). After proposing a compromise, the writer ends the paper by asking the principal to consider the alternative solution. Varied transitional elements link parts of the paper and ideas within paragraphs (“As the wealthier kids,” “When visitors walk,” “I propose,” “Now,” “At that point,” “there is a flip side”). Style Score: 5 The writer demonstrates sustained awareness of audience throughout the paper (“Which way should we go?” “I sincerely hope you will consider this”). Word choice is consistently varied, precise, and engaging. Carefully crafted phrases create a sustained tone and advance the writer’s argument (“Uniforms might just help to dispel negative first impressions, therefore allowing for at least some bridging of the gap between cliques,” “experience feelings of animosity toward their more affluent peers,” “fircely individualistic”). The writer uses an extensive variety of sentence lengths, structures, and beginnings. The writer’s concerned, compromising voice is sustained and appropriate. Conventions Score: 5 The writer demonstrates full control of the components of Conventions. Simple, complex, compound, and complex/compound sentences are consistently correct, and all elements of usage and mechanics are demonstrated.
- 124. 124 Persuasive Paper 10 (page two)
- 125. 125 Annotations for Persuasive Paper 10 Ideas Score: 5 The writer’s controlling idea (students should be required to wear uniforms) is fully developed. The writer presents a logical argument with fully developed supporting ideas (wearing uniforms provides for a discrimination free classroom, teens aren’t mature enough to decide what to wear, there are other ways to express individuality). The supporting ideas are fully elaborated with specific, logical examples (the private school example, specific clothes that are not appropriate). The response contains an abundance of relevant information that fully addresses counter arguments and reader concerns (how to express individuality, whether teens are mature enough). Organization Score: 5 The introduction engages the reader (posing possible questions the principal may ask) and sets the stage for the writer’s argument. Ideas are presented in a clear and logical order. The writer first cites private schools as an example of how uniforms work, then describes the advantages of uniforms, then addresses a possible counter argument (individuality), before concluding that students are not mature enough to express themselves through their clothing choices. The conclusion provides closure without repetition and calls on the principal to require uniforms. The writer uses varied and effective transitional devices to link all parts of the paper Style Score: 5 The paper contains varied, precise, and engaging language (“higher rank,” “automatically,” “spare- tire midriffs,” “enforcing a uniform code,” “chosen to disobey,” “modestly,” “discrimination free,” “I wager that you are asking”). The writer uses an extensive variety of sentence lengths, structures, and beginnings. Audience awareness is demonstrated throughout the paper (“You are probably asking,” “I implore you to do what you must to fix this problem”). The writer’s concerned voice is sustained throughout the response. Conventions Score: 5 The writer demonstrates full command of the components of Conventions. Simple, complex, compound, and complex/compound sentences are consistently correct. Usage and mechanics are also consistently correct in a variety of instances.
- 127. 127 Persuasive Paper 11 (page two)
- 128. 128 Annotations for Persuasive Paper 11 Ideas Score: 5 The writer’s controlling idea (do not implement a dress code) is fully developed. The writer mentions two potential arguments in favor of school uniforms (uniforms may eliminate segregation between social groups, and uniforms may enhance student performance) and then thoroughly demonstrates how these arguments are not valid. In addition to addressing counter-arguments, the writer further explains how uniforms would increase the monotony of school and reinforce the notion that students are “nothing more than an identification number and a series of test scores.” The response contains an abundance of relevant information with specific, logical examples, details, and evidence. Organization Score: 5 The overall plan is effective. The writer logically sequences his/her supporting ideas moving from stating a position to how uniforms will not decrease “segregation” to how uniforms will not increase student school performance. The introduction sets the context of the argument. The conclusion provides closure for the writer’s argument. Related ideas (cliques, school performance) are grouped together. Transitioning extends beyond the use of transitional words and phrases; nearly every new idea is linked to a previous idea in the paper. Style Score: 5 The impassioned tone is sustained throughout the paper. Word choice is extremely varied, precise and engaging throughout the paper (“eliminate segregation between various social groups,” “numerous deviations,” “Relative uniformity”). The writer uses rhetorical questions to engage the reader (“If that were the case, would we be any different than the Communists that our government so ardently fought during the Cold War?”). Awareness of audience is sustained throughout the paper as the writer addresses the reader (“You stated that a required uniform dress code. . .”). The writer’s voice is evocative and audible throughout the paper (“again I feel I must disagree”). There is an extensive variety of sentence lengths, structures, and beginnings. Conventions Score: 5 The writer demonstrates a full command of the components of Conventions. Simple, complex, compound, and complex/compound sentences are all formed correctly. The paper contains a variety of subordination and coordination strategies (“While a select few students probably would benefit from uniforms, an equal number would be affected negatively, and a large percentage of students would remain apathetic.” “Creativity in the arts is already in decline, and if the school system takes away our ability to express ourselves in our apparel in addition to discouraging us from studying fine arts and forcing us to write in a detached, formulaic manner, we as Americans may be sacrificing our culture for better test scores.”). All elements of usage and mechanics are consistently correct in a variety of contexts.
- 129. 129 Part XI: Additional Practice Papers 1. Score Sheet for Persuasive Practice Papers 2. Persuasive Practice Papers 1-10 3. Answer Key for Persuasive Papers
- 130. 130 Score Sheet for Persuasive Practice Papers Paper # Ideas Org. Style Conv. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
- 132. 132 Practice Paper 1 (page two)
- 135. 135 Practice Paper 3 (page two)
- 137. 137 Practice Paper 4 (page two)
- 139. 139 Practice Paper 5 (page two)
- 141. 141 Practice Paper 6 (page two)
- 143. 143 Practice Paper 7 (page two)
- 147. 147 Practice Paper 10 (page two)
- 148. 148 Answer Key for Persuasive Practice Papers Paper # Ideas Org. Style Conv. 1 5 5 5 5 2 1 1 1 1 3 3 3 4 4 4 4 4 4 5 5 2 2 2 3 6 5 5 4 4 7 3 2 2 3 8 1 1 1 1 9 2 2 1 2 10 3 3 3 3
- 149. 149 Part XII. Writing Instruction Resources The following resources were recommended by Georgia educators. Author/Publisher Title Janet Allen Tools for Teaching Content Literacy Jim Burke Writing Reminders Ross Burkhardt Writing for Real: Strategies for Engaging Adolescent Writers Ruth Culham 6+1 Traits of Writing The Complete Guide Grades 3 and Up Nancy Dean Voice Lessons: Classroom Activities to Teach Diction, Detail, Imagery, Syntax, and Tone Sharon Hamilton Solving Common Writing Problems Ralph Fletcher A Writer's Notebook: Unlocking the Writer Within You Ralph Fletcher How Writer’s Work: Finding a Process that Works for You Ralph Fletcher Live Writing: Breathing Life into Your Words Ralph Fletcher Poetry Matters: Writing a Poem from the Inside Out R. Fletcher & J. Portalupi Writing Workshop - The Essential Guide Great Source Write for College
- 150. 150 Writing Instruction Resources Author/Publisher Title Brock Haussamen Grammar Alive! Jane Bell Kiester Blowing Away The State Writing Assessment Test Barry Lane After the End: Teaching and Learning Creative Revision Linda Rief 100 Quickwrites Tom Romano Blending Genre, Altering Style Tom Romano Writing with Passion A. Ruggers & G. Chrisenbury Writing on Demand Edgar H. Schuster Breaking the Rules: Liberating Writers through Innovative Grammar Instruction V. Spandel & J. Hicks Write Traits: Advanced P. Sebranek, V. Meyer, & D. Kemper Write for College Constance Weaver Teaching Grammar in Context Alan Ziegler The Writing Workshop Vols. 1 and 2 William Zinsser On Writing Well
- 151. 151 Writing Websites Website URL Colorado State Universities Online Writing Lab www.writing.colostate.edu Exemplars: Developing Writers www.exemplars.com/materials/rwr/index.html Learning-Focused Writing Assignments K-12 www.learningfocused.com Purdue University's Online Writing Lab www.owl.english.purdue.edu ReadWriteThink www.readwritethink.org Write Source www.thewritesource.com The Writing Site www.thewritingsite.org