2010 esol writing intensive

Welcome to Massey from the Student Learning Centre Martin McMorrow ESOL Learning Advisor

SLC Online Resources tinyurl.com/2rlcoe academic vocabulary tinyurl.com/6xy9hy podcast tinyurl.com/slcvideos video presentations tinyurl.com/slcalbany Student Learning Centre owll.massey.ac.nz online writing and learning link

Study Skills Presentations Wednesdays 12 pm QB5 Jul 21 Paragraph writing Jul 28 Essay writing Aug 4 Report writing Aug 11 APA referencing Sep 29, Oct 6, 13 Exam skills

Part 1 What is academic English? How to deal with new vocabulary in readings How good is your academic English vocabulary?

No evidence is given for the claim The claim is supported by reference to relevant research Teachers play a big part in motivation because, if you ask me, even if you’re motivated to begin with, if the teacher’s boring, you’ll soon lose your motivation. Opinion is clear enough Opinion is even clearer It’s impersonal Teachers can influence the motivation of their learners. A study by Nikolov (2001) showed how initially positive attitudes to language learning were badly affected by a dislike of the teaching methodology (as cited in Dornyei, 2005, p. 75) It’s personal. The sentence runs on in an unfocused way The sentences are more focused Everyday English Academic English

Teachers can influence the motivation of their learners. A study by Nikolov (2001) showed how initially positive attitudes to language learning were badly affected by a dislike of the teaching methodology (as cited in Dornyei, 2005, p. 75) All sources used must be referenced in-text Most paragraphs in the body of your essays and reports should include 1 or more references (author’s surname + year of publication + page if it’s a direct quote)

Dornyei, Z. (2005). The psychology of the language learner . Mahwah, NJ.: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. name, initial (year) title city And the full details need to be in your reference list at the end publisher

Crookes, G., & Schmidt, R. (1991). Motivation: Reopening the research agenda. Language Learning, 41 , 461-512 Davidson, C., & Tolich, M. (2001). Social science research in New Zealand . Auckland, New Zealand: Pearson Education Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic motivation and self- determination in human behaviour . New York: Plenum Dornyei, Z. (1994). Motivation and motivating in the foreign language classroom. Modern Language Teaching Journal, 78 (iii), 273-284 Dornyei, Z. (2005). The Psychology of the Language Learner . Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates Gardner, R. C. (2001). Integrative motivation and second language acquisition. In Z. Dornyei & R. Schmidt (Eds.), Motivation and second language acquisition (pp. 1-19). Honolulu, HI: University of Hawai'i Press Skehan, P. (1989). Individual differences in second language learning . London: Arnold Example reference list (APA style)

More advice on referencing at: http://tinyurl.com/slcvideos http://owll.massey.ac.nz/referencing.php Weds Workshop on August 11 th QB5 12 noon In addition to including referencing, academic English also has: more exact, technical or formal vocabulary more complex noun phrases more use of impersonal structures and fewer ‘you’ and ‘I’ Let’s compare sentences from two paragraphs about ageism – one in academic English and the other in ordinary English same paragraph written in ordinary and in academic English

Comparison of everyday and Academic English ‘ Ageism’ means when someone is treated badly just because they’re young or old. Ageism may be defined as “unfair discrimination towards someone on account of their age” (Smith & Davidov, 2003, p. 23).

Comparison of everyday and Academic English ‘ Ageism’ means when someone is treated badly just because they’re young or old. Ageism may be defined as “unfair discrimination towards someone on account of their age” (Smith & Davidov, 2003, p. 23). more exact, technical or formal vocabulary

Comparison of everyday and Academic English ‘ Ageism’ means when someone is treated badly just because they’re young or old. Ageism may be defined as “unfair discrimination towards someone on account of their age” (Smith & Davidov, 2003, p. 23). more complex noun phrases

Comparison of everyday and Academic English ‘ Ageism’ means when someone is treated badly just because they’re young or old. Ageism may be defined as “unfair discrimination towards someone on account of their age ” (Smith & Davidov, 2003, p. 23).

Comparison of everyday and Academic English What matters most isn’t whether or not someone’s treated differently but whether it’s got anything to do with what’s going on at the time. The crucial aspect is not discrimination in itself, but its unfairness.

Comparison of everyday and Academic English What matters most isn’t whether or not someone’s treated differently but whether it’s got anything to do with what’s going on at the time. The crucial aspect is not discrimination in itself, but its unfairness. more complex noun phrases

Comparison of everyday and Academic English What matters most isn’t whether or not someone’s treated differently but whether it’s got anything to do with what’s going on at the time. The crucial aspect is not discrimination in itself, but its unfairness. more exact, technical or formal vocabulary

Comparison of everyday and Academic English What matters most isn’t whether or not someone’s treated differently but whether it’s got anything to do with what’s going on at the time . The crucial aspect is not discrimination in itself, but its unfairness .

Comparison of everyday and Academic English For instance, someone might not get a job or get promoted because people think they’re too young or too old. Let us consider the case of someone prevented from obtaining employment or promotion because they are considered too young or too old.

Comparison of everyday and Academic English For instance, someone might not get a job or get promoted because people think they’re too young or too old. Let us consider the case of someone prevented from obtaining employment or promotion because they are considered too young or too old. more exact, technical or formal vocabulary

Comparison of everyday and Academic English For instance, someone might not get a job or get promoted because people think they’re too young or too old. Let us consider the case of someone prevented from obtaining employment or promotion because they are considered too young or too old. more use of impersonal structures

Comparison of everyday and Academic English You’d probably think that a bar that wouldn’t give a job to a 50 year old to serve drinks was being a bit ageist and if that person was good enough in every way except for the fact that they were getting on a bit, then you could call them ageist and, if you ask me, they wouldn’t really have a leg to stand on. A bar which refused to employ a 50 year old to serve drinks might be considered ageist, if that person fulfilled the employment specifications in every other respect.

Comparison of everyday and Academic English You’d probably think that a bar that wouldn’t give a job to a 50 year old to serve drinks was being a bit ageist and if that person was good enough in every way except for the fact that they were getting on a bit, then you could call them ageist and, if you ask me, they wouldn’t really have a leg to stand on. A bar which refused to employ a 50 year old to serve drinks might be considered ageist, if that person fulfilled the employment specifications in every other respect. more exact, technical or formal vocabulary

Comparison of everyday and Academic English You’d probably think that a bar that wouldn’t give a job to a 50 year old to serve drinks was being a bit ageist and if that person was good enough in every way except for the fact that they were getting on a bit, then you could call them ageist and, if you ask me, they wouldn’t really have a leg to stand on. A bar which refused to employ a 50 year old to serve drinks might be considered ageist, if that person fulfilled the employment specifications in every other respect. more use of impersonal structures

Comparison of everyday and Academic English You’d probably think that a bar that wouldn’t give a job to a 50 year old to serve drinks was being a bit ageist and if that person was good enough in every way except for the fact that they were getting on a bit, then you could call them ageist and, if you ask me, they wouldn’t really have a leg to stand on. A bar which refused to employ a 50 year old to serve drinks might be considered ageist, if that person fulfilled the employment specifications in every other respect. more complex noun phrases

Comparison of everyday and Academic English But you could hardly say a bar was being ageist if they didn’t take on a 16 year-old for the job because they’re not allowed to do so. However, no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they didn’t employ a 16 year-old, since they are legally prohibited from doing so.

Comparison of everyday and Academic English But you could hardly say a bar was being ageist if they didn’t take on a 16 year-old for the job because they’re not allowed to do so. However, no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they didn’t employ a 16 year-old, since they are legally prohibited from doing so. more use of impersonal structures

Comparison of everyday and Academic English But you could hardly say a bar was being ageist if they didn’t take on a 16 year-old for the job because they’re not allowed to do so. However, no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they didn’t employ a 16 year-old, since they are legally prohibited from doing so. more exact, technical or formal vocabulary

Comparison of everyday and Academic English But you could hardly say a bar was being ageist if they didn’t take on a 16 year-old for the job because they’re not allowed to do so . However, no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they didn’t employ a 16 year-old, since they are legally prohibited from doing so . more exact, technical or formal vocabulary

Paragraph in everyday English style Define ‘ageism’ giving an example to show what you mean? ‘ Ageism’ means when someone is treated badly just because they’re young or old. What matters most isn’t whether or not someone’s treated differently but whether it’s got anything to do with what’s going on at the time. For instance, someone might not get a job or get promoted because people think they’re too young or too old. You’d probably think that a bar that wouldn’t give a job to a 50 year old to serve drinks was being a bit ageist and if that person was good enough in every way except for the fact that they were getting on a bit, then you could call them ageist and, if you ask me, they wouldn’t really have a leg to stand on. But you could hardly say a bar was being ageist if they didn’t take on a 16 year-old for the job because they’re not allowed to do so.

These changes make the same paragraph in academic English more concise, more exact, more focused and more persuasive. Define ‘ageism’ giving an example to show what you mean? Ageism may be defined as “unfair discrimination towards someone on account of their age” (Smith & Davidov, 2003, p. 23). The crucial aspect is not discrimination in itself, but its unfairness. In other words, whether or not age is a relevant consideration in the circumstances. Let us consider the case of someone prevented from obtaining employment or promotion because they are considered too young or too old. A bar which refused to employ a 50 year old to serve drinks might be considered ageist, if that person fulfilled the employment specifications in every other respect. However, no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they didn’t employ a 16 year-old, since they are legally prohibited from doing so.

more exact, technical or formal vocabulary more complex noun phrases more use of impersonal structures Key features of academic English style obtaining employment may be defined as the crucial aspect the employment specifications might be considered no one could claim

In order to write more academically, you’ll need a larger academic vocabulary – and to use the same word as a noun, adjective, adverb etc. You’re going to see 20 sentences written in academic English. Each sentence has a missing word. You’ve been given the first three letters of the word. What is the word? Your target is to recognise 16 or more of the words! How good is your academic English vocabulary?

1) It’s difficult to define the con_ _ _ _ of beauty. 2) The internet gives you acc_ _ _ to information and personal contacts from around the world. 3) Evolution explains how simple animals developed into more com_ _ _ _ ones over a long period of time. 4) Come to the meeting if you feel you have anything to con_ _ _ _ _ _ _ to the discussion. 5) We are not really in competition with them, but there are a few ove_ _ _ _ _ between our products. concept access complex contribute overlaps

6) She asked me to check the first dra_ _ of her presentation. 7) The final cost of the project should not exc_ _ _ $ 10 000. 8) It’s impossible to eli_ _ _ _ _ _ crime completely, but this government aims to reduce it substantially. 9) Financial experts have det_ _ _ _ _ some signs that the economy may be improving. 10) No agreement has been reached but negotiations are still ong_ _ _ _. draft exceed eliminate detected ongoing

11) One reason that many goods are manufactured in China is the lower lab_ _ _ costs there. 12) We have to inf_ _ from his silence on the matter that he has nothing he wishes to say. 13) A recent sur_ _ _ found that more than 60 % of workers were dissatisfied with their bosses. 14) We had to make several calls to the tec_ _ _ _ _ _ support line before anyone came to repair out computer. 15) We all ass_ _ _ _ _ _ in the meeting room to hear from takeover news. labour infer survey technical assembled

16) The company publishes its ann_ _ _ accounts every September. 17) At the moment we don’t ant_ _ _ _ _ _ _ any problems with the new system. 18) The internet has become an important med_ _ _ of communication for companies. 19) Her work has been a cru_ _ _ _ part of the company’s success. 20) Unemployment will be one of the most important iss_ _ _ in the next election. annual anticipate medium crucial issues

Massey papers 192.101 English for Academic Purposes 192.102 Academic Writing Massey word-of-the-day service and website tinyurl.com/2rlcoe tinyurl.com/6xy9hy How to develop your academic English vocabulary

Hong Kong University of Science and Technology: http://uvt.ust.hk/about.html Hong Kong Polytechnic University: http://elc.polyu.edu.hk/cill/eap/default.htm University of Hertfordshire: http://www.uefap.com/vocab/vocfram.htm University of Manchester: http://www.phrasebank.manchester.ac.uk Selected online resources

How to deal with new vocabulary in your academic reading You need to be selective: There is far too much new vocabulary for you to learn.

Important concepts for this subject (business law) Only focus on vocabulary that’s relevant for your future studies – for example, all of this vocabulary comes from the first few pages of a first year business law textbook and needs to be dealt with strategically Important concepts for all academic research, analysis, argument etc presumption disseminate flora and fauna validity nomenclature solecisms arbitrary disclose derived adherents

high low ignore work out meaning and move on look it up to confirm and move on Look it up, file it in your system with an example sentence. Review it at the end of the day and week Choose a different strategy to deal with highly relevant and less relevant vocabulary future relevance

Some practice in working out meaning and moving on Try to work out the meaning of the highlighted word in this sentence from a marketing text book “ adequate research of overseas markets is … one of several prerequisites for international marketing success” things that will make a profit things that must be done things that will surprise you Quester, McGuiggan, Perreault, & McCarthy, 2004, p. 118

“ it is easy for both consumers and marketing managers to be lulled by the promise of constantly increasing standards of living. made to feel worried made to feel embarrassed made to feel relaxed Quester, McGuiggan, Perreault, & McCarthy, 2004, p. 118

“ If you watch a Yoplait advertisement that shows other people enjoying a new yoghurt flavour, you might conclude that you would like it too. For services, such vicarious learning is essential, as consumers can rarely assess the benefit directly and have to rely on the experience of others…” second-hand enjoyable common Quester, McGuiggan, Perreault, & McCarthy, 2004, p. 199

Summary of Part 1 Key features of academic English Keep developing your basic academic vocabulary Focus on learning relevant vocabulary: subject-specific and academic vocabulary Work out meaning of new vocabulary from context whenever possible

Part 2 Paragraph writing Summarising sources Selected grammar issues

Summarising Sources We’ll have a look at an example of a summary of a newspaper article Then we’ll look at the five-step process I followed in writing this summary If you follow the same process, you’ll write effective, concise, relevant summaries without any risk of plagiarism

A recent analysis of 50 000 applications for medical schools and top universities in the UK showed that 5% of them had based their ‘personal statements’ on ideas from websites. These included 800 applications using the same story about burning their pajamas when they were eight years old to explain why they wanted to be doctors! (Degree candidates copy from web, 2005) Summary of a newspaper report

How do I summarise the source text? Step 1. Find relevant text Step 2. Highlight key points Step 3. Transform into notes Step 4: Choose how to introduce the reference Step 5. Expand notes into linked sentences

Step 1 : Find a relevant text

Degree applicants 'copy from web' Thousands of prospective university students are using the internet to cheat in their applications, analysis by admissions service UCAS reveals. Checks on 50,000 personal statements found 5% had borrowed material. Its study, by CFL Software Development, was done after the 15 October deadline for Oxbridge, medicine, dentistry and veterinary science applications. Almost 800 drew on three example medicine statements on a free website, including a story about burnt pyjamas. The UCAS application form includes a personal statement for people to detail their interests and say why they want to study their chosen course. CFL, which makes detection software Copycatch, found: 370 sentences contained a statement beginning: "a fascination for how the human body works..." 234 contained a statement relating a dramatic incident involving "burning a hole in pyjamas at age eight" 175 contained a statement which involved "an elderly or infirm grandfather". (text continues) (from a BBC Online News article entitled “Degree candidates copy from web”, 2007)

Step 2 : Highlight the key points

Degree applicants 'copy from web' Thousands of prospective university students are using the internet to cheat in their applications, analysis by admissions service UCAS reveals. Checks on 50,000 personal statements found 5% had borrowed material . Its study, by CFL Software Development, was done after the 15 October deadline for Oxbridge, medicine, dentistry and veterinary science applications. Almost 800 drew on three example medicine statements on a free website, including a story about burnt pyjamas. The UCAS application form includes a personal statement for people to detail their interests and say why they want to study their chosen course. CFL, which makes detection software Copycatch, found: 370 sentences contained a statement beginning: "a fascination for how the human body works..." 234 contained a statement relating a dramatic incident involving "burning a hole in pyjamas at age eight" 175 contained a statement which involved "an elderly or infirm grandfather". (text continues) (from a BBC Online News article entitled “Degree candidates copy from web”, 2007)

Step 3 : Transform into notes

50 000 apps for top UK unis 5% borrowed mat from web for pers statements 234 used same story about burning pajamas – age 8 – to show why they wanted to go to med sch

Step 4 : Choose how to introduce the reference brackets (author, year) According to + author (year)… Author (year)+ verb …

According to Dunbar and Holmes (2003), cognitive behavioural therapy is increasingly preferred ….. Dunbar and Holmes (2003) claim that cognitive behavioural therapy is increasingly preferred ….. Cognitive behavioural therapy is increasingly preferred to more traditional medical interventions in such cases (Dunbar & Holmes, 2003).

Author (year) + verb + that .... claim argue explain point out provide evidence suggest

Step 5 : Expand notes into linked sentences

A recent analysis of 50 000 applications for the most competitive degree courses and top universities in the UK showed that 5% of them had based their ‘personal statements’ on ideas from websites. These included over 200 applications using the same story about burning their pajamas when they were eight years old to explain why they wanted to be doctors! (Degree candidates copy from web, 2005) 50 000 apps for top UK unis 5% borrowed mat from web for pers statements 234 used same story about burning pajamas – age 8 – to show why they wanted to go to med sch Step 5 : Write your own sentences which present the information from your source to YOUR audience in the context of your essay

Following these steps will help you avoid plagiarism AND make your writing clearer, more relevant and more convincing to the reader. Step 1. Find relevant text Step 2. Highlight key points Step 3. Transform into notes Step 4: Choose how to introduce the reference Step 5. Expand notes into linked sentences

If you miss out stage 3 and try to construct your paragraph directly from chunks of the original text, your writing will probably be: too long too full of unnecessary detail unclear about the main point lacking in flow plagiarised Compare the following summaries: in the first one, the writer has missed out stage 3 - they’ve paid too much attention paid to making small changes to the original source and not enough to constructing an argument – ie making a point and then supporting it.

A recent analysis of 50 000 applications for medical schools and top universities in the UK showed that 5% of them had based their ‘ personal statements’ on ideas from websites. These included over 200 applications using the same story about burning their pyjamas when they were eight years old to explain why they wanted to be doctors! (Degree candidates copy from web, 2005) It has been revealed by admissions service UCAS that thousands of university students cheat in their university entrance by using the internet. CFL Software Development checked 50 000 personal statements and found that material had been borrowed in 5% of them. These included medicine, veterinary science, dentistry and Oxbridge applications. When prospective university students had to say why they wanted to study the course they had chosen 234 included something about a dramatic incident of burning a hole in their pyjamas at the age of eight (Degree candidates copy from the web, 2005). Bad summary Good summary

Sample Assignment Question Discrimination in the workplace has two victims: in the short term, those discriminated against suffer; but in the longer term, organisations themselves suffer from their own discriminatory practices. Discuss in relation to the New Zealand business environment. Paragraph Structure

Although, as we have seen, sexism and racism continue to be prevalent in New Zealand organisations, there is a clear legal framework for identifying and dealing with both practices. This is not the case with ageism - defined as “unwarranted discrimination on the basis of age” (Smith & Davidov, 2003, p. 23). Because its legal status is less clearly marked, ageism is potentially even more endemic, since organisations may not recognise it as a problem. One obvious reason for this lack of recognition is that there are frequently justifiable reasons to take age into account in recruitment. For instance, no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they refused to employ a 16 year-old. Discrimination it may be, but it is not unwarranted. Sample Paragraph – first half

On the other hand, a bar which refused to employ a well-qualified 46 year-old to serve drinks clearly has an ageist policy, even if they justify this policy as what their customers and other staff expect. Such discrimination appears to be common in New Zealand (Morrison, 2000, p. 18) which indicates an underlying failure to respond to the changing demographics of our society (Executive Taskforce Group, 2004). Its negative impacts on organisations are likely to worsen over the coming decades in which older workers will be our main talent pool (Statistics New Zealand, 2006, ch. 8). Therefore, ageist policies, though currently legal, betray a backward-looking organisational culture, ill-equipped for the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead. Sample Paragraph – second half

Features of a well-made paragraph Builds on what’s been said already Focuses on the essay question Makes ONE clear basic point Supports this point with argument, references to research & examples Each sentence builds on earlier sentences Comes to a conclusion

Features of a well-made paragraph 1. Builds on what’s been said already

Start your paragraph with a bridge First part summarises previous paragraph Second part introduces new topic

Start your paragraph with a bridge Although, as we have seen, sexism and racism continue to be prevalent in New Zealand organisations, there is a clear legal framework for identifying and dealing with both practices. This is not the case with ageism …

Features of a well-made paragraph 2. Focuses on the essay question

Discrimination in the workplace Essay Question Organisations suffer as well as individuals New Zealand business environment General topic Claim which needs to be discussed Context

Discrimination in the workplace Essay Question General topic

Although, as we have seen, sexism and racism continue to be prevalent in New Zealand organisations, there is a clear legal framework for identifying and dealing with both practices. This is not the case with ageism - defined as “unwarranted discrimination on the basis of age” (Smith & Davidov, 2003, p. 23). Because its legal status is less clearly marked, ageism is potentially even more endemic, since organisations may not recognise it as a problem. One obvious reason for this lack of recognition is that there are frequently justifiable reasons to take age into account in recruitment. For instance, no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they refused to employ a 16 year-old. Discrimination it may be, but it is not unwarranted. On the other hand, a bar which refused to employ a well-qualified 46 year-old to serve drinks clearly has an ageist policy, even if they justify this policy as what their customers and other staff expect. Such discrimination appears to be common in New Zealand (Morrison, 2000, p. 18) which indicates an underlying failure to respond to the changing demographics of our society (Executive Taskforce Group, 2004). Its negative impacts on organisations are likely to worsen over the coming decades in which older workers will be our main talent pool (Statistics New Zealand, 2006, ch. 8). Therefore, ageist policies, though currently legal, betray a backward-looking organisational culture, ill-equipped for the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead.

Essay Question Organisations suffer as well as individuals Claim which needs to be discussed

Features of a well-made paragraph 3. Makes ONE clear basic point

In an argument essay, each paragraph should have a sentence which expresses an opinion on the question in relation to the topic of the paragraph. This topic sentence should normally be short and near the beginning. Because its legal status is less clearly marked, ageism is potentially even more endemic, since organisations may not recognise it as a problem.

Features of a well-made paragraph 4. Supports this point with argument, references to research & examples

Because its legal status is less clearly marked, ageism is potentially even more endemic, since organisations may not recognise it as a problem. One obvious reason for this lack of recognition is that there are frequently justifiable reasons to take age into account in recruitment. For instance, no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they refused to employ a 16 year-old. Discrimination it may be, but it is not unwarranted. On the other hand, a bar which refused to employ a well-qualified 46 year-old to serve drinks clearly has an ageist policy, even if they justify this policy as what their customers and other staff expect. argument and examples topic sentence

Because its legal status is less clearly marked, ageism is potentially even more endemic, since organisations may not recognise it as a problem. Such discrimination appears to be common in New Zealand (Morrison, 2000, p. 18) which indicates an underlying failure to respond to the changing demographics of our society (Executive Taskforce Group, 2004). Its negative impacts on organisations are likely to worsen over the coming decades in which older workers will be our main talent pool (Statistics New Zealand, 2006, ch. 8). references to research topic sentence

Features of a well-made paragraph 5. Each sentence builds on earlier sentences

Your paragraph construction toolkit 5.1 repetition and variation of key words Don’t be vague – remind the reader what you’re talking about in every sentence – don’t rely too much on ‘it’ – hoping they’ll guess what was in your head when you wrote it!

Although, as we have seen, sexism and racism continue to be prevalent in New Zealand organisations, there is a clear legal framework for identifying and dealing with both practices . This is not the case with ageism - defined as “unwarranted discrimination on the basis of age” (Smith & Davidov, 2003, p. 23). Because its legal status is less clearly marked, ageism is potentially even more endemic, since organisations may not recognise it as a problem. One obvious reason for this lack of recognition is that there are frequently justifiable reasons to take age into account in recruitment. For instance, no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they refused to employ a 16 year-old. Discrimination it may be, but it is not unwarranted. On the other hand, a bar which refused to employ a well-qualified 46 year-old to serve drinks clearly has an ageist policy, even if they justify this policy as what their customers and other staff expect. Such discrimination appears to be common in New Zealand (Morrison, 2000, p. 18) which indicates an underlying failure to respond to the changing demographics of our society (Executive Taskforce Group, 2004). Its negative impacts on organisations are likely to worsen over the coming decades in which older workers will be our main talent pool (Statistics New Zealand, 2006, ch. 8). Therefore, ageist policies , though currently legal, betray ……

Although, as we have seen, sexism and racism continue to be prevalent in New Zealand organisations, there is a clear legal framework for identifying and dealing with both practices. This is not the case with ageism - defined as “unwarranted discrimination on the basis of age” (Smith & Davidov, 2003, p. 23). Because its legal status is less clearly marked, ageism is potentially even more endemic , since organisations may not recognise it as a problem . One obvious reason for this lack of recognition is that there are frequently justifiable reasons to take age into account in recruitment. For instance, no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they refused to employ a 16 year-old. Discrimination it may be, but it is not unwarranted. On the other hand, a bar which refused to employ a well-qualified 46 year-old to serve drinks clearly has an ageist policy, even if they justify this policy as what their customers and other staff expect. Such discrimination appears to be common in New Zealand (Morrison, 2000, p. 18) which indicates an underlying failure to respond to the changing demographics of our society (Executive Taskforce Group, 2004). Its negative impacts on organisations are likely to worsen over the coming decades in which older workers will be our main talent pool (Statistics New Zealand, 2006, ch. 8). Therefore, ageist policies, though currently legal, betray a backward-looking organisational culture, ill-equipped …

Your paragraph construction toolkit 5.2 When you do use it / its and they / their make sure it’s clear what they refer to

Because its legal status is less clearly marked, it is potentially even more endemic, since organisations may not recognise it as a problem. Such discrimination appears to be common in New Zealand …… Its negative impacts on organisations are likely to worsen Subject matches subject of previous sentence and there are no ‘competing’ nouns Try not to use it more than once without reminding the reader what it refers to.

Your paragraph construction toolkit 5.3 This …. … . there is a clear legal framework …. This is not the case with ageism ….

Your paragraph construction toolkit 5.4 this / these or such + noun phrase summarising previous sentence(s) … .. organisations may not recognise it as a problem. One obvious reason for this lack of recognition is …. Such discrimination appears to be common ….

Your paragraph construction toolkit 5.5 Linking words …. Don’t keep your argument a secret. Share your logic with your reader. Use linking words and phrases to tell the reader how this next sentence relates to the one before.

Your paragraph construction toolkit 5.5 Linking words …. For instance , no one could claim a bar was being ageist because they refused to employ a 16 year-old.

Your paragraph construction toolkit 5.5 Linking words …. On the other hand , a bar which refused to employ a well-qualified 46 year-old to serve drinks clearly has an ageist policy

Your paragraph construction toolkit 5.5 Linking words …. Therefore , ageist policies, though currently legal, betray a backward-looking organisational culture ….

5.5 Linking words CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER Similarity and Difference ORDER OF IMPORTANCE first secondly next meanwhile later then afterwards finally on the other hand conversely similarly likewise however furthermore as a result in fact yet also in addition

GIVE AN EXAMPLE GIVE AN EFFECT/ RESULT ADD A CONCLUSION for example for instance therefore thus consequently as a result in brief all in all indeed in other words in short in the end 5.5 Linking words

Use linking words and expressions to guide your reader through the argument in each paragraph. former / latter There are two major approaches to blah, YYYY and ZZZZZ. The former , devised by Smith (1985) consists of AAAA, BBBB and CCCC...... The latter , the ZZZZZ model, was developed by Hassan and Watanabe (1993), and ……. Firstly, …… There are a number of drawbacks to this model. Firstly , ……… . Moreover , ……… . Finally , and most significantly , …….

Thus , though functionalists and Marxists both discern common features in education, they draw radically different conclusions. For functionalists, education is a means of resolving many of the divisions and tensions of modern society. Marxists perceive this conception of education as fundamentally flawed, since, for them, capitalist societies are inherently unfair to the majority of the population. Therefore , they seek to extend the scope of education, so that its main role is to enable people to reject, rather than passively accept those divisions. See www.phrasebank.manchester.ac.uk and www.academicenglishgenerator.com for more examples and suggestions for expanding your range of expressions

Features of a well-made paragraph 6. Comes to a conclusion So, try to tie your concluding sentence to each paragraph back to the topic of the essay

Therefore, ageist policies, though currently legal, betray a backward-looking organisational culture, ill-equipped for the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead. Claim which needs to be discussed Organisations suffer as well as individuals

Aim for 4 – 10 sentences – 100 – 220 words. If in doubt, consider breaking lengthy paragraphs into two, each with a single point!

Summary: A well-made paragraph Builds on what’s been said already Focuses on the essay question Makes ONE clear basic point Supports this point with argument, references to research & examples Each sentence builds on earlier sentences Comes to a conclusion

10) Spelling and Punctuation english a students life studing reknowned future carrier people are quiet friendly Top Ten Writing Mistakes – Massey 2009

9) Grammar of comparison the environment is more clean .. NZ is not that expensive than ... fees are quite cheaper than .. 8) Wrong tense or verb form My parents send me to New Zealand ... I choose to study in NZ .. Top Ten Writing Mistakes – Massey 2009

7) Wrong words New Zealand has very beautiful views nations which are upcoming with ideas a low number of crime 6) Wrong collocation Among the vital reasons the fees are cheaper Top Ten Writing Mistakes – Massey 2009

5) Wrong or unnecessary preposition The reason of coming to New Zealand was for improve my English included at the top 200 universities I would like to discuss about why … contact to students from Europe important in these days both of environment and social background an interesting opportunity to me In my point of view .. I’ve been dreaming for it Top Ten Writing Mistakes – Massey 2009

4) Wrong form of word (adjective instead of noun etc) New Zealand is inexpensive comparing to a political neutral place 3) missing ‘a’ and ‘the’ New Zealand is very safe country an important step for future environment is beautiful NZ universities have good reputation Top Ten Writing Mistakes – Massey 2009

2) agreement – especially where the noun doesn’t agree with verb statistics has shown … NZ universities offers 1) singular instead of plural parent are reassured that their child are ... one of the major reason is .. many beautiful place .. Top Ten Writing Mistakes – Massey 2009

Lost sentences Subject-verb agreement Vague pronouns ‘ the’ Selected issues

Problems with sentence structure normally arise from having too many clauses which are not clearly linked to the main clause! Simple and Complex Sentences Singh and Mandell (2009) developed an alternative model. subject verb phrase It will be argued that although the adoption of a single currency with Australia might strengthen New Zealand’s financial system and ease international trade, it is not in New Zealand’s interests because its economy and society are fundamentally different from those of its more powerful neighbour. Simple sentences – comprising a single clause – are good ways to introduce a new topic without going into detail In complex sentences (with several clauses) make sure that your main clause is really clear

In the 1960s when little study was devoted to facial expression, like most social scientists of her day, Mead believed expression was culturally determined, that we simply use our face according to a set of learned social conventions, a belief that grew from the emphasis on motivation and cognition in academic psychology that flourished at the time. Example ‘LOST’ sentence

In the 1960s, little study was devoted to facial expression. Like most social scientists of her day, Mead believed expression was culturally determined. In other words, she believed we simply use our face according to a set of learned social conventions. This belief grew from the emphasis on motivation and cognition in academic psychology that flourished at the time (Brown, 2006). “ Re-packed” version

The cost of residential houses has increased by 40% in the last two years. This dramatic rise in prices has forced many young people into the rental market. In 1999 the two countries resumed diplomatic talks. This improvement in the relationship between the two countries has facilitated the re-opening of trade links. When the subject is a noun phrase including singular + of + plural it needs a singular verb!

When a solution to a problem causes another problem, it should be reanalysed. Clearer version When a solution to a problem causes another problem, the entire problem-solution process should be reanalysed. Avoid vague pronouns like ‘it’

When you’ve mentioned something previously: At the meeting a student spoke about problems in finding housing. The student emphasised… When the word is qualified by specific information: Example 1: Qualified by a phrase: The books on the third shelf… Example 2: Qualified by another noun: The article commented on the New Zealand economy. Example 3: Qualified by a relative clause: The enquiry that began in 2001… Aim to use ‘the’ where necessary – it should form about 7% of everything you write (or say) in English

Thank you – and see you during the semester! Martin McMorrow ESOL Learning Advisor

2010 esol writing intensive

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