3parent writer s workshop2012

 What is a Personal Narrative
 Review the 6 Traits of Writing
 What exactly is a Mentor Text and how is it used in
Writer’s Workshop
 What is a lead and a conclusion
 What is all this fuss about show don’t tell
 How do explode the moment of the heart of your
story? ( slow down the moment)
 Evaluate some strong and weak pieces of writing
 Become familiar with scoring rubric
 Practice scoring papers

a true story
a story that really happened
a story that happened to the writer
a story that was observed by the writer

It’s not about any just any old memory.
It’s about a time so important that you don’t ever
want to forget.
We call it a “treasure”

Good Choice
Bad Choice
A house fire
Getting out of
A camping trip
bed
Learning to do
Eating dinner
something new
Brushing your
Special
hair.
ceremony
First airplane
flight
A new brother

Is the writing focused
on one main idea?
Is the main idea
supported with
interesting details?
Does it use show-
don’t tell?

Have you ever been scared? One time on Halloween I
went trick or treating. I dressed like a clown. I bought
my costume at my favorite store. My grandma went
with me. We made cookies at her house. She is 74.
She has big dog. I like Halloween.

----- There was shade covering the line to enter the rollercoaster. That’s when my eyes
got huge. The tall roller coaster shot up over the trees and the shade for the line. I
silently walked to the line. The wait felt like days, but all of a sudden I was in the
front of the line. I walked as slow as I could to my seat. The worker tightened my
seat belt and put a bar over my chest. The coaster jerked forward and I gathered
up courage. “Whoo hoo!” I shouted while we started going up the hill. I squeezed
my dad’s hand. We reached the top, I squeezed my dad’s hand again. WHOOSH!!!
The coaster’s force threw me back in my seat. Thump, thump thump! I bounced up
and down, Whoohooo!. “This is kind of fun” I thought. Zip, zip, zip. We did zig zags,
we went in circles, and we went up and down. Whoosh! I could see my friends
were waiting, but the pattern kept going. Zig Zag we went in more circles.
SCREECH!!! The roller coaster finally stopped.

With permission Davis 2012

Does the lead
grab the reader’s
attention?
Are there
transitions to
connect ideas and
details?
Does the writing
follow a
sequence?
Does the ending
sum up the main
idea?

 A lead is the beginning
of the story
 a good lead hooks the
reader’s attention,
making them want to
read on
 A good lead also makes
the writer want to write
more

It was as quiet as a mouse outside, you could hear the leaves as they swayed back and forth. As I went
outside in the September air on the way to the car that was parked in the driveway. The wind was
constantly whispering in my ear.
With Permission Brooke 2012

Whoosh, whoosh was the sound of the waves crashing up against the beach. It was almost morning in
Oregon and the Suing family was about to rise. The sun was gleaming through my window when I woke
up. It’s going to be a great day.
with permission Cade 2012

Beeeeep!! My alarm clock was beeping so loud that I could hear it from downstairs. I could not believe today
was the day that I was going to Mall of America.
With permission Tristan 2012

I was grinning from ear to ear. I was at a small farm in a town called Tilden, NE to get my first dog Lacey. As
the wind blew my hair, I couldn’t think about anything but this is awesome!!!
With permission Katelyn 2012
Picture this a, girl who is practically hopping off the school bus seat she is so excited to go to Heritage
School.The bus dropped us off, and a few seconds later it was time to go back in time from October 3,
2012 to October 3, 1892. I was staring at the small, white wooden schoolhouse. It had a big, golden bell
on top that made a pleasant sound. The schoolhouse was surrounded by the rough, dry, prairie grasses
that swayed in the wind.
With permission Bella 2012

Poor example:
Then we ate lunch, Then we played predator and prey. The adults lined up
, and then they said run. Then they counted to 1o, and then they tried to
find us. Then it was over.

At the end of swimming for like 4 hours, I was not satisfied yet! But we will come back
tomorrow I thought in my head!. As we went into our room I slipped into my pj’s and hit the
pillow. We had a weird day I thought to myself.
With permission Alexa Trucke 2012

Our class hopped out of the bus and felt the warm sun on our faces. Ahhh I said
the perfect day. The Heritage school teacher, Mrs.Henn seemed to go as slow as possible.
Come on, I thought let’s get this day started. When she finally got over to where we were,
she instructed us just what to do. Ladies in one line gentlemen in another she announced.
When we got in and an old chalkboard side my eyes traveled wall to wall, there was
old wooden desks in nice neat rows instead of a whiteboard placed right smack in the
middle of the wall.

With permission Allison 2012

The Mr. Freeze was towering. We got in line, it was dark outside which made it that
much more scary. Finally we got on the ride. The bars between our heads were
soft. My dad said “Are you ready?” “I guess” I said. “Here we go” I thought.
ZOOM we took off backwards, we went left, right, we twisted and went up and
around a loop then up to a tall tower. WOOSH we went down forwards, “Can this
get any more scary?” I wondered. I didn’t have time to scream, I didn’t have time
to do much of anything. It was so fast. The end I could finally see the end.
WOOSH. The ride came in like a rocket.
With permission Brandon 2012
A series of thought shots.

….. I sprinted off at the ball “ I got it, I’m not slow, Do not fail me now!” BOOM, the
sound my head made as I hit it on the deck. My dad rushed over and asked what
happened frantically. “ Am I alive I said before I touched my head and found
blood rushing down my face. We hurried inside and put a cold rag on my head
and wiped the blood off of my face. My dad took me to my parents’ room to lay
down. I thought about will I be able to go to my basketball game? Will I need to
go to the emergency room? Will I need to skip school? I thought nervously.
With permission Kyle 2012

…Suddenly, I heard a click! Everything went pitch black. The rain paused for a few seconds, and
then started again faster than the last time. We couldn’t see anything. But because of so
much lightning, we could see what was happening outside. Many minutes passed. When we
weren’t looking the trampoline capsized due to microbursts. The gutters severely flooded
with rain at a rapid speed. I started to get goose bumps everywhere on my body. Suddenly,
the gutter just couldn’t handle the weight. They eventually broke. The water soaked the
backyard porch. Lucky for us neither my mom or I were on the porch. Then, after all the
rain, the storm stopped. Finally, I could recharge and relax. The clouds disappeared. The
sun came with a nice rainbow. “Phew” I said with relief at least that’s over.” In my mind I
thought at least for now… for now.

By permission McKellan 2012

 Does the writer clearly
express his or her thoughts?
 Is the writer’s point of view
clear?
 Does the writer address its
audience?
 Has the writer added a
unique, personal touch to the
piece?

It was a beautiful October afternoon with leaves covering the ground
like snow and the sun was more orange than yellow. “Perfect day to go
to the pumpkin patch,” everyone thought. Except for me. I was thinking
“Am I going to live through this?” The reason for that is because I had
been dared to into the scariest haunted house on Rocaberry Farm and
if you’ve seen it you know what I mean. The gravel road seemed to last
forever, not only for me but for the whole family. My little brother fell
asleep, and everyone looked a little droopy after about an hour. But
there was no way I was falling asleep. We hopped out of the car after
what seemed like two hours. One half of my brain was saying “come on
have fun” while the other half was saying “This cannot be happening.”

With permission Cade 2012

…..As they started to blow they blew right smack into the neighbor's
yard. Then I thought, do they want them in her yard. I knew I would be
fine . Well sometimes what you think isn’t true . I could hear a garage
door open OH NO she came outside. I could hear her say what is with
all the leaves . It was only me, a leaf blower blower, and the last few
minutes of my life . On the bright side, my dad will like how we don’t
have leaves in our yard!!!!!

With permission Charlie 2012

Butterflies. No words were said. Nothing but silence lurked around us.
We could only watch. It was as if we were at a soccer game, and we
were just watching silently as someone on our favorite team kicked near
the goal and won. “Wow!” a couple of us at a time broke the silence. It
continued to happen. Two main kinds were there. I knew them as soon
as they landed. Monarchs and Cut Wings. The colors exploded into a
beautiful pattern. The moment was there. The moment was close. All
of it now added up. The tree was the place that we would find
butterflies and caterpillars. Since that day, we’ve called it the Butterfly
Tree. It was amazing. All we could do was talk about the moment.
“That was so cool! I just can’t believe it happened! Did it really happen
or was I dreaming?” “Yes! We couldn’t believe it either!” they cheerfully
replied. I couldn’t walk or talk. I could just think. The few butterflies that
remained seemed to stare at me and say “Go ahead and tell them! You
know what you should use the hut for, right?” “Guys, we need to use
this hut for the butterflies,” I told them and they agreed.

With permission Katelyn 2012

 Does the writer use
words that create
detailed pictures in the
reader’s mind?
 Do they avoid repeating
words?
 Are ideas expressed with
strong precise language?

Out of nowhere a firework tipped over and spit one firework that exploded into ten.
They were about knee high. I had no idea what anybody else was doing I was too
busy running for my life! Vicki grabbed us and we ran to her front porch. When
we got there it was over. My legs were shaking, my voice was trembling I
shuddered.

With permission Carmen 2012

We were still writing on are slates as I got my name called to the recitation
bench with a couple other girls. We got these old fashion books that
were ripped apart some words were not even visible. We each had to
stand up and read a paragraph. Some words were hard to read because
the ink was fading away we all tried our best to read it. We read a couple
of fables then we were rotating to the stations and another group was
reading.

With permission Sophie 2012

 Do sentences begin in
different ways?
 Do sentences vary in length
and type?
 Can the reader move with
ease from one sentence to the
next?
 Does the writing have a
natural flow when read aloud?

I looked around seeing the tall prairie grasses sway back and forth back and
forth. The sun beaming down in my face as I strolled around the stone
path like a snake slithering around. I walked into the one room school,
and the floor squeaked.' “Miss Meyer you will be seated right here’’. Miss
Henn said strictly. I shakily walked over to my seat next to Katelyn. We
smiled at each other in silence because in 1892 silence was golden.
With permission Ellie 2012

My refreshing quiet place is the warm beach. The sun glazing down on me. The palm trees
as high as skyscrapers. There’s an umbrella over my head to keep me cool. My toes
barely touching the crystal blue waters. A cup of icy lemonade in my hand. The
coconuts on the trees just hanging by a thread. The tiny little seashells are scattered
around the gold soft sand. Way high in the sky the lumpy, bumpy, puffy looking clouds
tend to give me shade. The taste of the ocean salt water in my mouth. I can hear the
wind singing to me in the swaying breezes. That’s my refreshing quiet place. A place for
me to relax.

With permission Averie 2012

Paragraphs are solid
throughout the story.
Grammar, usage,
spelling and
punctuation are
correct throughout
story.
Handwriting is legible
throughout story.

To expose kids to a
styles of writing-
author’s craft
Give students ideas
Models different
traits of writing

The dog ran. (tells you)
The large black dog ran down the street
chasing the boys. His teeth were showing as
if he were grinning happily. His ears flying in
the wind and his paws pounding the Showing is more
pavement. He tongue hanging out and
flapping as he ran. (shows you) specific than telling
I rode my bike to school (tells you)
Showing helps
…… We hopped on our bikes and I bolted readers make
out of my driveway, sped down the hill going
as fast as I could. I took a sharp turn around pictures in their
the circle drive. I thought to myself “ OH
GREAT THE BUSY STREET”. My mom minds
warned me to slow down. What took 30
seconds felt like 30 minutes. I huffed and Showing is more
puffed up the hill. I was a rain cloud of
sweat. I finally reached Maxey, put my bike
on the rack and sprinted inside.
interesting than
telling
With permission Grant 2012

We eventually got the materials to make a present. All we got were tape and
wrapping paper. After we got the materials, we slightly slipped the ziploc bags
into the box. We then sealed the box shut so there would be no openings. Both
of us slapped the tape so the box would look brand new. We snatched the
wrapping paper and wrapped the box. The tape came in again. The tape
sealed the wrapping paper on the box. The present was almost completed. We
now just dramatically wrote the first letter of the note.

With permission Joshua 2012

We were all seated and Heritage School class begins!!!....... The morning
whipped by fast with Orthography Spelling), reading, and history. We were
called up to go wash in the bowl filled with well water. I was called and
I trudged into the the wash room. I dipped my hands in the
bowl....Cold!!!! I screamed in my head since children were to be seen but
never heard.(Maximum) My mouth was dumped open and my face
looked shocked. Ms. Hillhouse(Carmen) was looking at me worriedly. I’m
guessing she doesn’t like cold water. I rubbed my hands with the old
yellow soap. Then I dipped my hands back in.
With permission Jessica 2012

Silence… All you can hear are my thoughts. My tree house is my quiet
place. Light pouring through the windows. A triple rainbow up
high in the sky. A circle of trees surrounding me. The sweet smells
of oranges, apples, bananas and pears that I have brought along. A
ladder that leads me to a wooden floor. My tree house is my quiet
place.
with Permission Nicholas 2012
My quiet place is the creek. Waveless water, no splashes, dancing in
the breeze, just peaceful. Standing upon my favorite tree (Jerry)
watching kids play at the park. It’s a good place to go when you are
mad because it helps you feel calm. There are two ways to go. One
way takes you to poisonous mushrooms, the other leads you to tall
grass and a pond by houses. Even in the winter it is quiet walking
on the ice. My quiet place is the creek.
With permission Logan 2012

It’s the one thing
your reader should
walk away knowing
Climax on the Story
Arc.
Typically the middle
of the story, the big
WOW

….. When we were done, we were all full, but we still had the S’mores
to eat. We got out the honey graham crackers, the creamy Hershey
milk chocolate bars, and the soft squishy marshmallows. I grabbed
one marshmallow from the bag, shoved it onto a stick, and stuck it
over the fire. I watched as the white slowly turned to tan. I took it out
of the fire and carefully took it off the stick. I grabbed some graham
crackers and a piece of chocolate, and squeezed it all together.
Then I took it up to my mouth, seconds later….it was DELICIOUS!!!
But I wasn’t surprised, I mean I am a professional S’mores maker.

With permission Rhett 2012

 Ending ties back to
beginning.
 Should satisfy the reader.
 During State Writing the
ending should readdress
the prompt.
 It does not equal THE
END or I hope you liked
my story.

We lined up ladies in one line and gentle men
in another as we walked away pails in hand and
my braids blowing behind me. I glanced one
last time at Heritage school, good bye I
thought good bye. We hopped on the bus and I
took my seat. I gazed out the window right at
the old school house. And I watched until it
was faded in the distance. All of a sudden I felt
myself smile. Here we go I whispered back to
2012.

With permission Allison 2012

Now it’s your turn to write.

You get a prompt to write to, so gather
up a piece of paper and a pencil. Find
the writer inside of you and remember
all the pieces it takes to make a great
personal narrative.

Your prompt is write
a memory about
bringing your child
home as a baby.
Don’t forget all you
have learned.

3parent writer s workshop2012

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