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Chapter 7- Auditing Information
Technology-Based Processes
Instructorโ€™s Manual
2 | P a g e
CHATPER 7: AUDITING INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY-BASED PROCESS
LEARNING OBJECTIVES:..........................................................................................................................................3
REAL WORLD: AURAFIN BRAND .............................................................................................................................3
INTRODUCTION TO AUDITING IT PROCESSES (STUDY OBJECTIVE 1) ........................................................4
TYPES OF AUDITS AND AUDITORS (STUDY OBJECTIVE 2) .......................................................................4
INFORMATION RISK AND IT-ENHANCED INTERNAL CONTROL(STUDY OBJECTIVE 3) ..........................6
AUTHORITATIVE LITERATURE USED IN AUDITING (STUDY OBJECTIVE 4) ...............................................6
MANAGEMENT ASSERTIONS AND AUDIT OBJECTIVES(STUDY OBJECTIVE 5)..............................................8
PHASES OF AN IT AUDIT (STUDY OBJECTIVE 6)...................................................................................................9
USE OF COMPUTERS IN AUDITS (STUDY OBJECTIVE 7) .........................................................................11
TESTS OF CONTROLS (STUDY OBJECTIVE 8) ..............................................................................................11
GENERAL CONTROLS ........................................................................................................................................11
APPLICATION CONTROLS..................................................................................................................................13
TESTS OF TRANSACTIONS AND TESTS OF BALANCES (STUDY OBJECTIVE 9) ...................................14
AUDIT COMPLETION/REPORTING (STUDY OBJECTIVE 10)..........................................................................15
OTHER AUDIT CONSIDERATIONS (STUDY OBJECTIVE 11 ) ......................................................................15
DIFFERENT ITENVIRONMENTS..........................................................................................................................15
CHANGES IN A CLIENTโ€™S IT ENVIRONMENT ..................................................................................................17
SAMPLING VERSUS POPULATION TESTING......................................................................................................17
ETHICAL ISSUES RELATED TO AUDITING (STUDY OBJECTIVE 12) ..........................................................18
CHAPTER SUMMARY ............................................................................................................................................19
3 | P a g e
CHAPTER 7: AUDITING INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY-BASED PROCESS
LEARNING OBJECTIVES:
1. An introduction to auditing IT processes
2. The various types of audits and auditors
3. Information risk and IT-enhanced internal control
4. Authoritative literature used in auditing
5. Management assertions used in the auditing process and the related audit objectives
6. The phases of an IT audit
7. The use of computers in audits
8. Tests of controls
9. Tests of transactions and tests of balances
10. Audit completion/reporting
11. Other audit considerations
12. Ethical issues related to auditing
REAL WORLD: AURAFIN BRAND
โ€ข The Aurafin brand is renowned in the jewelry industry as the fashion leader in fine gold.
โ€ข Owned by Richline Group, Inc., a subsidiary of Berkshire Hathaway, Inc., the brand is sold by retail
giants like JCPenney, Macyโ€™s, and many online outlets.
โ€ข Aurafin has overcome significant challenges in maintaining its customer relationships. Several years
ago, Aurafin began experiencing such severe problems with transaction fulfillment and delivery that
its customers were taking notice.
โ€ข JCPenney had implemented a supplier scorecard system, a type of vendor audit whereby companies,
which do business with JCPenney were evaluated on the basis of the quality of service provided. This
system brought to light some significant violations in Aurafinโ€™s business processes, including
weaknesses in controls and inadequate computer systems.
Aurafin took quick action, undergoing a thorough IT audit which identified the specific causes of its process
failures. Aurafin acted swiftly upon the recommendations made by its auditors and implemented a more
reliable technology platform that empowered it to apply a variety of new audit and control techniques and to
get its systems in sync with its business goals. Aurafin credits the audit processes to its newfound success,
including its subsequent recognition as JCPenneyโ€™s โ€œVendor of the Year.โ€ This chapter focuses on various
aspects of an IT audit, as well as the accountantโ€™s techniques for evaluating information-technology processes,
and their importance in business processes.
4 | P a g e
INTRODUCTION TO AUDITING IT PROCESSES (STUDY OBJECTIVE 1)
Nearly all business organizations rely on computerized systems to assist in the accounting function.
Technological advances have transformed the business world by providing new ways for companies to do
business and maintain records. This boom in technological developments has increased the amount of
information that is readily available. Business managers, investors, creditors, and government agencies often
have a tremendous amount of data to use when making important business decisions. However, it is often a
challenge to verify the accuracy and completeness of the information.
Accountants have an important role in the business world because they are called upon to improve the quality
of information provided to decision makers. Accounting services that improve the quality of information are
called assurance services. Many types of services performed by accountants are considered assurance
services because they lend credibility to the underlying financial information. An audit is the most common
type of assurance service
TYPES OF AUDITS AND AUDITORS (STUDY OBJECTIVE 2)
The main purpose of the audit is to assure users of financial information about the accuracy and completeness
of the information. To carry out an audit, accountants collect and evaluate proof of procedures, transactions,
and/or account balances and compare the information with established criteria. The three primary types of
audits include:
โ€ข compliance audits,
โ€ข operational audits, and
โ€ข financial statement audits
Compliance audits determine whether the company has complied with regulations and policies established by
contractual agreements, governmental agencies, company management, or other high authority.
Operational audits assess operating policies and procedures for efficiency and effectiveness
Financial statement audits determine whether the company has prepared and presented its financial
statements fairly, and in accordance with established financial accounting criteria.
โ€ข financial statement audits are performed by certified public accountants who have extensive
knowledge of generally accepted accounting principles (GAAP) in the United States and/or
International Financial Reporting Standards (IFRS)
5 | P a g e
There are different types of audit specialization that exist in business practice today, including:
โ€ข An internal auditor is an employee of the company that he or she audits. Most large companies have
a staff of internal auditors who perform compliance, operational, and financial audit functions at the
request of management. Some internal auditors achieve special certification as certified internal
auditors (CIAs).
โ€ข IT auditors specialize in information systems assurance, control, and security, and they may work for
CPA firms, government agencies, or with the internal audit group for any type of business
organization. Some IT auditors achieve special certification as certified information systems auditors
(CISAs).
โ€ข Government auditors conduct audits of government agencies or income tax returns.
โ€ข CPA firms represent the interests of the public by performing independent audits of many types of
business organizations.
Only CPA firms can conduct financial statement audits of companies whose stock is sold in public markets
such as the New York Stock Exchange. An important requirement for CPA firms is that they must be neutral
with regard to the company being audited. The neutrality requirement allows CPA firms to provide an
unbiased opinion on the information it audits, and it is the foundation of an external audit performed by CPAs.
An external audit is performed by independent auditors who are objective and neutral with respect to the
company and information being audited. To keep their neutrality, CPA firms and their individual CPAs are
generally prohibited from having financial and managerial connections with client companies and from having
personal ties to those working for client companies. A CPAโ€™s objectivity could be impaired by having these
types of relationships with a client company or with anyone having the ability to influence the clientโ€™s
decisions and financial reporting activities.
โ€ข Performing financial statement audits is a main service of CPA firms.
โ€ข Because many audited companies use sophisticated IT systems to prepare financial statements, it is
important for auditors to enhance the quality of their services in auditing those systems.
โ€ข IT auditing is a part of the financial statement audit that evaluates a companyโ€™s computerized
accounting information systems.
โ€ข An auditor must gain a sufficient understanding of the characteristics of a companyโ€™s IT system.
โ€ข Use of computers may significantly change the way a company processes and communicates
information, and it may affect the underlying internal controls. Therefore, the IT environment plays a
key role in how auditors conduct their work in the following areas:
o Consideration of risk
o Audit procedures used to obtain knowledge of the accounting and internal control systems
o Design and performance of audit tests
6 | P a g e
INFORMATION RISK AND IT-ENHANCED INTERNAL CONTROL
(STUDY OBJECTIVE 3)
Information risk is the chance that information used by decision makers may be inaccurate. Following are
some causes of information risk:
โ€ข the remoteness of information
โ€ข the volume and complexity of the underlying data
โ€ข the motive of the preparer
The most common way for decision makers to reduce information risk is to rely upon information that has
been audited by an independent party. Various risks are created by the existence of IT-based business
processes. For example, because the details of transactions are often entered directly into the computer
system, there may be no paper documentation maintained to support the transactions. This is often referred
to as the loss of audit trail visibility because there is a lack of physical evidence to visibly view.
Advantages of using IT-based systems:
โ€ข Internal controls can actually be enhanced if care is exercised in implementing these systems
โ€ข Computer controls can compensate for the lack of manual controls
โ€ข If programs are tested properly the risk of human error is virtually eliminated
โ€ข Provide higher quality information to management
AUTHORITATIVE LITERATURE USED IN AUDITING
(STUDY OBJECTIVE 4)
Generally accepted auditing standards (GAAS) are broad guidelines for an auditorโ€™s professional
responsibilities. These ten standards are divided into three categories that include general qualifications and
conduct of an auditor (general standards), guidelines for performing the audit (standards of fieldwork), and
requirements for the written report communicating the results of the audit (standards of reporting).
7 | P a g e
General Standards StandardsofFieldwork Standards ofReporting
1. The audit is to be performed by
a person or persons having
adequate technicaltraining
and proficiency as anauditor.
2. Independence in mental attitude
is to be maintained in all matters
related to the audit engagement.
3. Due professional care is to be
exercised in all phases of the
audit process.
1. The audit is to be adequately planned
and supervised.
2. An understanding of internalcontrol
is to be obtained as part of the
planning process for the purpose of
determining the nature, timing, and
extent of tests to beperformed.
3. Evidence is to be obtained through
inspection, inquiries, observation, and
confirmations in order to provide a
reasonable basis for forming an
overall opinion on the audit.
1. The written report must state whether
the financial statements are presented in
accordance with the establishedcriteria.
2. The written report identifies any
circumstances in which established
principles have not been consistently
applied in the current period in relation
to the priorperiod.
3. The financial statements are assumed
to contain adequate informative disclo-
sures unless otherwise indicated in the
written report.
4. The written report expresses an opinion
on the fairness of the financial
statements as a whole, or an assertion
to the effect that an opinion cannot be
expressed (and the reasons therefor).
The report also describes the character
of the auditorโ€™s work and the degree of
responsibilityassumedbytheauditor.
8 | P a g e
The Public Company Accounting Oversight Board (PCAOB) was organized in 2003 for the purpose of establishing
auditing standards for public companies in the United States
โ€ข The PCAOB was established by the Sarbanesโ€“Oxley Act, which was created in response to several major
corporate accounting scandals, including those affecting Enron, WorldCom, and others
โ€ข Prior to the PCAOB, standard-setting was the responsibility of the Auditing Standards Board (ASB) of the
American Institute of CPAs (AICPA)
โ€ข The International Auditing and Assurance Standards Board (IAASB) was established by the International
Federation of Accountants (IFAC) to set International Standards on Auditing (ISAs) that contribute to the uniform
application of auditing practices on a worldwide basis.
ISAs are similar to SASs; however, ISAs tend to extend SASs because of their usefulness in audits of multinational
companies. Although auditors have a primary responsibility to comply with standards issued within their own countries,
ISAs are useful in expanding those requirements in order to meet different needs in other countries where the audited
information may also be used. The Institute of Internal Auditors (IIA) established the Internal Auditing Standards Board
(IASB) to issue standards that pertain to attributes of internal audit activities, performance criteria, and implementation
guidance. The Information Systems Audit and Control Association (ISACA) issues Information Systems Auditing
Standards (ISASs) that provide guidelines for conducting the IT audit. These standards address audit issues unique to a
companyโ€™s information systems environment, including control and security issues.
MANAGEMENT ASSERTIONS AND AUDIT OBJECTIVES (STUDY OBJECTIVE 5)
Management assertions are claims regarding the condition of the business organization in terms of its operations,
financial results, and compliance with laws and regulations.
The role of the auditors is to analyze the underlying facts to decide whether information provided by management is
fairly presented. Auditors design audit tests to analyze information in order to determine whether managementโ€™s
assertions are valid. To accomplish this, audit tests are created to address general audit objectives. Each audit objective
relates to one of managementโ€™s assertions.
The following diagram illustrates management assertions and the corresponding audit objective:
9 | P a g e
Auditors must think about how the features of a companyโ€™s IT systems influence managementโ€™s assertions and the
general audit objectives. These matters have a big impact on the choice of audit methodologies used.
PHASES OF AN IT AUDIT (STUDY OBJECTIVE 6)
There are four primary phases of the audit:
โ€ข planning,
โ€ข tests of controls,
โ€ข substantive tests, and
โ€ข audit completion/reporting
Through each phase of an audit, evidence is accumulated as a basis for supporting the conclusions reached by the
auditors. Audit evidence is proof of the fairness of financial information. The techniques used for gathering evidence
include the following:
โ€ข Physically examining or inspecting assets or supporting documentation
โ€ข Obtaining written confirmation from an independent source
โ€ข Reperforming tasks or recalculating information
โ€ข Observing the underlying activities
โ€ข Making inquiries of company personnel
โ€ข Analyzing financial relationships and making comparisons to determine reasonableness
10 | P a g e
During the planning phase of an audit, the auditor must gain a thorough under- standing of the companyโ€™s business and
financial reporting systems. In doing so, auditors review and assess the risks and controls related to the business,
establish materiality guidelines, and develop relevant tests addressing the assertions and objectives
โ€ข tasks of assessing materiality and audit risk are very subjective and are therefore typically performed by
experienced auditors
โ€ข Determining materiality, auditors estimate the monetary amounts that are large enough to make a difference in
decision making
โ€ข Materiality estimates are then assigned to account balances so that auditors can decide how much evidence is
needed
โ€ข Below materiality limits are often considered insignificant
โ€ข Some accounts with immaterial balances may still be audited, though, especially if they are considered areas of
high risk
โ€ข Risk- refers to the likelihood that errors or fraud may occur
โ€ข Risk can be inherit or it may be caused by weak internal controls
A big part of the audit planning process is the gathering of evidence about the companyโ€™s internal controls
โ€ข Auditors typically gain an understanding of internal controls by interviewing key members of management and
the IT staff
โ€ข They observe policies and procedures and review IT user manuals and system flowcharts
โ€ข They often prepare narratives or memos to summarize the results of their findings
โ€ข Company personnel generally complete a questionnaire about the companyโ€™s accounting systems, including its
IT implementation and operations, the types of hardware and software used, and control of computer resources
โ€ข The understanding of internal controls provides the basis for designing appropriate audit tests to be used in the
remaining phases of the audit
In recognition of the fact that accounting records and files often exist in both paper and electronic form, auditing
standards address the importance of understanding both the automated and manual procedures that make up an
organizationโ€™s internal controls. In addition, many large and medium-size businesses are capturing an abundance of
data. The availability of Big Data sets in auditing may complicate an auditorโ€™s judgment. Yet auditors must always
consider how misstatements may occur, including the following:
โ€ข How data is captured and used
โ€ข How standard journal entries are initiated, recorded, and processed
โ€ข How nonstandard journal entries and adjusting entries are initiated, recorded, and processed
IT auditors may be called upon to consider the effects of computer processing on the audit or to assist in testing those
automated procedures.
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USE OF COMPUTERS IN AUDITS (STUDY OBJECTIVE 7)
If the use of IT systems does not have a great impact on the conduct of the audit, since the auditor can perform audit
testing in the same manner as would be done for a manual system the practice is referred to as auditing around the
computer because it does not require evaluation of computer controls.
โ€ข Auditing around the computer merely uses and tests output of the computer system in the same manner as the
audit would be conducted if the information had been generated manually
โ€ข Because this approach does not consider the effectiveness of computer controls, auditing around the computer
has limited usefulness.
Auditing through the computer involves directly testing the internal controls within the IT system, whereas auditing
around the computer does not
โ€ข sometimes referred to as โ€œthe white box approach,โ€ because it requires auditors to understand the computer
system logic
โ€ข This approach requires auditors to evaluate IT controls and processing so that they can determine whether the
information generated from the system is reliable
โ€ข Auditing through the computer is necessary under the following conditions:
o The auditor wants to test computer controls as a basis for evaluating risk and reducing the amount of
substantive audit testing required.
o The author is required to report on internal controls in connection with a financial statement audit of a
public company.
o Supporting documents are available only in electronic form.
Auditors can use their own computer systems and audit software to help conduct the audit. This approach is known as
auditing with the computer.
โ€ข A variety of computer-assisted audit techniques (CAATs) are available for auditing with the computer
โ€ข CAATs are useful audit tools because they make it possible for auditors to use computers to test more evidence
in less time.
TESTS OF CONTROLS (STUDY OBJECTIVE 8)
The tests of controls involve audit procedures designed to evaluate both general controls and application controls.
During audit planning, auditors must learn about the types of controls that exist within their clientโ€™s IT environment.
Then they may test those controls to determine whether they are reliable as a means of reducing risk. Tests of controls
are sometimes referred to as โ€œcompliance tests,โ€ because they are designed to determine whether the controls are
functioning in compliance with managementโ€™s intentions.
GENERAL CONTROLS
General controls MUST be tested before application controls. General controls are the automated controls that affect all
computer applications. The reliability of application controls is considered only after general controls are deemed
reliable.
12 | P a g e
The effectiveness of general controls is the foundation for the IT control environment. If general controls are not
functioning as designed, auditors will not devote attention to the testing of application controls; rather, they will
reevaluate the audit approach with reduced reliance on controls.
There are two broad categories of general controls that relate to IT systems:
โ€ข IT administration and the related operating systems development and maintenance processes
โ€ข Security controls and related access issues
IT Administration
Related audit tests include review for the existence and communication of company policies regarding the following
important aspects of administrative control:
โ€ข Personal accountability and segregation of incompatible responsibilities
โ€ข Job descriptions and clear lines of authority
โ€ข Computer security and virus protection
โ€ข IT systems documentation
Security Controls
Auditors are concerned about whether a companyโ€™s computer system has controls in place to prevent unauthorized
access to or destruction of information within the accounting information systems. Unauthorized access may occur
internally when employees retrieve information that they should not have, or externally when unauthorized users (or
hackers) outside the company retrieve information that they should not have. Access risks tend to escalate as companies
embrace newer technologies and allow sensitive data to be shared via smart devices, Web and mobile applications, and
social networks. Destruction of information may occur as a result of natural disasters, accidents, and other environ-
mental conditions. Controls that protect the company from these risks include:
โ€ข various access controls,
โ€ข physical controls,
โ€ข environmental controls, and
โ€ข business continuity policies
In order to test internal access controls, auditors should determine that the company has properly segregated IT duties
or compensated for a lack of segregation by improving supervisory reviews. The companyโ€™s authority table should be
tested to find out whether access to programs and data files is limited to authorized employees. Auditors should
perform authenticity tests for valid use of the companyโ€™s computer system, according to the authority tables.
In order to test external access controls, auditors may perform the following procedures:
โ€ข Authenticity tests
โ€ข Penetration tests
13 | P a g e
โ€ข Vulnerability assessments
โ€ข Review access logs to identify unauthorized users or failed access attempts
Physical controls include:
โ€ข locks,
โ€ข security guards,
โ€ข alarms,
โ€ข cameras, and
โ€ข card keys.
Physical controls not only limit access to the companyโ€™s computers, but also are important for preventing damage to
computer resources. In addition to assessing physical controls, auditors should evaluate the IT environment to
determine that proper temperature control is maintained, fireproofing systems are installed, and an emergency power
supply is in place.
APPLICATION CONTROLS
Application controls are computerized controls over application programs. Since any company may use many different
computer programs in its day-to- day business, there may be many different types of application controls to con- sider in
an audit.
Input Controls
Auditors perform tests to verify the correctness of information input to soft- ware programs. Auditors are concerned
about whether errors are being pre- vented and detected during the input stage of data processing. Auditors observe
controls that the company has in place and perform the comparisons on a limited basis to determine their effectiveness.
These tests can be performed manually or by electronic methods.
Processing Controls
IT audit procedures typically include a combination of data accuracy tests, whereby the data processed by computer
applications are reviewed for correct dollar amounts or other numerical values. For example, limit tests, described
previously as an input control, can also be an effective processing control. Run-to-run totals involve the recalculation of
amounts from one process to the next to determine whether data have been lost or altered during the process.
Balancing tests involve a comparison of different items that are expected to have the same values, such as comparing
two batches or comparing actual data against a predetermined control total. Mathematical accuracy tests verify
whether system calculations are correct. Completeness tests and redundancy tests, introduced earlier, check for
inclusion of the correct data.
Benfordโ€™s Law, also known as the first-digit law, was named for a physicist, Frank Benford, who discovered a specific,
but nonuniform pattern in the frequency of digits occur- ring as the first number in a list of numbers
14 | P a g e
The test data method is an audit and control technique often used to test the processing accuracy of software
applications. Test data are fictitious information developed by auditors and entered in the companyโ€™s application
system. Test data are processed under the companyโ€™s normal operating conditions. The results of the test are compared
with predicted results to deter- mine whether the application is functioning properly
A slight variation of the test data method involves the auditor testing fictitious data, using a copy of the companyโ€™s
application. The test data may be processed through the application on a different (nonclient) computer. Under these
conditions, an auditor can also use another test data method, program tracing, whereby bits of actual data are followed
through the application in order to verify the accuracy of its processing. Program mapping, on the other hand, counts
the number of times each program statement is executed, so it can identify whether program code has been bypassed.
An integrated test facility (ITF) may be used to test application controls without disrupting the clientโ€™s operations.
Parallel simulation- is an audit technique that processes company data through a controlled program designed to
resemble the companyโ€™s application
Embedded audit module- involves placing special audit testing programs within the companyโ€™s operating system
Output Controls
Regardless of whether the results are printed or retained electronically, auditors may perform the following procedures
to test application outputs:
โ€ข Reasonableness tests compare the reports and other results with test data or other criteria.
โ€ข Audit trail tests trace transactions through the application to ensure that the reporting is a correct reflection of
the processing and inputs.
โ€ข Rounding errors tests determine whether significant errors exist due to the way amounts are rounded and
summarized.
Reconciliation- a detailed report assessing the correctness of an account balance or transaction record that is consistent
with supporting documentation and the companyโ€™s policies and procedures.
At the conclusion of the controls testing phase of the audit, an auditor must determine the overall reliability of the
clientโ€™s internal controls. Auditors strive to rely on internal controls as a way to reduce the amount of evidence needed
in the remaining phases of the audit. They can be reasonably sure that information is accurate when it comes from a
system that is proven to have strong controls. Therefore, once the general and application controls are tested and found
to be effective, the amount of additional evidence needed in the next phase of the audit can be minimized
TESTS OF TRANSACTIONS AND TESTS OF BALANCES (STUDY OBJECTIVE 9)
Audit tests of the accuracy of monetary amounts of transactions and account balances are known as substantive testing
โ€ข Substantive tests verify whether information is correct, whereas control tests determine whether the
information is managed under a system that promotes correctness
โ€ข Some level of substantive testing is required regardless of the results of control testing.
15 | P a g e
โ€ข If weak internal controls exist or if important controls are missing, extensive substantive testing will be required.
โ€ข If controls are found to be effective, the amount of substantive testing required is significantly lower, because
there is less chance of error in the underlying records
Most auditors use generalized audit software (GAS) or data analysis soft- ware (DAS) to perform audit tests on
electronic data files taken from commonly used database systems. These computerized auditing tools make it possible
for auditors to be much more efficient in performing routine audit tests such as the following:
โ€ข Mathematical and statistical calculations
โ€ข Data queries
โ€ข Identification of missing items in a sequence
โ€ข Stratification and comparison of data items
โ€ข Selection of items of interest from the data files
โ€ข Summarization of testing results into a useful format for decision making
GAS and DAS are evolving to handle larger and more diverse data sets, which allow auditors to use more types of
unstructured data evidence and to perform more creative analytical procedures and predictive analyses.
AUDIT COMPLETION/REPORTING (STUDY OBJECTIVE 10)
After the tests of controls and substantive audit tests have been completed, auditors evaluate all the evidence that has
been accumulated and draw conclusions based on this evidence. This phase is the audit completion/reporting phase.
The completion phase includes many tasks that are needed to wrap up the audit. For many types of audits, the most
important task is obtaining a letter of representations from company management. The letter of representations is
often considered the most significant single piece of audit evidence, because it is a signed acknowledgment of
managementโ€™s responsibility for the reported information. In this letter, management must declare that it has provided
complete and accurate information to its auditors during all phases of the audit.
Four types of reports that are issued:
1. Unqualified opinion, which states that the auditors believe the financial statements are fairly and consistently
presented in accordance with GAAP or IFRS
2. Qualified opinion, which identifies certain exceptions to an unqualified opinion
3. Adverse opinion, which notes that there are material misstatements presented
4. Disclaimer of opinion, which states that the auditors are unable to reach a conclusion.
OTHER AUDIT CONSIDERATIONS (STUDY OBJECTIVE 11 )
DIFFERENT ITENVIRONMENTS
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approaching, my belly began to Chime, I thought all the meat in
East-cheap would not lay that spirit hunger had raised within me.
Coming by a bakers shop, I pretended to be ignorant of the City, &
as I was asking him the way to such a place, not caring what, I
happily secured a penny loaf, which I carried off undiscovered; I
thought it not good to cumber my pocket with it, wherefore at two
bits I gave it my belly to carry. Surely at that time I had an Ostriches
stomack; every thing I put into my mouth, passed through me like
Quick-silver. Going a little farther, I came to an Ordinary, where I saw
two sitting in a lower Room expecting their meat: I sate me down in
the next little box to them. Immediately there was brought to them
powdred Beef and Turnips; the young Man that served them, came
to me, demanding what I would have, I bid him let me alone, and
not speak too loud, for those two which were next me, were my very
good friends, and I would startle them by and by with my
unexpected appearance; at which he left me. Finding my
opportunity, I slipt my hands through a hole, in the form of an heart,
which was in the partition that divided us, and laying hold on the
Turnips, I spake aloud, You hoggs, are ye at the Roots? I will make
one among you instantly, and so brought out my handful; having
devoured them in a trice, I presented my self to their view, and sate
down with them: Gentlemen, said I, excuse my frollick, I am in a
merry humour to day. They concluded what I said to be a truth, and
bad me welcome. Nay, said I, meat will come instantly as a supply;
and so it had need, for we made a clear board immediately. Seeing
this, they called the boy, taxing him for sloth, that he did not bring
my meat. Sir, said he, the Gentleman did not order me to bring any;
at which they frownโ€™d, and began to charge me with incivility. What
are ye angry? said I. To which they replied Affirmatively: If so, I
answered, (laying my hand upon a full pot of Ale) I value your anger
no more than the drinking this Pot, which I swallowed at two gulps,
and so bid them farewel; leaving them to call for another Ordinary.
H
CHAP. XV.
How he had like to have been transported, being taken
up by Kid-napper, vulgarly called a Spirit.
aving satisfied my stomach, I walked along with much more
courage than before; which had been to little purpose, had I not
had a stick in my hand; For there was hardly a dog in the street
(which I went through) that gave me not his grinning Salutation,
and would when my back was turned (knowing else I would never
have suffered their humility) have kist my very heels, had not my
stick prevented their Snearing Dog-ships mouths. I have wondred
often why Doggs will bark so incessantly at the sight of a Tinker,
Pedlar, Tom-a-Bedlam, nay, any suspitious fellow, till I found it my
self by experience, that by natural instinct they know and hate the
scent of a Rogue. My course of life appeared so idle (by my lazy
stalking and gaping this way and that, sometimes standing still and
seriously viewing what deserved not a minutes observance) that the
Beadle took hold on me, telling me it was great pitty that such a
lusty young Man should want imployment, and therefore would help
me to some: but understanding from him that it must be in
Bridewel, my leggs failed me, shewing thereby how unwilling they
were to be accessary to the punishment which would be inflicted on
my back: at length by pitiful looks, and many intreaties, I got clear
of him, but fell immediately foul with an evil spirit, or a Seducer of
Persons to the Indies. Well may he be called a Spirit, since his
nature is like the Devils, to seduce any he meets withal, whom he
can perswade with allurements and deluding falsities to his purpose.
After he had asked me many impertinent questions, he invited me to
drink with him; I ingeniously told him I had not a penny, otherwise
his motion would be acceptable to me. At which he cast up his eyes
to Heaven, and laying his hands on his breast, Alas poor young Man,
said he, what pitty it is such a fellow as thou art shouldst want
money; which argues thou art both destitute of friends, and an
imployment also. Well, Iโ€™le say no more for the present, but before
we part Iโ€™le study some way or other for thy advantage, which I
shall do meerly out of commiseration to the miserableness of thy
condition, as also out of respect to thy Father, whom I am confident
I have heretofore known; by the resemblance thou bearest him in
thy Countenance. I could but smile to my self to hear how this
Rascal dissembled; not discovering my thoughts, I willingly went
with him to drink, resolving to see what the event would be; after he
had paused a while, Well, said he, I have found it.
There is a Merchant an intimate friend of mine that wants a Store-
house-keeper; Now if you can cast accompts ever so indifferently,
you shall find entertainment from him, and 40 l. per annum for
encouragement. I told him that I joyfully accepted his kind proffer,
and that I should refer my self to be disposed of as he should think
fit. With that he imbraced me, saying, within two days I should go
aboard the Ship where the Merchant was, who would go along with
me to Virginia (where he pretended the Merchants Plantation lay) in
the mean time, you shall go along with me to my house, where you
shall be, and shall receive from me what your necessities require. I
had heard before, how several had been served in this kind, so that
being forewarned, I was fore-armed: premonitus, premunitus. He
carried me away presently to Wapping, and housed me. To the
intent he might oblige me to be his, he behaved himself
extraordinary friendly; and that he might let me see that he made no
distinction between me and his other friends, he brought me into a
Room where half a score were all taking Tobacco: the place was so
narrow wherein they were, that they had no more space left, than
what was for the standing of a small table. Methought their mouths
together resembled a stack of Chimneys, being in a manner totally
obscured by the smoak that came from them; for there was little
discernable but smoak, and the glowing coals of their pipes.
Certainly the smell of this Room would have out-done Assa Fล“tida,
or burned Feathers in the Cure of Ladies troubled with the Fits of the
Mother. As to the sight, the place resembled Hell, so did it likewise
as to its scent, compounded of the perfume of stinking Tobacco and
Tarpawlin. So that I concluded the resemblance most proper.
In Hell damnโ€™d souls, fire, smoak, and stink appear.
Then this is Hell, for those four things were here.
I was seated between two, lest I should give them to slip.
After I had been there awhile, the Cloud of their smoak was
somewhat dissipated, so that I could discern two more in my own
condemnation: but alas poor Sheep, they neโ€™re considered where
they were going, it was enough for them to be freed from a seven
years Apprenticeship, under the Tyranny of a rigid Master (as they
judged it, coming but lately from sucking the breasts of a too
indulgent Mother) and not weighing (as I know not how they
should) the slavery they must undergo for five years, amongst
Brutes in foreign parts, little inferior to that which they suffer who
are Gally-slaves. There was little discourse amongst them, but the
pleasantness of the soyl of that Continent we were designed for, (out
of a design to make us swallow their gilded Pills of Ruine) & the
temperature of the Air, the plenty of Fowl and Fish of all sorts; the
little labour that is performed or expected having so little trouble in
it, that it rather may be accounted a pastime than any thing of
punishment; and then to sweeten us on the farther, they insisted on
the pliant loving natures of the Women there; all which they used as
baits to catch us silly Gudgeons. As for my own part, I said but little
but what tended to the approbation of what they said.
For all my aim (as I related before) was to understand the drift of
this Rogue, and then endeavour to get what I could from him. By
this time supper was talkt of by our Masters; so choice they were in
their dyet, that they could not agree what to have. At last one
stands up, and proclaiming silence, said, that a Dish of Bruiss was
the most Princely Dish of any. And to tell you truly, by his looks, I
thought he had been begot just as his Mother had put a Sop into her
mouth, of that Stomach-murdering stuff, the grease running about
her chops, which pleasing her fancy, struck so deep an impression in
the imagination upon her conception, that the face of that thing she
brought forth, lookt much like a Toast soaking in a Cooks Dripping-
pan.
That he might perswade the rest this way to indulge his appetite, he
added farther, that it was a Dish would not be expensive, and soon
ready. My Landlady to back him on, said, she had some skimmings
of the pot, which she had been collecting these three moneths,
some whereof she questioned not but to procure, and let her alone
to order it so, that we should say we never had a better Dish aboard
in our lives.
Another contradicting him, preferred a bowl of Pease-pottage before
the cheifest meat whatever, that he could never look into the pot
and see them boyl round, but that his heart leapt within him, and
kept time with their motion. My master (that was their Senior)
scorned to be controlled in his fancy; and therefore positively
determined to have some Poor John, swearing that the Great Mogul
did eat nothing else thrice a week, and that Atabalipa (that Indian
King whom Cortez conquered) caused a sacrifice every day to be
made of them to his Idol, commanding them to be laid on an Altar
made of some coals of fire, then the fat of some beast rubbed
thereon, (because they had no Butter) and so presented to the Idol,
afterwards to the King, which he did eat with inexpressible
satisfaction. Order was given that this delicate fare should be
provided. Though they did beat it most unmercifully, yet it would not
yield, resolving rather to be broken in peices, then to become unlike
its Masters heart, or shew any thing of a tender nature. There was
one allotted me for my proportion, which I used as they had done,
laying it on the coals a little while, and so committing it to my teeths
disposal, I never found till now that my teeth could be thus
shamefully baffled. They made several assaults upon it to little
purpose. My teeth at length fearing a total conquest, desperately
and inragedly seizโ€™d on the thinnest and weakest part, and holding it
as fast as a Vice, at last in the conflict overpowered one small fleak,
but not being able to stay the swift backward motion of my head,
the hinder part thereof (the seat of Memory) flew so violently
against the wall, that I not only instantly forgot what I was doing,
where I was, but the pain then I sustained by the knock. Strong-
water they poured down my Throat to revive me, but there was
nothing did sooner fetch me than a small fleak of the Poor John,
which sticking in my Throat had well nigh choaked me, which caused
a strugling, and summoned the spirits together to oppose what
might be destructive to Nature.
Now did I really imagine my self at Sea, where, for want of
provision, I was forced to feed on Cordage, or the Ship sides. Had
this poor creature been ground small, I might have made as hard a
shift to have swallowed it, as those Sea-men did the Saw-dust of
deal boards coming from Norway, and destitute of other food. That
night I slept but little, neither could I, had I swallowed Opium for
that purpose, for the innumerable quantity of Buggs (as some call
them) that had invaded my body; being weary (as I suppose) of
inhabiting any longer the dry mansion of that old rotten Bedsted on
which I lay. In the morning I found the ruines of a Looking-glass in
the window, which I took up to discover what knots or nodes those
were I felt orespreading my face. The sight whereof struck into me a
Pannick fear, verily believing I had been infected with a spotted
Feaver.
I began to curse the bed and sheets, imagining the Contagion
proceeded from them; to be satisfied herein, I drew aside at the
beds feet the Curtain (that is to say, part of a Tilt) pinned there to
keep the wind off, which otherwise would have fanned us to death,
coming in so furiously through the Port-cullise of the window: (for
glass there was little). At first sight I questioned whether I was not
lately risen from the Dead, since there was visibly before my Eyes,
the black Cloath that covered my Herse. Had not we gone to bed
without a Candle over-night, I should sooner have chosen a bulk
than this bed to lye on. It might have been a good Quรฆre, whether
those sheets had ever been washt since their weaving, and
continually since imployed by Whores and Bawds, successively, to
sweat out their Contagious humours, and matter proceeding from
their ulcerated Bodies.
My pretended friend perceiving my amazement, bid me be of good
courage, for those marks in my face, were only occasioned by a
stinging sort of Vermine, who seldome meddle with such as are
accustomed to them, only giving their welcome to such as were
New-comers. I took these sufferings as patiently as I could; but
thinking it was an ill coming for me to either of them; and it should
not be long before I would take my farewell. We had scarce
breakfasted, before a Messenger came into the room, and with
much seeming respect pretended to deliver a Message to my friend.
I ghessed it was to inform him how the Tyde served, and so it
proved. My friend told me we must be gone instantly, for the
Merchant attended my coming: Wherefore we presently went down
to the staires to take Boat: by the way he told me, that he would go
with me in the same Ship, and take as much care of me as he would
of his own Son, whom I understood afterwards he had too sure,
above a year since stoln away, and sold him as a slave. One while I
thought to have ran for it, another time I thought to have cryed out,
a Spirit, a Spirit, but that the thought of the Water-men being his
Accomplices, deterred me. I was at my wits end, not knowing what
to do. Coming into the Boat, being now destitute of all relief, I asked
him according to his former pretence, whether he resolved to go to
Sea with me? yes, replyed he, I question, Sir, (said I) whether you
ever told a truth in your life, but I am resolved you shall now; and
with that I flung my self with him over-board. Those which were in
the Boat, immediately endeavoured at our rising to pull us up into
the Boat: But I clapping my hands unfortunately on the side of the
Boat on which they within leaned, overturned it upon me. The first
thought this accident produced in me, was that a Whale had
swallowed me, and that I was in the dark concave of his belly: or
that Death had arrested me, and clapped me up a close prisoner for
my sins, in Hellโ€™s deep and black Dungeon. But by the industry and
expedition of many Water-men, eye-witnesses of this passage,
(which had like to have proved Tragical) the Boat was recovered,
and I the first person taken up and set on shore.
Multorum manibus grande levatur onus.
Many hands make light work. I neโ€™er staid to see what was become
of my good Friend, (a Pox take him) but with what speed I could,
attended with a great number of little hooping Owlets (I mean the
young fry of Scullars) I secured my self from this Anthropopola, or
Man-seller: A charitable woman seeing me in this pickle, (for it was
Salt water, which my Sousโ€™d guts may testifie if they please, in their
grumbling manner of speaking) told me that she would entertain me
till to morrow. This was the greatest Cordial could be applied to this
cross; and without many Complements, I thanked her for her great
love. Now because she saw what condition I was in, she immediately
put me to bed.
P
CHAP. XVI.
How under the pretence of begging, he stole a Cloak,
and with that went to a Gaming Ordinary; what a
bold Adventure he made there, and the success
thereof.
arting from this good Woman, I began to think that the Art of
stealing might be reckoned amongst the liberal Sciences; for
though it may be called an Handicraft, yet it cannot be looked on as
Mechanick. This is the Art, the right Practice whereof is the true
Philosopherโ€™s stone, the Elixer of life; with which many turn Poyson
into Medicine, coarse cloath into cloath of Gold, hunger into fulness
and satiety, convert rags into Sattins, and all this done by a quick
wit, and slight of hand.
The Antiquity and Dignity of this Profession, I shall relate elsewhere,
and shall proceed on in my Adventures.
The Evening or Twilight being come, I chanced to look in at a door,
and perceiving none at hand, I went in boldly, resolving if I met any
to beg an Almes of them, having before premeditated what I had to
say, viz., that I was a poor distressed young Gentleman, my Father,
Mother, nay, all my Relations I knew, being dead, and that not
knowing what to do, was forced (under the Covert of the night) to
beseech the assistance of charitable minded persons. But in my way
found none that should occasion my using this form.
I found in the Parlor a good Camlet-cloak, which I made bold to put
on, and so very gravely walked out of the house; but coming to the
door, you must think there was Wild-fire in my breech, that hastned
me out of the street. Being gotten a Bow-shot off I thought my self
indifferent secure, so that I slackned my pace, but could not (if my
Life lay on it) forbear looking this way, that way, sometimes over one
shoulder, sometimes over the other: thinking of what dangerous
consequence this might prove. I resolved to walk more confidently,
and not let my eyes discover any thing of fear, by reason of guilt.
This loose garment had so of a sudden Metamorphosed those
thoughts I had of my self but a little before, my eye being
continually on my Cloak, I could not conceit my self less then the
best of the young Templers, that walk the Streets to show
themselves: coming into Bell-yard, I observed several Gallants go
into an House, and others to come out, which put me to the
curiosity of enquiring, what, or whose House it was: Who told me it
was a Gaming Ordinary. Nay, then (thought I) it is as free for me to
enter as others; and so went in. I looked on a while, but my fingers
itched to be at it. Why, thought I, have I not adventured a Gaol, a
Whipping, or an Hanging, and shall I now fear a Kicking, a Pumping,
or a Bog-house? These considerations made me resolutely take up
the Box, and I threw a Main, which was 7: a great deal of money
was presently set me, I knew it was but to little purpose to baulk
them, so that confidently I threw at all, which I nicked with eleven,
and so continued holding seven hands together. Perceiving I had got
a considerable quantity of money, and fearing I might loose that
which I had so boldly adventured for, I thanked my propitious Stars
and the Gentlemen, who had rather lose their money than suspect
any that hath the Garb of one well Extracted; and so bade them
good night. A priviledge too many Skarking Ubiquitarians use
without interruption, being most commonly in use with the Waiters
and Box-keepers, who will be sure to speak in the behalf of such
confident Cheats; if they lose, pretending great knowledge of them,
that they are men of repute, civil and responsible; which frequently
so prevails upon a Mouth, that he hath not a word to say more.
Questionless Ordinaries were first impartially founded, interdicting all
play but which was upon the Square; but since, by the connivance of
the Box-keepers, when the Table grows thin, and few at it, let the
stranger beware: for the Box-keeper shall walk off, pretending some
speedy dispatch of a business concerning the House of Office, &c.
whilst your Antagonist shall put the change upon you, or make use
of his own Jack-in-a-box, and then had you 500 l. (would you set like
a Gamester) he will have it to a penny in a short while: with whom
the Waiter goes snips. If at any time such they know want an High
flyer, &c. they know how and when to supply him.
Full fraught with this good fortune, and so laden I was ready to sink,
I resolved to moor my Vessel in the next Harbour. The Landlord
whence I came, was very loath to entertain me, his lodger having
served him a scurvy trick the night before, conveying out of the
window, the Furniture of a room that cost him 40 l. besides a great
silver Tankerd, which the Gentleman would have filled with stale
Beer and Sugar, to stand by his bed-side all night, pretending it was
his custome. But I desiring him to lay up a parcel of money for me
till the next morning, quite put out the eye of his Jealousie. I shewed
my self that night very exceeding noble, concealing my success at
play, that he might conclude the greatness of my expence proceeded
from the nobleness of my nature, having a good estate to back it. I
was conducted to bed with many Ceremonies, and abundance of
respect. Sleep I could not, for thinking how to dispose of my self.
I had experimented the various exigences and extremities an
unsetled condition is accompanied withall; and knowing how
securely I could purloin from my Master, if I would moderate my
theft, I concluded to supplicate my Master by a Letter for my
reception into his service, not forgetting my Mistresses quondam
kindnesses. If my Master should refuse to re-entertain me, I had by
me what might supply my necessities, till I had re-considered how to
improve my stock, or bestow my self. Not to delay time, the next day
I wrote him this Letter.
SIR,
Having seriously considered the greatness of my folly in
running from so good a Master, (whom I may more rightly
intitle Father) with tears I beg mercy from Heaven, and
forgiveness from you. Mitigate my offence by revolving in
your mind the fewness of my years, which makes me (as it
doth most others) prone to rambling fancies: look then
favourably on my long absence from you, as a meer
exiliency, a youthful elapse, which maturity of age may
rectifie. If you can forgive my follies, I will study to forget
them, and daily endeavour the propagation of my fidelity in
the remainder of my time. By the Bearer hereof you may
signifie your pleasure.
Sir, I am
Your cordially penitent
Servant, &c.
With much joy my Master read this Letter, and hastened the Bearer
away to bring me to him. Having converted my silver into Gold,
sowing it in my Collar and Wastband, and putting my self into a Garb
convenient for his sight, I went to him.
M
CHAP. XVII.
His Master sheweth him more kindness than formerly;
the ill requital he made him, by Cuckolding him: an
accident that fell out thereupon, which produced two
remarkable stories, deduced from the strength of
Imagination.
y Master upon my reception, told me he had freely forgiven me,
and if that I would henceforward endeavour the prosecution of
a more regular course of life, he would forget too my past follies. I
promised him more then the strictest Zelot ever yet did, and begged
him pardon aforehand, if he found a defect in performance.
As my expressions gave my Master much content, so my return (I
perceived by my Mistresses eyes) gave her the greatest satisfaction.
My Master began to doat on me again, seeing I daily trebled my
diligence, and so active I was in every thing that concerned his
affairs, that it was hard for any to anticipate me in my intention.
This gained so much upon his facile good Nature, that I had liberty
to wear my Hat, and sit at Table with him, neither would he
command me any thing servile. I had (as formerly) the same
sollicitations from my Brother Snippers; but fearing least one time or
another I might be snapt by the timerous nature of some, who, if
once taxt, will confess, not only as to themselves, but likewise detect
the whole knot of a Brother-hood; I resolved to have no more to do
with them, but would snip securely by my self, knowing, that in any
secret design, if many are concerned, their business cannot be long
kept private. Wherein by the way, I cannot but commend the craft
and policy (though I absolutely disclaim the actions) of modern
Padders, whose providence instructed them to rob singly, by which
means their booty came to them intire without distribution, or if
apprehended (as it was very rare) they knew how to make a better
plea for themselves in a Court of Judicature. I now kept close to my
business, not harbouring the least temptation to any extravagancy,
and had sequestred my self from what might render me publickly
notorious, and only studied by what means I might raise my
Fortune, intending to build my future estate upon the ruines of other
men: having nothing of mine own but my late purchase at play, my
only way was (as I thought by someโ€™s success therein) to make the
world believe I was really reformed, and so create to my self a
credit, whereas I was only a Devil converted to an Angel of light, or
a Woolf in Sheeps-cloaths. Now did I begin to cant religiously, and
not omit one Sabbath wherein I did not take Sermon-Notes, judging
this religious cloak to be the best expedient, to screw my self farther
into my Mistresses favour, who doted on Morning Exercises, and
monethly Fasts. If my Master had forgot to do the duty of the day, I
would with much respect put him in mind of the neglect, desiring
that I might repeat what had been delivered. As they looked upon
my conversion more miraculous then that of St. Paul, so they gave
me the greatest incouragement, least like weak Women, I might
prove a back-slider. There were few private meetings my Mistress
heard of, but, by the leave of my Master, I must conduct her to
them, which were as many portents of our private meetings
afterwards, where Venus should appoint.
I am sorry that I am so uncharitable as to say that the zeal of her
Spirit was not so hot as that of her flesh. Every day I had some
remark of her love, which I received with much submissive respects,
pretending I understood not her meaning, which added but fewel to
the blazing flame of love within her. I could not be ignorant, that
since she began to court me, she would prosecute it to the end. Her
courtship me-thought was very preposterous; she might have first
received the charge from me, and by that means she would have
found me prepared, whereas otherwise she might have been
deceived in her expectation.
My Mistriss gave me so many opportunities, and signified her desires
by so many tokens and dumb expressions, that I began to condemn
my fears, which rendred me unworthy of her favours. The besieger
deserves not the honour of possessing that City, whose Gates are
freely opened to him, yet dares not enter. Whilst I was thus
ruminating, my Mistriss came to the Counting-house where I was
writing; and leaning upon my shoulder, asked me what I was doing:
I told her nothing but writing. Nothing, I believe said she, nor never
will do any thing, but draw up blanks, and so abruptly left me. She
knew the quickness of my apprehension, and so left the
interpretation hereof to my own construction.
Not long after, (thinking her words had left a deep impression, as
they did) and withall concluding I would give her the sence of them,
when I had an opportunity; She informs my Master that she had a
great desire to visit a Gentlewoman she had not seen a long time,
and requested that her man Thomas (for that was my name) might
wait on her: to which he assented. Though I led her, yet I wondered
were she led me, through one street into another till we arrived at
the water-side. She bid me call for a pair of Oars, which I
accordingly did. The Watermen were very inquisitive according to
their custome, to know whither we intended. Well, well, said she,
put off, and then it will be time enough for you to understand. Said
she, Row us up to Fox-hall. I for my part was somewhat amazed, yet
I partly guessed what she drove at. I kept at a distance, shewing her
the respect of a servant; which she taking notice of, laughed, saying,
Come Cuz, why dost not sit neerer? to which I replyed as familiarly
(for by this time I had much improved the stock of my confidence) I
were best to sit a little neerer you, since I shall be the best
expedient to ballance the Boat even, or trim it, for you are but light
on your side. This expression I doubt nettled her, for presently
thereupon she shot a piercing dart from her eye, (which I fancied to
have penetrated my very soul) How now Cuz, said she, I thought
you had a better opinion of me; I understand the Riddle, Your
expressions may be very dark to some, however I have too much
light in it. I would have made an Apology for my self, but that she
hindred me by whispering me in the ear, to this effect, that if she
was light, there was no other cause but my self, and that if I abused
her love any longer, she would sit the heavier on my skirts. Landing,
we went streight to Spring-Garden; by the way she told me, I must
lay aside all formality, and for the better carrying on the design we
went upon, she would have me as afore assume the title of Cuz. We
were conducted into an obscure bower, I suppose one of Lovels
Chapels of ease, where, without a Clew, it would be hard for any to
find us. There was not any thing wanting that might delight the
Appetite, which with much freedom we enjoyed together.
Now, said my Mistress, I shall take off the veil of my modesty, and
discover to thee the very naked secrets of my heart. The first time
that ever I saw thee, I had more than a common respect to thee,
and there was not a time since, wherein I had the sight of thee, but
that it added new fewel to the flame of my affection: I used all
possible means to smother or blast it in the bud, but could not; I
summoned my reason to confute my passion, and notwithstanding I
alledged that there was a disproportion in our age, and
unsuitableness as to our condition, and lastly how great a strain it
would be to my religious profession; yet Love got the Victory over
these, and would have been too strong for ten times as many; the
rest she supplyed with kisses, which were infinite.
Having gained a little breath, and she again having lent me the use
and disposal of my own mouth, I returned to this her amorous
Oration, something suitable to it by way of retaliation; Protesting
with invocations, that since she had so compleated my happiness by
her love, I would perish before I would be guilty of the least abuse
therein.
That had it not been for the sense of my unworthiness, and fear of
hazarding her love, and so gained her displeasure, no other difficulty
should have deterred me from declaring, and discovering what she
had prevented me in; adding, that where the quintessence of all
loves contracted into one body, it could not equallize mine. Come,
said she, let us leave off talking in such idle phrases, let future
constancy make apparent the reallity of our affections, and let us not
loose any time wherein we may mutually enjoy each other. It is but
a folly for me now to mince the matter, or by my coldness endeavour
to recongeal that water where the ice is too visibly broken and
thawโ€™d. Yet let not your prudence be questioned, or reason forfeited,
in making any unhandsome advantage of this my freedom. But
above all, blast not my reputation by the unsavory breath of any
ostentatious boasting of a Gentlewomans favours, nor let not my
love cause any slighting or disrespect in you to your Master; neither
let it so puffe you up with pride, as to contemn your fellow-servants.
In company, shew much more reverence to me than formerly. In
private, when none sees us but our selves, be as familiar and free as
actions can demonstrate. Be constant to me alone, for true love will
not admit of plurality. Be secret and silent, and follow not the
common practise of vain-glorious Fools, that in requital of those
favours they have received in private of some credulous Female, will
make their braggs of them in publick. As if it were not enough for
them to rob them of their Chastities, but must likewise murther their
Reputations. Have a special care you slight me not, (as some
squeamish or curious Stomacks use feeding too long on one sort of
Food, though never so delicious) for a Womans love dispised will
turn into extreme hatred, and will be ever restless till malice and
revenge have consulted with Invention, how to be more than even
with the slighting Injurer. She propounded more Articles, which I
have forgot now, but I remember I sealed them without a witness.
We made an end of our business for that time, with much
expedition, to the intent the tediousness of our staying might not be
suspected by the ignorant Cuckold at home: I have reason now for
so calling him.
Coming home, I applyed my self to the business of the Shop as
before, enjoyning my eyes a severe pennance, not so much as to
look towards that Object they so dearly loved. According to my usual
time I went to Bed, but sleep I could not, for thinking on what I had
done. About one a clock I was much startled, to hear something
come into my Chamber; but before I could give my eyes the liberty
for a discovery, my Mistress had gotten within the sheets, and not
daring to speak, because my Master lay in the next room, most
commonly by himself, and her chamber was the next to that, (and in
a Trundle-bed underneath my Mistressโ€™s bed lay the Maid.) Neer
upon day-break my sweet Bed-fellow left me, at an unhappy time,
for then was my Master awake, which might have ruined us both,
which had so faln out, had he been resolute or couragious; but on
the contrary, exceeding timerous, but more especially, childishly
afraid of the supposed walking of Spirits: For hearing the boards
crack twice or thrice, with the weight of her body; besides, by the
help of Starlight, perceiving something to move all in white, he
shrunk underneath the cloaths, not daring to put out his head; now
did his imagination work as strongly almost as his Breech,
suggesting strange and ridiculous things to his fancy. But I shall give
him leave to tell his own story. A little after it was day, being almost
stifled for want of fresh Air, and choakโ€™d with the stink that was in
the Bed, he boldly & valiantly put his head out of the coverlid, and
after he had thrice exorcisโ€™d the Devil, or the supposed evil Spirit,
with avoid Satan, repeating as often that Scriptural Sentence, Resist
the Devil and he will flye from thee: He called out as loud as he
might for me to come to him. I leapt out of Bed, and ran to him,
asking him what was the matter: O Thomas, said he, light a Candle
quickly; I running in haste to light the Candle, fell (by mistaking the
first step) down the stairs, which made a terrible noise: my Master
hearing me, cryโ€™d out, (saying, O God, what will become of me?)
thinking the Devil indeed had mistook me for himself, and that he
was horsing me on his back to carry me away; with that he fell to
prayer so fervently loud, that up starts the Mistress, and the Maids,
running to know what was the matter: fear had so possessed him,
that he could not be perswaded, but that they were some of the
Devilish crew.
At first they thought him to be fallen mad; but finding out the cause
of this distraction, with much ado my Mistress made him sensible of
his mistake. Being fully assured, that they were not (yet) damned
Spirits, he relates what he had seen, in this manner: My Mistress
afterwards told me, that had it not been for laughing, which so
busied her, that her sense of smelling for that time had left her, she
could never have endured to hear him out, for that notorious stink,
which came from the Bed, when he stirred ever so little.
I wonderโ€™d, said he, that contrary to my usual custom, I awakโ€™d
about four a clock, whereas I used to sleep soundly, thou knowest
till eight. I hearkned, at first I perceived onely the boards to crack,
but presently after I heard chains rattle, and the stools flung about
the room, the bed, and I in it, danced up and down, as if a Scotch
Bagpipe had been plaid upon by a Northern Witch, and the Devil the
while had Danced with me, and the Bed a Morrice, (supplying the
Bellows with wind.) Sometimes they pullโ€™d me out of Bed, and laid
me on the cold floor, and then tost me in again like a Dog in a
Blanket.
Hearing no noise, I attempted to peep out; but scarcely had mine
eyes recovered the top of the Bed-cloths, when I saw standing by
me, a composition of meer bones, with a shrowd thrown over his
shoulders, like an Irish Brachin, or a Scotch Pladd, with a light Taper
in one hand (I knew not what use he could make of it, for there
were only holes in his head instead of eyes) and an Hour-glass in
the other: he grinnโ€™d at me with his teeth, (for he had no lips) and
shaking his chains left me, which sight so terrified me, that I had like
to have shot out (like a Pudding in a Bag) all that was within me. My
Mistresse had like to have broken out into extreme laughter, had not
the consideration of danger (that might have ensued thereon)
hindred her.
After this, it was a long time before he would be perswaded to lie in
that Chamber again, which made me curse his strong conceit, for by
this means he would lye with his wife, which interrupted our sweet
venereal pastime. As for my part, I believed he would never have
returnโ€™d to his own chamber again, for he trembled when he past
through it in the day time; and if alone, he would so thunder down
the stairs (fear giving wings to his feet) as if (Vulcan-like) he had
been sent by Jupiter head-long in a message.
Another accident (hapning not long after) curโ€™d him in part of his
ridiculous belief, grounded on nothing else but fancy: In the Sellar,
on a certain beam that went crosse, there were great quantity of
Tenter-hooks placed there, some to hang meat on, others of a
smaller sort for other uses. Our Cat being somewhat ravenous, was
following the scent, and had gotten upon the Beam; her foremost
feet slipping, she was strangely caught by the tail, and not able to
recover her self: Being terribly pained by the hook, she made a most
hideous noise, which made our Dog fall a howling. This strange din
first approached my Masters ears, who awaking my Mistress, asked
her now whether she would believe her own ears. At first she
confest to me, she knew not what to think, her conscience being yet
tender (which having no long time accustomed her self to sin, was
not hardned and fearโ€™d up) put her in mind of what she had lately
committed, so that she had like to have concluded that it was Satan
was sent to buffet her; But she having a martial spirit, and not easily
daunted, she hearkned further, and then judgโ€™d that Thieves had
broken into the house.
My Master all this while was breathing his last at both ends, whilest
my Mistress leapโ€™d out of Bed, and came to my Chamber door,
bidding me in all haste to rise, for there were Thieves in the house. I
confess I had no great mind to be killโ€™d, and therefore I was in no
great haste to rise, sometimes buttoning my Doublet, and anon
unbuttoning it again; perceiving that I delaid, she came again,
taxing me with Cowardise, and meanness of Spirit, which put new
life into me, making me to resolve to adventure my life, rather than
hazard the loss of her good opinion.
Finding my Mistress in her smock, I thought it a shame for me to
have any cloaths on; and so naked as I was, we marchโ€™d on. Coming
to the Stairhead, my fancy troubled me a little too, for the noise had
so amazโ€™d me, that I would fain have my Mistress to go first; she
could not forbear laughing, to observe how complemental and
ceremonious at that time I was. Having scattered my fear by
resolution, How do I abuse myself, said I, and with that boldly went
on.
By this time a light was produced, and then those Bug-bear thoughts
which darkness possesseth the fancy withal, began to vanish. There
was not a hole big enough to contain a man, but what I probโ€™d.
Descending the Cellar-stairs, I there plainly saw the Original cause of
our fear and distraction, hanging by the tail. I called my Mistress to
the sight, and now the Maids too would be Spectators,
understanding the danger to be overpast.
Well, the general vote was, that the Cat should be carried up stairs
to our Master, and shew him the wound in his Tail, for evidence to
prove his guilt in being seduced by fancy.
He hearing some come up, thought we were all destroyed, and that
they were coming up to dispatch him too: Wherefore he cryed out,
Save my Life, and take all I have. His wife (not to encrease his
perplexity) bid him quiet himself, there was no harm, nor any like to
be done; and withal so convinced him of his folly, both past and
present, that he had not a word to say in his own defence; he
enjoyning us all silence, we were dismissโ€™d.
The next night, to show how much he was altered from his former
temper and belief, he did lye in his Chamber aforesaid, supposedly
haunted, and that same night with much joy, my Mistress and I
renewed our pleasures.
I
CHAP. XVIII.
How his Mistress supplyed him with money, even to
superfluity; what wayes he had to spend it. He is
tempted to destruction by Correctors, (alias) Clippers,
and Coyners (alias) Matter-men.
Found my Estate to encrease abundantly, for I was half sharer my
self with my Master; my Mistress she put in for one too, which I
had likewise; so that the good man received but the fourth. I had
been (since my return) very sparing in my expence, having laid up
my money securely: But now finding out another rich Mine, I
thought I should be too rich, unless I contrived wayes to draw out,
as well as put in.
In the first place, I thought good to buy a brace of good Geldings,
for by that means I could meet whom I pleasโ€™d, though a dozen or
sixteen miles distance, and so by the quickness of return come home
undiscoverโ€™d. If occasion should serve, they might very well serve for
the High Pad. These I bought, and where they stood, I had four or
five several suits, either to Ride withal, (using variety that I might
pass incognito) or to wear when I did intend to appear splendidly to
peculiar friends; and then the Prodigal himself did not spend his
money more profusely than my self.
I judge it unnecessary to relate how, and in what manner I disburst
great sums, since there are few that are addicted to pleasure, and
have money, but know how to lay it out to the satisfaction of their
desires, that is, to please all their senses. My Mistress seldome saw a
piece of Gold in her Husbands hands, or some large and great piece
of Silver, but she would be begging it of him, for no other intents but
to give it me; which she took delight in, withal, knowing that
frequent presents very much ingage the affection.
My Master seldom denyed her, (for like a Cuckold he doted on his
Wife) but if he did, she would take pet, and would not eat, have the
forehead bound down with a cross-cloth, look pitifully, and the like.
If he askt her what she ailed, or what she was troubled at, she
would say, at nothing more than your unkindness, and then weep
bitterly: for, like a right Hypocrite, she had tears at command. The
Dotard would melt too, sometimes the great Calf crying and sobbing,
like a child that hath lost his Bread and Butter: Then to make his
atonement, he must procure her two or three pieces, if he hath
them not in the house; otherwise it shall cost him as much more
wealth on the Doctor, of whom she would often pretend to take
Physick, but it should be only rich Cordials, strengthning Jellies, with
such like Provocations to Venery.
For my own part, I was not idle in the mean time, laying up like the
careful Bee for Winter. We returned great sums of money every day,
which an acquaintance of mine knew very well; and he being dayly
in the company of a fellow, who was both Coyner and Clipper, it
seems a decayed Goldsmith, undone by the study of Chymistry, but
now lived by some particular part thereof, as the transmutation of
Metal, or so forth.
This man he informs that he knew a young Casheer, that he thought
he could work to their purpose, who was very well qualified for it. An
appointed time for meeting was agreed upon between them, which
was made known to me: I thought of no other design but to be
merry. Being met, we drank stifly, but ever and anon the stranger
would beseech me to favour him with my future acquaintance, that
he should think himself very happy, if I would admit him into a
familiarity. I could do no less than promise so much, and so laying
aside ceremonies, we entered into a very familiar discourse. But for
that night there was nothing propounded, neither was it thought
convenient: several times we met, (not without great expence) so
that now we were grown intimately acquainted. Our discourse
hapned on a time to be about Chymystry, I was forced to be mute,
as not understanding any thing thereof; yet I could not but admire,
to hear my new friend relate what admirable Rarities he could
perform in that mysterious Art, and thereupon shewโ€™d me a piece of
Gold, demanding my opinion what I thought of it? I told him I could
judge no less, but that it was what it seemed to be; he smilingly
replyโ€™d, No wonder that this should deceive you, since it will do the
like to the most critical Goldsmith about the Town: No doubt, said
he, you have heard of the Philosophers Stone, and what vast Estates
some have mis-spent in the search thereof, how ineffectual the
labour of such hath been, the miserableness of their condition makes
apparent. Others, and not a few, have pretended they have obtainโ€™d
the mastery thereof, for no other intent then to delude some wealthy
credulous person, making some ridiculous experiments to confirm
his belief, and at last extract him to the very lees of his Estate. I
shall not deludingly pretend to any thing, but what I will perform,
which your own eyes shall attest. Hereupon he shewโ€™d me various
pieces, both Gold and Silver, which are the effects (said he) of my
own labour and pains, imployed in an Art I have found out by the
curious search and industry of my brain, with which I can convert
Copper into that Metal which current money is composed of, either
of which, according to the Tincture I shall give it. And to be plainer
with you, out of that great love I have born ever since I first saw
you, and that my actions shall make it apparent, see here this piece,
according to the term of Art given, it is called a black Dog, with
Queen Elizabeths Head thereon, which is only Pewter double
washed. This here is a George plateroon, being all Copper within,
and only a thin Plate about it. Another called Compositum, which is a
mixt Metal, and will both touch and cut, but will not endure the fiery
test. He gave me the sight likewise of Pieces of Eight, half pieces
and quarter pieces. Then again (said he) our own Coyn we usually
call English Cloth, the other Spanish; the prices whereof are several,
according to their goodness and fineness: The best you may have
for 15 sh. the yard, i. e. five shillings in the pound profit; the worser
for eight, ten, or more.
Now to the intent that I may compleat your happiness here, if
enjoyment of Wealth will do it, I would advise you to take some of
every sort, and so mingle it with the rest of your good cash,
proportionably to the sum. Let me add one thing more, if any large
money comes to your hand, lay it aside for me, which after I have
corrected a little, (for broad brimโ€™d Hats are not now in fashion) I
will return it, allowing you 18 pence per pound interest.
I gave him all this while great attention, without the least
interruption; but he here making a stop, I thought he expected my
replication; which was to this effect, That I thankt him cordially for
his respects, which I believed were real, having used that freedom
with me, that I did not in the least question the greatness of profit
that would redound by the acceptance of his proffer; but it being a
matter of the greatest consequence, and highest concern, I desired I
might have some time for consideration. This answer made him look
blank, fearing lest I made a demur only to betray him, so that I saw
by his countenance, he wisht he had been more sparing in his
expressions. I must needs confess, I trembled all the time I was in
his company, wherefore I made all the haste I could to be gone,
giving him to understand, that after serious consultation with my
self, I would send him an answer by my friend, and so I took my
leave of him. The whole night following I spent in weighing his
Proposals in the ballance of profit and preservation: I quickly found
that Lifeโ€™s preservation outweighโ€™d all other interest, and that
honour, riches, and pleasure would avail little to that man that was
riding Post to the Gallows. Besides, how could I expect to escape
better than others, who were frequently made wretched spectacles
of rash imprudence and folly, who, having forfeited the Kings high
and just displeasure, did usually betray their own selves to the
Severity of the Law in that case; which hath as little Commiseration
on such as on the worst of Offendors? Though I had committed
several things that might come within the verge of an Indictment,
yet I always shunned such actions as bore the inscription in their
front, Memento mori. To be as good as my promise, I sent my
Chimist these consequent Lines.
SIR,
You seemingly do proffer fair, but know,
Hanging attends such kindnesses you show.
The hope of profit tempts me; loss of life
Oโ€™repowโ€™rs perswasions, and so ends the strife.
Had I two Lives, my deeds should make it known,
How little I would care to hazard one;
But having solely one, I will not try
Its loss; as yet I have no mind to dye.
Should we proceed then, and be taken in it;
Death and damnation seize us in a minute.
Cease then, and let your fancyโ€™s suit with mine,
Weโ€™l plot no Treason, but to get good Wine:
That being had, let each manโ€™s face declare
Thโ€™ Indian Mines not so rich as ours are.
If we want Coyn, the best way, I suppose,
Is to transmute the Metal of my Nose.
I never receivโ€™d any answer to what I wrote, neither did I ever see
my new friend after, which was according to my own desire, but I
heard of his sad destiny, whereof I should have participated, had I
listed my self in that Mettle-simulating Regiment. Some found out
operating in the obscurest thickets of woods; others were detected
clipping in dark Concaves on Black-heath, and their Ringleader
discovered in his own house, in a deep Vault befitting his purpose;
who, though he had timely notice to remove his tools, yet, by his
Seizers they were found hid in a Chimney-mantletree, hollowed to
that intent, with a shutter at the end. After the dismal catastrophe of
these Hazardous fools, I had like to have been put to a great
trouble, though not in the least guilty of the accusation: and thus it
was; an indigent Hanger-on, having taken notice of my being once
or twice in the company of the chief of those lately executed, came
to me one Evening, and requested some private discourse: I
consented: being together (laying aside several Formalities that
ushered in his discourse) he told me, that I was taken notice of as a
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How to Become an IT Auditor.: A Step-by-Step Guide
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  • 5. Chapter 7- Auditing Information Technology-Based Processes Instructorโ€™s Manual
  • 6. 2 | P a g e CHATPER 7: AUDITING INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY-BASED PROCESS LEARNING OBJECTIVES:..........................................................................................................................................3 REAL WORLD: AURAFIN BRAND .............................................................................................................................3 INTRODUCTION TO AUDITING IT PROCESSES (STUDY OBJECTIVE 1) ........................................................4 TYPES OF AUDITS AND AUDITORS (STUDY OBJECTIVE 2) .......................................................................4 INFORMATION RISK AND IT-ENHANCED INTERNAL CONTROL(STUDY OBJECTIVE 3) ..........................6 AUTHORITATIVE LITERATURE USED IN AUDITING (STUDY OBJECTIVE 4) ...............................................6 MANAGEMENT ASSERTIONS AND AUDIT OBJECTIVES(STUDY OBJECTIVE 5)..............................................8 PHASES OF AN IT AUDIT (STUDY OBJECTIVE 6)...................................................................................................9 USE OF COMPUTERS IN AUDITS (STUDY OBJECTIVE 7) .........................................................................11 TESTS OF CONTROLS (STUDY OBJECTIVE 8) ..............................................................................................11 GENERAL CONTROLS ........................................................................................................................................11 APPLICATION CONTROLS..................................................................................................................................13 TESTS OF TRANSACTIONS AND TESTS OF BALANCES (STUDY OBJECTIVE 9) ...................................14 AUDIT COMPLETION/REPORTING (STUDY OBJECTIVE 10)..........................................................................15 OTHER AUDIT CONSIDERATIONS (STUDY OBJECTIVE 11 ) ......................................................................15 DIFFERENT ITENVIRONMENTS..........................................................................................................................15 CHANGES IN A CLIENTโ€™S IT ENVIRONMENT ..................................................................................................17 SAMPLING VERSUS POPULATION TESTING......................................................................................................17 ETHICAL ISSUES RELATED TO AUDITING (STUDY OBJECTIVE 12) ..........................................................18 CHAPTER SUMMARY ............................................................................................................................................19
  • 7. 3 | P a g e CHAPTER 7: AUDITING INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY-BASED PROCESS LEARNING OBJECTIVES: 1. An introduction to auditing IT processes 2. The various types of audits and auditors 3. Information risk and IT-enhanced internal control 4. Authoritative literature used in auditing 5. Management assertions used in the auditing process and the related audit objectives 6. The phases of an IT audit 7. The use of computers in audits 8. Tests of controls 9. Tests of transactions and tests of balances 10. Audit completion/reporting 11. Other audit considerations 12. Ethical issues related to auditing REAL WORLD: AURAFIN BRAND โ€ข The Aurafin brand is renowned in the jewelry industry as the fashion leader in fine gold. โ€ข Owned by Richline Group, Inc., a subsidiary of Berkshire Hathaway, Inc., the brand is sold by retail giants like JCPenney, Macyโ€™s, and many online outlets. โ€ข Aurafin has overcome significant challenges in maintaining its customer relationships. Several years ago, Aurafin began experiencing such severe problems with transaction fulfillment and delivery that its customers were taking notice. โ€ข JCPenney had implemented a supplier scorecard system, a type of vendor audit whereby companies, which do business with JCPenney were evaluated on the basis of the quality of service provided. This system brought to light some significant violations in Aurafinโ€™s business processes, including weaknesses in controls and inadequate computer systems. Aurafin took quick action, undergoing a thorough IT audit which identified the specific causes of its process failures. Aurafin acted swiftly upon the recommendations made by its auditors and implemented a more reliable technology platform that empowered it to apply a variety of new audit and control techniques and to get its systems in sync with its business goals. Aurafin credits the audit processes to its newfound success, including its subsequent recognition as JCPenneyโ€™s โ€œVendor of the Year.โ€ This chapter focuses on various aspects of an IT audit, as well as the accountantโ€™s techniques for evaluating information-technology processes, and their importance in business processes.
  • 8. 4 | P a g e INTRODUCTION TO AUDITING IT PROCESSES (STUDY OBJECTIVE 1) Nearly all business organizations rely on computerized systems to assist in the accounting function. Technological advances have transformed the business world by providing new ways for companies to do business and maintain records. This boom in technological developments has increased the amount of information that is readily available. Business managers, investors, creditors, and government agencies often have a tremendous amount of data to use when making important business decisions. However, it is often a challenge to verify the accuracy and completeness of the information. Accountants have an important role in the business world because they are called upon to improve the quality of information provided to decision makers. Accounting services that improve the quality of information are called assurance services. Many types of services performed by accountants are considered assurance services because they lend credibility to the underlying financial information. An audit is the most common type of assurance service TYPES OF AUDITS AND AUDITORS (STUDY OBJECTIVE 2) The main purpose of the audit is to assure users of financial information about the accuracy and completeness of the information. To carry out an audit, accountants collect and evaluate proof of procedures, transactions, and/or account balances and compare the information with established criteria. The three primary types of audits include: โ€ข compliance audits, โ€ข operational audits, and โ€ข financial statement audits Compliance audits determine whether the company has complied with regulations and policies established by contractual agreements, governmental agencies, company management, or other high authority. Operational audits assess operating policies and procedures for efficiency and effectiveness Financial statement audits determine whether the company has prepared and presented its financial statements fairly, and in accordance with established financial accounting criteria. โ€ข financial statement audits are performed by certified public accountants who have extensive knowledge of generally accepted accounting principles (GAAP) in the United States and/or International Financial Reporting Standards (IFRS)
  • 9. 5 | P a g e There are different types of audit specialization that exist in business practice today, including: โ€ข An internal auditor is an employee of the company that he or she audits. Most large companies have a staff of internal auditors who perform compliance, operational, and financial audit functions at the request of management. Some internal auditors achieve special certification as certified internal auditors (CIAs). โ€ข IT auditors specialize in information systems assurance, control, and security, and they may work for CPA firms, government agencies, or with the internal audit group for any type of business organization. Some IT auditors achieve special certification as certified information systems auditors (CISAs). โ€ข Government auditors conduct audits of government agencies or income tax returns. โ€ข CPA firms represent the interests of the public by performing independent audits of many types of business organizations. Only CPA firms can conduct financial statement audits of companies whose stock is sold in public markets such as the New York Stock Exchange. An important requirement for CPA firms is that they must be neutral with regard to the company being audited. The neutrality requirement allows CPA firms to provide an unbiased opinion on the information it audits, and it is the foundation of an external audit performed by CPAs. An external audit is performed by independent auditors who are objective and neutral with respect to the company and information being audited. To keep their neutrality, CPA firms and their individual CPAs are generally prohibited from having financial and managerial connections with client companies and from having personal ties to those working for client companies. A CPAโ€™s objectivity could be impaired by having these types of relationships with a client company or with anyone having the ability to influence the clientโ€™s decisions and financial reporting activities. โ€ข Performing financial statement audits is a main service of CPA firms. โ€ข Because many audited companies use sophisticated IT systems to prepare financial statements, it is important for auditors to enhance the quality of their services in auditing those systems. โ€ข IT auditing is a part of the financial statement audit that evaluates a companyโ€™s computerized accounting information systems. โ€ข An auditor must gain a sufficient understanding of the characteristics of a companyโ€™s IT system. โ€ข Use of computers may significantly change the way a company processes and communicates information, and it may affect the underlying internal controls. Therefore, the IT environment plays a key role in how auditors conduct their work in the following areas: o Consideration of risk o Audit procedures used to obtain knowledge of the accounting and internal control systems o Design and performance of audit tests
  • 10. 6 | P a g e INFORMATION RISK AND IT-ENHANCED INTERNAL CONTROL (STUDY OBJECTIVE 3) Information risk is the chance that information used by decision makers may be inaccurate. Following are some causes of information risk: โ€ข the remoteness of information โ€ข the volume and complexity of the underlying data โ€ข the motive of the preparer The most common way for decision makers to reduce information risk is to rely upon information that has been audited by an independent party. Various risks are created by the existence of IT-based business processes. For example, because the details of transactions are often entered directly into the computer system, there may be no paper documentation maintained to support the transactions. This is often referred to as the loss of audit trail visibility because there is a lack of physical evidence to visibly view. Advantages of using IT-based systems: โ€ข Internal controls can actually be enhanced if care is exercised in implementing these systems โ€ข Computer controls can compensate for the lack of manual controls โ€ข If programs are tested properly the risk of human error is virtually eliminated โ€ข Provide higher quality information to management AUTHORITATIVE LITERATURE USED IN AUDITING (STUDY OBJECTIVE 4) Generally accepted auditing standards (GAAS) are broad guidelines for an auditorโ€™s professional responsibilities. These ten standards are divided into three categories that include general qualifications and conduct of an auditor (general standards), guidelines for performing the audit (standards of fieldwork), and requirements for the written report communicating the results of the audit (standards of reporting).
  • 11. 7 | P a g e General Standards StandardsofFieldwork Standards ofReporting 1. The audit is to be performed by a person or persons having adequate technicaltraining and proficiency as anauditor. 2. Independence in mental attitude is to be maintained in all matters related to the audit engagement. 3. Due professional care is to be exercised in all phases of the audit process. 1. The audit is to be adequately planned and supervised. 2. An understanding of internalcontrol is to be obtained as part of the planning process for the purpose of determining the nature, timing, and extent of tests to beperformed. 3. Evidence is to be obtained through inspection, inquiries, observation, and confirmations in order to provide a reasonable basis for forming an overall opinion on the audit. 1. The written report must state whether the financial statements are presented in accordance with the establishedcriteria. 2. The written report identifies any circumstances in which established principles have not been consistently applied in the current period in relation to the priorperiod. 3. The financial statements are assumed to contain adequate informative disclo- sures unless otherwise indicated in the written report. 4. The written report expresses an opinion on the fairness of the financial statements as a whole, or an assertion to the effect that an opinion cannot be expressed (and the reasons therefor). The report also describes the character of the auditorโ€™s work and the degree of responsibilityassumedbytheauditor.
  • 12. 8 | P a g e The Public Company Accounting Oversight Board (PCAOB) was organized in 2003 for the purpose of establishing auditing standards for public companies in the United States โ€ข The PCAOB was established by the Sarbanesโ€“Oxley Act, which was created in response to several major corporate accounting scandals, including those affecting Enron, WorldCom, and others โ€ข Prior to the PCAOB, standard-setting was the responsibility of the Auditing Standards Board (ASB) of the American Institute of CPAs (AICPA) โ€ข The International Auditing and Assurance Standards Board (IAASB) was established by the International Federation of Accountants (IFAC) to set International Standards on Auditing (ISAs) that contribute to the uniform application of auditing practices on a worldwide basis. ISAs are similar to SASs; however, ISAs tend to extend SASs because of their usefulness in audits of multinational companies. Although auditors have a primary responsibility to comply with standards issued within their own countries, ISAs are useful in expanding those requirements in order to meet different needs in other countries where the audited information may also be used. The Institute of Internal Auditors (IIA) established the Internal Auditing Standards Board (IASB) to issue standards that pertain to attributes of internal audit activities, performance criteria, and implementation guidance. The Information Systems Audit and Control Association (ISACA) issues Information Systems Auditing Standards (ISASs) that provide guidelines for conducting the IT audit. These standards address audit issues unique to a companyโ€™s information systems environment, including control and security issues. MANAGEMENT ASSERTIONS AND AUDIT OBJECTIVES (STUDY OBJECTIVE 5) Management assertions are claims regarding the condition of the business organization in terms of its operations, financial results, and compliance with laws and regulations. The role of the auditors is to analyze the underlying facts to decide whether information provided by management is fairly presented. Auditors design audit tests to analyze information in order to determine whether managementโ€™s assertions are valid. To accomplish this, audit tests are created to address general audit objectives. Each audit objective relates to one of managementโ€™s assertions. The following diagram illustrates management assertions and the corresponding audit objective:
  • 13. 9 | P a g e Auditors must think about how the features of a companyโ€™s IT systems influence managementโ€™s assertions and the general audit objectives. These matters have a big impact on the choice of audit methodologies used. PHASES OF AN IT AUDIT (STUDY OBJECTIVE 6) There are four primary phases of the audit: โ€ข planning, โ€ข tests of controls, โ€ข substantive tests, and โ€ข audit completion/reporting Through each phase of an audit, evidence is accumulated as a basis for supporting the conclusions reached by the auditors. Audit evidence is proof of the fairness of financial information. The techniques used for gathering evidence include the following: โ€ข Physically examining or inspecting assets or supporting documentation โ€ข Obtaining written confirmation from an independent source โ€ข Reperforming tasks or recalculating information โ€ข Observing the underlying activities โ€ข Making inquiries of company personnel โ€ข Analyzing financial relationships and making comparisons to determine reasonableness
  • 14. 10 | P a g e During the planning phase of an audit, the auditor must gain a thorough under- standing of the companyโ€™s business and financial reporting systems. In doing so, auditors review and assess the risks and controls related to the business, establish materiality guidelines, and develop relevant tests addressing the assertions and objectives โ€ข tasks of assessing materiality and audit risk are very subjective and are therefore typically performed by experienced auditors โ€ข Determining materiality, auditors estimate the monetary amounts that are large enough to make a difference in decision making โ€ข Materiality estimates are then assigned to account balances so that auditors can decide how much evidence is needed โ€ข Below materiality limits are often considered insignificant โ€ข Some accounts with immaterial balances may still be audited, though, especially if they are considered areas of high risk โ€ข Risk- refers to the likelihood that errors or fraud may occur โ€ข Risk can be inherit or it may be caused by weak internal controls A big part of the audit planning process is the gathering of evidence about the companyโ€™s internal controls โ€ข Auditors typically gain an understanding of internal controls by interviewing key members of management and the IT staff โ€ข They observe policies and procedures and review IT user manuals and system flowcharts โ€ข They often prepare narratives or memos to summarize the results of their findings โ€ข Company personnel generally complete a questionnaire about the companyโ€™s accounting systems, including its IT implementation and operations, the types of hardware and software used, and control of computer resources โ€ข The understanding of internal controls provides the basis for designing appropriate audit tests to be used in the remaining phases of the audit In recognition of the fact that accounting records and files often exist in both paper and electronic form, auditing standards address the importance of understanding both the automated and manual procedures that make up an organizationโ€™s internal controls. In addition, many large and medium-size businesses are capturing an abundance of data. The availability of Big Data sets in auditing may complicate an auditorโ€™s judgment. Yet auditors must always consider how misstatements may occur, including the following: โ€ข How data is captured and used โ€ข How standard journal entries are initiated, recorded, and processed โ€ข How nonstandard journal entries and adjusting entries are initiated, recorded, and processed IT auditors may be called upon to consider the effects of computer processing on the audit or to assist in testing those automated procedures.
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  • 16. 11 | P a g e USE OF COMPUTERS IN AUDITS (STUDY OBJECTIVE 7) If the use of IT systems does not have a great impact on the conduct of the audit, since the auditor can perform audit testing in the same manner as would be done for a manual system the practice is referred to as auditing around the computer because it does not require evaluation of computer controls. โ€ข Auditing around the computer merely uses and tests output of the computer system in the same manner as the audit would be conducted if the information had been generated manually โ€ข Because this approach does not consider the effectiveness of computer controls, auditing around the computer has limited usefulness. Auditing through the computer involves directly testing the internal controls within the IT system, whereas auditing around the computer does not โ€ข sometimes referred to as โ€œthe white box approach,โ€ because it requires auditors to understand the computer system logic โ€ข This approach requires auditors to evaluate IT controls and processing so that they can determine whether the information generated from the system is reliable โ€ข Auditing through the computer is necessary under the following conditions: o The auditor wants to test computer controls as a basis for evaluating risk and reducing the amount of substantive audit testing required. o The author is required to report on internal controls in connection with a financial statement audit of a public company. o Supporting documents are available only in electronic form. Auditors can use their own computer systems and audit software to help conduct the audit. This approach is known as auditing with the computer. โ€ข A variety of computer-assisted audit techniques (CAATs) are available for auditing with the computer โ€ข CAATs are useful audit tools because they make it possible for auditors to use computers to test more evidence in less time. TESTS OF CONTROLS (STUDY OBJECTIVE 8) The tests of controls involve audit procedures designed to evaluate both general controls and application controls. During audit planning, auditors must learn about the types of controls that exist within their clientโ€™s IT environment. Then they may test those controls to determine whether they are reliable as a means of reducing risk. Tests of controls are sometimes referred to as โ€œcompliance tests,โ€ because they are designed to determine whether the controls are functioning in compliance with managementโ€™s intentions. GENERAL CONTROLS General controls MUST be tested before application controls. General controls are the automated controls that affect all computer applications. The reliability of application controls is considered only after general controls are deemed reliable.
  • 17. 12 | P a g e The effectiveness of general controls is the foundation for the IT control environment. If general controls are not functioning as designed, auditors will not devote attention to the testing of application controls; rather, they will reevaluate the audit approach with reduced reliance on controls. There are two broad categories of general controls that relate to IT systems: โ€ข IT administration and the related operating systems development and maintenance processes โ€ข Security controls and related access issues IT Administration Related audit tests include review for the existence and communication of company policies regarding the following important aspects of administrative control: โ€ข Personal accountability and segregation of incompatible responsibilities โ€ข Job descriptions and clear lines of authority โ€ข Computer security and virus protection โ€ข IT systems documentation Security Controls Auditors are concerned about whether a companyโ€™s computer system has controls in place to prevent unauthorized access to or destruction of information within the accounting information systems. Unauthorized access may occur internally when employees retrieve information that they should not have, or externally when unauthorized users (or hackers) outside the company retrieve information that they should not have. Access risks tend to escalate as companies embrace newer technologies and allow sensitive data to be shared via smart devices, Web and mobile applications, and social networks. Destruction of information may occur as a result of natural disasters, accidents, and other environ- mental conditions. Controls that protect the company from these risks include: โ€ข various access controls, โ€ข physical controls, โ€ข environmental controls, and โ€ข business continuity policies In order to test internal access controls, auditors should determine that the company has properly segregated IT duties or compensated for a lack of segregation by improving supervisory reviews. The companyโ€™s authority table should be tested to find out whether access to programs and data files is limited to authorized employees. Auditors should perform authenticity tests for valid use of the companyโ€™s computer system, according to the authority tables. In order to test external access controls, auditors may perform the following procedures: โ€ข Authenticity tests โ€ข Penetration tests
  • 18. 13 | P a g e โ€ข Vulnerability assessments โ€ข Review access logs to identify unauthorized users or failed access attempts Physical controls include: โ€ข locks, โ€ข security guards, โ€ข alarms, โ€ข cameras, and โ€ข card keys. Physical controls not only limit access to the companyโ€™s computers, but also are important for preventing damage to computer resources. In addition to assessing physical controls, auditors should evaluate the IT environment to determine that proper temperature control is maintained, fireproofing systems are installed, and an emergency power supply is in place. APPLICATION CONTROLS Application controls are computerized controls over application programs. Since any company may use many different computer programs in its day-to- day business, there may be many different types of application controls to con- sider in an audit. Input Controls Auditors perform tests to verify the correctness of information input to soft- ware programs. Auditors are concerned about whether errors are being pre- vented and detected during the input stage of data processing. Auditors observe controls that the company has in place and perform the comparisons on a limited basis to determine their effectiveness. These tests can be performed manually or by electronic methods. Processing Controls IT audit procedures typically include a combination of data accuracy tests, whereby the data processed by computer applications are reviewed for correct dollar amounts or other numerical values. For example, limit tests, described previously as an input control, can also be an effective processing control. Run-to-run totals involve the recalculation of amounts from one process to the next to determine whether data have been lost or altered during the process. Balancing tests involve a comparison of different items that are expected to have the same values, such as comparing two batches or comparing actual data against a predetermined control total. Mathematical accuracy tests verify whether system calculations are correct. Completeness tests and redundancy tests, introduced earlier, check for inclusion of the correct data. Benfordโ€™s Law, also known as the first-digit law, was named for a physicist, Frank Benford, who discovered a specific, but nonuniform pattern in the frequency of digits occur- ring as the first number in a list of numbers
  • 19. 14 | P a g e The test data method is an audit and control technique often used to test the processing accuracy of software applications. Test data are fictitious information developed by auditors and entered in the companyโ€™s application system. Test data are processed under the companyโ€™s normal operating conditions. The results of the test are compared with predicted results to deter- mine whether the application is functioning properly A slight variation of the test data method involves the auditor testing fictitious data, using a copy of the companyโ€™s application. The test data may be processed through the application on a different (nonclient) computer. Under these conditions, an auditor can also use another test data method, program tracing, whereby bits of actual data are followed through the application in order to verify the accuracy of its processing. Program mapping, on the other hand, counts the number of times each program statement is executed, so it can identify whether program code has been bypassed. An integrated test facility (ITF) may be used to test application controls without disrupting the clientโ€™s operations. Parallel simulation- is an audit technique that processes company data through a controlled program designed to resemble the companyโ€™s application Embedded audit module- involves placing special audit testing programs within the companyโ€™s operating system Output Controls Regardless of whether the results are printed or retained electronically, auditors may perform the following procedures to test application outputs: โ€ข Reasonableness tests compare the reports and other results with test data or other criteria. โ€ข Audit trail tests trace transactions through the application to ensure that the reporting is a correct reflection of the processing and inputs. โ€ข Rounding errors tests determine whether significant errors exist due to the way amounts are rounded and summarized. Reconciliation- a detailed report assessing the correctness of an account balance or transaction record that is consistent with supporting documentation and the companyโ€™s policies and procedures. At the conclusion of the controls testing phase of the audit, an auditor must determine the overall reliability of the clientโ€™s internal controls. Auditors strive to rely on internal controls as a way to reduce the amount of evidence needed in the remaining phases of the audit. They can be reasonably sure that information is accurate when it comes from a system that is proven to have strong controls. Therefore, once the general and application controls are tested and found to be effective, the amount of additional evidence needed in the next phase of the audit can be minimized TESTS OF TRANSACTIONS AND TESTS OF BALANCES (STUDY OBJECTIVE 9) Audit tests of the accuracy of monetary amounts of transactions and account balances are known as substantive testing โ€ข Substantive tests verify whether information is correct, whereas control tests determine whether the information is managed under a system that promotes correctness โ€ข Some level of substantive testing is required regardless of the results of control testing.
  • 20. 15 | P a g e โ€ข If weak internal controls exist or if important controls are missing, extensive substantive testing will be required. โ€ข If controls are found to be effective, the amount of substantive testing required is significantly lower, because there is less chance of error in the underlying records Most auditors use generalized audit software (GAS) or data analysis soft- ware (DAS) to perform audit tests on electronic data files taken from commonly used database systems. These computerized auditing tools make it possible for auditors to be much more efficient in performing routine audit tests such as the following: โ€ข Mathematical and statistical calculations โ€ข Data queries โ€ข Identification of missing items in a sequence โ€ข Stratification and comparison of data items โ€ข Selection of items of interest from the data files โ€ข Summarization of testing results into a useful format for decision making GAS and DAS are evolving to handle larger and more diverse data sets, which allow auditors to use more types of unstructured data evidence and to perform more creative analytical procedures and predictive analyses. AUDIT COMPLETION/REPORTING (STUDY OBJECTIVE 10) After the tests of controls and substantive audit tests have been completed, auditors evaluate all the evidence that has been accumulated and draw conclusions based on this evidence. This phase is the audit completion/reporting phase. The completion phase includes many tasks that are needed to wrap up the audit. For many types of audits, the most important task is obtaining a letter of representations from company management. The letter of representations is often considered the most significant single piece of audit evidence, because it is a signed acknowledgment of managementโ€™s responsibility for the reported information. In this letter, management must declare that it has provided complete and accurate information to its auditors during all phases of the audit. Four types of reports that are issued: 1. Unqualified opinion, which states that the auditors believe the financial statements are fairly and consistently presented in accordance with GAAP or IFRS 2. Qualified opinion, which identifies certain exceptions to an unqualified opinion 3. Adverse opinion, which notes that there are material misstatements presented 4. Disclaimer of opinion, which states that the auditors are unable to reach a conclusion. OTHER AUDIT CONSIDERATIONS (STUDY OBJECTIVE 11 ) DIFFERENT ITENVIRONMENTS Most companies use microcomputers or personal computers (PCs) in their accounting processes. General controls covering PCs are often less advanced than those covering the mainframe and clientโ€“server systems. Following are some audit techniques used to test controls specifically in the use of PCs:
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  • 22. approaching, my belly began to Chime, I thought all the meat in East-cheap would not lay that spirit hunger had raised within me. Coming by a bakers shop, I pretended to be ignorant of the City, & as I was asking him the way to such a place, not caring what, I happily secured a penny loaf, which I carried off undiscovered; I thought it not good to cumber my pocket with it, wherefore at two bits I gave it my belly to carry. Surely at that time I had an Ostriches stomack; every thing I put into my mouth, passed through me like Quick-silver. Going a little farther, I came to an Ordinary, where I saw two sitting in a lower Room expecting their meat: I sate me down in the next little box to them. Immediately there was brought to them powdred Beef and Turnips; the young Man that served them, came to me, demanding what I would have, I bid him let me alone, and not speak too loud, for those two which were next me, were my very good friends, and I would startle them by and by with my unexpected appearance; at which he left me. Finding my opportunity, I slipt my hands through a hole, in the form of an heart, which was in the partition that divided us, and laying hold on the Turnips, I spake aloud, You hoggs, are ye at the Roots? I will make one among you instantly, and so brought out my handful; having devoured them in a trice, I presented my self to their view, and sate down with them: Gentlemen, said I, excuse my frollick, I am in a merry humour to day. They concluded what I said to be a truth, and bad me welcome. Nay, said I, meat will come instantly as a supply; and so it had need, for we made a clear board immediately. Seeing this, they called the boy, taxing him for sloth, that he did not bring my meat. Sir, said he, the Gentleman did not order me to bring any; at which they frownโ€™d, and began to charge me with incivility. What are ye angry? said I. To which they replied Affirmatively: If so, I answered, (laying my hand upon a full pot of Ale) I value your anger no more than the drinking this Pot, which I swallowed at two gulps, and so bid them farewel; leaving them to call for another Ordinary.
  • 23. H CHAP. XV. How he had like to have been transported, being taken up by Kid-napper, vulgarly called a Spirit. aving satisfied my stomach, I walked along with much more courage than before; which had been to little purpose, had I not had a stick in my hand; For there was hardly a dog in the street (which I went through) that gave me not his grinning Salutation, and would when my back was turned (knowing else I would never have suffered their humility) have kist my very heels, had not my stick prevented their Snearing Dog-ships mouths. I have wondred often why Doggs will bark so incessantly at the sight of a Tinker, Pedlar, Tom-a-Bedlam, nay, any suspitious fellow, till I found it my self by experience, that by natural instinct they know and hate the scent of a Rogue. My course of life appeared so idle (by my lazy stalking and gaping this way and that, sometimes standing still and seriously viewing what deserved not a minutes observance) that the Beadle took hold on me, telling me it was great pitty that such a lusty young Man should want imployment, and therefore would help me to some: but understanding from him that it must be in Bridewel, my leggs failed me, shewing thereby how unwilling they were to be accessary to the punishment which would be inflicted on my back: at length by pitiful looks, and many intreaties, I got clear of him, but fell immediately foul with an evil spirit, or a Seducer of Persons to the Indies. Well may he be called a Spirit, since his nature is like the Devils, to seduce any he meets withal, whom he can perswade with allurements and deluding falsities to his purpose. After he had asked me many impertinent questions, he invited me to drink with him; I ingeniously told him I had not a penny, otherwise his motion would be acceptable to me. At which he cast up his eyes to Heaven, and laying his hands on his breast, Alas poor young Man,
  • 24. said he, what pitty it is such a fellow as thou art shouldst want money; which argues thou art both destitute of friends, and an imployment also. Well, Iโ€™le say no more for the present, but before we part Iโ€™le study some way or other for thy advantage, which I shall do meerly out of commiseration to the miserableness of thy condition, as also out of respect to thy Father, whom I am confident I have heretofore known; by the resemblance thou bearest him in thy Countenance. I could but smile to my self to hear how this Rascal dissembled; not discovering my thoughts, I willingly went with him to drink, resolving to see what the event would be; after he had paused a while, Well, said he, I have found it. There is a Merchant an intimate friend of mine that wants a Store- house-keeper; Now if you can cast accompts ever so indifferently, you shall find entertainment from him, and 40 l. per annum for encouragement. I told him that I joyfully accepted his kind proffer, and that I should refer my self to be disposed of as he should think fit. With that he imbraced me, saying, within two days I should go aboard the Ship where the Merchant was, who would go along with me to Virginia (where he pretended the Merchants Plantation lay) in the mean time, you shall go along with me to my house, where you shall be, and shall receive from me what your necessities require. I had heard before, how several had been served in this kind, so that being forewarned, I was fore-armed: premonitus, premunitus. He carried me away presently to Wapping, and housed me. To the intent he might oblige me to be his, he behaved himself extraordinary friendly; and that he might let me see that he made no distinction between me and his other friends, he brought me into a Room where half a score were all taking Tobacco: the place was so narrow wherein they were, that they had no more space left, than what was for the standing of a small table. Methought their mouths together resembled a stack of Chimneys, being in a manner totally obscured by the smoak that came from them; for there was little discernable but smoak, and the glowing coals of their pipes. Certainly the smell of this Room would have out-done Assa Fล“tida, or burned Feathers in the Cure of Ladies troubled with the Fits of the
  • 25. Mother. As to the sight, the place resembled Hell, so did it likewise as to its scent, compounded of the perfume of stinking Tobacco and Tarpawlin. So that I concluded the resemblance most proper. In Hell damnโ€™d souls, fire, smoak, and stink appear. Then this is Hell, for those four things were here. I was seated between two, lest I should give them to slip. After I had been there awhile, the Cloud of their smoak was somewhat dissipated, so that I could discern two more in my own condemnation: but alas poor Sheep, they neโ€™re considered where they were going, it was enough for them to be freed from a seven years Apprenticeship, under the Tyranny of a rigid Master (as they judged it, coming but lately from sucking the breasts of a too indulgent Mother) and not weighing (as I know not how they should) the slavery they must undergo for five years, amongst Brutes in foreign parts, little inferior to that which they suffer who are Gally-slaves. There was little discourse amongst them, but the pleasantness of the soyl of that Continent we were designed for, (out of a design to make us swallow their gilded Pills of Ruine) & the temperature of the Air, the plenty of Fowl and Fish of all sorts; the little labour that is performed or expected having so little trouble in it, that it rather may be accounted a pastime than any thing of punishment; and then to sweeten us on the farther, they insisted on the pliant loving natures of the Women there; all which they used as baits to catch us silly Gudgeons. As for my own part, I said but little but what tended to the approbation of what they said. For all my aim (as I related before) was to understand the drift of this Rogue, and then endeavour to get what I could from him. By this time supper was talkt of by our Masters; so choice they were in their dyet, that they could not agree what to have. At last one stands up, and proclaiming silence, said, that a Dish of Bruiss was the most Princely Dish of any. And to tell you truly, by his looks, I thought he had been begot just as his Mother had put a Sop into her
  • 26. mouth, of that Stomach-murdering stuff, the grease running about her chops, which pleasing her fancy, struck so deep an impression in the imagination upon her conception, that the face of that thing she brought forth, lookt much like a Toast soaking in a Cooks Dripping- pan. That he might perswade the rest this way to indulge his appetite, he added farther, that it was a Dish would not be expensive, and soon ready. My Landlady to back him on, said, she had some skimmings of the pot, which she had been collecting these three moneths, some whereof she questioned not but to procure, and let her alone to order it so, that we should say we never had a better Dish aboard in our lives. Another contradicting him, preferred a bowl of Pease-pottage before the cheifest meat whatever, that he could never look into the pot and see them boyl round, but that his heart leapt within him, and kept time with their motion. My master (that was their Senior) scorned to be controlled in his fancy; and therefore positively determined to have some Poor John, swearing that the Great Mogul did eat nothing else thrice a week, and that Atabalipa (that Indian King whom Cortez conquered) caused a sacrifice every day to be made of them to his Idol, commanding them to be laid on an Altar made of some coals of fire, then the fat of some beast rubbed thereon, (because they had no Butter) and so presented to the Idol, afterwards to the King, which he did eat with inexpressible satisfaction. Order was given that this delicate fare should be provided. Though they did beat it most unmercifully, yet it would not yield, resolving rather to be broken in peices, then to become unlike its Masters heart, or shew any thing of a tender nature. There was one allotted me for my proportion, which I used as they had done, laying it on the coals a little while, and so committing it to my teeths disposal, I never found till now that my teeth could be thus shamefully baffled. They made several assaults upon it to little purpose. My teeth at length fearing a total conquest, desperately and inragedly seizโ€™d on the thinnest and weakest part, and holding it as fast as a Vice, at last in the conflict overpowered one small fleak,
  • 27. but not being able to stay the swift backward motion of my head, the hinder part thereof (the seat of Memory) flew so violently against the wall, that I not only instantly forgot what I was doing, where I was, but the pain then I sustained by the knock. Strong- water they poured down my Throat to revive me, but there was nothing did sooner fetch me than a small fleak of the Poor John, which sticking in my Throat had well nigh choaked me, which caused a strugling, and summoned the spirits together to oppose what might be destructive to Nature. Now did I really imagine my self at Sea, where, for want of provision, I was forced to feed on Cordage, or the Ship sides. Had this poor creature been ground small, I might have made as hard a shift to have swallowed it, as those Sea-men did the Saw-dust of deal boards coming from Norway, and destitute of other food. That night I slept but little, neither could I, had I swallowed Opium for that purpose, for the innumerable quantity of Buggs (as some call them) that had invaded my body; being weary (as I suppose) of inhabiting any longer the dry mansion of that old rotten Bedsted on which I lay. In the morning I found the ruines of a Looking-glass in the window, which I took up to discover what knots or nodes those were I felt orespreading my face. The sight whereof struck into me a Pannick fear, verily believing I had been infected with a spotted Feaver. I began to curse the bed and sheets, imagining the Contagion proceeded from them; to be satisfied herein, I drew aside at the beds feet the Curtain (that is to say, part of a Tilt) pinned there to keep the wind off, which otherwise would have fanned us to death, coming in so furiously through the Port-cullise of the window: (for glass there was little). At first sight I questioned whether I was not lately risen from the Dead, since there was visibly before my Eyes, the black Cloath that covered my Herse. Had not we gone to bed without a Candle over-night, I should sooner have chosen a bulk than this bed to lye on. It might have been a good Quรฆre, whether those sheets had ever been washt since their weaving, and continually since imployed by Whores and Bawds, successively, to
  • 28. sweat out their Contagious humours, and matter proceeding from their ulcerated Bodies. My pretended friend perceiving my amazement, bid me be of good courage, for those marks in my face, were only occasioned by a stinging sort of Vermine, who seldome meddle with such as are accustomed to them, only giving their welcome to such as were New-comers. I took these sufferings as patiently as I could; but thinking it was an ill coming for me to either of them; and it should not be long before I would take my farewell. We had scarce breakfasted, before a Messenger came into the room, and with much seeming respect pretended to deliver a Message to my friend. I ghessed it was to inform him how the Tyde served, and so it proved. My friend told me we must be gone instantly, for the Merchant attended my coming: Wherefore we presently went down to the staires to take Boat: by the way he told me, that he would go with me in the same Ship, and take as much care of me as he would of his own Son, whom I understood afterwards he had too sure, above a year since stoln away, and sold him as a slave. One while I thought to have ran for it, another time I thought to have cryed out, a Spirit, a Spirit, but that the thought of the Water-men being his Accomplices, deterred me. I was at my wits end, not knowing what to do. Coming into the Boat, being now destitute of all relief, I asked him according to his former pretence, whether he resolved to go to Sea with me? yes, replyed he, I question, Sir, (said I) whether you ever told a truth in your life, but I am resolved you shall now; and with that I flung my self with him over-board. Those which were in the Boat, immediately endeavoured at our rising to pull us up into the Boat: But I clapping my hands unfortunately on the side of the Boat on which they within leaned, overturned it upon me. The first thought this accident produced in me, was that a Whale had swallowed me, and that I was in the dark concave of his belly: or that Death had arrested me, and clapped me up a close prisoner for my sins, in Hellโ€™s deep and black Dungeon. But by the industry and expedition of many Water-men, eye-witnesses of this passage,
  • 29. (which had like to have proved Tragical) the Boat was recovered, and I the first person taken up and set on shore. Multorum manibus grande levatur onus. Many hands make light work. I neโ€™er staid to see what was become of my good Friend, (a Pox take him) but with what speed I could, attended with a great number of little hooping Owlets (I mean the young fry of Scullars) I secured my self from this Anthropopola, or Man-seller: A charitable woman seeing me in this pickle, (for it was Salt water, which my Sousโ€™d guts may testifie if they please, in their grumbling manner of speaking) told me that she would entertain me till to morrow. This was the greatest Cordial could be applied to this cross; and without many Complements, I thanked her for her great love. Now because she saw what condition I was in, she immediately put me to bed.
  • 30. P CHAP. XVI. How under the pretence of begging, he stole a Cloak, and with that went to a Gaming Ordinary; what a bold Adventure he made there, and the success thereof. arting from this good Woman, I began to think that the Art of stealing might be reckoned amongst the liberal Sciences; for though it may be called an Handicraft, yet it cannot be looked on as Mechanick. This is the Art, the right Practice whereof is the true Philosopherโ€™s stone, the Elixer of life; with which many turn Poyson into Medicine, coarse cloath into cloath of Gold, hunger into fulness and satiety, convert rags into Sattins, and all this done by a quick wit, and slight of hand. The Antiquity and Dignity of this Profession, I shall relate elsewhere, and shall proceed on in my Adventures. The Evening or Twilight being come, I chanced to look in at a door, and perceiving none at hand, I went in boldly, resolving if I met any to beg an Almes of them, having before premeditated what I had to say, viz., that I was a poor distressed young Gentleman, my Father, Mother, nay, all my Relations I knew, being dead, and that not knowing what to do, was forced (under the Covert of the night) to beseech the assistance of charitable minded persons. But in my way found none that should occasion my using this form. I found in the Parlor a good Camlet-cloak, which I made bold to put on, and so very gravely walked out of the house; but coming to the
  • 31. door, you must think there was Wild-fire in my breech, that hastned me out of the street. Being gotten a Bow-shot off I thought my self indifferent secure, so that I slackned my pace, but could not (if my Life lay on it) forbear looking this way, that way, sometimes over one shoulder, sometimes over the other: thinking of what dangerous consequence this might prove. I resolved to walk more confidently, and not let my eyes discover any thing of fear, by reason of guilt. This loose garment had so of a sudden Metamorphosed those thoughts I had of my self but a little before, my eye being continually on my Cloak, I could not conceit my self less then the best of the young Templers, that walk the Streets to show themselves: coming into Bell-yard, I observed several Gallants go into an House, and others to come out, which put me to the curiosity of enquiring, what, or whose House it was: Who told me it was a Gaming Ordinary. Nay, then (thought I) it is as free for me to enter as others; and so went in. I looked on a while, but my fingers itched to be at it. Why, thought I, have I not adventured a Gaol, a Whipping, or an Hanging, and shall I now fear a Kicking, a Pumping, or a Bog-house? These considerations made me resolutely take up the Box, and I threw a Main, which was 7: a great deal of money was presently set me, I knew it was but to little purpose to baulk them, so that confidently I threw at all, which I nicked with eleven, and so continued holding seven hands together. Perceiving I had got a considerable quantity of money, and fearing I might loose that which I had so boldly adventured for, I thanked my propitious Stars and the Gentlemen, who had rather lose their money than suspect any that hath the Garb of one well Extracted; and so bade them good night. A priviledge too many Skarking Ubiquitarians use without interruption, being most commonly in use with the Waiters and Box-keepers, who will be sure to speak in the behalf of such confident Cheats; if they lose, pretending great knowledge of them, that they are men of repute, civil and responsible; which frequently so prevails upon a Mouth, that he hath not a word to say more. Questionless Ordinaries were first impartially founded, interdicting all play but which was upon the Square; but since, by the connivance of the Box-keepers, when the Table grows thin, and few at it, let the
  • 32. stranger beware: for the Box-keeper shall walk off, pretending some speedy dispatch of a business concerning the House of Office, &c. whilst your Antagonist shall put the change upon you, or make use of his own Jack-in-a-box, and then had you 500 l. (would you set like a Gamester) he will have it to a penny in a short while: with whom the Waiter goes snips. If at any time such they know want an High flyer, &c. they know how and when to supply him. Full fraught with this good fortune, and so laden I was ready to sink, I resolved to moor my Vessel in the next Harbour. The Landlord whence I came, was very loath to entertain me, his lodger having served him a scurvy trick the night before, conveying out of the window, the Furniture of a room that cost him 40 l. besides a great silver Tankerd, which the Gentleman would have filled with stale Beer and Sugar, to stand by his bed-side all night, pretending it was his custome. But I desiring him to lay up a parcel of money for me till the next morning, quite put out the eye of his Jealousie. I shewed my self that night very exceeding noble, concealing my success at play, that he might conclude the greatness of my expence proceeded from the nobleness of my nature, having a good estate to back it. I was conducted to bed with many Ceremonies, and abundance of respect. Sleep I could not, for thinking how to dispose of my self. I had experimented the various exigences and extremities an unsetled condition is accompanied withall; and knowing how securely I could purloin from my Master, if I would moderate my theft, I concluded to supplicate my Master by a Letter for my reception into his service, not forgetting my Mistresses quondam kindnesses. If my Master should refuse to re-entertain me, I had by me what might supply my necessities, till I had re-considered how to improve my stock, or bestow my self. Not to delay time, the next day I wrote him this Letter. SIR, Having seriously considered the greatness of my folly in running from so good a Master, (whom I may more rightly intitle Father) with tears I beg mercy from Heaven, and
  • 33. forgiveness from you. Mitigate my offence by revolving in your mind the fewness of my years, which makes me (as it doth most others) prone to rambling fancies: look then favourably on my long absence from you, as a meer exiliency, a youthful elapse, which maturity of age may rectifie. If you can forgive my follies, I will study to forget them, and daily endeavour the propagation of my fidelity in the remainder of my time. By the Bearer hereof you may signifie your pleasure. Sir, I am Your cordially penitent Servant, &c. With much joy my Master read this Letter, and hastened the Bearer away to bring me to him. Having converted my silver into Gold, sowing it in my Collar and Wastband, and putting my self into a Garb convenient for his sight, I went to him.
  • 34. M CHAP. XVII. His Master sheweth him more kindness than formerly; the ill requital he made him, by Cuckolding him: an accident that fell out thereupon, which produced two remarkable stories, deduced from the strength of Imagination. y Master upon my reception, told me he had freely forgiven me, and if that I would henceforward endeavour the prosecution of a more regular course of life, he would forget too my past follies. I promised him more then the strictest Zelot ever yet did, and begged him pardon aforehand, if he found a defect in performance. As my expressions gave my Master much content, so my return (I perceived by my Mistresses eyes) gave her the greatest satisfaction. My Master began to doat on me again, seeing I daily trebled my diligence, and so active I was in every thing that concerned his affairs, that it was hard for any to anticipate me in my intention. This gained so much upon his facile good Nature, that I had liberty to wear my Hat, and sit at Table with him, neither would he command me any thing servile. I had (as formerly) the same sollicitations from my Brother Snippers; but fearing least one time or another I might be snapt by the timerous nature of some, who, if once taxt, will confess, not only as to themselves, but likewise detect the whole knot of a Brother-hood; I resolved to have no more to do with them, but would snip securely by my self, knowing, that in any secret design, if many are concerned, their business cannot be long kept private. Wherein by the way, I cannot but commend the craft
  • 35. and policy (though I absolutely disclaim the actions) of modern Padders, whose providence instructed them to rob singly, by which means their booty came to them intire without distribution, or if apprehended (as it was very rare) they knew how to make a better plea for themselves in a Court of Judicature. I now kept close to my business, not harbouring the least temptation to any extravagancy, and had sequestred my self from what might render me publickly notorious, and only studied by what means I might raise my Fortune, intending to build my future estate upon the ruines of other men: having nothing of mine own but my late purchase at play, my only way was (as I thought by someโ€™s success therein) to make the world believe I was really reformed, and so create to my self a credit, whereas I was only a Devil converted to an Angel of light, or a Woolf in Sheeps-cloaths. Now did I begin to cant religiously, and not omit one Sabbath wherein I did not take Sermon-Notes, judging this religious cloak to be the best expedient, to screw my self farther into my Mistresses favour, who doted on Morning Exercises, and monethly Fasts. If my Master had forgot to do the duty of the day, I would with much respect put him in mind of the neglect, desiring that I might repeat what had been delivered. As they looked upon my conversion more miraculous then that of St. Paul, so they gave me the greatest incouragement, least like weak Women, I might prove a back-slider. There were few private meetings my Mistress heard of, but, by the leave of my Master, I must conduct her to them, which were as many portents of our private meetings afterwards, where Venus should appoint. I am sorry that I am so uncharitable as to say that the zeal of her Spirit was not so hot as that of her flesh. Every day I had some remark of her love, which I received with much submissive respects, pretending I understood not her meaning, which added but fewel to the blazing flame of love within her. I could not be ignorant, that since she began to court me, she would prosecute it to the end. Her courtship me-thought was very preposterous; she might have first received the charge from me, and by that means she would have
  • 36. found me prepared, whereas otherwise she might have been deceived in her expectation. My Mistriss gave me so many opportunities, and signified her desires by so many tokens and dumb expressions, that I began to condemn my fears, which rendred me unworthy of her favours. The besieger deserves not the honour of possessing that City, whose Gates are freely opened to him, yet dares not enter. Whilst I was thus ruminating, my Mistriss came to the Counting-house where I was writing; and leaning upon my shoulder, asked me what I was doing: I told her nothing but writing. Nothing, I believe said she, nor never will do any thing, but draw up blanks, and so abruptly left me. She knew the quickness of my apprehension, and so left the interpretation hereof to my own construction. Not long after, (thinking her words had left a deep impression, as they did) and withall concluding I would give her the sence of them, when I had an opportunity; She informs my Master that she had a great desire to visit a Gentlewoman she had not seen a long time, and requested that her man Thomas (for that was my name) might wait on her: to which he assented. Though I led her, yet I wondered were she led me, through one street into another till we arrived at the water-side. She bid me call for a pair of Oars, which I accordingly did. The Watermen were very inquisitive according to their custome, to know whither we intended. Well, well, said she, put off, and then it will be time enough for you to understand. Said she, Row us up to Fox-hall. I for my part was somewhat amazed, yet I partly guessed what she drove at. I kept at a distance, shewing her the respect of a servant; which she taking notice of, laughed, saying, Come Cuz, why dost not sit neerer? to which I replyed as familiarly (for by this time I had much improved the stock of my confidence) I were best to sit a little neerer you, since I shall be the best expedient to ballance the Boat even, or trim it, for you are but light on your side. This expression I doubt nettled her, for presently thereupon she shot a piercing dart from her eye, (which I fancied to have penetrated my very soul) How now Cuz, said she, I thought you had a better opinion of me; I understand the Riddle, Your
  • 37. expressions may be very dark to some, however I have too much light in it. I would have made an Apology for my self, but that she hindred me by whispering me in the ear, to this effect, that if she was light, there was no other cause but my self, and that if I abused her love any longer, she would sit the heavier on my skirts. Landing, we went streight to Spring-Garden; by the way she told me, I must lay aside all formality, and for the better carrying on the design we went upon, she would have me as afore assume the title of Cuz. We were conducted into an obscure bower, I suppose one of Lovels Chapels of ease, where, without a Clew, it would be hard for any to find us. There was not any thing wanting that might delight the Appetite, which with much freedom we enjoyed together. Now, said my Mistress, I shall take off the veil of my modesty, and discover to thee the very naked secrets of my heart. The first time that ever I saw thee, I had more than a common respect to thee, and there was not a time since, wherein I had the sight of thee, but that it added new fewel to the flame of my affection: I used all possible means to smother or blast it in the bud, but could not; I summoned my reason to confute my passion, and notwithstanding I alledged that there was a disproportion in our age, and unsuitableness as to our condition, and lastly how great a strain it would be to my religious profession; yet Love got the Victory over these, and would have been too strong for ten times as many; the rest she supplyed with kisses, which were infinite. Having gained a little breath, and she again having lent me the use and disposal of my own mouth, I returned to this her amorous Oration, something suitable to it by way of retaliation; Protesting with invocations, that since she had so compleated my happiness by her love, I would perish before I would be guilty of the least abuse therein. That had it not been for the sense of my unworthiness, and fear of hazarding her love, and so gained her displeasure, no other difficulty should have deterred me from declaring, and discovering what she had prevented me in; adding, that where the quintessence of all
  • 38. loves contracted into one body, it could not equallize mine. Come, said she, let us leave off talking in such idle phrases, let future constancy make apparent the reallity of our affections, and let us not loose any time wherein we may mutually enjoy each other. It is but a folly for me now to mince the matter, or by my coldness endeavour to recongeal that water where the ice is too visibly broken and thawโ€™d. Yet let not your prudence be questioned, or reason forfeited, in making any unhandsome advantage of this my freedom. But above all, blast not my reputation by the unsavory breath of any ostentatious boasting of a Gentlewomans favours, nor let not my love cause any slighting or disrespect in you to your Master; neither let it so puffe you up with pride, as to contemn your fellow-servants. In company, shew much more reverence to me than formerly. In private, when none sees us but our selves, be as familiar and free as actions can demonstrate. Be constant to me alone, for true love will not admit of plurality. Be secret and silent, and follow not the common practise of vain-glorious Fools, that in requital of those favours they have received in private of some credulous Female, will make their braggs of them in publick. As if it were not enough for them to rob them of their Chastities, but must likewise murther their Reputations. Have a special care you slight me not, (as some squeamish or curious Stomacks use feeding too long on one sort of Food, though never so delicious) for a Womans love dispised will turn into extreme hatred, and will be ever restless till malice and revenge have consulted with Invention, how to be more than even with the slighting Injurer. She propounded more Articles, which I have forgot now, but I remember I sealed them without a witness. We made an end of our business for that time, with much expedition, to the intent the tediousness of our staying might not be suspected by the ignorant Cuckold at home: I have reason now for so calling him. Coming home, I applyed my self to the business of the Shop as before, enjoyning my eyes a severe pennance, not so much as to look towards that Object they so dearly loved. According to my usual time I went to Bed, but sleep I could not, for thinking on what I had
  • 39. done. About one a clock I was much startled, to hear something come into my Chamber; but before I could give my eyes the liberty for a discovery, my Mistress had gotten within the sheets, and not daring to speak, because my Master lay in the next room, most commonly by himself, and her chamber was the next to that, (and in a Trundle-bed underneath my Mistressโ€™s bed lay the Maid.) Neer upon day-break my sweet Bed-fellow left me, at an unhappy time, for then was my Master awake, which might have ruined us both, which had so faln out, had he been resolute or couragious; but on the contrary, exceeding timerous, but more especially, childishly afraid of the supposed walking of Spirits: For hearing the boards crack twice or thrice, with the weight of her body; besides, by the help of Starlight, perceiving something to move all in white, he shrunk underneath the cloaths, not daring to put out his head; now did his imagination work as strongly almost as his Breech, suggesting strange and ridiculous things to his fancy. But I shall give him leave to tell his own story. A little after it was day, being almost stifled for want of fresh Air, and choakโ€™d with the stink that was in the Bed, he boldly & valiantly put his head out of the coverlid, and after he had thrice exorcisโ€™d the Devil, or the supposed evil Spirit, with avoid Satan, repeating as often that Scriptural Sentence, Resist the Devil and he will flye from thee: He called out as loud as he might for me to come to him. I leapt out of Bed, and ran to him, asking him what was the matter: O Thomas, said he, light a Candle quickly; I running in haste to light the Candle, fell (by mistaking the first step) down the stairs, which made a terrible noise: my Master hearing me, cryโ€™d out, (saying, O God, what will become of me?) thinking the Devil indeed had mistook me for himself, and that he was horsing me on his back to carry me away; with that he fell to prayer so fervently loud, that up starts the Mistress, and the Maids, running to know what was the matter: fear had so possessed him, that he could not be perswaded, but that they were some of the Devilish crew. At first they thought him to be fallen mad; but finding out the cause of this distraction, with much ado my Mistress made him sensible of
  • 40. his mistake. Being fully assured, that they were not (yet) damned Spirits, he relates what he had seen, in this manner: My Mistress afterwards told me, that had it not been for laughing, which so busied her, that her sense of smelling for that time had left her, she could never have endured to hear him out, for that notorious stink, which came from the Bed, when he stirred ever so little. I wonderโ€™d, said he, that contrary to my usual custom, I awakโ€™d about four a clock, whereas I used to sleep soundly, thou knowest till eight. I hearkned, at first I perceived onely the boards to crack, but presently after I heard chains rattle, and the stools flung about the room, the bed, and I in it, danced up and down, as if a Scotch Bagpipe had been plaid upon by a Northern Witch, and the Devil the while had Danced with me, and the Bed a Morrice, (supplying the Bellows with wind.) Sometimes they pullโ€™d me out of Bed, and laid me on the cold floor, and then tost me in again like a Dog in a Blanket. Hearing no noise, I attempted to peep out; but scarcely had mine eyes recovered the top of the Bed-cloths, when I saw standing by me, a composition of meer bones, with a shrowd thrown over his shoulders, like an Irish Brachin, or a Scotch Pladd, with a light Taper in one hand (I knew not what use he could make of it, for there were only holes in his head instead of eyes) and an Hour-glass in the other: he grinnโ€™d at me with his teeth, (for he had no lips) and shaking his chains left me, which sight so terrified me, that I had like to have shot out (like a Pudding in a Bag) all that was within me. My Mistresse had like to have broken out into extreme laughter, had not the consideration of danger (that might have ensued thereon) hindred her. After this, it was a long time before he would be perswaded to lie in that Chamber again, which made me curse his strong conceit, for by this means he would lye with his wife, which interrupted our sweet venereal pastime. As for my part, I believed he would never have returnโ€™d to his own chamber again, for he trembled when he past through it in the day time; and if alone, he would so thunder down
  • 41. the stairs (fear giving wings to his feet) as if (Vulcan-like) he had been sent by Jupiter head-long in a message. Another accident (hapning not long after) curโ€™d him in part of his ridiculous belief, grounded on nothing else but fancy: In the Sellar, on a certain beam that went crosse, there were great quantity of Tenter-hooks placed there, some to hang meat on, others of a smaller sort for other uses. Our Cat being somewhat ravenous, was following the scent, and had gotten upon the Beam; her foremost feet slipping, she was strangely caught by the tail, and not able to recover her self: Being terribly pained by the hook, she made a most hideous noise, which made our Dog fall a howling. This strange din first approached my Masters ears, who awaking my Mistress, asked her now whether she would believe her own ears. At first she confest to me, she knew not what to think, her conscience being yet tender (which having no long time accustomed her self to sin, was not hardned and fearโ€™d up) put her in mind of what she had lately committed, so that she had like to have concluded that it was Satan was sent to buffet her; But she having a martial spirit, and not easily daunted, she hearkned further, and then judgโ€™d that Thieves had broken into the house. My Master all this while was breathing his last at both ends, whilest my Mistress leapโ€™d out of Bed, and came to my Chamber door, bidding me in all haste to rise, for there were Thieves in the house. I confess I had no great mind to be killโ€™d, and therefore I was in no great haste to rise, sometimes buttoning my Doublet, and anon unbuttoning it again; perceiving that I delaid, she came again, taxing me with Cowardise, and meanness of Spirit, which put new life into me, making me to resolve to adventure my life, rather than hazard the loss of her good opinion. Finding my Mistress in her smock, I thought it a shame for me to have any cloaths on; and so naked as I was, we marchโ€™d on. Coming to the Stairhead, my fancy troubled me a little too, for the noise had so amazโ€™d me, that I would fain have my Mistress to go first; she could not forbear laughing, to observe how complemental and
  • 42. ceremonious at that time I was. Having scattered my fear by resolution, How do I abuse myself, said I, and with that boldly went on. By this time a light was produced, and then those Bug-bear thoughts which darkness possesseth the fancy withal, began to vanish. There was not a hole big enough to contain a man, but what I probโ€™d. Descending the Cellar-stairs, I there plainly saw the Original cause of our fear and distraction, hanging by the tail. I called my Mistress to the sight, and now the Maids too would be Spectators, understanding the danger to be overpast. Well, the general vote was, that the Cat should be carried up stairs to our Master, and shew him the wound in his Tail, for evidence to prove his guilt in being seduced by fancy. He hearing some come up, thought we were all destroyed, and that they were coming up to dispatch him too: Wherefore he cryed out, Save my Life, and take all I have. His wife (not to encrease his perplexity) bid him quiet himself, there was no harm, nor any like to be done; and withal so convinced him of his folly, both past and present, that he had not a word to say in his own defence; he enjoyning us all silence, we were dismissโ€™d. The next night, to show how much he was altered from his former temper and belief, he did lye in his Chamber aforesaid, supposedly haunted, and that same night with much joy, my Mistress and I renewed our pleasures.
  • 43. I CHAP. XVIII. How his Mistress supplyed him with money, even to superfluity; what wayes he had to spend it. He is tempted to destruction by Correctors, (alias) Clippers, and Coyners (alias) Matter-men. Found my Estate to encrease abundantly, for I was half sharer my self with my Master; my Mistress she put in for one too, which I had likewise; so that the good man received but the fourth. I had been (since my return) very sparing in my expence, having laid up my money securely: But now finding out another rich Mine, I thought I should be too rich, unless I contrived wayes to draw out, as well as put in. In the first place, I thought good to buy a brace of good Geldings, for by that means I could meet whom I pleasโ€™d, though a dozen or sixteen miles distance, and so by the quickness of return come home undiscoverโ€™d. If occasion should serve, they might very well serve for the High Pad. These I bought, and where they stood, I had four or five several suits, either to Ride withal, (using variety that I might pass incognito) or to wear when I did intend to appear splendidly to peculiar friends; and then the Prodigal himself did not spend his money more profusely than my self. I judge it unnecessary to relate how, and in what manner I disburst great sums, since there are few that are addicted to pleasure, and have money, but know how to lay it out to the satisfaction of their desires, that is, to please all their senses. My Mistress seldome saw a piece of Gold in her Husbands hands, or some large and great piece
  • 44. of Silver, but she would be begging it of him, for no other intents but to give it me; which she took delight in, withal, knowing that frequent presents very much ingage the affection. My Master seldom denyed her, (for like a Cuckold he doted on his Wife) but if he did, she would take pet, and would not eat, have the forehead bound down with a cross-cloth, look pitifully, and the like. If he askt her what she ailed, or what she was troubled at, she would say, at nothing more than your unkindness, and then weep bitterly: for, like a right Hypocrite, she had tears at command. The Dotard would melt too, sometimes the great Calf crying and sobbing, like a child that hath lost his Bread and Butter: Then to make his atonement, he must procure her two or three pieces, if he hath them not in the house; otherwise it shall cost him as much more wealth on the Doctor, of whom she would often pretend to take Physick, but it should be only rich Cordials, strengthning Jellies, with such like Provocations to Venery. For my own part, I was not idle in the mean time, laying up like the careful Bee for Winter. We returned great sums of money every day, which an acquaintance of mine knew very well; and he being dayly in the company of a fellow, who was both Coyner and Clipper, it seems a decayed Goldsmith, undone by the study of Chymistry, but now lived by some particular part thereof, as the transmutation of Metal, or so forth. This man he informs that he knew a young Casheer, that he thought he could work to their purpose, who was very well qualified for it. An appointed time for meeting was agreed upon between them, which was made known to me: I thought of no other design but to be merry. Being met, we drank stifly, but ever and anon the stranger would beseech me to favour him with my future acquaintance, that he should think himself very happy, if I would admit him into a familiarity. I could do no less than promise so much, and so laying aside ceremonies, we entered into a very familiar discourse. But for that night there was nothing propounded, neither was it thought convenient: several times we met, (not without great expence) so
  • 45. that now we were grown intimately acquainted. Our discourse hapned on a time to be about Chymystry, I was forced to be mute, as not understanding any thing thereof; yet I could not but admire, to hear my new friend relate what admirable Rarities he could perform in that mysterious Art, and thereupon shewโ€™d me a piece of Gold, demanding my opinion what I thought of it? I told him I could judge no less, but that it was what it seemed to be; he smilingly replyโ€™d, No wonder that this should deceive you, since it will do the like to the most critical Goldsmith about the Town: No doubt, said he, you have heard of the Philosophers Stone, and what vast Estates some have mis-spent in the search thereof, how ineffectual the labour of such hath been, the miserableness of their condition makes apparent. Others, and not a few, have pretended they have obtainโ€™d the mastery thereof, for no other intent then to delude some wealthy credulous person, making some ridiculous experiments to confirm his belief, and at last extract him to the very lees of his Estate. I shall not deludingly pretend to any thing, but what I will perform, which your own eyes shall attest. Hereupon he shewโ€™d me various pieces, both Gold and Silver, which are the effects (said he) of my own labour and pains, imployed in an Art I have found out by the curious search and industry of my brain, with which I can convert Copper into that Metal which current money is composed of, either of which, according to the Tincture I shall give it. And to be plainer with you, out of that great love I have born ever since I first saw you, and that my actions shall make it apparent, see here this piece, according to the term of Art given, it is called a black Dog, with Queen Elizabeths Head thereon, which is only Pewter double washed. This here is a George plateroon, being all Copper within, and only a thin Plate about it. Another called Compositum, which is a mixt Metal, and will both touch and cut, but will not endure the fiery test. He gave me the sight likewise of Pieces of Eight, half pieces and quarter pieces. Then again (said he) our own Coyn we usually call English Cloth, the other Spanish; the prices whereof are several, according to their goodness and fineness: The best you may have for 15 sh. the yard, i. e. five shillings in the pound profit; the worser for eight, ten, or more.
  • 46. Now to the intent that I may compleat your happiness here, if enjoyment of Wealth will do it, I would advise you to take some of every sort, and so mingle it with the rest of your good cash, proportionably to the sum. Let me add one thing more, if any large money comes to your hand, lay it aside for me, which after I have corrected a little, (for broad brimโ€™d Hats are not now in fashion) I will return it, allowing you 18 pence per pound interest. I gave him all this while great attention, without the least interruption; but he here making a stop, I thought he expected my replication; which was to this effect, That I thankt him cordially for his respects, which I believed were real, having used that freedom with me, that I did not in the least question the greatness of profit that would redound by the acceptance of his proffer; but it being a matter of the greatest consequence, and highest concern, I desired I might have some time for consideration. This answer made him look blank, fearing lest I made a demur only to betray him, so that I saw by his countenance, he wisht he had been more sparing in his expressions. I must needs confess, I trembled all the time I was in his company, wherefore I made all the haste I could to be gone, giving him to understand, that after serious consultation with my self, I would send him an answer by my friend, and so I took my leave of him. The whole night following I spent in weighing his Proposals in the ballance of profit and preservation: I quickly found that Lifeโ€™s preservation outweighโ€™d all other interest, and that honour, riches, and pleasure would avail little to that man that was riding Post to the Gallows. Besides, how could I expect to escape better than others, who were frequently made wretched spectacles of rash imprudence and folly, who, having forfeited the Kings high and just displeasure, did usually betray their own selves to the Severity of the Law in that case; which hath as little Commiseration on such as on the worst of Offendors? Though I had committed several things that might come within the verge of an Indictment, yet I always shunned such actions as bore the inscription in their front, Memento mori. To be as good as my promise, I sent my Chimist these consequent Lines.
  • 47. SIR, You seemingly do proffer fair, but know, Hanging attends such kindnesses you show. The hope of profit tempts me; loss of life Oโ€™repowโ€™rs perswasions, and so ends the strife. Had I two Lives, my deeds should make it known, How little I would care to hazard one; But having solely one, I will not try Its loss; as yet I have no mind to dye. Should we proceed then, and be taken in it; Death and damnation seize us in a minute. Cease then, and let your fancyโ€™s suit with mine, Weโ€™l plot no Treason, but to get good Wine: That being had, let each manโ€™s face declare Thโ€™ Indian Mines not so rich as ours are. If we want Coyn, the best way, I suppose, Is to transmute the Metal of my Nose. I never receivโ€™d any answer to what I wrote, neither did I ever see my new friend after, which was according to my own desire, but I heard of his sad destiny, whereof I should have participated, had I listed my self in that Mettle-simulating Regiment. Some found out operating in the obscurest thickets of woods; others were detected clipping in dark Concaves on Black-heath, and their Ringleader discovered in his own house, in a deep Vault befitting his purpose; who, though he had timely notice to remove his tools, yet, by his Seizers they were found hid in a Chimney-mantletree, hollowed to that intent, with a shutter at the end. After the dismal catastrophe of these Hazardous fools, I had like to have been put to a great trouble, though not in the least guilty of the accusation: and thus it was; an indigent Hanger-on, having taken notice of my being once or twice in the company of the chief of those lately executed, came to me one Evening, and requested some private discourse: I consented: being together (laying aside several Formalities that ushered in his discourse) he told me, that I was taken notice of as a
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