An effective way to resolve conflicts

AN EFFECTIVE WAY
TO SOLVE
CONFLICTS
Thursday, May
23, 2013
1

 To have a marriage that really
lasts, you must have an
effective way of resolving
conﬂicts.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
2

A. This kind of marriage is the one that
has worked out a way to solve problems
in the home.
 1. This is the kind of home that has
a way or plan to work out the
conﬂicts that come into the home.
 I heard one statement which
read, “My wife and I have an
agreement. I don’t try to run her life
and I don’t try to run my life.”
3

 This is not an effective way of
working out problems even though
it is better than some.
4

 2. We need to clearly understand
that whenever you have two or more
people having a continuing
relationship, there will be conflict.
 a. Are you married? There will be
conflict!
 b. Are you single and living at home
with our parents? There will be
conflict! Thursday, May 23, 2013
5

 c. Are you a single parent with a
son or daughter at home? There
will be conﬂict!
6

 3. Whenever there is a conﬂict
there can only be one of two
outcomes:
 a. We will either hurt and even
destroy each other.
 b. Or we will build up each other
and beneﬁt from the experience.
7

 What are some problems that are
hard to work out?
 What should you do or how should
you react when one party is not
willing or does not want to work
out the problems?
 Are there any problems which
cannot be worked out? If so, why?
8

B. How Should We Solve
Problems In Our Marriage?
 Remember, these lessons are
basic overviews of the problems,
not exclusive and thorough
exhausted answers.
 1. Do not underestimate your
problem.
9

 a. To illustrate this you can think
of problems kind of like a
pregnancy. Things will keep
growing until somebody will
notice.
 b. When there is a conﬂict look to
resolve it. Ignoring it will not make
it go away.
10

 2. Do not underestimate your
potential to recover from these
problems.
 a. You must remember that the
problems you have encountered in
your marriage have already been
encountered by millions of other
people of which millions have
been successful in them.
11

 b. You and your problems are not
unique just to you.
 c. Be encouraged. Others have
gone through it successfully.
12

 3. Do not exaggerate your
problem.
 a. Please quit making them bigger
than life.
 b. Too often a small problem is
fueled and it ends up being a lot
bigger than you could ever dream
it to be.
13

 There are wives that go out and
share with all their friends telling
them about some problem they
and their husbands are facing. Oh!
My God! Why?
 The same people you are sharing
with have similar issues.
 Try to sort the conflict out.
14

 What is an example of a small
problem that is made out to be
gigantic?
 a. Picking up socks.
 b. Not giving a hand when your
spouse needs help.
 c. Failing greet your spouse when
you come back home.
15

 What is this really a sign of?
 a. There is a bigger problem under
the surface.
 b. Men have a tendency to forget.
 c. Women have a strong tendency
to remember.
 d. Unresolved problems can cause
real bitterness and resentment.Thursday, May 23, 2013
16

 4. Consider all the possible
solutions for your problem and
pick one.
 5. If your problems are not being
progressively solved, be willing to
seek help if really needed.
17

 a. Asking for help is not a sign of
defeat but a sign of hope.
 b. Asking for help is a deﬁnite
sign of your desire to solve your
problems.
 c. There are some problems which
need a third party to help each
side see themselves as they really
are. Thursday, May 23, 2013
18

What to do.
 1. Let me encourage you with this:
One thing you really need to know
is if you really do have a problem.
 2. There are some things in a
family that are just not going to
change.
 3. Don’t take this in a negative way
or to give up the problem.
19

 4. Remember, we are all different
people and all have our different
ways and different personalities.
 5. It is not really a problem for
different personalities to never see
things in the same way or like the
same things.
 6. If you cannot do anything about
it, this is not a problem - it is a fact
of life. Thursday, May 23, 2013
20

 7. There are too many people
trying to ﬁx the facts of life where
the temperament of the spouse or
even the child makes it very clear
that is the way they are and they
are going to always be that way.
21

 8. Don’t force your companion to
be something they are not.
 9. When you understand this, then
you can back away and quit trying
to ﬁx everything.
 10. Major on ﬁxing the things that
are broke.
22

Finally
 Let’s pray a prayer of commitment
to acknowledging and conﬁrming
and resolving the conﬂicts in our
marriages.
 THIS IS SO IMPORTANT: You must
take action. It is your responsibility
to ensure you resolve the marital
conflicts. Thursday, May 23, 2013
23

An effective way to resolve conflicts

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An effective way to resolve conflicts