How To Change Other People’s Image Of You

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Dud To Stud: How To Change
Other People’s Image Of You

Marius Panzarella
© 2006, All Rights Reserved

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Copyright 2006 - Marius Panzarella - All Rights Reserved

Dud To Stud: How To Change Other People’s Image Of You

Dud To Stud: How To Change Other People’s
Image Of You.
As a dating coach, one of the biggest complaints I
hear everyday from my readers and students is that they
don’t think they are being treated fairly by women. They are
all really great people “deep inside”, but women never seem
to recognize them as potential lovers. So today I am going to
show you how to change other people’s image of you.
This free report is the third report in a new series of
reports I am writing as a small “thank you” for my loyal
newsletter readers. You can read my two previous free
reports, The Frog Syndrome and How To Cure Your Fear Of
Women at the following sites.
The Frog Syndrome:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com/frog.pdf

How To Cure Your Fear Of Women
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com/fear.pdf
I highly recommend you read these previous reports
before you read this one.

Let’s Start With A Little Exercise…
Now…let’s cut to the chase and do an exercise.
I want you to imagine yourself pretending to be a
crazy person.
Imagine yourself dressed in a bright colored shirt with
mismatched buttons. You’re limping on the street with your

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socks rolled over your trousers. You haven’t showered for
days.
Now imagine yourself getting onto a bus. You talk to
yourself as you pay your fares. You spit onto the ground and
give the bus driver a high 5. Then you walk to the back of the
bus while swinging your arms around like a monkey and
pounding your chest like a gorilla. You spot a pretty girl in a
miniskirt sitting by an empty seat. You smile a perverted
smile at her and sit down. You start a conversation and tell
her she’s the prettiest Asian girl you’ve ever met – when
she’s actually black.
What is the poor passenger going to do in your
imaginary scenario? I bet she’s going to move away. In fact,
I bet ALL the passengers are going to either move away or
“look the other way”.
But are you really a wacko?
No.
Do you really have any serious mental problems?
No.
So why do these people think you’re crazy? Because
your behavior and appearance tell them so!
Now…I realize this example is a little bit extreme, so I
want you to do a second exercise. I want you to “judge” the
following people based on their behavior:

1)

A guy who avoids conversations with other
people in the office. You walk up to him and
try to be friendly…and all he does is look at
the ground and brush you off. He never
comes to any parties or company events
either.

2)

A guy who always appears confident. He’s
reasonably attractive, well-dressed, and he’s
always flirting with the girls and joking
around with other guys.

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3)

A guy who seems to have given up on life.
Everything that comes out of his mouth is
negative. When you try to cheer him up, he
just gives you long speeches on how much
the world sucks.

4)

A man who’s always talking about money. If
he’s not talking about the stock market, he’s
talking about how much money he is making
with his job. But he never likes paying for his
own meals or drinks.

5)

A guy who’s been to every part of the world
– including the most remote parts of Africa.
He invites you to come with him on his next
trip to Tibet.

6)

A man who talks casually about everything
from politics and economics to music and
the arts.

7)

A man who’s been chasing after the latest
multi-level-marketing scheme every month
for the past 10 years…and is still broke.

8)

A man who always clings onto the first
woman who pays him any attention. He has
a history of stalking women.

9)

A man who twitches weirdly every time he
talks to a woman.

10)

A man who has a lots of girlfriends – at the
same time.
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Do you find it easy to “categorize” these people based
on their few lines of description? If you’re like most people,
the answer should be “yes”.
Here’s the lesson I am trying to show you:

Rule #1: People Judge You By Your Behavior And Appearance
It’s true. Just like how YOU judge other people based
on what you see, other people also judge YOU by what
THEY see or hear.
For example…

1) If you don’t look at women in the eyes, they are
going to think you have low self-esteem.

2) If you seem unsure of what you want to do in life,
people may think you’re immature.

3) If you always appear happy, people are going to
think you’re a warm and happy person.

4) If you’re always depressed, people are going to
think you have issues.

5) If you never workout or do sports, people are
going to see you as inactive or “weak”.

And so on…

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As so can see, if other people have an “image” of you
that you do not like, then you should take partial
responsibility for the image, since you’re the one who have
created that image for those people with your own actions,
behavior, and appearance.
So…if people see you as a quiet guy and you don’t
like that, then you know what? You should have worked on
your social skills in the past. (Yes, it IS learnable. I used to
be very shy too.)
If you’re seen as not so smart, then you should have
read more instead of watching television as a kid.
Of course, some of you are probably thinking, “But it’s
hard for me to act the way I ‘want’ to act when people are
always treating me <insert excuse here>.”
Well…here’s the second rule:

Rule #2: You Teach People How To Treat You
If you’ve ever wondered why people treat you the way
they do, it’s because it works!
If women always treat you like crap, it’s because you
let them.
If they always come to you when they need you and
ignore you when they don’t, it’s because you let them.
If women always “screw you over”, it’s because they
know they can.
If other guys or women always make fun of you, it’s
because you let them…and also because you’ve given them
a reason to. (Such as by giving them a reaction that they
want to see again.)
Here’s a good analogy. If you have a cat, you should
know how sometimes it likes to meow in the middle of the
night to wake you up for a night snack.
So what do you do? Give it to him? Or hit it with a
broomstick to shut him up?

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Neither.
You just ignore it. Why? Because if you feed him
once, then he’ll know he can get whatever he wants by
waking you up in the middle of the night.
And if you start chasing him around the room with a
broomstick, it’ll probably think you’re playing with him - and
come back for more the next evening.
Although human relationships are a bit more
complicated than cat-training, the concept of reinforcement
is still very important when it comes to teaching people how
to treat you.
If people constantly disrespect you or don’t give you
the attention you deserve, it’s not because you’re born that
way. It’s because you have trained the people around you to
act that way towards you in the past.
If people see you as a weak individual, they will
always be exploiting you and disrespecting you because
they “can”.

Rule #3: Your Image Wasn’t Built Overnight
One of the biggest complaints I’ve heard from my
readers is that “But I am born that way…I’ve been a shy guy
for as long as I can remember…”
No you weren’t. While genetics do play an important
role in a person’s personality, the environment plays an even
more important part.
Remember the Math Wizard example I’ve given in
The Frog Syndrome?
(http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com/frog.pdf)
The same principle also applies here. A BIG chunk of
our personality is based on the “responses” we’ve received
from our environments as children.
With me…I think my shyness started after a
kindergarden teacher told my parents that I talked too much
in class. After that, I thought it was wrong to speak to people
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and stopped. Then other people started seeing me as a shy
kid and I had to reinforce their image of me by always acting
shy.
A newsletter reader once told me how he never went
into sports because his mother had thought that studying
was more important than playing sports. He also believed
that he was going to be a skinny guy for life because both of
his parents were very skinny. He performed poorly in gym
class and remained a “skinny bastard” throughout college –
until he sent me an email complaining about how women
weren’t attracted to him because he was feminine-looking
and weak. I got him to start hitting the gym.
That was five years ago.
He sent me a picture of himself last year...and let’s
just say he’s anything but skinny. In fact, I am sure most
guys would love to have his body!

How To Change Your Image For Good
Now…after that protracted introduction on the three
rules of defining a person’s image, I’ll teach you how to
change your image permanently with a technique I invented
a few years ago to help my clients.
I want you to think about what image other people
have of you right now – you know, things that you would like
to change.
Now, I want you to think about your past behavior and
the actions that may have created those assumptions about
you.
Write them down on a piece of paper.
Look at the following diagram on the next page as an
example:

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Past actions

Present Image

- Not making friends

-

- Not going out with friends

- “He’s just a friend”

- Not flirting

- “He’s too needy.”

- Being too serious

- “He’s boring”

- Pretending to want to be
left alone

- “He’s too
skinny…”

- Not being active

- “He’s boring…”

- Not being adventurous

- “He’s not
confident.”

- Avoiding women cause it’s
“naughty”

“He’s antisocial”

- “He’s stupid”

- Not studying

Do you see how everything about “yourself” and your
personality today is a result of your actions and behavior in
the past?
Now…I will present my time theory:

Since time is constantly moving forward,
whatever you do now will have a profound impact on
your future.

It’s true that you can’t change your image overnight
because it has taken years for you to develop that image in
other people’s eyes.

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But if you start taking action now, then in a few
months people are going to start seeing you differently –
because one day your present will become your past and
your future will become your present.
So…let’s say you:
-

Start acting more sociable

-

Start teasing women

-

Start being a challenge

-

Start working out

-

Start a few night classes

-

Start reading more

-

Start traveling

Then in 6-12 months your timeline will look like this:

Actions You’re Taking Now

6-12 Months From Now

- Acting more sociable

- “Wow he’s popular!”

- Teasing women

- “He melts me”

- Being a challenge

- “I want him.”

- Working out

- “He’s hot.”

- Taking night classes

- “He’s ambitious”

- Reading more

- “An
adventurer!”

- Traveling
- Improving body language
- Working on speech/voice
- Dressing better

- “He’s hot!”
- “I love his voice”
- He’s sexy!

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The Most Common “Excuse” And How To Overcome It…
Of course…every time I suggest people to change,
they often give me excuses about why they “can’t”.
I’ve often heard men say how they can’t change
because if they suddenly change for the better now because
people are going to think they are not being themselves.
If you’re one of these guys, I am going to smack you
with a 2x4.
Listen…most people actually won’t really care if you
do change for the better.
As I’ve suggested earlier, people perceive you by
your behavior and appearance. So if you take the time to do
“good actions” that will bring positive changes into your life,
then in a couple of months people will start seeing you as
THAT PERSON.
They are not going to think you’re not being
yourself…they are going to think that person is YOU. And he
is!
Here’s another quick exercise.
Imagine yourself running into a woman who went to
the same high school as you. She used to be severely
overweight and ugly.
But now she looks like a model.
Are you going to think, “WOW! She’s hot...” or are you
going to think, “Oh no! She has changed and become more
attractive! I am not going to be her friend anymore…”?
The answer is obvious.

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You’re not going to care why she has changed.
You’re just going to think “WOW! She’s amazing now!”

The First Step To Changing Your Image
The first step to changing is to think about what kind
of person you would like to become. Ask yourself questions
such as:
“What do I really want?”
“What kind of man do I want other people to see me
as in three years?”
Write it all down on a piece of paper. This is a very
important step!
I’ve yet to meet any successful person in any field
who is not a “list maker”. The clearer your goals are, the
more control of your mind you will have. After all, how are
you going to change if you don’t even know what kind of
person you want to become?
If you need inspiration, then think about your favorite
movie characters – characters that make you think, “Wow. I
wish I were as cool as him.”

The Very Important Second Step (That Other Coaches Often
Miss)
The second step is to translate these steps into
actions.
This is where I differ from other dating coaches. Many
other dating coaches like to give you NLP exercises that
make you “feel” better – such as getting you to step inside
the head of your role-model.

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Unlike most coaches, I believe in taking action instead
of just “feeling good”. I could make a series of tapes that
make you “feel good” and make a lot of money off you – as
many coaches who are just after money do - but that’s just
not me. I would rather help you actually become the person
you would like to become and live a successful life.
So I am going to give away very simple (but highly
effective) way to reach your goals.
From the list that you’ve written for the last step, I
want you to pick out three things that you would like to
change the most, such as your social life, your flirting skills,
and your body presence.
And for each of those three things, I want you to write
down 3 actions that you can take daily from now on to help
you achieve them.
For example…
Improve social life
1) Take a speech class and improve communication
skills.
2) Invite coworkers to hang out for drinks every
Friday night.
3) Find a new hobby and join a club.
Improve flirting skills
1) Flirt with everyone you see.
2) Practice the techniques in the “Smart Dating
Course”.
3) Field-test one new “flirting technique” every week.

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Improve body presence
1) Workout at the gym.
2) Practice mimicking a famous actor’s body
language every morning.
3) Take Yoga or dance classes.
And so on…
Your list of actions will be your blueprint to
become the real you!
Here are some tips to help you along:

Tip #1: Keep a Journal
I want you to make daily journal entries in a notebook
or binder. Not only will it keep you from slacking off from
doing your daily or weekly actions, it will also allow you to
track your progress. For example, if you’re practicing your
voice, then make a recording of you speaking every week. In
a few months, as you listen to your earliest records, you’ll be
amazed at the progress you’ve made. Every week, you will
see yourself one-step closer to becoming your ideal image.

Tip #2: Link Your Actions To Your Goals
To stop yourself from getting burnt out or getting
bored with your actions, link them to your goals and think
about how they will help you get the things you really want in
life and the reactions you really want to see from women.

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Tip #3: Don’t Worry About Results For Now
I also want you to focus on the PROCESS of taking
these actions rather than getting “instant results”. Rome
wasn’t built in a day – so prepare to spend some time and
effort before you grow muscles or speak like Romeo in front
of a woman. But I do promise you that the results will be
worth your efforts.

Tip #4: Ignore Criticism
There’re going to be some people who fear you
making progress because they don’t want you to become
better than them. Ignore their criticism and negativity. And
don’t forget that you’ll always have me on your side - guiding
you towards the life you would like to live.

Tip #5: Don’t Use Your Environment As An Excuse
While it is true that most of us are the way we are now
because of the way we were brought up (I don’t think anyone
could argue against that), it is also true that by the time we’re
in our late teens or early twenty’s, we should be mature
enough to make our own decisions.
By the time we move out of the house, we should be
in control of our own lives. We should choose what to
believe, how to act, and how to adapt to our environments.
I share absolutely no sympathy for people that use
their “environment” as an excuse. For example, last week a
college kid emailed me to whine about how he couldn’t study
at home because the television is always on. I just emailed
back with a single question, “What. There are no libraries on
your campus?”
There are kids in third world countries that walk 3
hours a day – barefoot - to go to a little brick dwelling with a
leaky rooftop that they call “school”, just so they can learn
the alphabets and hopefully become literate one day.

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This reader lives 20 minutes (as he later told me) from
the library and he whines because he doesn’t have a place
to study? Give me a break.
This is exactly why I sometimes feel military training
should be mandatory for young guys. These young men
have been spoiled their whole lives and they don’t even
know it.
Back to dating. I don’t care about your childhood
problems. I don’t care about your dominant or overprotective
mother. I don’t care about your racial background. All I care
about is the future. Let the past be. Don’t let it haunt you for
the rest of your life, because if you do, you will never
become successful as you’ll always be living in the shadows
of the past. Heck, if I had let my own childhood haunt me, I
wouldn’t be here helping you.
I’d be hiding in a corner…and I’d still be afraid of girls!
I speak from my heart when I tell you to let go of the
past and focus on the future. You can’t change the past, but
it’s never too late to change your future!

Tip #6: Have Fun
And most important of all…have fun! Don’t treat your
action-steps as “chores” that you have to complete. See the
fun in them…learn to LOVE doing them…and you’ll make
MUCH faster and greater progress!

Tip #7: Let Me Guide You
As always, I must stress the importance of following
my Smart Dating Course.
In fact, I strongly recommend that you put down
“practicing the Smart Dating Course” as one of your actionsteps!

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Why? Because I think it will accelerate your process
and turn you into a successful dater that women love in a
few months instead of in a few years.
It took me years to “get the hang of it” and to clear up
all the emotional baggage inside me because I did not have
proper guidance. But you don’t have to spend all that time
and energy – not when I’ve already systemized everything
and laid out every step for you.
I mean…
Why would you want to bump into the same wall over
and over when I could give you the key to unlock the door?
Here’s the bottom line: In the past five years I have
helped tens of thousands of readers across the world to date
the women they really want to date, and I am certain I can
help you.
From approaching a woman, getting her number, and
asking her out on a first date to increasing her attraction for
you, driving up the chemistry and making her crazy for you,
let me show you how to date the girl that you want to date –
step-by-step.
If you’ve been reading my newsletter for awhile, you
should know by now that I am the real deal. (Or I wouldn’t
still be helping guys after so many years!) You should also
know by now that you enjoy what I teach you because you
know everything works. (Or you wouldn’t still be reading
this.)
So go ahead and let me help you transform your love
life and become outrageously successful with women!
You can download my course at:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com/ebook.html

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As always, I’ll be waiting for your successful story at:
mariuspanzarella@datebeautifulwomen.com
- Marius Panzarella

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