![Eliminating Wordiness: Strategies
3. Avoid Empty Openers
Avoid There is, There are, and There were as sentence
openers when There adds nothing to the meaning of a
sentence:
Wordy: There is a prize in every box of Quacko cereal.
Revised: A prize is in every box of Quacko cereal.
Wordy: There are two security guards at the gate.
Revised: Two security guards stand at the gate.
4. Don’t Overwork Modifiers
Do not overwork very, really, totally, and other
modifiers that add little or nothing to the meaning of a
sentence.
Wordy: By the time she got home, Merdine was very
tired.
Revised: By the time she got home, Merdine was
exhausted
Wordy: She was also really hungry.
Revised: She was also hungry [or famished].](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/class17raw-180312043630/85/Class-17-raw-10-320.jpg)
Class 17 raw
- 1. EWRT 1A CLASS 17 1. Fishing pole--broken leg--Broadway play 2. Electronic—fan—junk 3. Back-–barn--grave
- 2. Essay Revisions: Essay revisions are due before Friday, March 16th at noon. You may only submit one revision: essay #1 or #2. If you did not submit one of the first two essays before the initial essay due date, you may submit that one essay as your revision. If you want to see me to discuss your revision, please make an appointment. Before you come to talk to me, please read the comments and suggestions that I wrote on your essay when I graded it. Have your questions ready. There is no grade penalty or averaging or other method of determining a revision grade. I will grade the essay like it is a new submission and substitute your new, better grade for the lower grade you initially received. I do not comment on revisions. I do not accept late revisions.
- 3. Agenda Return essay # 3 Revising problem essay #3 Sentence level errors Essay #4 Brainstorming the solution The thesis Outlining the plan
- 4. Revising Essay #3 for Essay #4 1. Your topic: Is it clear? Narrow? Have you introduced it properly? Have you shown it is important? 2. Thesis: Does it state the problem, the causes, and the consequences? 3. Causes: Have you included all necessary causes? Have you missed a clear cause? Should you include another one? Do you need to do more research? 4. Consequences: Have you included the major consequences? Are there some obvious consequences you have missed? Do you need to do more research? 5. Examples: Do you have enough? Are they relevant? 6. Is your conclusion compelling enough? Do you need to reiterate how serious the problem is? 7. Citations: Have you introduced your citations? Have you cited them correctly? Have you included a works cited page?
- 5. Sentence level Writing Errors Let’s take a look at your in-class writing!
- 6. Many people write wordy papers because they are trying to make their ideas sound important by using long words and intricate sentences. They think that their writing must be complicated to seem professional. Although these writers are trying to impress their readers, they often end up confusing them. The best writing is clear, concise, and easy to understand. Your ideas are much more impressive when your reader does not have to fight to understand you. Wordiness: using more words than necessary to express thought.
- 7. Often writers use several words for ideas that can be expressed in one. This leads to unnecessarily complex sentences and genuine redundancy as the following examples show: Redundant The printer is located adjacent to the computer The printer is located in the immediate vicinity of the computer The user can visibly see the image moving He wore a shirt that was blue in color The input is suitably processed Not Redundant The printer is adjacent to the computer The printer is near the computer The user can see the image moving He wore a blue shirt. The input is processed Examples
- 8. Now you try it. Write this sentence in as few words as possible without changing the meaning! The available receptacle, in any case, was of insufficient size to contain the total quantity of unnecessary waste.
- 9. How to reduce wordiness! 1. Reduce Long Clauses When editing, try to reduce long clauses to shorter phrases: Wordy: The clown who was in the center ring was riding a tricycle. Revised: The clown in the center ring was riding a tricycle. 2. Reduce Phrases Likewise, try to reduce phrases to single words: Wordy: The clown at the end of the line tried to sweep up the spotlight. Revised: The last clown tried to sweep up the spotlight.
- 10. Eliminating Wordiness: Strategies 3. Avoid Empty Openers Avoid There is, There are, and There were as sentence openers when There adds nothing to the meaning of a sentence: Wordy: There is a prize in every box of Quacko cereal. Revised: A prize is in every box of Quacko cereal. Wordy: There are two security guards at the gate. Revised: Two security guards stand at the gate. 4. Don’t Overwork Modifiers Do not overwork very, really, totally, and other modifiers that add little or nothing to the meaning of a sentence. Wordy: By the time she got home, Merdine was very tired. Revised: By the time she got home, Merdine was exhausted Wordy: She was also really hungry. Revised: She was also hungry [or famished].
- 11. Eliminating Wordiness 5. Avoid Redundancies Replace redundant expressions (phrases that use more words than necessary to make a point) with precise words. Remember: needless words are those that add nothing (or nothing significant) to the meaning of our writing. They bore the reader and distract from our ideas. So cut them out! Wordy: At this point in time, we should edit our work. Revised: Now we should edit our work.
- 12. Try these! 1. He dropped out of school on account of the fact that it was necessary for him to help support his family. 2. It is expected that the new schedule will be announced by the bus company within the next few days. 3. There are many ways in which a student who is interested in meeting foreign students may come to know one. 4. It is very unusual to find someone who has never told a deliberate lie on purpose. 5. Trouble is caused when people disobey rules that have been established for the safety of all.
- 13. Possible Answers 1. He dropped out of school to support his family. 2. The bus company will probably announce its schedule during the next few days. 3. Any student who wants to meet foreign students can do so in many ways. 4. Rarely will you find someone who has never told a deliberate lie. 5. Disobeying safety regulations causes trouble.
- 14. Find a Wordy Sentence Check your writing for wordiness. Look for a sentence that falls into one of the categories we just discussed. Edit it for clarity and conciseness.
- 15. Essay #4
- 16. Essay #4: Proposing a Solution: This essay is due at the end of the quarter. In Class Writing Assignment: Write an essay from five to seven pages in length, that addresses the topic below. Use a minimum of five credible sources to support your argument. Prompt: Write an essay proposing a solution to a well-defined problem faced by, or in, education today. Address your proposal to your audience: one or more members of the education board, its leadership, or to outsiders who may be able to contribute to solving the problem. Calendar • You will get essay #3 back in class #17. That is our next meeting. • We will meet at the library for a quick review and some research time in class #18. • The peer revision will take place during our finals meeting: Week 12 • Essay #4 will be due via Turnitin the day after the peer review: • M/W class: Noon March 28th • T/Th class: Noon March 29th.
- 17. Refer to your prewriting (Post 20): You should have two different paragraphs written for two different solutions. Look at what you have. It usually helps to consider several possible solutions before focusing on one solution; problem solving requires creativity. Let’s take one more look before we limit our solution to the single, best one.
- 18. Listing Multiple Possible Solutions to your Problem Answer the following questions to help you make a list of more creative solutions you could consider for your problem: 1. Can you adapt a solution that has already been tried or proposed for related problems? Which? How? 2. What smaller, more manageable aspect of the larger problem could you solve? How might you do so? 3. Could re-imagining the goal help you make fundamental changes? 4. Could the problem be solved from the bottom up instead of from the top down? 5. Could an ongoing process help solve the problem?
- 19. Exploring Potential Solutions Now, take the answers to those questions and write another paragraph addressing a third potential solution to your problem.
- 20. Focus on the solution that seems the most interesting to explore. In a sentence or two, describe the solution you want to explore further. You should choose a solution that you feel motivated to pursue. This will be your working thesis! In order to solve the problem of bullying lgbtq+ students in junior high, ….. Choosing the Most Promising Solution
- 21. Explain Why Your Solution Would Solve the Problem. Now, write for a few minutes explaining why you think this solution could solve the problem. For example, would it 1. eliminate one or more causes? 2. change people’s attitudes? 3. re-imagine the objective? 4. reduce anxiety and tension?
- 22. Show Why Your Solution Is Possible. Write for a few minutes explaining why people could agree to put the solution into effect. For example, what would it cost them in time or money?
- 23. Explain How It Could Be Implemented. Write down the major stages or steps necessary to carry out your solution. This list of steps will provide an early test of whether your solution can, in fact, be implemented.
- 24. How do I find out how much will this cost? Who will know how much time will it take to do this? Who has tried this solution in the past? Ask yourself: What do I still need to know and how can I find the information? Are there statistics that support this as a good idea?
- 25. Library Visit In order to do research for this essay, we will meet in the library lobby for our next class. Be prepared with one or two ideas for your essay topic, so you can spend the time we have with the librarian in a fruitful manner. Please do not be late to class.
- 26. Discussion #21: Post the in-class writing from slides 20-23: This should be your thesis statement and three paragraphs: an explanation of why your solution would work, an explanation for why your solution is possible, a list of steps to implement your solution. Make notes about what kind of information you need to support your arguments. Bring them to our next meeting at the library. Homework