HAPPINESS

© 2010, Total System Services, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide. Total System Services, Inc.® and TSYS are federally registered service marks of Total System Services, Inc., in the
United States. Total System Services, Inc., owns a number of service marks that are registered in the United States and in other countries. All other products and company names are
trademarks or registered trademarks of their respective companies.
Kyriacos A Gregoriou
LIFE COACH
Version: 1.0
Date: 29th April 2011
Prepared by: Kyriacos Gregoriou

Title: Version: 1.0 – Draft
Prepared by: Delivery Projects Published on: 08/11/2010
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CONFIDENTIAL
© 2010 Total Systems Services, Inc. All rights reserved
Document Information
Copyright
© 2010, Total System Services, Inc. All rights reserved.
Total System Services, Inc.® and TSYS are federally registered service marks of Total System Services, Inc., in the
United States. Total System Services, Inc., owns a number of service marks that are registered in the United States and
in other countries. All other products and company names are trademarks or registered trademarks of their respective
companies.
Disclaimer
This documentdescribes a generic productor service and should be read in conjunction with other documents relevantto
the configuration of any specific system. The recipient of this document is responsible for ensuring that the products
and/or services described herein meets its own requirements. The information contained in this document is subject to
change without notice and should not be taken as a commitment by TSYS. TSYS assumes no responsibility for any
errors that may appear in this document.
Confidentiality
The information contained herein is the property of Total System Services, Inc.®. This document contains
CONFIDENTIAL information that is produced solely for the benefit of the named parties. All parties should keep all
information contained herein confidential, and on no account should the information, in whole or in part, be disclosed or
disseminated to any third party without the express written permission of TSYS.
Document Publication Details
Area Description
Title Happiness
Subject Business Process Document
Released Date TBD
Version 1.0
Author Kyriacos Gregoriou
Document Version Control
Version Date Comments

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Contents
1.0 Introduction ..........................................................................................................................4
2.0 Happiness.............................................................................................................................4
3.0 How to Follow Your Intuition ................................................................................................5
4.0 How to Stop Hesitating .........................................................................................................5
5.0 How to Be Laid Back.............................................................................................................6
6.0 How to Live in the Moment ...................................................................................................7
7.0 How to Become Enlightened.................................................................................................8
8.0 4 Noble Truths ......................................................................................................................9
9.0 The Noble Eightfold Path .................................................................................................... 10
10.0 Be Yourself ......................................................................................................................... 12
11.0 How to Practice Non Attachment ........................................................................................ 14
12.0 How to Understand Your Emotions .................................................................................... 15
13.0 How to Gain Control of Your Emotions............................................................................... 16
14.0 Ideas that Make Negative Emotions Worse ......................................................................... 17

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1.0 Introduction
Nobody is happy all of the time, but some people are definitely more fulfilled than others. Studies on w hat makes people happy reveal
that it doesn't have much to do w ith material goods or high achievement; its dow n to your outlook on life, and the quality of your
relationships w ith the people around you.
2.0 Happiness
2.1 Be Optimistic
No matter w hat happens, good or bad, the effect on our happiness is only temporary and w e tend to rebound to our baseline level. Some
people have a higher baseline happiness level than others, and that can be attributed in part to genetics, but it's also largely influenced
by how you think. The next time you have a decision to make, and you're dow n to tw o or three options, just pick the one that feels right,
and go w ith it. Never regret the decisions you make though. Just live by the 3 C's of life: choices chances, and changes. You need to
make a choice to take a chance or your life w ill never change.
2.2 Basic Needs
Food, shelter, and clothing. Any money you make beyond that w ill not necessarily make you happier. Lottery w inners mentioned money
didn't make them any happier. Once you make enough money to support your basic needs, your happiness is not significantly affected by
how much money you make, but by your level of optimism Your comfort may increase w ith your salary, but comfort isn't w hat makes
people happy. It makes people bored. That's w hy it's important to push beyond your comfort zone to fuel your grow th as a person.
2.3 Stay close
Or move to w here other members are- so you can see them more. We live in a mobile society, w here people follow jobs around the
country and sometimes around the w orld. We do this because w e think increases in salary w ill make us happier, but the fact is that our
relationships w ith our friends and family have a far greater impact on our happiness than our jobs do. So next time you think about
relocating, consider that you'd need a salary increase of over 100,000 compensate for the loss of happiness you'd hav e from moving
aw ay fromyour friends and family. But if your relationships w ith your family and friends are unhealthy or nonexistent, and y ou are bent on
moving, choose a location w here you'llbe making about the same amount of money as everyone else; according to research, people feel
more financially secure (and happier) w hen they're on similar financial footing as the people around them, regardless.
2.4 Find Happiness In The Job You Have Now
Many people expect the right job or the right career to dramatically change their level of happiness, but happiness research makes it
clear that your levelof optimism and the quality of your relationships eclipse the satisfaction you gain fromyour job. If y ou have a positive
outlook, you w illmake the best of any job, and if you have good relationships w ith people, you w on't depend on your job to give your life a
greater sense of meaning. You'll find it in your interactions w ith the people you care about. Now that doesn't mean you shouldn't aspire
tow ardsa job that w ill make you happier; it means you should understand that the capacity of your job to make you happy is quite small
in comparison to your outlook on life and your relationships w ith people.
2.5 Smile
Science suggests that w hen you smile, w hether you feel happy or not, your mood w ill be elevated. So smile all the time! In addition
having enough money to pay the bills allow s you to focus your energies on more productive aspects of your life, such a the pursuit of
happiness as opposed to keeping the 'w olves from the door'.
2.6 Forgive
An attitude of forgivenesscontributed to better cardiovascular health. You could say that forgiveness literally heals your heart. While it is
unknow n how forgiveness directly affects your heart, the study suggests that it may low er the perception of stress
2.7 Make Friends
It w as discoveredthat people w ho went to church regularly reported greater life satisfaction than those w ho didn't. The critical factor w as
the quality of friendships made in church. People w ho w ent to church and didn't have any close friends there w ere no happier than
people w ho never w ent to church. It's thought that the forming of friendships based on mutual interests and beliefs (and meeting
consistently based on that mutual bond) is w hat makes the difference, so if church itself is not your thing, consider finding something else
you're deeply passionate about and making friends w ho you can connect w ith regularly based on that.

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3.0 How to Follow Your Intuition
Intuition is "know ing" something w ithout being able to explain how you came to that conclusion rationally.It's that mysterious "gut feeling"
or "instinct" that often turns out to be right, getting in touch w ith your intuition can help. Learning how to identify intuition, is difficult but
intuition can be developed, especially w hen follow ing some of these ideas.
3.1 Trust your instincts
It can be difficult to depend on something that you don't understand, and you probably shouldn't base every one of your decisions on
intuition. For example, if you're hiring someone, you should look at qualifications first and foremost, or else you might acc identally
discriminate. But w hen you've w eighed all the options and there is no obvious, rational choice, intuition's really all you've got.
3.2 Consider the following:
1 Intuition is basically how you quickly tap into your subconscious mind, w hich is where you "archive" all kinds of information that
you don't remember on a conscious level. Sometimes you pick up on things subconsciously w ithout realizing it, such as body
language. It'll register as a certain "feeling" that you can't articulate at that moment, but it could very w ell be valid.
2 Ask yourself questions and listen to the first answ er that pops into your mind. That isn't easy, because several thoughts w ill
flood your mind at once. For instance, let's say you're looking at a menu. In figuring out w hat you w ant, pick out the first thing
that stands out to you. Ignore the remainder of your thoughts, like "But I didn't even look at the specials...but my friend is on a
diet and I'll feelbad eating this in front of her...but my uncle said the mashed potatoes he had here w ere too mushy...blah, blah,
blah." Don't dw ell on it. Just pick something. It's scary...w hat if you make the w rong choice?...but you'll be fine.
3 Meditate. Clearing your mind of repetitive thoughts and w orries w ill make it easier to listen to your intuition. Find a
meditative technique you are comfortable using and practice.
4 Every day, use your intuition to make a guess about someone or something. Don't act on it, though. Just w rite it dow n. Focus
on statements like "I have a feeling that..." or "My intuition tells me that..." If there are any sensations
associated w ith your intuition, such as a vision, or physical discomfort, be sure to record it. Looking back in your journal, see
how often you are right. As you learn more about how to recognize your intuition, and you see it leading you in the right
direction, your confidence w ill grow and so w ill your intuitive pow er.
4.0 How to Stop Hesitating
1 Be bold - decisive! What? You can't? Do you find yourself suffering angst and taking forever over the smallest of decisions?
2 Understand w hy you are hesitant. Hesitance stems from uncertainty. Uncertainty is ... w ell, it's almost guaranteed, for every
situation you w ill ever face. If you're alw ays certain, you're probably w rong, because none of us know s everything. So
hesitance is actually a sort of safety or defence mechanism - in the face of uncertainty, almost everyone hesitates a little.
3 Address your fears. A huge factor in hesitation is fear of doing the w rong thing, or making a mistake. There are tw o main w ay s
to deal w ith this.
3.1 Imagine that w orst case scenario that's really holding you back (like embarrassing one's self--that's a big one for most of us)
and saying to yourself, "So w hat?" People embarrass themselves all the time; in fact, if you w atch popular and charming
people, you'll see that they mess up too, but more importantly, they respond gracefully to their ow n mistakes. They joke around
about it (w atch - they w illsay things like, "Noooooo!" as they make an exaggerated attempt to stop the catastrophe), they even
make fun of themselves (D'oh! I'm pathetic!"), and they immediately accept that they're human, and mistakes happen ("Man - I
hate w hen that happens"). They make some silly remark, give a big cheesy smile - and they move on. You can, too. If you
make a mistake, it's NOT the end of the w orld.
3.2 Secondly, think of the consequences of inaction. Remember that hesitating means NOT acting, and NOT acting has its ow n
consequences. Don't w ant to talkto that guy because you're w orried you'll put your foot in your mouth and ruin your chances
w ith him? Well, you might, and that's okay - life w ill go on. Or, you might w in him over; you never know ! BUT, if you don't act,
you guarantee that nothing w ill ever happen. How can sparks fly w hen you w on't even come face-to-face w ith him? Do you
really w ant to just w ait for him to do everything? What if he's more paranoid about action than you are? When it's over, w ould
you be happy w ith how you handled the situation, in retrospect?

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4 Train yourself to think and then act. Overcoming hesitance does not mean you should just start jumping blindly into situations -
that could get you into trouble, or w orse, be dangerous. But taking a moment to mentally consider the ramifications of Decision
A or Decision B - and in rare cases, Decision C - could spare you problems later. Train yourself to think through first one
possibility and then one other - and stop there unless a third possibility is glaringly obvious. Don't allow yourself to go off on
tangent after tangent, chasing dow n every possible eventuality. Give yourself a choice betw een tw o actions (or that rare third
one), and then decide
5 Give yourself a time limit. To help you avoid "Analysis Paralysis," you should give yourself a defined time limit w hen
considering serious actions such as purchasing a home, accepting a job, or quitting one. Instead of grinding over endless
possibilities, and then discovering you've now been chew ing this over for a w eek and it's too late to care any more, give
yourself a couple of hours to consider accepting a job. Sleep on it before you act on a decision to quit or make an offer on a
house. But once you have reached your time limit, take action.
6 Make the decision. If you find that you are hesitant over simple, every day decisions, like asking that pretty girl out, or w hether
to go to a company party, or even w hat to have for lunch, try giving yourself just 30 seconds to decide. In this exercise, you
must say "yes" at least 50% of the time (in other w ords, no fair retreating to the safe "non-action" allthe time). This w illhelp you
to save your "no" for events or decisions w here it matters a lot more - or a lot less - w hat your answ er w ould be. Next time
you're deciding w hat to do and find yourself cursing your hesitance, lookat a clockor w atch,and start counting dow n from 30.
By the time you reach 1, you must make a positive decision.
7 Force yourself to do new things. Having new , different experiences helps you learn to cope w ith new situations, and it builds
your self-confidence,which helps you become a more decisive person. Often, hesitance and indecisive behaviours are caused
by having lived a sheltered existence, or not having much experience to draw on. Allow ing yourself to go to parties or
gatherings, or even just going to meetings, conventions, or the movies w ith different people, broadens your horizons a little bit
every time you do it. You hear the stories others tell, and you soon have some stories of your ow n to tell. As you become more
experienced, you w illbe more certain of w hat willhappen in different circumstances. Being more certain = being less hesitant.
5.0 How to Be Laid Back
1 Do one thing at a time. The w orld's greatest achievements w ere made by people w ho gave the task in front of them their
undivided attention. Tackling multiple activities at once might feelefficient, but is it really productive? Is giving each task 30% of
your attention for three hours as effective as giving each task 100% of your attention for one hour each? If something doesn't
deserve your undivided attention, maybe it's not w orth doing at all.
2 Slow dow n. Why the rush? If w hat you're doing is important enough to w arrant your time, you might as w ell enjoy it. Cleaning
the house for an hour w ith your favourite music playing and your bottom shaking is better than cleaning the house in half that
time but in a frantic state of mind. Plus, if you're having fun w ith your chores, maybe other people w ill be tempted to join. Don't
just "get it over w ith"--find a w ay to make every activity something that you look forw ard to doing.
3 Stop being a perfectionist. High standards have their place--when performing surgery, for example, or designing a building--but
w hen applied to other areas of your life (your appearance, your home's appearance, your hobbies, your handwriting, whatever)
you're practically inviting anxiety into your life. That doesn't mean you shouldn't have any standards at all; it's w hen you start
stressing out about the details that you need to ask yourself: "Will doing this right now make me truly happy? Will it make me a
better person? Will it make the w orld a better place?" Usually, the answ er is no. Don't allow perfectionism to become the
enemy of your potential.
4 Step aside. When you close your eyes and imagine your role in the w orld, do you see yourself as Atlas, the mythological Titan,
holding the w eight of the w orld on your shoulders? Do you feel like you w ant to relax, but w orry that if you do, everything w ill
fall apart? If so, you need to delegate some responsibility. You might think other people w on't do as good a job, but that's the
thing: they'll never do it just like you do. So give them responsibility, give them advice, and pass the reins. Don't be surprised if
they make mistakes; just be there to support them, and let them fix (and learn from) their mistakes. Not only w ill this take some
w eight off of your shoulders, but it can be very fulfilling to w atch someone grow and mature as a result of your guidance.
5 Remember that it's not the end of the w orld. Many people spend their entire lives trying to prevent bad things from happening.
But guess w hat? They happen anyway. And life goes on. That's not to say you shouldn't take any kinds of precautions in life,
but if the majority of your thoughts are consumed in contingency planning, you're not enjoying life. You're preventing it. When
you're feeling threatened by things that haven't happened yet, remember these w ords by Ralph Waldo
Emerson:
Some of your hurts you have cured
And the sharpest you still have survived
But what torments of grief you endured
From the evil which never arrived.

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6. Focus on w hat you have, not w hat you have to do. Sometimes w e trick ourselves into thinking "I have to straighten this up...I
have to correct him...I have to stop her..." but truthfully, w edon't have to do anything. You can w alkaw ay fromany task, at any
time. Try replacing every "have to" w ith a "w ant to" and see if the statement still holds. Meaning, is it something that you'll look
back on w hen you're in your deathbed and be happy you did? Most likely not. So appreciate w hat you have, w hile you have it.
When bad things happen (and they w ill, no matter w hat) shrug and smile. Remind yourself that:-
 Life goes on.
 You w in some, you lose some.
 This, too, w ill pass.
 You can't please everybody.
 We live and learn.
 Don't sw eat the small stuff.
 Remember that sometimes bad things lead to the best things.
 Before you say no, think "w hy not?"
7. Shift your mindset so that you concentrate on w hat makes you feel happy, not on w hat makes you feel safe.
Learn meditation.
8. Try not to multitask. Though it may not seem so, it is incredibly ineffective. Studies have shown that people w ho think they can
handle many things at once are actually pretty lousy at it.
9. Go to a relaxing spa, now and then. Just sit in a hot tub and don't do anything but sit. When you come out, you'll feel
completely relaxed.
10. Don't confuse being laid-backw ith being lazy. People w ho are laid back get things done, but they do so w ith a relaxed attitude
rather than a frantic attitude. Lazy people just don't get things done.
11. Show ing a laid-back attitude in the w orkplace can have risks. Many employers may confuse "laid-back" w ith "lazy" and think
one does not take the job seriously. It is important to show that this attitude can actually be very productive, often even more so
than others w hich demand greater stress.
12. Personality tests such as Myers-Briggs can help one determine their particular personality. Do not be surprised if some of the
most successful people dow n through history share the same trait as you.
6.0 How to Live in the Moment
Living in the moment is all about living like there's no tomorrow . It takes practice but in the end, you'll lead a fuller lif e. To do this you must
realize beauty in every moment, and in everyday activities. This is your life, now live
1. Take notice of the w orld around you. No matter w hat you're doing, try to find something beautifularound you. Maybe on your w ay to
w ork, you go over a beautiful bridge, or you get a view of the sunrise behind the city buildings. Realizing these small things can
bring life and happiness even to the most boring or routine days. Be thankful for those little things.
2. Focus on w hatever you're doing. Even if you're just w alking, or w iping the counter, or shuffling cards - how does it feel? There's
probably some kind of commentary spinning through your mind, and it probably has to do w ith something other than w hat you're
doing. Let those thoughts go and focus on w hat is (not w hat was, or what could be). In Buddhism, this is referred to as mindf ulness.
Pay attention to your senses - touch, sight, smell, sound, and taste. Pretend it's the very last time you'll ever experience w hatever
you're experiencing. Have you ever been so engrossed in something that it seemed like the rest of the w orld just disappeared?
Living in the moment is about creating that state of mind at any time. Slow dow n, and try to savour the present.
3. Smile w hen you w ake up. You can set the tone of appreciation and aw areness for the next 24 hours by simply w aking up and
smiling. Don't w ake up w ith a groan and a smash of your alarm clock. There's scientific proof that the expressions that you make
w ith your face can actually influence how you feel. In particular, true happiness is most closely tied to a Duchenne smile w hich
involves smiling w ith your eyes, as w ell as your mouth.
4. Commit random, spontaneous acts of kindness. Whether it's donating to a fund, picking up litter, or helping victims of natural
disasters, keep alert in every moment of your day for some w ay in w hich you can make the w orld a better place. Even the smallest
thing, like complimenting someone, can bring joy. It's the most spontaneous and unexpected acts of kindness that produce the
greatest impact, and you can't be sensitive to those kinds of opportunities unless you're living in the moment.
5. Minimize activities that dull your aw areness of the moment. What are you doing that tempts your mind to run aw ay from the
present? For most people, w atching television puts you in a passive state of mind, and time slips right by. Daydreaming and getting
lost in a good movie or book isn't bad, but it's not living in the moment because it places your concentration on something that isn't
right here, right now ; it's a form of escapism. Don't zone out; zone in. Do things that are active, and that encourage you to look
around and engage the w orld in that moment. Gardening, playing a game, knitting, and playing an instrument are all activities that
lend themselves to mindfulness. So get off the computer

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6. Be Thankful for w hat is. When you find yourself wishing for something you don't have, or w ishing your life w ould be different, start
your quest for your w ish by being thankfulfor w hat is already in your life. This w ill bring you back to the present moment. Make a list
of w hat you are thankful for right now even if all you can think of is that you are alive and can breathe. You don't w ant to miss the
gifts right in front of you, because you are alw ayslooking beyond w hat is in the present moment to w hat once w asor what might be.
If you are thankful for w hat is, you'll be happy to be in the moment instead of elsew here.
7. Play w ith kids! Children don't w orry about the future; they play and enjoy every moment for w hat it is. They haven't yet learned to
think ahead, or mull over the past, so take the opportunity to learn from them :-
 Forgive. Many of us carry grudges w ith us that haunt us, and those grudges also prevent us from opening our hearts to
others because w e're scared of getting hurt again.
 Watch your breath, by noticing your breathing pattern your mind naturally quiets and pays more attention to the present
moment.
 Listen to music and enjoy it. Express yourself by dancing to it or singing along.
 Participate in active conversation and engage in the subject matter w ith another human.
 Think about how happy your good deed could make someone
 Living in the moment doesn't mean you shouldn't care about the future, or do reckless, irresponsible things. It means that
w hen you make a choice to do something, you focus on actually doing it, rather than letting your mind dw ell on the future
or past.
7.0 How to Become Enlightened
1. Be continually conscious. The practice of prolonging our conscious state willnot give us the pow er to controlthe material w orld.
It w ill, how ever, give us the pow er to be absolutely free from the material w orld. Being enlightened is not a special state of
mind; it is our original nature, our natural aw areness. In short, the state of mind w e w ere in before the universe came to be.
2. Many people feel that they must suffer in order to gain liberation. This doesn't have to be the case. We all belong in the
universe, the universe doesn't care if w e suffer or not. We are our ow n key to absolute freedom. And there are as many paths
to perfect enlightenment as there are beings in the universe. When w e become conscious we expand, when we turn away from
being conscious we contract. Beyond this, reality w illalw ays prove to us that w e cannot move against its ow n self governing
law s. Allof us are free to choose the kind of "Reality" w e wish to know, none of us can break the rules. Every entity in creation
has the same freedom of choice.
3. There are some of us w ho have preached the dogmatic certainty of one particular path. But in the end enlightenment is there
and how you achieve it isn't as important as getting there.
4. The more you Love, the more there w ill be to Love as it is only human to deepen love and care. The more you fear, the more
there w ill be to fear especially fear of fear or pain. Originally fear is an appropriate w arning of possible harm. It is only
necessary to notice the problem to be solved and drop the fear. This is one fundamental mode of "Expansion" and
"Contraction"; as you explore your life, you w illfind many others. To find enlightenment w e need only accept the daily rhythms
of expansion and contraction. Each of us has complete freedom to choose, you already know this.
5. Know that there is nothing you must "accomplish" first in order to find enlightenment.
6. All potential experiences are already w ithin you.
7. Perhaps the state of mind that most needs enlightenment is that of seeing fellow human beings as needing to be guided or
enlightened or perhaps that of seeing human beings as sinners. We have all made mistakes. That seems to be how we learn.
Repeating the same mistakes over and over is w hat is injurious to our ow n purpose. However we are free to do that as w ell.
What w e should askourselves is : "Which pain for w hat result?" Enlightenment doesn't care how you get there. If you're not
going to be thinking about it in heaven or nirvana or w hatever you wish to name it, w hat's the point in w orrying about it here
and now ? It's alright to have a good time. Some say that it is only through excess, that one can know w hat is enough. Others
have said, moderation even w ithin moderation. Being Here-Now is thought by many to be the first step tow ards Liberation. See
everything as enlightened, granting everyone and everything the enlightenment you w ish for yourself, may also be considered
a possible first step.
8. Know that w e are all equal beings. What you are, I can be. What I am, you can be. This is also true of the Universe w hich has
created us "in Its ow n image". What the Universe Is, w e can be. You can define this as anything you believe to be True.
9. Create time in your life to be conscious. Too often, w e get so tense or stressed w ith our responsibilities that w e forget to take
pleasure in the moment.
10. Sit quietly and let your thoughts and judgments arise and dissipate by themselves. Remain in the here and now . Become calm
and clear.
11. Take a w alkin a park. Make specialnote of the various odours you smell, the noises you hear, and objects you see. Approach
other everyday situations in the same w ay. Doing this often brings you closer to pure consciousness.

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7.1 How to Become Enlightened
12. Practice meditation, w hich you can do anyw here, at any time by simply focusing on the present and emptying your mind.
13. Alw ays be mindfulof the moment and take pleasure in all activities that you do during the day (eating, sleeping, even using the
bathroom).
14. Enlightenment is not a state of mind that you can force yourself into. We live by the eternallaw of cause and effect, w hich is, if
you do something bad you w ill get a bad result, if you do something good you w ill get a good result. What matters is the
consciousness you experience regardless of w hat takes place.
15. When approached w ith intent, sparking higher consciousnessis natural. Walking can sparkhigher consciousness. Use w alking
as the rhythmic cycle of meditation. Just like aspirants learn to count their cycle of breath to consume normal and allow higher
consciousnessto come forth. This same thing happens in music w ith the rhythm, that is, normal consciousness is consumed,
allow ing higher to consciousness come flooding in for the musician, bringing f orth the higher consciousness of Creation.
16. This aw areness of higher consciousnesswhile w alking w ill motivate more w alking/meditation and ability to w alk/meditate more
and more.
 Enlightenment is not something that someone else can do for you. No one can "save" you but yourself. The same is
true of saving others. The rest is of the order of the Divine.
 Your ow n "common sense" (or "intuition") is also your best guide.
 What's real? Our senses may deceive us but our emotions don't.
 Higher consciousnessis available to all of us w ho seekit. You don't even have to do anything. You're not going to
fade aw ay by finding out how free you really are.
 The thought that you have to attain something is a great barrier,we allare enlighten w e just got to understand that
there is nothing to attain.
 You must learn to trust yourself completely.
 Scientific understanding is based on the repetition of duplicable events and miracles don't seem to be duplicable.
Therefore, there is no real scientific way to understand miracles. Our ow n consciousness is miracle enough.
 We teach best w hat we most need to learn.
 Don't fear leaving your material body, if you've taken proper care of it, it w illbe there should you w ish to return to it.
 Trust. Trust the flow of the Universe.
 A heart full of Love. Because Love is the strongest magic of all.
 Indifference to externalaspects of "things", ie. maintain an overall view of the "Big Picture
8.0 4 Noble Truths
8.1 Life means suffering.
Human nature is not perfect and neither is the w orld w e live in. During our lifetime, w e inevitably have to endure physicalsuffering such
as pain, sickness, injury, tiredness, old age, and eventually death; and w e have to endure psychologicalsuffering like sadness, fear,
frustration, disappointment, and depression. Although there are different degrees of suffering and there are also positive experiences in
life that w e perceive as the opposite of suffering, such as ease, comfort and happiness, life in its totality is imperfect and incomplete,
because our w orld is subject to impermanence. This means w e are never able to keep permanently w hat we strive for, and just as happy
moments pass by, w e ourselvesand our loved ones w illpass away one day, too.
8.2 The origin of suffering is attachment.
The origin of suffering is attachment to transient things and the ignorance thereof. Transient things do not only include the physical
objects that surround us, but also ideas, and -in a greater sense- all objects of our perception. Ignorance is the lack of understanding of
how our mind is attached to impermanent things. The reasons for suffering are desire, passion, ardour, pursuit of wealth and prestige,
striving for fame and popularity, or in short: craving and clinging. Because the objects of our attachment are transient, their loss is
inevitable, thus suffering willnecessarily follow. Objects of attachment also include the idea of a "self" w hich is a delusion, because there
is no abiding self. What w e call"self" is just an imagined entity, and w e are merely a part of the ceaseless becoming of the universe.

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8.3 The End of Suffering is attainable.
Attained through nirodha. Nirodha means the unmaking of sensualcraving and conceptualattachment. The third noble truth expresses
the idea that suffering can be ended by attaining dispassion. Nirodha extinguishes all forms of clinging and attachment. This means that
suffering can be overcome through human activity, simply by removing the cause of suffering. Attaining and perfecting dispass ion is a
process of many levels that ultimately results in the state of Nirvana. Nirvana means freedomfrom all w orries, troubles, complexes,
fabrications and ideas. Nirvana is not comprehensible for those w ho have not attained it.
8.4 The path to the End of Suffering.
There is a path to the end of suffering - a gradualpath of self-improvement, w hich is described more detailed in the Eightfold Path. It is
the middle w ay betweenthe tw o extremes of excessive self-indulgence (hedonism) and excessive self-mortification (asceticism); and it
leads to the end of the cycle of rebirth. The latter quality discerns it fromother paths w hich are merely "w andering on the w heelof
becoming", because these do not have a final object. The path to the end of suff ering can extend over many lifetimes, throughout w hich
every individual rebirth is subject to karmic conditioning. Craving, ignorance, delusions, and its effects willdisappear gradually, as
progress is made on the path.
9.0 The Noble Eightfold Path
The Noble Eightfold Path describes the w ayto the end of suffering. Together w ith the Four Noble Truths it constitutes the gist of
Buddhism. Great emphasis is put on the practicalaspect, because it is only through practice that one can attain a higher level of
existence and finally reach Nirvana. The eight aspects of the path are not to be understood as a sequence of single steps, instead they
are highly interdependent principles that have to be seen in relationship w ith each other.
7.1 Right View
Right view is the beginning and the end of the path, it simply means to see and to understand things as they really are and to realise the
Four Noble Truth. As such, right view is the cognitive aspect of wisdom. It means to see things through, to grasp the impermanent and
imperfect nature of w orldly objects and ideas, and to understand the law of karma and karmic conditioning. Right view is not necessarily
an intellectual capacity, just as w isdomis not just a matter of intelligence. Instead, right view is attained, sustained, and enhanced
through all capacities of mind. It begins w ith the intuitive insight that all beings are subject to suffering and it ends w ith complete
understanding of the true nature of all things. Since our view of the w orld forms our thoughts and our actions, right view yields right
thoughts and right actions.
7.2 Right Intention
While right view refersto the cognitive aspect of w isdom, right intention refers to the volitional aspect, i.e. the kind of mental energy that
controls our actions. Right intention can be described best as commitment to ethical and mental self-improvement. Buddha distinguishes
three types of right intentions: 1. the intention of renunciation, w hich means resistance to the pull of desire, 2. the intention of good w ill,
meaning resistance to feelings of anger and aversion, and 3. the intention of harmlessness, meaning not to think or act cruelly, violently,
or aggressively, and to develop compassion.
7.3 Right Speech
Right speech is the first principle of ethicalconduct in the eightfold path. Ethical conduct is view ed as a guideline to moral discipline,
w hich supportsthe other principles of the path. This aspect is not self-sufficient, however, essential, because mentalpurification can only
be achieved through the cultivation of ethical conduct. The importance of speech in the context of Buddhist ethics is obvious : w ords can
break or save lives, make enemies or friends, start war or create peace. Buddha explained right speech as follow s: 1. to abstain from
false speech, especially not to tell deliberate lies and not to speak deceitfully, 2. to abstain fromslanderous speech and not to use w ords
maliciously against others, 3. to abstain from harsh w ords that offend or hurt others, and 4. to abstain from idle chatter that lacks purpose
or depth. Positively phrased, this means to tell the truth, to speakfriendly, w arm, and gently and to talk only w hen necessary.

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7.4 Right Action
The second ethical principle, right action, involves the body as natural means of expression, as it refers to deeds that involve bodily
actions. Unw holesome actions lead to unsound states of mind, w hile w holesome actions lead to sound states of mind. Again, the
principle is explained in terms of abstinence: right action means 1. to abstain fromharming sentient beings, especially to abstain from
taking life (including suicide) and doing harm intentionally or delinquently, 2. to abstain from taking w hat is not given, w hich includes
stealing, robbery, fraud, deceitfulness, and dishonesty, and 3. to abstain fromsexualmisconduct. Positively formulated, right action
means to act kindly and compassionately, to be honest, to respect the belongings of others, and to keep sexualrelationships harmless to
others. Further details regarding the concrete meaning of right action can be found in the Precepts.
7.5 Right Livelihood
Right livelihood means that one should earn one's living in a righteous w ay and that w ealth should be gained legally and peacefully. The
Buddha mentions four specific activities that harmother beings and that one should avoid for this reason: 1. dealing in w eapons, 2.
dealing in living beings (including raising animals for slaughter as w ellas slave trade and prostitution), 3. w orking in meat production and
butchery, and 4. selling intoxicants and poisons, such as alcoholand drugs. Furthermore any other occupation that w ould violate the
principles of right speech and right action should be avoided.
7.6 Right Effort
Right effort can be seen as a prerequisite for the other principles of the path. Without effort, which is in itself an act of w ill, nothing can be
achieved, w hereasmisguided effort distracts the mind from its task, and confusion willbe the consequence. Mentalenergy is the force
behind right effort; it can occur in either w holesome or unw holesome states. The same type of energy that fuels desire, envy, aggression,
and violence can on the other side fuelself-discipline, honesty, benevolence,and kindness. Right effort is detailed in four types of
endeavours that rankin ascending order of perfection: 1. to prevent the arising of unarisen unw holesome states, 2. to abandon
unw holesome states that have already arisen, 3. to arouse w holesome states that have not yet arisen, and 4. to maintain and perfect
w holesome states already arisen.
7.7 Right Mindfulness
Right mindfulness is the controlled and perfected faculty of cognition. It is the mental ability to see things as they are, w ith clear
consciousness. Usually, the cognitive process begins with an impression induced by perception, or by a thought, but then it does not stay
w ith the mere impression. Instead, w e almost alw ays conceptualise sense impressions and thoughts immediately. We interpret them and
set them in relation to other thoughts and experiences, which naturally go beyond the facticity of the originalimpression. The mind then
posits concepts, joins concepts into constructs, and weaves those constructsinto complex interpretative schemes. Allthis happens only
half consciously, and as a result w e often see things obscured. Right mindfulness is anchored in clear perception and it penetrates
impressions w ithout getting carried aw ay. Right mindfulness enables us to be aw are of the processof conceptualisation in a w ay that we
actively observe and controlthe w ay our thoughts go. Buddha accounted for this as the four foundations of mindfulness: 1. contemplation
of the body, 2. contemplation of feeling (repulsive, attractive, or neutral), 3. contemplation of the state of mind, and 4. contemplation of
the phenomena.
7.8 Right Concentration
The eighth principle of the path, right concentration, refersto the development of a mental force that occurs in naturalconsciousness,
although at a relatively low levelof intensity, namely concentration. Concentration in this context is described as one-pointedness of
mind, meaning a state w here allmental faculties are unified and directed onto one particular object. Right concentration for the purpose
of the eightfold path means w holesome concentration, i.e. concentration on w holesome thoughts and actions. The Buddhist method of
choice to develop right concentration is through the practice of meditation. The meditating mind focuses on a selected object. It first
directs itself onto it, then sustains concentration, and finally intensifies concentration step by step. Through this practic e it becomes
natural to apply elevated levels concentration also in everyday situations.

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10.0 Be Yourself
It's quite possibly the most commonly used phrase in the history of advice: Be yourself. But it's such a vague adage. What do they really
mean w hen they tellyou to be yourself? And is it really as easy as it sounds?
10.1 Find Yourself
Oscar Wilde once said w ith his usual w it: Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. As humorous as this might seem, it's a basic
summation of the truth. Yet, you can't be yourself if you don't know , understand, and accept yourself first. It should be your primary goal
to find this out. Find the time to dw ellupon w hat you value and take time to consider w hat makes up the essence of who you are. As part
of this, contemplate your life and choices. Try to think about w hat kinds of things you w ould or w ouldn't like to do, and act accordingly;
finding out through trial and error helps more than you might think it does. You can even take personality tests, but be careful to only take
w hat you w ant from them so that you do not let such tests define you. Instead, ensure that the defining you do is based on your ow n
terms and is something you feel absolutely comfortable w ith.
In finding your values, don't be surprised if some of them seem to conflict. This is a natural result of taking on broad values from a variety
of sources, including culture, religion, mentors, inspiring people, educationalsources, etc. What does matter is that you continue w orking
through these conflicts to resolve w hat values feel most true to yourself.
Avoid fixating on the past and not letting yourself grow. One of the most unhealthy approaches to being oneself is to make a decision that
w ho you are is defined by a moment or period of time, after w hich you spend the rest of your life trying to still be that person fromthe past
rather than someone w ho is still you but grow s w ith the passing of each season and decade. Allow yourself this space to grow , to
improve, to become w iser. And allow yourself to forgive past errors and past behaviors you're not so proud of. Work on accepting
mistakes and choices you've made; they're done and in the past. You had your reasons for them and the decision made sense at the
time, so instead of harnessing yourself to past mistakes, allow yourself to learn their lessons and continue to grow .
 Look for people around you w ho proudly proclaim they are no different than they w ere the day they turned 16 or 26 or 36, or
w hatever. Do these people seem flexible, easygoing, happy people? Often they are not because they are so busy insisting that
nothing has changed for them ever, that they're incapable of taking on new ideas, learning fromothers, or grow ing. They might
believe adamantly that they are "being themselves" but in reality they are often enslaved by the past and a particular image of
themselves that they w ould have done better to have released long ago. Grow th into every new age and stage of our lives is an
essential part of being true to ourselves and to being emotionally healthy and w hole.
10.2 Stop Caring
Some of them w ill like you and some of them w on't. Either attitude is as likely to be right or w rong. It's next-to-impossible to be yourself
w hen you're caught up in constantly w ondering "Do they think I'm funny? Does she think I'm fat? Do they think I'm stupid? Am I
good/clever/popular enough to be a part of their group of friends?" To be yourself, you've got to let go of these concerns and just let your
behavior flow , with only your consideration of others as a filter — not their consideration of you. Besides, if you change yourself for one
person or group, another person or group may not like you, and you could go on forever in a vicious cycle trying to please people instead
of focusing on building up your talents and strengths; being a people-pleaser or alw ays w anting everyone's love and respect is a totally
pointless exercise in the end that can harm your personal development and confidence. Who cares w hat other people say? As Eleanor
Roosevelt said once, "no one can make you feelinferior w ithout your consent" and w hat matters most is that you listen to your ow n inner
confidence and if it's missing, that you start developing it!
 Does this mean no one's opinion in life matters? No. It hurts if you're socially rejected. If you're forced into a situation w here
you must spend most or all of your time among people w ho can't stand you for reasons of their ow n, it's dangerous to
internalize their negative ideas of w ho you are. What you can do is exercise some choice in w hose opinions you value more
than others. It's much healthier to pay attention to people w ho genuinely mean you w ell and w ho agree w ith you about w hat
you w ant to do w ith your life. Someone can mean you w ell in their ow n terms and steer you dow n the w rong path w ith all the
passion of real conscience if they think you'd be better off in a different occupation, different lifestyle or religion. Think of an
enthusiastic evangelist froma different religion. If you are an evangelistic Christian, think of how it feels to be pestered by the
Krishna people about their faith and vice versa.
 Don't trivialize it if you face negative socialpressure or bullying. It's easier to w ithstand it if you are aw are of it as pressure and
build healthy defenses. Building up a circle of trusted friends and people w ho share your views and beliefs in life is a good w ay
to help reduce the impact of hostile people. You can tell yourself their opinions don't matter, but that's a lot easier w hen there
are others w ho agree w ith you and stand by you.
 Learn the difference betw een intimidating, throw aw ay, conniving, or thoughtless comments from others and constructive
criticism w hich is w ell intended and focuses on real faults that you know could do w ith remedying. In the latter case, people
such as parents, mentors, teachers, coaches, etc., might w ellbe telling you things that you need to digest and mull over at your
ow n pace, to make self-improvements for the better. The difference is that their critique of you is intended to be caring,
interested in how you grow as a person, and respectful. Learn how to spot the difference and you w ill live w ell, dismissing the
undermining critique, and learning from the constructive critique.

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10.3 Be Honest
What have you got to hide? We're all imperfect, grow ing, learning human beings. If you feel ashamed or insecure about any aspect of
yourself — and you feel that you have to hide those parts of you, w hether physically or emotionally — then you have to come to terms
w ith that and learn to convert your so-called flaws into individualistic quirks or simply as basic, dow n-to-earth acknow ledgments of your
ow n imperfections. Be honest w ith yourself, but don't beat yourself up; apply this philosophy to others, as w ell. There is a difference
betw een being critical and being honest; learn to w atch the w ay you say things to yourself and others w hen being honest.
10.4 Imperfections
Try the tactic of ow ning up to your imperfections mid-argument w ith someone. You w illoften discovery that suddenly you've removed the
very reason for stubbornly holding the line of argument, w hich is often about preserving face and not giving in. The moment y ou say,
"Yeah, look I get really irritable w hen the room's in a mess too. And I acknow ledge that I shouldn't leave my clothes in a pile on the floor
and yet, I do it because that's a lazy part of myself I'm still trying to train out of the habit. I'm sorry. Iknow I could do better, and I w ill try.",
you suddenly infuse an argument w ith genuine self-honesty that disarms the entire point of the argument, w hich in this case is messy
habits but could apply to anything about your ow n behavior.
10.5 Relax
Relax. Stop w orrying about the w orst that could happen, especially in social situations. So w hat if you fall flat on your face? Or get
spinach stuck in your teeth? Or accidentally head butt your date w hen leaning in for a kiss? Learn to laugh at yourself both w hen it
happens and afterward. Turn it into a funny story that you can share w ith others. It lets them know that you're not perfect and makes you
feelmore at ease, too. It's also an attractive quality for someone to be able to laugh at themselves and not take themselves too seriously!
Treat yourself as you'd treat your own best friend. You value your friendsand those close to you; w ell, w ho is closer to you than you are?
Give yourself the same kind, thoughtful, and respectfultreatment that you give to other people you care about. If you had to hang out w ith
yourself for a day, what is the most fun/enjoyable/fulfilled/calm/contented type of person you could be, w hile still being yourself? What is
the best version of you? Believe in this idea and use that as your starting point. Love and accept yourself as you are now , just as you do
for your close ones.
 Be responsible for yourself and for boosting your self-esteem. If others aren't telling you you're great, don't let it get to you.
Instead, tell yourself you're special, w onderful, and w orthw hile. When you believe these things about yourself, others w ill
recognize that glow of self-confidence and begin confirming your self-affirmations in no time!
Develop and express your individuality. Whether it's your sense of style, or even your manner of speaking, if your preferred w ay of doing
something strays from the mainstream and produces positive outcomes, then be proud of it. Be a character, not a type. Learn to
communicate w ell - the better you can express yourself, the easier it is for the people w ho like you as you are to find you and the ones
w ho don't to just steer clear.
 Stop comparing yourself to others. If you're alw ays striving to be someone you're not already, you'll never be a happy person.
This comes about through comparing yourself to others and finding yourself wanting in certain w ays. This is a slippery slope to
tread, though. You can alw ays see the appearancesothers wish to portray publicly but you w on't ever see w hat's really going
on behind their façades in their apparently perfect world. By comparing yourself to others, you give their image-portrayal w ay
too much pow er and reduce your own worth based on a mirage. It's a useless activity that only brings harm. Instead, value the
person you are, love your personality, and embrace your flaw s; w e all have them, and as explained earlier, being honest is
better than running from them.
 Avoid being unfair to yourself. Sometimes comparison causes us to compare apples w ith pears. We'd like to be a top movie
producer in Hollyw ood w hen we're a low ly, aspiring scriptwriter. To see that top producer's lifestyle and find yourself wanting as
a result is an unfair comparison – that person has years of experience and hobnobbing behind the, w hile you're just starting
out, testing the w aters w ith w riting skills that may one day prove to be exceptional. Be realistic in your comparisons and only
look to other people as inspiration and as sources of motivation, not as a means to belittling yourself.
 Never stop looking for your ow n strengths. Over time, these may change and thus, so may your definition of yourself, but never
let up in focusing and refocusing on them. They more than adequately balance out your flaw s and are the principal reason for
not comparing yourself to others.
 Comparison leads to resentment. A person filled w ith resentment cannot focus on the mantra of "be yourself" because they are
too busy hankering after someone else's spoils!
 Comparison leads also to criticism of others. A life filled w ith criticizing others stems from low self -esteem and a need to pull
other's off their perches that you've placed themon. That's both a w ay to lose friends and respect, and it's also a w ay of never
being yourself because you're envy-struck and spending too much time on others, not on improving yourself.

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10.6 Style
Follow your ow n style. The common thing a lot of people do is copy others' actions because it seems like the better route to fit in, but
really, shouldn't you stand out? Standing out is very hard, yes, but you need to try avoid assuming other people's perspectives of you,
even if it's not something you w ould normally do; that's w hat being yourself is all about. Maybe you like to sit outside on the deck under
an umbrella in the middle of the rain, maybe you have different ideas of things, rather than other people, maybe you like straw berry cake
instead of the common chocolate cake, w hatever you are, accept it. Being different is absolutely beautiful and it attracts people to you.
Don't let people change you!
10.6 Real
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and that some days you are the statue. People might raise eyebrow s and even make fun, but
as long as you can shrug and say "Hey, that's just me" and leave it at that, people w ill ultimately respect you for it, and y ou'll respect
yourself.
11.0 How to Practice Non Attachment
In our lives, w e form many attachments and allegiances. Some of our attachments can be good for us, motivating us to be our best.
How ever, if we are not careful, some of our attachments can lead to our undoing f rom the effects of change, loss, betrayal, or tragedy.
Practicing non-attachment enables us to controlour emotions and feelings in relation to the attachments in our life, so that w e don't allow
the attachments to take control of us.
11.1 Identify
Were you once a strong adherent to a belief or faith that you have since recanted? Do you still seek out a person w ho has either
abandoned or stopped caring about you? Are there things in your life that you have allow ed to define you? Or have you suffered a great
personal tragedy or a loss?
Avoid forming unhealthy attachments. It is often best to take adopting new beliefs and friendships slowly. Do not w aste allof your energy
by throw ing all of your emotions into a single person or new creed; investigate slow ly to avoid disappointment.
Learn how to deal w ith certain attachment problems. Having attachment problems can hamper your progress in life. These need to be
dealt w ith to ensure that renew alcan occur and you can continue to grow . The follow ing are some of the more common attachments that
hold people back:
 Changed beliefs. Maybe at one point in your life you championed a cause or considered yourself an adherent of something that
you now thinkon w ith displeasure or disdain. Previously held beliefs are just that; previously held. You should be focused on
ensuring that your current beliefs are morally justifiable instead of expending w asted energy w orrying about w hat you
previously thought. If your old beliefs w ere especially hateful, you should attempt to redeem yourself by helping those that you
hurt.
 Relationships w ith uncaring or toxic individuals. You should let them go. Realize that all of the feelings of mutual friendship or
even love that you felt for this person w ere founded on shaky ground. This does not mean that you never had good times w ith
this person, but it does mean that you should leave the entire situation alone until the other person realizes his or her
w rongdoing. (Note: This does not apply to domestic abuse or abusive relationships. Seek protection, counseling and legal help
for these situations.)
 Attachment to things. Many human beings have a tendency to allow our possessions to define us, and ultimately w hat we ow n
can entrap us. If you cannot move for clutter, cannot change your lifestyle for fear of not being able to accommodate the
treasures you've accumulated, it's time to detach yourself. Letting go of an attachment to things frees you up to live w ith
purpose rather than falling back onto the imagined comfort of possessions.
 Personal tragedy or loss. You may have suffered a tragic experience in your life, and you may struggle w ith clinging on to the
past or blaming yourself. Grief is a natural part of life, but it is not be w allow ed in. Remember that only one time truly exists,
and that is the present. By clinging to the past, you let go of the present and never get to see the future. If you are not careful, it
is easy to blame yourself or assume that you cannot go on. There are plenty of other people w ho need your encouragement
and love, and just because it w as too late to change your situation doesn't mean that you cannot help others in similar
situations.
11.2 Fearing loss.
Attachment to a job, particular people, possessions, or beliefs can mire us in the fear of losing these anchor-points in our life. When
things do go w rong, as inevitably they w ill at times, our grief can stymie our grow th and cause us to grind to a standstill. Accept the
moment for w hat it is and believe that w hat you have now is enough. At the same time, be proactive to prevent yourself from being a
sitting duck. Should things not be w orking out in a current situation, make plans to change your ow n part in the situation, such as sending
out job applications, getting a makeover, or changing your study course, etc.

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11.3 Befriend yourself.
Your self-worth should come fromw ithin, not fromw hat you perceive that others thinkof you. Attachment to others gets unhealthy w hen
you're continuing to be around people w ho are toxic for you just because you're afraid of being alone or left on the outer. By befriending
yourself, you won't fearthe times of being alone as much, and you w ill also open up to being available to a w ider group of people rather
than attaching to merely a few. And strive to maintain healthy relationships w ith the people you do interact w ith daily, giving one another
breathing space and not expecting too much of others.
Interact w ith new people and stay open to connections. While this shouldn't be about detaching yourself from one person just to
immediately replace the former person w ith another, being open to the possibilities allow s more people into your life and less potential to
cling to them.
11.4 Stop living an illusion.
Although it still matters to strive for a better you, a better tomorrow , acceptance of w hat is now is vital to living in the moment, in order to
avoid the illusion that your happiness or fulfillment relies on contingencies not yet realized. Don't attach yourself to hopes and dreams in
a w ay that excuses fixing things that aren't w orking in your life right now . Accept things as they are now and w ork on w hat y ou'd like to
improve on w ith calmness and centeredness
An obsession w ith the future is an attachment as much as is an obsession w ith the past. If your head is in the future, you're missing the
now and how w ell you live right now makes all the difference for tomorrow 's outcomes.
Learn to let go of an attachment to feelings. Feelings are pow erfulbut if w e let them controlus, w e are imprisoned by w ayw ard masters.
Accept that sometimes w e willfeelpain and loss, but w e can choose to suffer endlessly or to learn and move on. Feelings are better out
than in, so expressing them w ill help you deal w ith them more productively than bottling them up inside. Write in a journal, w rite poems,
leave anonymous blog posts, w rite a letter and burn it, or talk to your invisible or even best trusted friend. Find outlets for your feelings so
that they don't serve as unhealthy attachments.
After you have helped yourself, tellothers about how you live. Letting others gain your trust and going slow ly in adopting new beliefs is
the most practical non-attachment philosophy that you can practice, and you do not have to be a hermit to do it. Teaching others about
non-attachment can be helpful no matter w hat their situation or beliefs. You can talk about it w ith people, w rite blogs, tw eet; just keep
open about your experience so that others can learn too.
 Be sociable, friendly, and outgoing. It is your goal to avoid emotional pain, not to be a hermit. This type of non-attachment
philosophy is meant to be geared tow ards practical application. Being active in solving your troubles is the best pathw ay to
alleviating loneliness and depression, more than anything else.
12.0 How to Understand Your Emotions
Most people w ould agree that it's important to communicate w hat you're feeling. But how do you KNOW w hat you are feeling? Here are
some simple yet profound w ays to know w hat you're feeling and how to use those feelings to improve your life.
Know what feelings are. They're simply energy that moves through the body. We sometimes try to stop our feelings from moving through,
either because w e're embarrassed by them, or because w e think w e'll be seen in a negative light. This causes exhaustion. In reality,
feelings are flow , they are connected to our sense of wellnessand creativity. If w e are able to access flow/feelings, then w e can maintain
our physical, psychological, and emotional health.
 Fear often starts in the belly and moves upw ard in the body. Most of us are familiar w ith butterflies in the belly. Fear, like all
feelings, is important because it gives us information w ith w hich to keep us safe and healthy. If a person continually ignores
their fear sensations or is carrying around old fear that they've never expressed, they can develop physical symptoms in the
zone of the body w here the fear is blocked. Irritable Bow el Syndrome, ulcers, indigestion,and nausea,are often related to
blocked fear in a person's body.
 Sadness often begins in the chest and moves upw ard through the throat and up to the eyes w here w e see tears. You've
probably heard the expression "She's all choked up." or "My heart hurts." We've all seen someone cry. But often "w e try and
control our sadness because w e think it's too painful to feel and w e stop the energy before it can come up through the eyes
and out into a healthy expression. How ever, actually allow ing oneself to cry fully can be one of the most cleansing
experiences." Paying attention to the physicalsensations in these areas and allow ing the energy to move completely assists us
in grieving a loss, empathizing w ith others' suffering and maintaining health and w ell being. Sadness, w hen blocked in these
areas of the body, can lead to heart/lung problems, throat/voice problems, and eye issues.

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 Anger begins in the backbetw een the shoulder blades and travels upw ard, along the backof the neck and around the sides of
the jaw s. Anger is the "No trespass" emotion and assists us in creating healthy boundaries. Healthy anger can assist us in
saying "No" to things that are not in our best interest. If you notice sensations in your back, neck, and jaw s such as tension,
pain,and pressure, it's likely that you've been stuffing your anger energy. Most people do this because they have been taught
that anger is an inappropriate emotion or they saw someone w ho used their anger to injure people and they don't w ant to do
the same thing. True healthy anger doesn't injure anyone including the person feeling it. Healthy anger doesn't blame, abuse,
or attack others. Moving anger in healthy w ays allow s the energy to come all the w ay up and through the body enabling the
person to give voice to their experience and to create something different.
 Sexual feelings are one of the five core emotions that our society has created all kinds of judgment and opinion on. The truth is
sexualenergy is nothing more than energy flow ing through certain parts of our bodies. "It's possible to feel sexual feelings and
to enjoy them w ithout acting on them w ith another person." Sexual feelings can also help us distinguish things that w e love or
that w e feelgood about. (Even if they're not specifically sexualin nature) People w ho suppresstheir sexual feelings usually do
so because of a sexual trauma or conditioning that tells someone that these feelings are dirty, or embarrassing. "Physical
symptoms from suppressed sexual feelings often exist in the pelvis and or sexual organs." Learning how to be w ith sexual
feelings can be enjoyable and freeing and have very little to do w ith w ho or how w e choose to have actual sex w ith.
 Joy is the last of the five core emotions. Joy is often felt in the chest (Similar to sadness w e have tears of joy) but it may radiate
outw ard more than simply moving upw ard. To experience Joy fully it's imperative to cultivate the ability to move all of the
emotions through completely, because they are all connected. If you w ant to feel Joy, you need to be w illing to also feel your
fear, and your sadness, anger and sexual feelings. If you are stuffing one or more of the more "Painful" emotions, then you'll
also be stuffing your joy
13.0 How to Gain Control of Your Emotions
Controlling your emotions doesn't mean ignoring them. It means you recognize them and act on them w hen you deem it appropriate, not
randomly and uncontrollably.
Know your emotions. There are a million different ways you can feel, but scientists have classified human emotions into a few basics that
everyone can recognize: joy, acceptance, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger, and anticipation.[1] Jealousy, for example, is a
manifestation of fear - fear that you're not "as good" as something else, fear of being abandoned because you're not "perfect" or "the
best".
Recognize that emotions don't just appear mysteriously out of now here. Many times, w e're at the mercy of our emotions on a
subconscious level. By recognizing your emotions on a conscious level, you're better able to control them. It's also good to recognize an
emotion fromthe moment it materializes, as opposed to letting it build up and intensify. The last thing you w ant to do is ignore or repress
your feelings, because if you're reading this, you probably know that w hen you do that, they tend to get w orse and erupt later. Ask
yourself throughout the day: "How am I feeling right now ?" If you can, keep a journal.
Notice w hat w as going through your mind w hen the emotion appeared. Stop and analyze w hat you w ere thinking about, until you find
w hat thought w as causing that emotion. Your boss may not have made eye contact w ith you at lunch, for example; and w ithout ev en
being aw are of it, the thought may have been in the back of your mind, "He's getting ready to fire me!"
Write dow n the evidence w hich supportsthe thought that produced the emotion or against that thought. When you begin to think about it,
you might realize that since nobody gets along w ell w ith this particular boss, he can't afford to actually fire anyone, because the
department is too short-staffed. For example, you may have let slip something that you should not have said w hich angered him, but
w hich it is too late to retract.
Ask yourself, "What is another w ay to look at the situation that is more rational and more balanced than the w ay I w as looking at it
before?" Taking this new evidence into account, you may conclude that your job is safe, regardlessof your boss'spetty annoy ances, and
you're relieved of the emotion that w as troubling you. If this doesn't w ork, how ever, continue to the next step.
Consider your options. Now that you know w hat emotion you're dealing w ith, think of at least tw o different w ays you can respond. Your
emotions control you w hen you assume there's only one w ay to react, but you alw ays have a choice. For example, if someone insults
you, and you experience anger, your immediate response might be to insult them back. But no matter w hat the emotion, there are alw ays
at least tw o alternatives, and you can probably think of more:
Don't react. Do nothing.

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CONFIDENTIAL
Do the opposite of w hat you w ould normally do.
Make a choice. When deciding w hat to do, it's important to make sure it's a conscious choice, not a reaction to another, competing
emotion. For example, if someone insults you and you do nothing, is it your decision, or is it a response to your fear of confrontation?
Here are some good reasons to act upon:
Principles - Who do you w ant to be? What are your moral principles? What do you w ant the outcome of this situation to be? Ultimately,
w hich is the decision you'd be most proud of? This is w here religious guidance comes into play for many people.
Logic - Which course of action is the most likely to result in the outcome you desire? For example, if you're being confronted with a street
fight, and you w ant to take the pacifist route, you can w alk aw ay--but, there's a good chance that burly drunk w ill be insulted if you turn
your back. Maybe it's better to apologize and keep him talking until he calms dow n.
Ideas that Cause Negative Emotions
 Change your perspective. The above steps show how to not let your emotions controlyour behavior on the spot. If you w ant to
experience fewernegative emotions to begin w ith, change the w ayyou see the w orld. If you learn how to be optimistic and laid
back, you'll find that negative emotions make few er appearances to be reckoned w ith.
 Eliminate many of the underlying core beliefs w hich give rise to your disturbing thoughts and negative emotions. There are
many irrational ideas that repeatedly upset us[2] They are all false, but many of us are inclined to at least some of them part of
the time. You can get rid of these ideas by debating w ithin yourself until you have cast them out...
 "I must be perfect in all respects in order to be w orthwhile." Nobody can be perfect in everything that w e have to do in life. But if
you believe that you're a failure unless you are perfect in every way, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of unhappiness.
 "I must be loved and approved of by everyone w ho is important to me." Sometimes you just can't help making enemies, and
there are people in the w orld w ho bear ill w ill to almost everyone. But you can't make your ow n life miserable by trying to
please them.
 "When people treat me unfairly, it is because they are bad people." Most of the people w ho treat you unfairly have friends and
family w ho love them. People are mixtures of good and bad.
 "It is terrible w hen I am seriously frustrated, treated badly, or rejected." Some people have such a short fuse, that they are
constantly losing jobs or endangering friendships because they are unable to endure the slightest frustration.
 "Misery comes fromoutside forces which Ican’t do very much to change." Many prison inmates describe their life as if it w ere a
cork, bobbing up and dow n on w aves of circumstance. You can choose w hether to see yourself as an effect of your
circumstances, or a cause.
 "If something is dangerous or fearful, I have to w orry about it." Many people believe that "the w ork of w orrying" w ill help to
make problems go aw ay. "Okay, that's over. Now , w hat's the next thing on the list that I have to w orry about?"
 "It is easier to avoid life’s difficulties and responsibilities than to face them." Even painfulexperiences, once w e can get through
them, can serve as a basis for learning and future grow th.
 "Because things in my past controlled my life, they have to keep doing so now and in the future." If this w ere really true, it
w ould mean that w e are prisoners of our past, and change is impossible. But people change all the time -- and sometimes they
change dramatically!
 "It is terrible w hen things do not w ork out exactly as I w ant them to." Could you have predicted the course of your ow n life?
Probably not. By the same token, you can't predict that things are going to w ork out exactly as you w ant them to, even in the
short term.
 "I can be as happy as possible by just doing nothing and enjoying myself, taking life as it comes." If this w ere true, almost every
w ealthy or comfortably retired person w ould do as little as possible. But instead, they seek new challenges as a pathw ay to
further grow th.
14.0 Ideas that Make Negative Emotions Worse
Learn to avoid the cognitive distortions w hich make things look w orse than they really are. Most of us have heard the express ion, "looking
at the w orld through rose-colored glasses." But w hen you use cognitive distortions, you tend to look at the w orld through mud-colored
glasses! Here are some ideas that you should stop from rolling through your head if you catch yourself thinking them...
All-or-nothing thinking. Everything is good or bad, w ith nothing in betw een. If you aren't perf ect, then you're a failure.
 You procastinate doing stuff because they are not perfect until you have no other choice than doing them.
 Overgeneralization. A single negative event turns into a never-ending pattern of defeat. "I didn't get a phone call. I'll never hear
from anybody again."
 Mental filter. One single negative thing colors everything else. When you're depressed, it sometimes feels like you're "looking at
the w orld through mud-colored glasses."
 Disqualifying the positive. If somebody says something good about you, it doesn't count. But if somebody says something bad
about you, you "knew it all along." 6
 Jumping to conclusions. You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support
your conclusion. 7
 Mind reading. You think somebody is disrespecting you and don't bother to check it out. You just assume that he is. 8
 The Fortune Teller Error. You think that things are going to turn out badly, and convince yourself that this is already a fact. 9
 Magnification (catastrophizing) or minimization. Imagine that you're looking at yourself or somebody else through a pair of
binoculars. You might think that a mistake you made or somebody else's achievement are more important than they really are.

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CONFIDENTIAL
Now imagine that you've turned the binoculars around and you're looking through them backw ards. Something you've done might
look less important than it really is, and somebody else's faults might look less important than they really are.
 Emotional reasoning. You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel it, therefore
it must be true."
 Should statements. You beat up on yourself as a w ayof getting motivated to do something. You "should" do this, you "must" do
this, you "ought" to do this, and so on. This doesn't make you w ant to do it, it only makes you feel guilty. When you direct
should statements tow ard others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment.
 Labeling and mislabeling. This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. When you make a mistake, you give yourself a label,
such as, "I'm a loser." When someone else's behavior rubs you the w rong w ay, you attach a negative label to him, "He's a
louse." Mislabeling involves describing an event w ith language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.
 Personalization. You believe that you w ere the cause of something bad that happened, w hen you really didn't have very much
to do w ith it. And ask a friend to help you realize your emotions or w orries so that you can have someone to rely on.
No matter w hat you choose to do, it's important to continue acknow ledging the emotion. Just because you're not reacting to an emotion
doesn't mean that emotion doesn't exist.
 Learn to recognize and anticipate "triggers" that set you off.
Some experiences like w atching a film, hearing a sound or tasting a food (sensory input) can trigger or bring about good emotions. The
more good ones you can recognize, pay attention to and be aw are of, the easier it is to put your self in that kind of a recognizable mood.
It's far easier to get out of an angry or sad state of mind w hen you can know w hat happy or joyful state of mind is like.

HAPPINESS

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