How to increase social support
- 1. How to increase social support Written by: Joanne Zeis Reviewed by: Synne Wing, MSW, November 2015
- 2. Learning Goals People have all kinds of support networks: close friends, family, people they don’t know well, and those who will only help you as part of their job. Who gives support to you? Ask yourself the following: ➢Who would offer food if I had none? ➢Who would help to haul boxes and furniture if I moved to a new place? ➢Who gives emotional support when I’m feeling down? It’s possible that your answers include the names of one or more close friends or family members. But even if you turn to support groups, or hired people instead, they all have one thing in common – they’re helping you through a tough time in your life. Support networks can keep you physically and emotionally healthy. Not only is there less wear and tear on your body when physical work is shared, but as we’ll see, emotional connections with others can also offer health-related benefits. Friends are truly “good medicine”
- 3. Learning Goals ➢In this lesson, you’ll: ❖Learn about your own support needs: Decide when you need support, how much is needed, and from whom. ❖Learn how to find people and places for support. ❖Understand the benefits and risks of online support.
- 4. What is Social Support? ➢Social support is the network of relationships that a person has with other people. Your social support is measured by: ❖How many relationships you have (quantity) ❖The types of relationships that you have, and how happy you are with those relationships (quality) ➢Different types of support can come from: ❖Intimate relationships, which usually involve a spouse, partner, significant other or romantic partner, where private and personal information is shared ❖Family, which includes your immediate family members and/or extended family, but not intimate partners ❖Friends, who are people that you know, like, accept and trust ❖Acquaintances, who are people known to you, but not closely connected to your life
- 5. ➢Be a little bit choosy when including people in your social network. ❖Don’t try to get support from everyone you know – it’s not a possible or realistic goal. ❖Try to include people with whom you have something in common, or who have values similar to yours ❖Don’t choose people with whom you can’t relate
- 6. Health Benefits of Social Support ➢How do you deal with stressful situations? Do you rustle up some friends and talk for a while? Maybe find something fun to do together? Or are you a brooder, sitting home by yourself and letting a stressful situation grow into a mental catastrophe? If so, this type of behavior could be bad for your health. ➢Researchers have found that people who turn to others for support: ❖Have better mental and emotional health ❖Feel less stressed and have fewer stress-related illnesses ❖Get well faster than people on their own ❖Have stronger immune systems to help fight disease
- 7. Health Benefits of Social Support ➢A good support system could also help you live longer. One study showed that middle-aged men who had social support were three times less likely to die within seven years of a very stressful event, than men who were on their own. But having a good social support system doesn’t just improve your physical and emotional health – there are also some very practical benefits that come from having friends: ❖Companionship ❖Help with physical chores ❖Information and advice ❖Financial assistance
- 8. Mapping Your Social Support Network: Listing Your Needs ➢In stressful times, it’s natural to turn to trusted friends and family members for support. These people have your best interests at heart. But are they trained to make a difference in some of the areas where you might need special help? Probably not, unless your close friends include people like lawyers, car mechanics, dry cleaners, plumbers and psychiatrists. ➢The best time to find people who can offer special support services is before they’re needed. Mapping your social support network is one way to collect this information. And the network map (chart) will help you track down some extra sources of emotional support; that way, individual friends and family won’t be overwhelmed with your needs during times of crisis.
- 9. Mapping Your Social Support Network: Listing Your Needs ➢Getting started: 1. Find at least two blank sheets of paper 2. Write the words “Emotional support” at the top of one sheet and “Tasks” at the top of the other. These are your two main types of needs. You may want more sheets for other needs, such as “Medical help” or “Spiritual needs” 3. Divide each piece of paper into three equal columns, by drawing lines down the length of each sheet
- 10. Mapping Your Social Network: Helpers ➢Now that you have three columns on each sheet, label the columns in this order: ❖“Issues in the last six months” ❖“Who helped in the past?” ❖“Who could help in the future?” 1. In the “Issues” column, write the types of emotional issues that you’ve needed help with over the last six months. One example could be “Mom’s stay in the ICU” 2. Write the names of everyone who helped you with this issue 3. Now think about the future. If this situation ever happened again, who else could you turn to for emotional support? For example, you may be able to speak with hospital social workers, counselors or spiritual advisors, in addition to the people who helped in the past 4. When you’ve finished with the “Emotional support” page(s), then move on to the “Tasks” page, and any other sheets that you’ve created
- 11. Mapping Your Social Network: Helpers ➢What types of needs have you forgotten? How about, for example: ❖Child care ❖Home repairs ❖Legal/tax issues ❖Computer experts ❖Pet care ➢Your charts will be most useful if they include names/phone numbers of the people who could help in the future.
- 12. Mapping Your Social Networks: Using Your Charts ➢Now that the charts are filled in, it’s time to make use of them. 1. Look down the columns on each page to see if any spaces are blank. Blank spaces are the areas of your life where support systems are missing. While they may not be needed right now, these supports could be very important in the future. How do you fill in the blanks? ❖ Ask family or friends for recommendations ❖ Get suggestions from acquaintances at work ❖ Go to your local library and ask for help in finding the names of supportive agencies or groups 2. Look closely at the names of the people who have helped you before, and who might help in the future. ❖ Are the same family/friends’ names repeated over and over? You may need to find more people and/or groups to provide support, so that your loved ones don’t burn out ❖ On the other hand, do you always turn to strangers instead of family, because you don’t want to be a burden? Maybe it’s time to share responsibilities between groups 3. Think of ways to help those people who have provided support for you
- 13. Finding Support Online: Benefits and Cautions ➢Up to this point, we’ve been talking about one-on-one, personal sources of support. But people who reach out to others on the Internet can also get valuable feedback and information. For those living in isolated areas, this Internet contact can be a lifeline. They can: ❖ Meet new people, who have an immediate bond because of their shared experience ❖ Get information about medications and treatments ❖ Find the names of doctors and clinics ❖ Participate in online groups at their own convenience ➢Even though the Internet seems ideal for gathering health information, it’s still important to be careful: ❖ Very little of what’s posted on patient-to-patient sites is screened or monitored by medical professionals; information could be misleading or just plain wrong ❖ Some people rely too much on the Internet for support, letting it replace direct person-to-person contact ❖ Internet groups can lead to a feeling of “instant intimacy” as people share personal stories. In reality, though, some group members may hide behind anonymous screen names and/or may not even be ill ❖ Too much time online leads some people to focus too much on their illness
- 14. How to Handle Unwanted Support or Advice ➢People feel better when they get support for their problems. It not only offers a physical and emotional break from a bad situation, but in some cases, educational-type support can also provide some good information. It can be a blessing when people are willing to share their knowledge with others. Or is it? ➢Some people may share a little too much advice and information at times; that’s when a nicely-supportive relationship can turn resentful – on both sides. What to do? Here are some ways to deal with unwanted advice and still stay on speaking terms with the advice-giver: ❖Listen to the advice before dismissing it. The message may be good, even if you don’t like the messenger ❖If you don’t think the advice will work for you, acknowledge the person’s suggestion, but don’t commit to using it. Say, “Thanks so much, I’ll think about it.” ❖Pick one part of the suggestion that you could agree with, and ask for more information ❖Change the subject altogether ❖Don’t follow any advice that goes against your own standards, or that could endanger your health. In the end, it’s your body. Treat it well.
- 15. Summary Very few of us live totally on our own. People come in and out of our lives every day, offering help, companionship and the basic necessities of life. For better or worse, they form our social support networks; relationships can range from the most intimate and personal to the most formal and fleeting. And some relationships, like those made online, can fall into both categories – it’s possible to create deeply personal connections with Internet friends, who drop out of your life as quickly as they first appeared.
- 16. Summary ➢Having a wide social network offers a lot of advantages: ❖The personal contact helps you feel better emotionally ❖It gives a boost to your immune system, which is a buffer against illness ❖It provides a group of people to turn to for information and advice ❖There are people available to help with physical tasks that might be beyond your abilities ➢Your own support network is probably bigger than you realize. Making a “map” of this network can help prepare for times when future help might be needed. Keep in mind, though, that life isn’t always about you. Don’t just accept help from others … be a friend, too.