How to set boundaries with others.docx
- 1. www.sarah-j.com +44 (0)7531 228089 Handout – How to Set Boundaries with Others Introduction Setting boundaries enables us to have respectful, healthy and productive relationships with others, whether personal or professional. Setting boundaries with others supports healthy self-esteem and prevents others from taking advantage of us. Setting boundaries is a critical life skill. Typically, if we feel uncomfortable it means our boundaries have been transgressed and we need to secure them. Sometimes other people are simply not aware they have transgressed a boundary until we tell them. And when we communicate these boundaries – others may not be comfortable with them! But we can’t control the reactions of others, we can just honour ourselves and our needs. Questions to ask • What things do you want people to stop doing to you? Or around you? Or saying to you? • What situations regularly occur that make you feel ‘done to’ and frustrated? • When do people expect things of you at the last minute? • Be clear on what you value in life – respect, honesty for example? How to set boundaries • Keep them simple and clear • State them briefly from your perspective, no blaming • By all means compromise but don’t agree to anything that doesn’t feel right • Be in charge of your own words and actions – do not blame or accuse, simply state your boundary clearly and succinctly and outline the impact it has on you/and how it makes you feel • Be good to yourself - you deserve to set boundaries – work on your self-esteem if necessary • Look after yourself and nurture yourself • Be consistent with your boundaries. Be clear on what you won’t tolerate. Say what you mean, mean what you say • Do not over-explain or justify your boundary – you are in control here • Also let your behaviour speak for itself • Remember that you cannot change other people unless they want to change, you can only change you and your reactions For more information on how to set boundaries contact me at sarah@sarah-j.com -ends-
- 2. www.sarah-j.com +44 (0)7531 228089