Overwhelm Or Overload?
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The document discusses the distinctions between feeling overwhelmed and overloaded, emphasizing the importance of emotional intelligence and self-awareness in managing stress. It presents a four-step ladder to success that moves from fear to fulfillment while outlining specific factors that contribute to being overloaded and overwhelmed, such as time management challenges and emotional regulation. Remedies and resources for overcoming these challenges, including self-care practices and support systems, are also highlighted.
Overwhelm Or Overload?
- 1. Overwhelmed or Overloaded? Linda McCarrin Ripple Effect Development 1
- 2. Contact Information Linda McCarrin, CLC, CHC, B.A. Edu. Email: counsel@lindamccarrin.com 708.253.5600 I invite you to visit my website and sign up for a weekly or monthly newsletter. www.lindamccarrin.com 2
- 3. Comparisons, Contrasts, Distinctions • We learn thru the comparisons & contrasts in life. • Without these life would be without learning; everything would be the same • Today we will consider the distinction between being overwhelmed and overloaded • First let’s touch on how we get that way. • Then when Overloaded becomes overwhelm 3
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- 5. Step Ladder to Success • This concept is about how we live our lives…our “way of Being.” Bottom rung of the ladder is FEAR. Pre-historic times being chased by a saber-toothed tiger feeling Fear is appropriate. But LIVING out of Fear is neither appropriate, nor healthy. This can happen as a result of parenting, programming or a a significant trauma. Living in FEAR will significantly alter your health and well-being. Unconscious – something that we learn. 5
- 6. Step Ladder to Success • Moving up to DUTY – perfectly reasonable to be dutiful to our loved ones, the children and elderly in our lives. • Duty to your country is Honorable. • Living only from DUTY sets you up for non-fulfillment and resentment to the people you are being DUTIFUL to. 6
- 7. Step Ladder to Success • ACHIEVEMENT – – I lived from ACHIEVEMENT – – To do my best…but there was a self-imposed fearful element also. I began having migraines. – Doctor said, “In light of all the things you are taking on in life…you are a migraine profile! – I had to give myself Permission to cut back! 7
- 8. Look Familiar??? Fewer boundaries leads to confusion! Confusion leads to inaction! Inaction leads to stress! 8
- 9. Overloaded • Being Overloaded doesn’t always have the emotional component that Overwhelm does…. • But It CAN, such as when we get overtired we may not have the emotional resilience we would have if we were fully rested. • “Overloaded” is more about choices in different areas of your life. Choices we need to give more conscious thought to: such as taking on yet another committee or telling both of your kids you’ll be room mom! 9
- 10. Being Overloaded • Lack of Time Management Skills • Lack of adequate Communication- Info. *Result of Un/underdeveloped EI - Principles – *Self-Awareness – *Self-Regulation – *Self-Motivation Self-Awareness *Emotional Intelligence – see Daniel Goleman’s work 10
- 11. Time Management & Overload Prioritize things according to urgency and importance Important…but not Urgent…Plan ASAP Urgent but not Important for YOU…Delegate Not Urgent…Not Important Dump it or postpone it! Important & Urgent…Do right away! 11
- 12. Lack of Information & Communication • “Didn’t you get the • Clarification needed memo?” – Say back to the • “I left a note on the person what you heard or know - awkward kitchen table!” sounding- do it a few • “I thought you meant x’s til comfort. that you said that you – Email reply “Received” put ALL of your check – Have secure place for into our account!” family correspondence – Be specific – Housekeeping home/office 12
- 13. Underlying Habits & Behaviors • Trying to be everything to everyone What’s the “payoff for you?” Attention? Look good? Sense of completion? You are the “go to” person? Savior mentality? • Trying to focus on too many things at once Overachiever – multi-tasker – prioritizing is key as mentioned previously • Being too optimistic about how much time it takes to do a task/ about the results not realistic –need better planning – this also refers back to the Emotional Intelligence • Adding too many appointments and projects to your weekly calendar - can go back to the previous 2 & 3 - • Not saying “no” to people and projects – © “ The Permission Piece” - Healthcare, service industries, people can be prone to this. 13
- 14. Who’s in Control? • Notice how all these things are a CHOICE you made? Every time you make a choice to do too much, you make a choice to be overloaded. You are in control. • You are in control of your calendar. You are in control of which projects are top priority. • You are in control of your thoughts about your business or personal life. You’re even in control about whether to answer your phone. 14
- 15. Overwhelmed? EMOTIONAL SOMETHING UPSET HAPPENS MIND & BODY REACTS 15
- 16. Overwhelmed? Source of Overwhelm can come in the form of: 1) Sensory overload 2) Emotional overload 3) Self-defeating thoughts and behaviors 4) Lack of Self-Care in general 16
- 17. Sensory Overload & What it Leads To • Confusion • Too much noise? • Muscle tension • Too much light? • Stomach issues • Too much computer time? • Irritability • Hungry? • *Haste & Accidents – not always assoc. • Sleep deprived? • Feeling sluggish • “Cushion Time” deprived? • Anxiety • • Out of touch Too little exercise? • Questioning myself about: • Too little nature? – Am I good enough? • Too little nurturing? – Did I get it right? • Too little reading time? – How should I respond to him/her? • Too little time, period. • Lack of Self - Care 17
- 18. Emotional Overload • Lack of awareness about our emotions – what we are actually feeling • Lack of self-regulation in regards to them • Lack motivation to adjust or change emotional reaction • What’s the answer? 18
- 19. Lack of Emotional Awareness or Regulation “The Key Remedy” Healing Feelings Emotional Blocks • Anger • Blame • Sadness • Depression • Fear • Anxiety • Frustration • Judgment • Embarrassment • Perfectionism • Envy • Resentment/Jealousy • Hurt • Self-Pity 19
- 20. “Remedies” • Instead of putting yourself down, speak to yourself compassionately like you would to a friend. What might you say to a close friend? Be your own friend! • Ask trusted friends and associates what they would believe and do in a similar situation to yours. • Instead of blaming yourself, reconsider all the factors contributing to the difficulty and look for solutions. "What factors contributed to this difficulty. Not, “What did I solely do to contribute to this?” 20
- 21. Remedies • Describe yourself, others, and events with new labels that are less emotionally charged and insulting. "How could I describe myself, others, and events without saying negative things?" • Instead of thinking in DUALISTIC terms of all-or- nothing, black and white, good or bad, right or wrong… look at average, middle grounds, and gray areas. Avoid words such as: never and always. 21
- 22. Remedies • Humor! You make humor of your thought or exaggerate it and make it very silly. "Can you make your thought appear silly?" – Example: Whenever I make a mistake instead of beating myself up about it. I acknowledge it and know that I’m having another “LIN-DUH MOMENT!” – GOOD LAUGH WHILE ACKNOWLEGING THE ERRORS OF MY WAYS! 22
- 23. Other Resources - Overwhelm • Psychotherapy • Self-Care • Life Coach – “Permission Piece” • Medication – Nutrition • Meditation – Sleep • Yoga – Relaxation • Exercise – Cardio/Strength – Deep Breathing – 40 a day! • EFT ( Emotional Freedom – Massage Technique) – Listening to positive tapes • EMDR – Rapid Eye Movement – Delegating tasks Therapy – Look out for co-dependent behavior – savior syndrome 23
- 24. Linda McCarrin Training & Coach • Individuals, small groups, companies & organizations – Relationships – personal & professional – Transitions – careers, entrepreneurs – Dynamics after a loss – job, loved one, etc. – Conflict Management – Emotional Intelligence – Team Building 24
- 25. Favorite “Human” Quotes “People don’t change until the pain of staying the same gets too great.” “ Change is Inevitable…Growth is Optional…Why not take the option? 25
- 26. My upcoming publication Celebration of Life…Inspiration for Women • Chapter is named: “Something Happened On The Way To My Life” • Email me at counsel@lindamccarrin.com • Website: www.lindamccarrin.com • PWN Publishers Thank you for tuning in! 26
- 27. Ripple Effect Development Linda McCarrin, CLC, CHC, B.A. Edu. www.lindamccarrin.com counsel@lindamccarrin.com 708.253.5600 27
Editor's Notes
- #5: I have a model called the “Step Ladder to Success.” This concept is about how we live our lives…our “way of Being.” Bottom rung of the ladder is FEAR. Pre-historic times being chased by a saber-toothed tiger feeling Fear is appropriate. But LIVING out of Fear is neither appropriate, nor healthy. This can happen as a result of parenting, programming or a a significant trauma. Living in FEAR will significantly alter your health and well-being. Unconscious – something that we learn. Moving up to DUTY – perfectly reasonable to be dutiful to our loved ones, the children and elderly in our lives, to be involved in Duty to your country is Honorable. However, again to live from only from DUTY sets you up for non-fulfillment and resentment to the people you are being DUTIFUL to. The 3 rd rung is ACHIEVEMENT – I lived from ACHIEVEMENT – TO do my best…but there was a fearful element involved here also…which was self-imposed. I began having migraines…when I went to the doctor. “ Tell me about yourself.” I told him I was in grad school. He said “What grades do you get?” Rather defiantly, I said, “A’s, of course.” Would you accept getting a “B”. I said, “Absolutely not.” “Yep, you’re a migraine profile!!” I had to learn to let go of some things. So living out of ACHIEVEMENT is a great way to approach life as long as it’s not the ONLY way we work. We’ll talk about that more in a moment. So we reach the top rung of the ladder – AUTHENTICITY – What that is speaking to is being yourself - a blend of being human and having the tools to lead your own life. If we don’t have these tools…such as a lack of boundaries…( next frame)…
- #9: If you can see the character on your screen /Woman has a tornado of things whirling around her.. imagine someone is without significant boundaries in their life…those referring to time and energy management. (READ THE FRAME) This of course leads to…Overload ( next frame)
- #10: Personal Story: house on the market, last child in 1 st grade (big deal for me), teaching religious edu. Classes, going to Grad school, then instructor asked me if I wanted a full time job…totally overloaded AND the emotional component to it as time went on became significant. So here we see the distinction between being overloaded ( too much to do) and overwhelmed and how one can lead to another.
- #11: Time management skills can be as simple as not allowing “cushion time” in between errands, projects etc., but can also be where “life hits you at all sides” – from the boss asking you to stay later on the night of son’s trumpet concert to a loved one becomes ill, etc All of these can lead to overload b/c you didn’t see them coming or didn’t provide cushion time or delegate something to someone else. Not enough communication or information can lead to becoming overloaded. Connected to these are some of basic principles of Emotional Intelligence that has also been written and spoken a of by Daniel Golemen. Self awareness…knowing how much you can take on or how long you take to get something done… which leads to self-regulation of what you SHOULD OR SHOULDN’T take on and the MOTIVATION to get it done. (At the end Let’s take a look at how prioritizing can help us with managing our time.
- #12: An Executive was once asked how she got to where she is. Her response was, “I look at everything that comes across my desk only once. I complete it, delegate it Or pitch it!
- #13: 1- Supervisor sent an email that the rollout date for the new product has been pushed back. 2 – You forgot to text your husband that you will miss the 5:40 train and can he pick up the kids? ( Of course you may have been so overloaded that YOU forgot to do this…now you’re both overloaded!!
- #14: So why do things get the way they do? As human beings we tend to have unconscious behaviors or habits. Call them idiosyncrasies, character flaws…call them what you want…we all have them. Ex. Overachieving: An unconscious attempt to prove oneself. Controllers: Needing to have a “pulse” on everything. I’ll name a few more & Look at these and ask yourself: IS THIS”WAY OF BEING” or OPERATIN WORKING FOR ME ??
- #15: 2 nd Bulletin – Real estate manager – put your child’s baseball game into your daily planner! That IS my appointment for that timeframe.
- #16: Now we’re transitioning to the area of becoming Overwhelmed. Being in “Overwhelm” has an emotional component to it. Something happens…our body reacts ( often sooner than our mind registers it) …then there is the emotional upset. Overwhelm occurs when there are too many emotional upsets, usually with a core indicator/core wound that is the primary trigger. In other words…this has happened before, you reacted in a certain way ( anxious) and now the new “upset” reminds you of a previous one. You are reacting how you did in the past. You are living in the cycle of “Overwhelm.
- #17: Sensory = long day, lots of people, noise, distractions, tired, kids screaming, etc. Note: my tinnitus or someone in pain. Emotional= perhaps experiencing several kinds of emotions, or NOT feeling them, suppressing them and then getting ill or exploding; Goes back to Self-Awareness & Self-Regulation pieces of Emotional Intelligence. Self-defeating thoughts/behaviors = typical ones are not good enough, smart enough etc. Gremlin ( Self Critic) sitting on shoulder saying these things; Lack of Self-Care can be a lack of boundaries, don’t delegate well = Care in general = nutrition, sleep, loving ourselves, not being an adrenaline junkie addicted to drama & excitement. Some of us live our daily “soap opera;” that is, if we don’t have any drama in our life…we’ll create some.
- #18: People born with sensitive emotional systems can appear as if they overreact to stimuli…it’s just how their nerve circuitry is made….a.k.a. how they’re “wired.” ..light, sound, too little sleep or food or not enough “down” time in between highly charged events or excitement can cause them to be overwhelmed. Many times they are empathic to others and can relate what others are feeling. This is something overly sensitive people need to be aware of so that they don’t “take in” any negative energy from others. They need to learn how to expose themselves to this stimuli in small doses so that they can quickly become aware of how they are being affected and can also quickly figure out a game plan to cope. ( Arrive late/leave early – holiday parties, avoid certain situations. In other words, take in small doses of the stimuli)
- #19: Gut feeling…heartache…etc.
- #20: MODEL = KEY REMEDY making a distinction between our “Healing Feelings” and our “Emotional Blocks” - As human beings if we would just FEEL our HEALING FEELINGS we wouldn’t go into “EMOTIONAL BLOCKS. Most common or well recognize is Anger/Blame I statement: “I am so angry right now” will (leaks out road rage or making someone else the scapegoat; a “flaw” in ourselves, Use of “I” statements, just say “I’m so angry right now….that he did that” instead of “You make me so angry” – Sadness: if we don’t grieve a loss no matter what kind of loss: Alternative school kids story, job / co-worker loss, home, or other personal tragedy, the energy takes another form – commonly as Depression. Fear is a tough one to not feel…especially in today’s economy…job loss and its fallout for ex.- Frustration…if we just feel the frustration of a job not well done or something not going according to plan, then we won’t judge ourselves or others. – Embarrassment…we go into Perfectionism b/c we are not meeting our own expectations…Gosh if I had only done it this way…Envy…say the phrase…I envy you. It acknowledges your feeling and yet doesn’t go into the negative energy of jealousy – Hurt – admit you feel hurt and you’ll stop thinking “Woe is me.” The Pity Party won’t get a chance to start! Trouble comes when we don’t allow ourselves…Permission Piece” to feel the Healing Feelings which are the remedy to going into emotional blocks…the negative energy. LET’S LOOK AT SOME REMEDIES TO SOME OF OUR HUMAN FRAILTIES.
- #21: “Remedies” for the negative filters we talked of; remedies for going into Emotional Blocks.
- #22: #2 There are a lot of gray areas in life!!
- #23: LIN-DUH moment – when I make a mistake…I also have a good laugh at myself.
- #24: EFT – tapping on the acupuncture points while saying a phrases such as “Even though I have this negative thought that I am not worthy, I wholly & completely love myself. ( Gary Craig) EMDR - The process works by using the quick blinking and sideways eye movements that happen when a person sleeps and dreams. The difference is that this Rapid Eye Movement is used when the patient is awake. By having the patient focus on a moving object during sessions, the patient’s eyes move like in REM sleep.