Multifaceted experiences of shame in the context of child sexual abuse disclosure

Mireille De La Sablonnière-Griffin1, MSW, PhD Candidate
Delphine Collin-Vézina1, PhD
Martine Hébert2, PhD
Julie Maheux1, PhD
1 – Centre for Research on Children and Family, McGill University, Montreal, Canada
2 – Université du Québec à Montréal, Montreal, Canada

 Shame is caused by one’s interpretation of a negative event, whether public of
private
 Internal, stable, global attributions for negative events are more likely to lead to
shame
 Shame is a social emotion: cannot exist outside of a relational context (one as
perceived, or thought to be perceived, by others) and a social context (enforcing
social norms as to what is shameful)
 Shame and guilt are defined as different emotions
 Guilt: When people perceive their behaviours (and not their self) as a failure
What is shame?

 Primary study: Disclosure processes and experiences among a sample of 67
male and female child sexual abuse (CSA) survivors (2011-2013)
Why shame?
Barriers in
relation to the
social world
Barriers in
relation to
others
Barriers from
within

 Shame permeated barriers at all three levels
“You feel like you’re dirty and you feel that you…you know you’re not just exploited
but exploitable that there’s something…wrong with you that you would have…uh
you would have attracted something like this to happen to you.” (P47, F, 44)
“I think that’s what happens sometimes with sexual abuse. That the family doesn’t
want to talk about it. And it – that can be handed down…an attitude…can be
handed down from generation to generation.” (P51, M, 55)
Advanced online publication in Child Abuse and Neglect: A Preliminary Mapping of Individual, Relational, and Social
Factors that Impede Disclosure of Childhood Sexual Abuse (By Collin-Vézina, De La Sablonnière-Griffin, Palmer & Milne)
Why shame?

 Shame acts as a barrier to disclosure
 Previously identified in other qualitative studies with adult survivors, as well as
with children and youth following reporting to authorities
 For a complete review of studies on barriers to disclosure, please see our advanced online
publication in Child Abuse and Neglect: A Preliminary Mapping of Individual, Relational, and
Social Factors that Impede Disclosure of Childhood Sexual Abuse (By Collin-Vézina, De La
Sablonnière-Griffin, Palmer & Milne)
 However, few if any went beyond mentioning shame
 No research analyzing the experience of shame as it relates to CSA disclosure was found,
and only 2 on the experience of shame as it relates to CSA or sexual crimes
Why shame?

 Rahm, Renck and Ringsberg (2006) on unacknowledged overt and covert
shame as expressed by 10 Swedish adult women survivors of CSA participating
in self-help groups
 Shame as related to CSA and not its disclosure
 Female-only sample
 Pre-set categories of shame
 Weiss (2010) on shame as a socially constructed, gendered and culturally
mediated concept acting as a barrier to reporting sexual victimization
 Using interviewers’ summary of respondents’ description of the crime or event
they referred to in the survey
 Focus on reporting, not disclosing
 Sexual victimization, not child sexual abuse
Experience of shame as related to sexual crimes

To conduct an in-depth analysis of the experience of shame as it
relates to the disclosure of child sexual abuse among a purposive
sample of 67 adult survivors of CSA
“It was shameful to speak about it, but it is certain that by not speaking
about it, I was not reaching out for help.”
(P14, F, 32)*
*Denotes translation from French by the author

 Semi-structured telephone interviews with adult CSA survivors
 Men and women above 19 who were receiving or had recently received
treatment for their CSA victimization
 Recruitment in Greater Montreal, Greater Toronto & Ottawa (Canada)
 Themes & Questions:
 Describe disclosure experiences
 What could have helped you through the experience?
 What could have helped you to disclose before?
 Is there any person you wished you had told?
 All interviews were transcribed verbatim
 Thematic qualitative analysis using the verbatim transcriptions
Methodology

 51% (n=34) did not disclose before 19 y. o.
 46% (n=31) verbally disclosed before 19 y. o.
 Two participants disclosed following abuse
being witnessed and reported by a third
party
 One participant made indirect disclosure
attempts before 19 y. o.
 One participant was told they had disclosed
in childhood but report having no memories
of doing so
Disclosure experiences
 45% (n=30) intrafamilial abuse
 66% (n=44) extrafamilial abuse
 90% (n=60) involved a male perpetrator
Abuse experiences
Participants
Sample Description
 67 interviews conducted in French (39)
& English (28)
 76% females
 45 years old on average (range: 19 to 69)

Being forced into a redefinition of the self
Shame as being vulnerable/powerless
Shame of having been dirtied
Shame of being marked as irreversibly different
Having been killed by the abuse
Shame of the sexual aspect of the abuse

“I would not go out and shout this (having been sexually abused) in the middle
of the street… it is unlikely to be a great success.” (P21, M, 61)*
“I still live the shame of it nowadays, I still feel I have this label on my forehead. I
try to remove the label that I’ve put there myself. (…) It is like a stain (…) that I
cannot remove.” (P14, F, 32)*
“When something like this happens to you, you realize you’ve been killed when
you were young.” (P20, M, 60)*

Locating the responsibility of the abuse in the self
Feeling responsible for the abuse
Expecting and experiencing blame for the abuse
Being blamed for trying to tell, or for telling and its consequences

“To be laughed at and being called crazy because you say you’ve lived these
things (the abuse). Most people say: ‘they did not do it on purpose, it was only a
game, you misinterpret, you always misinterpret’.” (P13, F, 33)*
“You live with shame and guilt. In other words, you always ask yourself: ‘Did I
make this happen? Was I stupid?’” (P11, M, 41)*
“I carried a lot of shame and, and embarrassment and having the people
that…are supposed to care about you shunning you and being told that you’re
the one wrong… these things really really harmed me.” (P62, F, 50)
“I told my godmother (…) it did not go well. It was not believed (…). I told my
sister but she told me: ‘What you do (to tell) is wrong’.” (P23, F, 38)*

Perceiving that society has failed you
Social responsibility in recognizing the victims
Betrayal as the cause of “craziness”
Being complicit in the shame culture

“I had the strong conviction that our society is a denial society, a society of
abusers. (…) When you disclose that you have been sexually abused, people are
full of prejudices. There is a lot of social prejudices: ‘You are a guy, you are able
to defend yourself’. [Male victims] are unrecognized, it does not exist. It is denied
(…). If you are a man, forget it. For society, you do not exist.” (P11, M, 41)*
“It is not in my head, I am not crazy, I haven’t invented this (the abuse).”
(P13, F, 33)*
“For as long as we don’t speak about it ourselves (CSA survivors), we ourselves
create the taboo.” (P25, M, 27)*

Redefining expectations and relationships
Consequences on sexuality
Impact on social life
Protecting others (relatives) from shame/rejection

“I still feel like I would be the one to leave the situation if I knew he was there.
And not for fear of him physically harming me, but of, of facing him or
something being said and that I’m the one who feels ashamed.” (P59, F, 48)
“With men, sexually (after the abuse), I was dressing up sexy, always provocative
(…) like a sexual predator or something like that.” (P15, F, 33)*
“[If I was to tell my friends, they would] always have this feeling that I’m coming
from a family that has… no morals, which wasn’t true, yes this was going on
but… and it was my brother but it didn’t mean that my mom was a bad person
or my dad was a bad person or… ya know.” (P68, F, 42)

Navigating through the complexities of shame
Trying to avoid/outdistance shame
Minimizing the experience of having been abused
Reclaiming one’s identity
Sharing experiences of shame with other survivors

“I might be a victim today, but tomorrow I won’t (…). The feeling of guilt and
shame linked to the sexual abuse has totally disappeared. (…) I don’t live in this
toxic guilt and shame anymore. I broke free from it.” (P11, M, 41)*
“I’ve kind of been living this, this false life like an actor, like you know everything
is…is, is an act to cover up my shame from sexual abuse.” (P52, M, 58)
“The fact that I speak about it today (…) it’s because, to me, it has become
something normal, it is not (…) something I want to get rid of anymore, no, not
that I want to get rid of it, because it will always be a part of me, but it is okay
now.” (P25, M, 27)*
“I felt a lot of isolation, shame and guilt (…) to feel compassion and empathy for
them (other survivors in group therapy), it helped me having some for me too.”
(P31, F, 28)*

How can these findings help promote more effective social policies and
programs regarding CSA?
 Point to the importance of promoting actions aiming the survivors, but also
society as a whole
 Raising awareness regarding child sexual abuse
 To deconstruct myths in order to reduce stigma and taboo associated with CSA
 To promote social discourses that are more inclusive (particularly for male victims) and
respectful of victims’ experiences
Discussion and recommendations

How can these findings help promote more effective social policies and
programs regarding CSA?
 Point to the importance of promoting actions aiming the survivors, but also
society as a whole
 Therapists must address shame and be well-equipped to deal with its various
causes and consequences
 Providing positive role models for survivors and other reaching out modes so that
survivors who have not disclosed or accessed relevant services feel welcomed to
do so
 Ensuring safe spaces for survivors to discuss and interact – both therapy and less
formal settings
Discussion and recommendations

mireille.delasablonniere-griffin@mail.mcgill.ca
delphine.collin-vezina@mcgill.ca

Multifaceted experiences of shame in the context of child sexual abuse disclosure

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