Practical Strategies for Resolving Conflict

Editor's Notes

• #4: Why are we here? Why are YOU here? ** Audience ParticipationRead slide if no one says it.This element of being able to deal with confrontation is also a leadership issue.“The fear of confrontation is what stands in the way of good leaders becoming exceptional ones. The ability to look another person in they eye, decisively explain what the issues are, and move forward is a major stumbling block for so many.Confrontation Builds ConfidenceSomething incredible happens when we take the next step and address issues in the workplace. Issues get resolved. I'm not being flippant here...I'm very serious. The team of employees around you is watching to see if you will handle the problems or not. When you don't...when I don't...our credibility is compromised. After all, who wants to follow a leader who isn't willing to deal with the difficult issues?”- Jay Kuhns on his blog, No Excuses HR, Monday, February 17th, 2014.
• #5: What are we hoping to get out of a session with conflict resolution in the title? ** Audience ParticipationRead Slide – part aWhat would resolving conflict successfully look like to you? ** Write down answersRead Slide – part b
• #6: Here is what we’ll cover today:Read SlideWhat we are NOT covering today: * how to deal with difficult co-workers (that is a different issue) * how to handle stress * negotiation strategies * interpersonal communication strategies or communication stylesAll of these can help in conflict situations, or will enhance your overall workplace dynamic – but at the core we want to really just focus on conflict.
• #7: So let’s define what we are talking about so we are all on the same page:Read SlideAsk question – Slide part b ** Audience Participation
• #8: If we look at some official definitions, which is what we would typically do, right? We get this.Read SlideSome of these are very strong words. Some of you might just have gotten a little uncomfortable when we read these.That is why we are HERE!
• #9: Read SlideEmotions are involved in conflict. Let’s not kid ourselves – something is at stake or it would just be conversation.
• #10: Before we get to our tips, we want to look at expanding our awareness. This will help us recognize true conflict and be better prepared to use the tools we are going to talk about.Read Slide ** Audience Participation
• #11: Read Slide ** Audience ParticipationSome examples of potential factors that might escalate the issue:Library customers are involvedHow much noise is there in the library at the timeDeadlines are looming so we don’t have timeAre there seasonal peaks that could make it worse? i.e. summer reading
• #12: I really like this chart by University of Texas and Texas A&M. It really shows that there can be a lot of different triggers for conflict in our organization. Read Slide – explain the chartIt would be helpful for us to know which type we are dealing with when we see it, right?Would it make a difference to you where the conflict comes from – whether it was functional or dysfunctional?Sure. So we are usually going to be talking about dysfunctional conflict when we use our tools, although it can be for both.
• #13: Read SlideI am not necessarily talking about a Grievance Policy or even an EAP, although those are good things to have.What about our organizational norms around being able to address concerns?That is something we have here under awareness because it may require some research on your part to know what is available and the policy or expectations of your library.
• #14: Now we are going to take just a few minutes to examine our motives. This is key if our tools are going to work. We must understand what our goals are in each situation or we will not be able to accomplish them.Read Slide – part aOur attitudes towards conflict are often negative – and we try to stay away from things that we do not like.Read Slide – part b
• #15: Read Slide – part aOr in other words…Read Slide – part bWhat is the motivation behind this sentence? ** (avoidance, not wanting to get yelled at, self-preservation)
• #16: Read Slide – part aOr in other words…Read Slide – part bWhat is the motivation behind this sentence? ** (peace maker, not rock the boat, status quo)
• #17: Read Slide – part aOr in other words…Read Slide – part bWhat is the motivation behind this sentence? ** (deflection, lack of responsibility)
• #18: Read SlideWhat we perceive to be the situation and its potential outcomes often allow us to take the easy way out.
• #19: Read SlidePlay Video
• #20: Read SlidePlay Video
• #21: Read SlideWe are not going to be able to deal with each of these or resolve all of our personal barriers.But, as we walk through our tips let’s see them with the idea that we ourselves may need to overcome some of these first.
• #22: Here are some questions you might ask yourself to examine your motives:Read SlideWhat if the other person is your boss?What if you are the other person’s boss?
• #23: Here are some questions you might ask yourself to examine your motives:Read SlideWhat if the other person is your boss?What if you are the other person’s boss?
• #24: Here are some questions you might ask yourself to examine your motives:Read SlideWhat if the other person is your boss?What if you are the other person’s boss?
• #25: Now before we get to our tips…one more topic. Group cohesion, or the impact of conflict on our libraries.One impact is the volcano effect like in our first slide’s quote. Read SlideDo we care enough about our organizations to tell the truth? Or are we too “nice”?
• #26: Here are some of the actual emotional side affects of dysfunctional conflict in the workplace.Read Slide
• #27: Here are some other outcomes of avoiding or not managing conflict.Read SlideAnd with decreased job satisfaction we have exits. “When faced with a long, ongoing conflict situation, good people pack their bags.” – Jeffrey MuirHave you encountered any of these?
• #28: And sometimes it’s like the radioactive rat…it doesn’t just simmer or explode…it grows exponentially, dragging others into the situation.
• #29: In the end, this is what our libraries would look like if we don’t manage our conflict well.Read SlideMaybe it’s not our libraries as a whole. Maybe it’s just one department. Either way, this is no good.
• #30: So, yes! Here we are. The top 10 tips for managing conflict.Read SlideThere are a lot of models on managing conflict. This is just one way of looking at it.In my research, most of them have very similar components to this model.One model that I will mention here is the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument. If you really want to do some self-inspection or want to dig deeper I recommend this tool. It measures your assertiveness and cooperation and covers 5 basic conflict handling modes.As I mentioned, each model will have its own components. This is just one.
• #31: These are general tips and can help in all conflict situations. As we are going through them, think specifically of dysfunctional, though, because that will be the hardest.#1Read SlideDo not engage in a discussion while feelings are escalated; when you are angry your ability to use rational, problem-solving skills is impaired.Sometimes what looks like a disagreement is just an agreement cloaked in competing vocabularies.THE HOW: Addressing true dysfunctional conflict takes courage. If you need a minute to gather your thoughts – take it.
• #32: #2Read SlideSeparate the issues from the person - plan how to discuss the problem in a non-blaming manner.Spend some time determining what the issues or problems are from your perspective. Try to consider the situation from the other employee’s perspective and what their wants or needs might be. Remember that we do have perceptions (or filters) and while we don’t need to ignore them, we do need to make sure they are not blocking us from true dialogue.THE HOW: Ask open-ended questions. Don’t run assumptions.
• #33: On this note, I do want to take a minute to look at why we need to ask these open ended questions.This may seem obvious to you, but let’s review the Johari Window. It’s a neat concept of understanding what we know, and what we don’t know.
• #34: Read SlideThe more you reveal, the more prepared you will be for true dialogue in a conflict situation.These questions can also reveal true disagreement vs. perceived disagreement. Your conflict might just end right here!
• #35: #3 Read SlideOwn your own perceptions, that is, acknowledge that the way you see the situation is not necessarily the way the other person or others might see the situation. Make conflict resolution the priority rather than winning or "being right."The focus on being right or winning is a common theme in many communication lessons. It can derail all of our efforts if we let it.THE HOW: Assess your own motives. Ask yourself, “What do I really want for me? What do I really want for others? What do I really want for the relationship?" The clearer you are about your goals, the less you'll be controlled by your fears.Here I will take another minute to recommend another model for you on communication. If you are really interested in improving this, I recommend the book Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny and the group at Vital Smarts. If these tips are too generic for you and you want to dig further this is a great model and they have a blog that you can sign up for that will help you with follow up examples of how to use the tools in real life situations.
• #36: #4Read SlideTHE HOW: This may be obvious, but keep it close to the vest.
• #37: #5Read SlideBe authentic with your emotions and feelings.Humor, judiciously used, can effectively defuse conflict.Sarcasm, is probably never appropriate when dealing with such issues.THE HOW: State your feelings. Use “I” statements and avoid finger pointing and blame.
• #38: #6Read SlideWhen people dig in and defend their positions, a deeper understanding of a problem is possible.Remember our chart of all the ways conflict can begin?THE HOW: Don’t be surprised, derailed, unprepared…This session is a good start!
• #39: #7Read SlideAt times it might involve an apology.Work towards collaborative solutions through mutual problem solving.THE HOW: Take a ‘reality check’. Do you really have an open mind? If not, see #1!
• #40: #8Read SlideThese behaviors can involve risk and can be scary.  You might reach out to another person only to be rejected. Youmight not like hearing what the other person has to say about you.THE HOW: If you need help, find an appropriate third party to either help mediate or bounce your ideas off. It could be HR, or your EAP, but should not involve gossip.
• #41: #9Read SlideNegotiating openly with others around what we want and need is not modeled or encouraged in our society.It takes courage to honestly and clearly articulate your needs, and it takes courage to sit down and listen to your adversaries.THE HOW: Remember the common cause. Prepare yourself – practice dialogue in functional conflict to prepare yourself for when dysfunctional conflict occurs. You are must less likely to avoid a conversation if you feel prepared.Maybe take the TKI, or read Crucial Conversations. There is a ton of material on this topic and no quick fixes. It takes work.
• #42: #10Read SlideThe highest level of respect is to stay with someone through the conflict until it is resolved.THE HOW: Don’t leave. End with clear expectations. Don't be satisfied with just good talk. Move to action by ensuring everyone is crystal clear about how to get the issue resolved once and for all. Susan Leahy has an interesting acronym for the Stay Model…Stop Thinking it’s About You.And remember our definition of success – if we can celebrate the process and your part in the activity even if the outcome isn’t ideal then we have made progress.
• #43: #10Read SlideThe highest level of respect is to stay with someone through the conflict until it is resolved.THE HOW: Don’t leave. End with clear expectations. Don't be satisfied with just good talk. Move to action by ensuring everyone is crystal clear about how to get the issue resolved once and for all. Susan Leahy has an interesting acronym for the Stay Model…Stop Thinking it’s About You.And remember our definition of success – if we can celebrate the process and your part in the activity even if the outcome isn’t ideal then we have made progress.
• #44: #10Read SlideThe highest level of respect is to stay with someone through the conflict until it is resolved.THE HOW: Don’t leave. End with clear expectations. Don't be satisfied with just good talk. Move to action by ensuring everyone is crystal clear about how to get the issue resolved once and for all. Susan Leahy has an interesting acronym for the Stay Model…Stop Thinking it’s About You.And remember our definition of success – if we can celebrate the process and your part in the activity even if the outcome isn’t ideal then we have made progress.
• #45: Here are my resources and a few others that you might be interested in if you want more on this topic.