SAR reflection
- 1. Before the SAR began, I have to admit, I came in with a fairly preconceived notion that not a lot of the material was going to surprise me or shock me. It was going to give me a sense of direction and it did in many many ways, but I wasn't going to be bowled over by what I saw. Fortunately, before the first day was through, this comfortable idea had been punctured and I began to sit up and take the stock in my emotions that I needed to to learn from these experiences. The SAR gave me the opportunity to step back and look at how these topics were for me emotionally; what snarly little pockets of anger or disgust or helplessness were lying beneath the surface, when overwhelming compassion or understanding welled out of me in places I did not anticipate. I was able to step back and see how I reacted without personal judgment, without feeling if that emotion or reaction was bad or good; simply watching my breathing, my poise and my mind and heart do what they did. I loved how many sections challenged preconceived notions I was not at all aware of. The section on relationships probed deeper then I had expected and opened up the very binary term “relationship” itself. The idea of orgasmic focused birth and the birth process bringing the new parents closer together. The challenge of relationships outside relationships with another human partner or partners. The emotional attachment that forms between a human and his or her animal partner. It challenged me to look beyond the notions and assumptions that come into my head when I hear the word “relationship”. The section on coercion begin with the story of a pedophile who had served his time and instead of being released, taken to a specialized hospital. Coercion by the system, challenged thoughts of victims and perpetrators. The question of an asexual person feeling as though he must be forced to have sex in order to have the kind of relationship that gives him fulfillment. The plight of male victims of sexual violence who cannot get help or be heard because society believes they cannot be hurt this way. Their perpetrators are never brought to justice, they are tormented and triggered in their relationships. Coercion not only from those who hurt them but from the very social norms and ideals in which they live. LGBT elders who are at great risk and vulnerability, who are denied their status and desexualized. Upon entering the section I was picturing coercion only as something that happens between individuals and that's what I was expecting to see. Once again, my notions were challenged. The section on sex work, where I expected to see mainly female victims, began with a section on male prostitution in Providence. During the sections on paraphilias, I was able to get a first hand look at real people in their real lives. I have come across these ideas by reading about them and studying them a little but this made me take a look at them for the first time and to sit with my reactions. Other sections alerted me to topics in the field I was not aware of before; shadism and women from different cultures attempting to change their skin tone, the issues asexual people face in a work where not having sex is often viewed as wrong as having sex(This society has you every way you turn), how black sexuality interacts with kink, how we define the very notion of sex. What is sex? That is the most important question everyone is afraid to ask. Breaking the silence. The SAR challenged me to look at my own personal responses and how those reactions would come into my therapy work and warned me about those issues I should perhaps leave to others in the field. On the other side of that, the ones where I feel I could be a help to people, as I feel I can approach other issues with kindness and non-judgment. I feel that I have gained knowledge, empathy and a desire to start moving towards my goals and start making some of the change I wish to see in the world.