To lose myself

TO LOSE MYSELF
PATRICIA ARAMBURU

EVERYONE in Pune, Lagos and Istanbul: I
thank you for inviting me to your homes.
Only humble and honest people are able
to open their hearts to a stranger. I thank
you for giving me such interesting places
to work, and making me part of your
group- I learned a lot from you.
ANYONE has the capacity to do anything
if you have others with you. I can’t thank
you enough for giving me patience, trust,
humour, energy and wisdom. You are
tattooed in my soul and every time I walk
the gray, windy, cold streets of Stockholm I
smile, because I can still feel our friendship
growing.
NO ONE can do things all on their
own. I could only have done this with
the help, contribution and expertise of
Natalia Aramburu. Her great knowledge,
perseverance, willingness and wisdom has
saved and found me. This project could
only have been completed by the two of
us together.
SOMEONE can become the one, and
you are the one under my skin. There
are no words to explain my gratitude;
everything I do is because you mirror me.
Every day that goes by, you sculpture me
to be me.
BAKGRUND
BACKGROUND
MÅL
OBJECTIVE
METOD
METHOD
LÄGE
LOCATION
RIKTLINJER
GUIDELINES
REGLER
RULES
JAG HATAR, ATT HATA ATT VARA KVINNA
I HATE, TO HATE TO BE A WOMAN
JAG VAR SOM LUFT, SOM OM JAG INTE FANNS
I WAS LIKE AIR, AS IF I DID NOT EXIST
JAG SOV LIKE A BABY, ÄLSKAR LJUD
I SLEPT LIKE A BABY, LOVE SOUND
KÄNNER MIG SÅ ARROGANT
I FEEL SO ARROGANT
REFERENS
REFERENCE
01
02
03
04
05
07
11
31
51
71
79
To lose myself has been funded by artistic research and development funding from the
Royal Institute of Art Stockholm. This is a three-year long artistic development project.
Everytimewespoonwefitlikepuzzlepiecesinasoup
Anythingcanbecomeeverything

AS EMOTIONS
Living in a city means sharing space and life with more people. While living in Shanghai,
surviving everyday life is more important than anything else, and it is easy to lose myself-
I feel as if the city itself is eating me up. In the project, I use myself as the test subject;
I’m exploring my empathy in relation to others, living in a densely populated city. I go to
Pune, Lagos and Istanbul to find out how the everyday life and surroundings affect my
behavior. What do I lose and how does it happen?
Empathy is understood to be made out of several parts. Some explain it like a built
in trait, to have the ability to reflect others, almost like a reflex- “to cry when others
cry”. Others see it as the ability to “understand why others cry”, or to be able to read
another person. I found it more interesting when it is described as the ability to not only
understand but to “feel” and then do something about it, f.e: If you fall and cry, I put
myself in your situation because I also fell once, then I act by helping you up.
For me empathy is not simply an ability or a trait, it is what makes me human. I don’t
know why, but I always relate to my empathy as something strong, something that
defines me more than the colour of my skin, my nationality or my gender. So when I
realize that there is a possibility I can lose it, my search begins. Can I lose it? How does
it happen? Why? And in that case, if I lose my empathy will I lose myself?
BACKGROUND
BAKGRUND
I’M OPEN TO MYSELF
I’M OPEN TO THE OBSERVER
I’M OPEN TO CHANGE
AS LAYERS
I DON’T DO RESEARCH ON OTHERS
I DON’T DO RESEARCH ON CULTURES
I DON’T DO RESEARCH ON SITUATIONS
I FOLLOW RULES BEFORE THE TRIP
I FOLLOW RULES DURING THE TRIP
I FOLLOW RULES AFTER THE TRIP
I COLLECT EMOTIONS
I COLLECT SOUNDS
I COLLECT ROUTINES
I ONLY HAVE MY TIME
I ONLY HAVE MY TRUTH
I ONLY HAVE MY PERCEPTION
I VISUALIZE MY EMOTIONS
I VISUALIZE MY DATA
I VISUALIZE MY STORY
OBJECTIVE
MÅL
Iembodyeverycharacteristicthatpainframes,sodon’tbeafraidofwhatIbecame…
Iamwhattheymademe,apieceofskincutinslices
21

Country: India
City: Pune
Official Language: Marathi
Area Urban: ca. 710 km2
Population City: ca. 6,000,000
Country: Nigeria
City: Lagos
Official Language: English
Area: Urban 999.6 km2
Population City: ca. 12,000,000
Country: Turkey
City: Istanbul
Official Language: Turkish
Area: Urban 5 343 km2
Population City: ca.14 000 000
BY DUALISM
It is not the same thing to experience and to observe. If I do this experiment and only
have my own version of it, it wouldn’t seem very different from just writing a diary or
taking a selfie. I want to have two sides of the story. A very important strategy of the
project is that I will have an observer following me. Through this strategy I am collecting
a parallel observation based on facts as well as my own based on experience.
SUBJECT (Patricia Aramburu): Using me as the starting point is a key part of the project.
It’s easy for me to adapt and embrace other cultures. To expose myself to these trips as
experiments are important not only for comparing how I change in the different cities,
but to collect my own subjective experience, something that fact cannot contradict.
OBSERVER (Natalia Aramburu): Using her as my observer is a very conscious choice
in the project. She has a degree in behavioural science and sociology, but most
importantly- she is my sister, and by having my sister as my observer I can cheat myself.
I can’t escape I am open, honest and transparent. At the same time she can use her
position as my interviewer to the maximum. Before and after the trips she will make big
interviews. Every other day during the trips she will make smaller interviews.
METHOD
METOD
BY CHOICE
PUNE: I have almost zero knowledge of India. I don’t know anyone from India. India is
one of the largest countries in the world, and is part of Asia. In India I can communicate
in English. It is an extremely diverse country, with vast differences in geography, climate,
culture, language and ethnicity across its expanse. Pune’s population density is higher
than Stockholm but lower than Shanghai. Pune is not one of the biggest tourist
destinations in India. My professor has a connection that can offer me a place to work
in Pune. Pune is located about a 2-3 hours drive south of Bombay. It is the second
largest city in the state and is considered the state’s cultural capital. The large student
population in the city makes for a lively nightlife and vibrant atmosphere. Attitudes
in Pune are liberal, now it is a much more open-minded developed cosmopolitan
city. Although Marathi is the official language of the city and also the most common
language spoken on the streets, most people also speak Hindi and English.
LAGOS: I have never been to Nigeria. I have almost zero knowledge of Nigeria. I don’t
know anyone from Nigeria. Nigeria is part of Africa. In Nigeria some but not all people
speak English. Nigeria is the most populated country in Africa. It is an extremely diverse
country with more than 250 ethnic groups, varying languages and customs creating a
country of rich ethnic diversity. Lagos population density is higher than Stockholm, and in
fact one of the highest in the world. Lagos is not one of the biggest tourist destinations in
Nigeria. Lagos is situated a 6-7 hours drive southwest from Abuja. It is largest city in the
state, and formerly the capital of Nigeria. Lagos might become the third largest mega
city in the world. There are over a dozen beaches in Lagos and it is a huge metropolis
which originated on islands separated by creeks, and it has a history as a port city. The
city is known for its music and nightlife, and has given birth to variety of musical styles. It
is also the centre of the Nigerian movie industry.
ISTANBUL: I have almost zero knowledge of Turkey. I don’t know anyone from Turkey.
Turkey is part of Europe. In Turkey some, but not all people speak English. Turkey has
the most populated city in Europe. It is an extremely diverse country which has been
influenced by various groups and cultures throughout history. Turkey’s location at the
crossroads of Europe and Asia makes it a country of significant geostrategic importance.
Turkish beaches act as popular tourist attractions for the rest of Europe. Istanbul’s
population density is higher than Stockholm and one of the highest in the world. Istanbul
is not the touristiest city in Turkey. Istanbul is 4-5 hours drive northwest from Ankara. It
is the largest city in the country and considered to be one of the largest mega cities in
the world. Istanbul is the economical, cultural and historical heart of Turkey. Istanbul is
a transcontinental city, historically known as a cultural hub and artistic centre. Istanbul is
primarily known for its architecture, the buildings reflect the various peoples and empires
that have previously ruled the city.
LOCATION
LÄGE
Iamaddictedtothemirror,becauseIamtryingtoseemyselffrombeyond
Setupboundaries,Ilovetojumpoverthem
43

2012 jan 2012 jul 2013 jan 2013 jul 2014 jan 2014 jul 2015 jan
TO LOSE MYSELF
Art/research about empathy
in the everyday life
STOCKHOLM
interview &
observation
STOCKHOLM
interview &
observation
STOCKHOLM
interview &
observation
LAST INTERVIEW LAST INTERVIEW LAST INTERVIEW
ARTWORK ARTWORK ARTWORK
ARTWORK
ARTWORK
ARTWORK
PUNE
observer and collect data
from subject’s everydaylife
LAGOS
ISTANBUL
RECALL
process collected material
FIRST DISCUSSION
CONCLUSION
process material
PROCESS
information and visial work
2009-2011
GUIDELINES
RIKTLINJER
AS OPPORTUNITIES
PEOPLE DENSITY: I choose these three cities because of the density of their populations.
I am interested in what impact the population density has in my everyday life and in me.
By experience from Shanghai, I am curious to now see what and how I change, if I am
constantly surrounded by a lot of people, what will it do to my routines?
MIDDLE CLASS: My aim is to copy the life of a middle class person in the city I choose to
visit. I find that the middle class is an interesting group in a community. I know that there
is a lot of difference in this group as well, but I am interested in the existing similarities; to
work, to study, to have enough to eat and live, to spend. This is also the societal group
I am most familiar with. I was born, raised and currently am part of a middle class. If I
should copy someone’s lifestyle, then I prefer to copy what I already understand.
EVERYDAY LIFE: I decide to follow a schedule to find my own rhythm. I define everyday
life as having work, questions and issues. In Sweden I work as an architect, and therefore
I choose to copy the life of an architect in the cities I visit. To have a limited budget. To
copy work and spare time routines. To experience the cities by these limitations.
Ipreferthechaosinmymindandtheorderinmyfingers
65

THE CITY THROUGH PICTURES THE CITY THROUGH FEELINGS
OFF THE GRID: I choose to have limited
contact with my partner at home. I don’t
stay in touch with anyone else. No email,
facebook, news, calls, messages etc.
QUESTIONS: I collect every day
questions, to find a pattern of my
adjustment. I write down questions that I
ask other people every single day during
my stay.
ISSUES: I collect everyday issues to try to
understand what the everyday life and
its average issues are like. I collect issues
that I experience myself, or that I hear or
perceive from others around me.
VISIT: On the last day I visit or revisit
places that are of interest for the project.
CITY: On the last day I also make a
composition of a picture that represents
my everyday in the city.
SOUNDS: I collect everyday
sounds randomly and use this as a
documentation method of the city.
PHOTOS: I only take photos when
others do so. Photos are not a tool
of documentation for this project. It is
important for me that I experience the city
and my everyday through other means
than through photos.
TO FOLLOW
HOME: I live like the person I copy does.
It can be with extended family, alone,
shared apartment etc.
SCHEDULE: I copy that person’s
schedule; this will lead me to find my own
schedule and everyday life rhythm.
PEOPLE: I click once a week. I count
how many people go in and pass by my
personal space of 1 m radius.
INTERVIEWS: I do an interview every
other day by video, chat or call. This is a
way to collect and record my every day
during the whole experiment.
WALLET: I only spend the amount of
money the person I am copying would,
this includes food, living expenses, rent,
transportation, free-time etc. To live by
these limitations gives me a lot of great
opportunities.
EXCEPTION: On the first day I set up
local internet and a mobile number, this
is important for the documentation of the
project, to be able to keep in touch with
the observer. This is the only exception in
my budget.
RULES
REGLER
Mydiaryiswrittenbymycolorfulscarsandblaringignorance
87

Betweenallthefulfilledsoulsthereisarebornfoul,betweenalltheperfectioncoexistsdestruction

can’t come, it is too late...
my father will not let me
need to
work Saturday
don’t have good mobile recep-
tion inside
the kids are playing inside the
office we can’t concentrate
have too few fans
he treats her better because
they are the same cast
she is his girlfriend but the
parents don’t approve
the cleaning lady is not here
yet, we need to gomy father will come if
I don’t do as he says
the cloth is not dry the electricity is gone
the traffic is dangerous
need to cover my face so they
don’t harass me
need to go to
the beauty salon
they waited the whole day at
the hospital
can’t wear this,
it shows too much
they got divorced, that is
not good for the family
the cleaning lady does not do
her work properly
can’t never stop,
the police harasses girls
she needs to get married soon
a girl can’t be outside
alone at night
she cancelled her engagement
they are kids, they should not
be working
can’t bring any vegetarian
food in the house
the doctor never came, I need
to go to the hospital tomorrow
again
they only want to eat vegetar-
ian food
it is raining, but I don’t
have an umbrella
I am not allowed to choose
my profession
the watching machine is
broken
can’t bring meat food here she
doesn’t approve it
the otto does not want to drive
us home
don’t receive my
messages while I am inside
want to work but they don’t
let me
my phone battery is low
my father does not let me stay
out later then 9pm
he is from another cast, but I
want to marry him
the washing machine does not
function
it is her parents that need to
pay for the weeding
I am not free
need to cover my face so men
don’t follow me
I am not strong
enough to open it
I am not allowed to
hang out with guys
we can’t be alone, it is better to
always be together
don’t know what
to wear today
as soon as I finish school I
should get married
when you get married, then
you are a woman
he does not get
any change back
can’t come, I need
to be at home
my hair doesn’t grow fast
enough
they sneak out to smoke
need to wax, I look disgusting
it is better if we
go home together
the kids play to loud
we can’t work
have not received my salary in
the past months
need to have change, if not we
will need to pay more
the garbage collector did not
come today, now the garbage
is full of flies
the police stops the otto to
harass girls
the power in the kitchen is
not strong enough to cook
the food
she does not have her key, she
forgot it at the office
can’t find
any otto
2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12
interview . interview . interview . interview . interview . interview . interview DEPARTURE INTERVIEW
sunday monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday saturday sunday monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday saturday sunday monday
2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12
monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday saturday sunday monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday saturday sunday monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday
interview . interview . interview . interview . interview . interview . interview . interview . interviewINTERVIEW ARRIVAL
PUNE
saturday
2012.12.12
.
PUNE
My everyday life in Pune is full of random surprises on a loop of ordinary days that
makes me feel like I have lost my sense of control. I feel like it is convenient to be in a
group, and to depend on other people. As “women” we have unplanned structures
in our way existing or moving through the city. A lot of the everyday issues in Pune are
related to other people. If I arrange them in five groups they are:
FOOD - Eating is always done in groups and is full of compromising.
TRANSPORTATION - There is too much pollution, it is unsafe and random.
MARRIAGE - There are several complications, to be or not be married.
FEMALE - To adapt to and be aware of dangers and dependency.
FAMILY - Family is a strong group that limits freedom.
EVERYDAY: I NEED TO BUY A SCARF
JAG HATAR ATT HATA ATT VARA KVINNAEverystepyoutakeIhavetaken,soeverypathyouhikeisforsaken
NärjagpressasIskoravbetong,härdasminhudtillkartong
1211

tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
MY FEET HAVE CHANGED
MY FEET ARE STRONG
MY FEET EXIST
MY FEET RUN
MY FEET ARE BEUTIFUL
MY FEET BELONG
MY FEET DON’T CRY
MY FEET HAVE MILES
MY FEET HAVE SCARS
MY FEET DON’T REST
MY FEET SURVIVE
LESS NEUTRAL MORE
joy
interest
surprise
fear
sadness
irritation
disgust
anger
joy
interest
surprise
fear
sadness
irritation
disgust
anger
joy
interest
surprise
fear
sadness
irritation
disgust
anger
joy
interest
surprise
fear
sadness
irritation
disgust
anger
joy
interest
surprise
fear
sadness
irritation
disgust
anger
WEEK2WEEK1WEEK3WEEK4WEEK5
QUESTIONS:
Why are they covering their faces, are they Muslim?
Where can I take the bus?
Why is the electricity gone?
Do you eat alone?
How are you going to boil the eggs?
Why are you vegetarian?
Are we there yet?
Where can I buy a scarf to cover my face?
Why are so many men hanging out on the streets?
Do you know Kama sutra?
Why are there so many people outside, it is 9pm?
Why do they ring the bell?
Why are there so many people dressed up tonight?
Why are we sitting on the back row?
Why are the bikes on the other side of the street today?
Can we go out to dance on a working day?
Why is it safer for girls in Pune?
Did they help you when you had the bike accident?
Can you show me where it is on the map?
What is that music, shouldn’t the movie start?
Do people mind all the animals crossing the road?
Do your buildings have names?
Did you cook this?
Do you live with your family?
What is that hanging upside down?
How do you bake if you don’t have an oven?
What do you put in your hair?
Where are the garbage collectors and the maid?
Why doesn’t she eat?
How can we make dahi?
Why are so many people queuing for the bank?
What is PUC?
Do you know the address?
Can we order food tonight?
Where is my passport?
EMOTIONS: I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE LIKE A WOMAN
JAG HATAR ATT HATA ATT VARA KVINNA
I can feel my emotions reach a dipping point week 3. There is a fear of men that I
mirror from others, an irritation of having to adapt to a group, and an anger that I
accumulate from not feeling free. This makes me break my rules. Week 3 finally I begin
to exercise, and this helps me to finally work out my emotions and find my peace. I
feel like I am me again. NOTICE: I choose to work with 8 emotions and compare the
weekly change; neutral equals my emotional state at home. The emotions list is inspired
by Silvan Tomkins affect theory, which talks about the connection of an affect and its
biological response as a heritage that we are born with.
ANSWERS:
1. No… it’s for pollution, and to avoid
having men harass or stalk you. They can
follow you, but if they can’t see your face
then they don’t know what you look like.
2. Why do you want to take the bus? We
don’t take the bus.
3. To save energy and balance the
amount of electricity.
4. I do, but other people look at me
strange.
5. In the boiling water machine of course.
6. In my religion we don’t eat meat.
7. Not, yet.
8. Here on this street, the one with the
shops, at night.
9. What… Maybe its because baby girls
are killed, so there is a bigger amount
of men than women... But I have never
noticed before.
10. Hahaha… No they don’t teach us that
at school, some people don’t even know
what the words mean, or have never seen
the book. My first and only time I saw a
Kama sutra drawing was in a temple.
11. It is normal; rush-hour is around
10am and 9pm.
12. When you enter a temple you do it
with your five senses, to ring the bell is
one.
13. Sunday is resting day, so the families
eat outside, which means that the women
don’t need to cook and can dress up.
14. These are the best seats; it’s more
expensive to sit in the back row.
15. It’s better, It’s so that the shops can
have free space every other day. The
parking space shifts depending on the
day; you can read it on the sign. It’s fair.
16. Yes of course, and it is cheaper tonight
because it is girl’s night.
17. It’s a Student city with a more
educated middle class. But other cities like
Delhi are very dangerous for girls.
18. They pretended to help me, but as
soon as someone was there, all the others
left.
19. I don’t know, I have never searched
for it on a map, this is the first time.
20. They are playing the national song, it
is normal in the cinema, that’s why some
people stand up.
21. No, they also have the right to be
here.
22. Yes! Your buildings don’t? Then how
do you find your buildings? Hahaha.
23. I cannot cook, my mother did.
24. Yes I do, with my extended family. We
are 25 people in our house.
25. It protects and keeps the evil away,
lemons too.
26. I do it in a pot.
27. It’s a combination of five oils, I do it at
least once a month.
28. It’s “Nag panchami” the snake
holiday, a lot of people take the day off.
29. People sometimes do not eat for
religious reasons like Ramadan, a gift to
the goods, making a wish come true or
because is hot during July and that makes
the meat go bad.
30. We will call mom and ask, very easy.
31. Students need to pay their fees, and
a lot of people always do it last minute.
32. It is a pollution control stand that
control that vehicles do not give too much
pollution.
33. I don’t.
34. Yes, but we don’t need to go out.
35. Oh my god!!! You forgot it in the safe
in my room.
I WILL NEVER FORGET:
the elephant
my roommate
the goats
my feet
the friendship
my yellow scarf
the stare
my clothes
the pollution
my breakfast
the meals
my shoes
the architecture
my irritation
the office
my jumping rope
the stairs
my dependency on others
the timber seats
my body hair
the rain
my mosquito bites
the little girl
my space
the traffic
my skin
the men
my sensibility
the colours
my childhood
Ishaveditalljusttobefreefrommylimitations,becauseIdon’tcareaboutyourrepulsion,Iwillnotbebraidintoyourassumptions!
1413

QUOTES: IT STARTS TO GO OVER MY LIMIT
Jagärsomtuggummi,allskitfastnar
1615

....at the end of the summer
2012, colored bracelets are
found around in Stockholm
...at ung08fstivalen we collect
“everyday racist phrases” that
youngsters hear or experience
...on the backside of the
package of a skin ligther cream,
I see a skin color scheme
NJUT AV EN SIESTA!
ÄT CHILIPEPPAR!
VA SEXIG!
SNO EN IPHONE!
GÖM KNIVEN I RESVÄSKAN!
HA STOR SNOPP!
PUNE STOCKHOLM
PROMENERA PÅ NK!
1193 PEOPLE ENTER MY
PERSONAL SPACE THE
2012.07.17
975 PEOPLE ENTER MY
PERSONAL SPACE THE
2012.07.27
893 PEOPLE ENTER MY
PERSONAL SPACE THE
2012.06.30
748 PEOPLE ENTER MY
PERSONAL SPACE THE
2012.07.10797 PEOPLE ENTER MY
PERSONAL SPACE THE
2012.07.04
EXPLOSION: THE SKIN I WEAR
My first impression of Pune is that a lot
of different cultures and religions are
living together in great tolerance and
understanding. At the same time I feel as
if that “the look” is a way to define others
and yourself. After coming home, with a
lot of questions inside, an art project starts
to grow and is shown at the Husby festival
august 2012.
H.U.D (Humor Uppror Debatt/Humor
Uprising Debate): Who am I when you
don’t point me out? A bracelet with
different skin tones works as a guide and
reveals racist positions in Swedish daily
life. Your gender, age and skin colour
determine which roads you are expected
to take and where you spend your time.
But what happens to all those of us that
don’t fit the expectations?
http://aramburu.se/art/hud.html
Exercising becomes my strategy to use my
body as a tool to cleanse my mind. From
week 3 I begin to exercise to at least get
to have some activity and time by myself.
I AM WE
I am constantly surrounded by people (people I know, or strangers).
Every day I do all my spare time activities together with others.
I don’t sleep or eat by myself.
Iwanttoknowhowtofalldeepawayfromeveryrandomneed
1817

PUNESTOCKHOLM LAGOS ISTANBUL
0h alone
13h group of max 3
11h group of min 4
12h alone (
2h group of max 3
10h group of min 4
10h alone
5h group of max 3
9h group of min 4
sleep . 1 people
sleep . 1 people
sleep . 1 people
sleep . 1 people
sleep . 1 people
sleep . 1 people
sleep . 1 people
sleep . 1 people
TRANSPORT/EAT . 1 PEOPLE
work . 4-6 people
work . 4-6 people
work . 4-6 people
EAT . 4-8 PEOPLE
work . 4-6 people
work . 4-6 people
work . 4-6 people
work . 4-6 people
work . 4-6 people
TRANSPORT . 1 PEOPLE
EAT . 1-3 PEOPLE
SPARE TIME. 1-3 PEOPLE
SPARE TIME . 1-3 PEOPLE
home . 1-3 people
home . 1-3 people
sleep . 2-3 people
sleep . 2-3 people
sleep . 2-3 people
sleep . 2-3 people
sleep . 2-3 people
sleep . 2-3 people
sleep . 2-3 people
sleep . 2-3 people
EAT . 2-3 PEOPLE
TRANSPORT . 2-3 PEOPLE
work . 8-12 people
work . 8-12 people
work . 8-12 people
EAT . 3-6 PEOPLE
work . 8-20 people
work . 8-20 people
work . 8-20 people
work . 8-20 people
SPARE TIME . 3-6 PEOPLE
EAT . 2-3 PEOPLE
home . 3-6 people
home . 3-6 people
sleep . 2-3 people
sleep . 1 people
sleep . 1 people
sleep . 1 people
sleep . 1 people
sleep . 1 people
sleep . 1 people
EXERCISE/EAT . 1 PEOPLE
work . 8-12 people
work . 8-12 people
work . 8-12 people
work . 8-12 people
EAT . 1 PEOPLE
work . 8-12 people
work . 8-12 people
work . 8-12 people
work . 8-12 people
work . 8-12 people
work . 8-12 people
TRANSPORT . 2 PEOPLE
EXERCISE/EAT . 1 PEOPLE
home . 1 people
home . 1 people
sleep . 1 people
sleep . 2 people
sleep . 2 people
sleep . 2 people
sleep . 2 people
sleep . 2 people
sleep . 2 people
EAT/SLEEP. 2 PEOPLE
EXERCISE . 1 PEOPLE
TRANSP . 1 PEOPLE
work . 4-12 people
work . 4-12 people
eat . 4-8 people
work . 4-12 people
work . 4-12 people
work . 4-12 people
work . 4-12 people
work . 1 people
SPARE TIME . 1 PEOPLE
EXERCISE . 2 PEOPLE
TRANSP/EAT . 2 PEOPLE
home . 2 people
home . 2 people
home . 2 people
sleep . 2 people
3h alone
13h with group of max 3
8h group of min 4
01:00
02:00
03:00
04:00
05:00
06:00
07:00
08:00
09:00
10:00
11:00
12:00
13:00
14:00
15:00
16:00
17:00
18:00
19:00
20:00
21:00
22:00
23:00
00:00
24h 24h 24h 24h
...no need to rush, time can’t
be caught...
... we have the rigth
to exist in the city
like everyone else...
... I have
134 cousins...
...count us
until you fall asleep...
...we also need
to cross the road...
In Sweden, I’ve got a very flexible schedule. Activities are repeated every day but at
different times. The important thing is that I have control over my own time. I choose
when I want to socialize with others, and under what circumstances. I grew up with the
idea that one must be three people to be a group, and this is also the group form I feel
most comfortable with.
PERCEPTION: PERSONAL SPACE AND TIME
... Here people and vehicles are more like a big puzzle, but they never collide
or touch each other. It’s like a very organized chaos! I was close to get run over
three times this week but I feel relaxed... Because it feels like there is a structure
underneath, maybe I don’t understand it, but I can feel it. I enjoy travelling to and
from work, but it is still difficult to breathe, all the pollution is like a black fog, and
the sound pollution is terrible. Pune is like triangles in a masala sauce, where the
masala adds the distance in between. It feels as if I have always lived here, I don’t
even think about the fact that I’m here, I just am. I must be so relaxed, that I don’t
notice until after a week that they drive on the left. And it doesn’t matter if they
drive on the left, on the right, back or forward, you can’t trust any rules by thinking
here anyway, it’s better to just feel it. Everyone is very open and nice, ready to help
and understand, even if they have just met me and I can see that it comes from a
sincere gesture. It’s also a little confusing- this relaxed behaviour often leaves me
in a situation where I’m wondering what is happening around me, but even if I ask
sometimes, people don’t even know themselves. I can understand the need of this
behaviour, when I cross the road I have to go slow, it’s the only way to be able to
cross, I do not need to think but I need to be slow and then somehow I become a
piece in the puzzle, and I follow the invisible flow. I can see that in Pune, you work to live
but you do not live for work. Time passes by hanging out at work or after work, and we
do not talk about work... We talk about food, cooking, family, songs, movies or people
at work etc. You can even see it in the animals! The dogs are relaxed sleeping in the
middle of the road in the middle of the day. All the other animals, cows, chicken, goats,
camels are loose... Even the elephant I saw was walking slowly in the middle of the road.
The other day we passed by a group of 100-150 goats in the middle of the street, they
were crossing slowly with one man guiding them, and I asked: Do people mind all the
animals crossing the road? And she answered: No! They also have the right to cross the
road. That answer made me understand not only the attitude towards animals as equal
beings but also that situations like this shape you to embrace time and not rush behind it.
YourperceptionisthatIamslow;myrealityisthatImove
2019

STORIES: MEN AND SOCIAL NETWORK
...To always be in groups is sometimes a little too much for me, and I have a difficult
time understanding the time and energy wasted of us having to depend on each other.
Instead of going straight from A-B, we go in a spiral between A-F-E-K-X-B. To always
have people around me to consider and adjust to, makes me feel like I am losing
something precious... What I call freedom, the lack of time for myself, makes me more
sensitive, and its easier to lose control and difficult to handle my irritation. Somehow I
can even feel it physically, so my only rescue is to work out! At the same time I know that
I would not survive a single day without these social relationships, I need them not only
for favours, help or safety, but just for being. Somehow I have learned to enjoy it from
walking, talking, commuting, singing, listening, working, shopping and specially eating.
To eat in India has been one of my favourite things- always together and sharing. I enjoy
when we eat and I feel like I become the maximum of me. My last day I understand
how important, humble and exceptional my inner circle in India has been, and how I
will probably never find this again... When the bus stops and we arrive in Mumbai, I
realize that I have left my passport at home in Pune. I can’t believe it. There’s only 9
hours left before my flight departs to Sweden, and we have already travelled for 3 hours
on a bus from Pune to Mumbai. But this is the thing about India; you have a big inner
circle composed by family, relatives, people from school and work, friends of friends
and neighbours and to them you give all your energy and help, you give 200%. So
after calling and organizing:
1. Mother gave us our neighbour’s phone number.
2. Neighbour took the passport from our room to her home.
3. A new friend picked up the passport from our neighbour and went to the bus station
and gave the passport to give it to another friend.
4. A friend of a friend took the passport and gave it to us in Mumbai five hours later.
She had already planned to travel to Mumbai that day so it was very convenient for us.
I need to point out that the people that helped were not super close friends or family-
they were people we saw few times or were becoming friends with, and they did not
know each other. But still they gave their time and energy to help us. This would never
happen in Sweden! It’s not that I would never help if somebody asked me... It’s more
that nobody would ask for such a favour. Your inner circle is a very small circle of people,
maybe your best friend, sister or partner- and you give 75%. After India, I still feel the
necessity to give, because somehow even though it’s not in my egocentric nature, to
GIVE became a part of me.
... There’s a lot of men hanging out, I don’t know if it is in general or only on the streets.
It feels like they are hanging out with each other but I do not know, maybe they do not
know each other at all? But they look like clans, big groups of 20 men or maybe smaller
groups of 6 that together become big groups. Maybe it’s because the girls spend more
time at home? If only you could see it! One guy came into the office, and now there are
4 guys here, and they are sitting there very close together. They are sitting super near
each other and just “are”, they are sitting so close talking and laughing, like couples
would in Sweden. At the office we are very relaxed and all hang out together, but I don’t
see this closeness between the girls, only between the guys. They are sitting so close that
I am waiting for them to hug soon. Us girls are more in mini groups of 2-4. I never see
a girl alone, I have only seen older women, 60+ walking alone. In general girls are
never fewer than 2. I don’t understand if this is because of comfort, for budget or for
safety reasons? But even if we are always around each other and close by, it always feels
comfortable. We don’t disturb each other even when sleeping in the same bed, and
there is always a minimum distance between girls, something that seems to lack between men. I can see men with their arms around
each other when they are on their bikes, touching the legs outside or inside or holding in the waist of the guy in front. So men hang
out a lot! Close and in big groups and that’s ok, but not when they are staring, then it becomes uncomfortable and irritating, and it
makes me really angry. The men are always staring; there is no respect at all! It could be that I look different, but everybody says I look
like an Indian girl so in the end that couldn’t be it. It even happened at work, I confronted a guy at work and said: why are you staring
at me, do you want to ask me something? In a restaurant when I was there eating, a man was looking so I got angry and gave him a
sign with my hand. I know my actions are very impulsive but I just don’t understand the starring! I asked the girls and they confirmed
that men stare a lot, and that is one of the reasons why girls cover their faces her in Pune when out walking or driving. It is to avoid
not only the staring, but the consequence of men following you. I have never been around girls as intensively as in Pune. I enjoyed the
time of talking, rattling and becoming an Indian woman. Maybe I define myself as the others see me? I dress and take care of myself
in a different way here, as a woman? Something that I have never done before in Sweden. I define myself by acting the opposite of
the group I do not wanted to be part of- in these case the men! And by them staring at me and defining me as a woman that way,
my feeling becomes even stronger- I have never felt more like a WOMAN then in Pune.
IamstillwhatIamandIrefusetochangebecausewhatisthemeaningoflifethatisnotinsane
Myemotionsarethebonesthatcarrymyskin
2221

feell like woman (gender)
don’t hear any noise
Headache
Muscle tension or pain
Fatigue
Upset stomach
Sleep problems
Headache
Fatigue
Upset stomach
Sleep problems
Headache
MUSCLE TENSION OR PAIN
FATIGUE
Upset stomach
Sleep problems
Headache
FATIGUE
UPSET STOMACH
Sleep problems
Headache
Fatigue
UPSET STOMACH
Sleep problems
Anxiety
Restlessness
Lack of motivation or focus
Irritability or anger
Sadness or depression
Anxiety
Restlessness
ANXIETY
Restlessness
IRRITABILITY OR ANGER
ANXIETY
Restlessness
LACK OF MOTIVATION OR FOCUS
Anxiety
Restlessness
OVEREATING OR UNDEREATING
Angry outbursts
Drug or alcohol abuse
Tobacco use
Social withdrawal
Overeating or undereating
Angry outbursts
Tobacco use
Social withdrawal
ANGRY OUTBURSTS
Tobacco use
SOCIAL WITHDRAWAL
ANGRY OUTBURSTS
Tobacco use
SOCIAL WITHDRAWAL
Angry outbursts
Tobacco use
Social withdrawal
we-group feeling
adapt through clothing
lack to be alone
found everyday routine
we-group feeling
use nickname
talks about other people
realize that she changed (unaware)
do not want to adapt more
need to exercise
truant
give up
accepted her existence
less sarcasm
begin to write
we-group feeling
femininity (gender) unconscious influence.
must be alone
sarcasm and irritation
walk slowly, stare, don’t presents herself
tired and emotional tired
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
får avsmak för maten
åt något dåligt
flera små utbrott
behov av träning
source: stress symptoms (1998-2014 Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research)
väldig entusiastisk med mat
känner sig inte fri
HER BODY HER MOOD HER BEHAVIORKEYWORDS
WEEK 1: She starts changing and already after a few days she starts adapting to
her role as a woman in India, and to how she is supposed to stay away from men.
She does this even though it isn’t something that originally comes from her own fear,
rather something she hears from other females around her, she starts taking on other
peoples unspoken fear of the men. She hangs out with, sleeps, eats and transports
herself together with other women from day one.
WEEK 2: She thinks a lot about why men are staring at her so much. If she wears
her normal clothing people stare even more. She tries to look for explanations such
as if its because she is whiter or taller. Even though she has only been there a couple
of days she starts referring to herself as a woman, which she doesn’t do in Sweden.
The fact that men stare at her annoys her but she still acts like herself since she tells
people off, something she would also do at home in Sweden as well.
WEEK 3: She is very irritated with other people. She is o irritated that she gets upset
even from the interview questions themselves. Most of all she is irritated by the fact
that she doesn’t have any time to herself. She laughs at the fact that she doesn’t
accept certain things but she doesn’t want to say it out loud. On top of this there is a
lot of sarcasm in her comments. The sarcasm is her way of showing her disapproval
where she doesn’t feel like she can be honest. Sarcasm is a Swedish way of handling
conflict.
WEEK 4: She has become part of the group; she doesn’t present herself anymore,
and has started staring at others. She gives people nicknames and has started
gossiping at the office, something that happens regularly at the office. That she starts
doing this now in the fourth week also means that she hasn’t been part of it before,
but now she contributes and spreads the gossip. Gossiping is a sign of community,
and is part of making closer connections, and since she does this within the group
but also to me, who is outside of it and her “second group”, shows that she sees
them as her group now. She calls in sick one day, she is tired and it has started to
show physically. It doesn’t seem as if her physical needs have changed, she still
needs to eat and exercise. Her body needs the exercise, but she also seems to need
it for her mental well being and to work through the frustration she is experiencing
not having her own time. She is starting to get tired of the Indian cuisine, which she
normally loves.
WEEK 5: There is slightly less sarcasm. She doesn’t seem as tired. Maybe a bit
bored. She seems to have accepted her place.
REFLECTION
She is wondering about the culture
She is more aware of her femininity
She answers questions she doesn’t want to answer to, Is she nicer or more sensible
than normally?
She uses sarcasm to not be to negative, is it a survival strategy?
She is physically tired, irritated and in physical pain
She is craving her own space but knows that she can’t have it
She thinks more about herself as a woman, does that make her act more feminine?
She has to be part of us-notion. She likes to be part of a group, but has a hard time
handling the “us” and “them” notion in the long term
NOTE
EXPERIENCE: She was affected for the
period she was there; when she came
back she quickly went back to being her
“normal” self
CHANGE: She changed as a person,
physically and mentally, and became
more of “a woman”
BELONGING: She was part of a group
and did everything to be part of it; to be
excluded from the group could be equal
to danger
VIEW: She saw herself much more as “a
woman” and acted the part expected of
her as such
EXAMINATION: Questioning structures,
society, gender roles and group divides
NOTES BY NATALIA ARAMBURU: SHE IS INFLUENCE
2423

12.06.26-12.07.30 I was in Pune, India, where I lived, worked and experienced
an everyday life full of people, meals and surprises. I learned to embrace myself as
a woman. Contrary all the debate about violence against women in India, I didn’t
experience any open violence in Pune. During this time I wasn’t in Stockholm, Sweden
anymore, where I usually live and work. In my neighbourhood in Stockholm, three
brutal crimes occurred in my absence. In the end, there is no way of knowing what
would have happened to me if I had stayed in Stockholm either.
I hate to hate to be a woman
to be reminded every second
the lack of respect that I received
from a big percent of the population
to be the victim of your ignorance
but don’t expect me to have tolerance
because every single crime has a cost
to be constantly mislead to be inferior
when you know that I am the warrior
capable of creating or destroying your world
to have the patience to go beyond
but my skin is made of reflecting diamonds
so don’t expect forgiveness, only war!
RESOLUTION: I AM WHAT THEY ARE NOT
Vad hade hänt mig om jag hade varit kvar i Stockholm? Har letat efter fysiskt, psykiskt
och sexuellt våld mot kvinnor i det offentliga rummet på dem platserna i Stockholm där
jag då bodde, jobbade och umgicks. Hittade tre fall på olika platser i Stockholm som
skedde under den perioden jag befann mig i Pune.
Minaordsulorärredoatttrampanerditthat
2827

hope to be home
before 10pm
can get in to my room, I forgot
key at the office
the phone credits are finish, I
need to buy more
we are stuck in traffic
our president is an idiot
have to make new clothes for
the wedding party
my cousin has
sold my passport
get disturbed at work when
family calls me with issues
the government steals money
from our country
the room is stuffy
pretend that I don’t know
that he is unfaithful
the electricity is gone
cars break in the middle of
the road
need to work overtime I will
miss a birthday party
need to drive two hours to and
from work
no space to turn the car
have a deadline,
can not get home
can’t eat,
I have teeth problem
always someone in the family
who needs economic help
need to have seatbelt on, to
avoid police abuse
it is too hot
the generator
does not work
I am a woman, I need to cook
even if I will not eat
want to swim but
the current is too strong
teach me how to survive not
multiplication tables
the tv credits are finished, I
need to buy more
can not tell that client that we
are not interested
need to wash my hair
have my own gym but do not
have time to use it
people are parking
by the road
if people know my age they
will treat me unfairly
other cars are blocking
my car from exit
need to be carefull for
places with areaboys
they say they never have
change to take more money
I am tired and it is only
Wednesday
need to work overtime I will
miss the football game
the internet credits are finished,
I need to buy more
the windows software we
bought legal... is illegal??!!
the home help is bad, I need
to find a new one
is Monday I need to wear
something professional
will not get change back, I
dont have change!
need to charge,
my battery is empty
no internet
need to help, cannot say no
without a good reason
he is unfaithful but my mon
says I can not leave him
my property can be sold
without me knowing it
have education, work and
family, but I am still unhappy
all politicians are corrupted!
I am a man, I need to pay
even if a don’t like it
people are driving against
the traffic
he abuse me,can not leave
what would people say
there is no water
have done everything right but
it is not enough
need to have a social network
to survive
the driver is gone,
I cant get home
people can kidnapp
me any time
is too cold in the car
I am young so I can not
answer even if I want
to much food, no space in
the freezer
monday
2013.01.21
.
monday
2013.01.28
interview
monday
2013.02.04
.
tuesday
2013.02.05
interview
wednesday
2013.02.06
.
thursday
2013.02.07
interview
friday
2013.02.08
.
saturday
2013.02.09
interview
sunday
2013.02.10
.
monday
2013.02.11
interview
tuesday
2013.02.12
.
wednesday
2013.02.13
interview
thursday
2013.02.14
.
friday
2013.02.15
interview
saturday
2013.02.16
.
sunday
2013.02.17
interview
monday
2013.02.18
.
tuesday
2013.02.19
interview
wednesday
2013.02.20
.
thursday
2013.02.21
interview
friday
2013.02.22
.
saturday
2013.02.23
interview
tuesday
2013.01.29
.
wednesday
2013.01.30
interview
thursday
2013.01.31
.
friday
2013.02.01
interview
saturday
2013.02.02
.
sunday
2013.02.03
interview
tuesday
2013.01.22
interview
wednesday
2013.01.23
.
thursday
2013.01.24
interview
friday
2013.01.25
.
saturday
2013.01.26
interview
sunday
2013.01.27
.
INTERVIEW ARRIVAL
DEPARTURE INTERVIEW
LAGOS
LAGOS
need to married anyone soon,
I am over 30
EVERYDAY: THE CITY DEMANDS A LOT OF ME
My everyday in Lagos is a continuous string of ordinary days that makes me
lose my sense of time. I feel the need for structure and routine. To avoid the
sense of danger, nothing extraordinary happens. My everyday issues in Lagos
are generally nothing I can fix, I am powerless. If I arrange them into five
groups they are:
BRIDGE - traffic danger, armed robbery, car snatchers, barriers, home
TIME - dependency on work and transportation, lack of time for meals
TRANSPORTATION - not the distance, but the time it takes
ELECTRICITY - connecting and disconnecting, there’s a need for generators
OTHERS - a continuous fear of harm from others
WhatIsawIkeep…BecausewhatIfeltisdeep
DuträngerdiginIminmagesomenkniv,ochsomentrasaklämmerkroppentåraravmittliv
Jagärhårdsomhavetsyta,slåmotmigsågårduibitar
3231

SPOKEN WORD: WORD WARRIOR
I am what they made me
a piece of skin cut into slices
you think, it is the hand that made the cut that damaged me
but it is all them that let me bleed in wonder that disappointed me
I am what you see and beyond
because I don’t have innocent to hide behind
my skin has dried into a titan shield ready to attack
so I will fuck you with my words or silence whatever makes you crack
I am what they made me
the egocentric water that will carry or sink you
and as the superficial fool I pretend to be and maintain
I am what I want! Proud to be the one that constantly remain
1312061101
I passed by you
I saw the cold, I felt the concrete,
and I could smell the highway
I passed by you
you were sleeping under my bridge,
I temporary ignored your suffering
I passed by you
and even when my hello… is nothing
your hi back to me… is everything
1411271325
Det är en lyx att nå kanten
för när jag hoppar förlorar jag allt,
även stygnen från min hud
skakas av och faller som metall...
...men jag behåller min penna
för att rista i min hand
Det är en frihet att vara fången
för det ger mig möjlighet att inse,
hur min ego inte behöver den
för att behålla det jag inte ser ...
...att jag har orden som min gåva
och horisonten som mitt land
141215 2340
I walk as if I am running;
never jump, only trample.
I dance into the sound;
always keep what I found.
…and even when I am crawling,
I see the problems as below me,
because nothing can bring me down,
not even the scars on me feet.
I walk as if I am flying;
never glide, always trample.
I jump into the gorge,
always keeping the urge.
…and even when I am falling,
the scars are beneath my skin.
I know anything can hurt me,
but my hunger keeps me free.
1411082155
Jag minns, därför är jag fången
Jag minns, för jag är tvungen
Jag minns, och det är inte sista gången
Jag minns, även om det nekas
Jag minns, för i kaklet det ekar
Jag minns, och det går inte att bleka
Jag minns, då det har lyft mina steg
Jag minns, för det var därför jag teg
Jag minns, och det är ett framsteg
1409130113
Jag föddes fri,
men ändå lever jag bakom galler av krav och plagg
som lindar mig i asfalt och konsumtion
så att det går att sätta mig i rätt fack
Jag föddes fri,
men vad spelar det för roll när andra är fängslade i terror
och även när jag vill öppna mitt hem för en främling
tillåts vi inte korsa över påhittade gränser
Jag föddes fri,
men ändå hatar jag den friheten jag luras ha
där jag tillåts ha kärlek men bara det är rätt kön
när jag har möjlighet att gå ut men bara vissa tider på dygnet
Jag föddes fri
men jag är trött på slösa tid och materia i en ny garderob,
i ett samhälle byggt för att spelas om och om igen,
där jag inte medges att skapa min egen sorg
Jag föddes fri
men jag vägrar att förminskas till en perfekt kropp
och med bar hud ska jag förflytta mig genom land och hav
så sätt upp gränser för jag älskar att hoppa över dem!
1409112335
Everybody ignores the past expecting me to be quiet,
but fuck their reputation, they should all prepare for riot!
I feel sorry for them, such cowards without voices.
They are all to blame! I am mad as hell so accept my choice!
No one understands me but I am proud of my hate,
because it is the only tool that has sculptured my fate.
I believe that the truth is nothing to regret,
so why would I keep my scar as a secret?
Nobody is prepared for horror but why should I care?
My words hack the streets with hate and fresh air.
I have nobody to scratch because the bastard-trash is dead,
so I use my talent to reshape every single path ahead.
Someone will recognize my anger and walk my ground,
distraction can be a hinder but listen to my sound.
To share my story makes my skin feel less and less censured.
I need you to hear it, as if the echo gives me a cure.
1302081740
Myfeelingscan’tbemass-produced
3433

MY EYES ARE OPEN
MY EYES ARE YOURS
MY EYES ARE TIRED
MY EYES CRY
MY EYES IGNORE
MY EYES REFLECT
MY EYES ARE PAIN
MY EYES ARE OLD
MY EYES REFLECT
MY EYES SEE
MY EYES FEEL
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
1
2
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22
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31
32
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34
LESS NEUTRAL MORE
joy
interest
surprise
fear
sadness
irritation
disgust
anger
joy
interest
surprise
fear
sadness
irritation
disgust
anger
joy
interest
surprise
fear
sadness
irritation
disgust
anger
joy
interest
surprise
fear
sadness
irritation
disgust
anger
joy
interest
surprise
fear
sadness
irritation
disgust
anger
ANSWER:
1. He can give you 30 days, or 1 day
if he wants.
2. No, she is the wife, here the man pays
for the house and the wife decides.
3. Several times a year.
4. The housing situation in Lagos is
hard. There is a high demand, and
unmarried women don’t get apartments,
so you need to lie and go with your
fake husband, lucky for us the landlord
doesn’t live here.
5. Now day three, you need to have
children, life is tough in Lagos and you
need someone to take care of you.
6. It is the last Saturday in every month
between 7-10 am. No one is allowed to
drive on the roads.
7. From 7-9 am
8. They bring it from the countryside, and
store it down here on the water, until it’s
ready to be sold.
9. I drive 1-2 hours.
10. She was a really bad maid, I don’t
like those kinds of people.
11. No! No woman or man will go there
at night, it’s dangerous! Other people
that know the area better can be waiting
for you.
12. Well yes, they came and robbed my
cousins house, luckily they robbed the first
floor which was another apartment. My
friend that lives 4 houses from yours- they
came at night and robbed him.
13. It’s her birthday so I am doing a
surprise party, birthdays are important to
celebrate with family and friends.
14. It is too dangerous the current is
strong, people die.
15. They probably have kids, and they
wake up at night scared and scream if it
is too dark. I did that when I was a kid.
16. It is Lagos, people do everything in
the middle of the road, maybe they found
electricity for free there.
17. No, I have a lecture at my university.
18. If a property is without people living
in it, other people will try to sell it, but if
it says not for sale buyers can see that it
is a fraud.
19. No the sun is high so it is too hot.
20. I feel sad for you, when the internet
is down, when you hit your foot or when
it’s too hot.
21. No, I have gone to watch the replay
now.
22. It means a lot, there are so many bad
things going on, but now people can be
happy and proud, it was 19 years ago,
the last time we won.
23. Yes of course.
24. Yes I have a deadline tomorrow.
25. It is San Valentine, so he has to order
a cake for his wife but he doesn’t have
time so I am helping him to pick it up.
26. No I have a problem with my tooth.
27. Yes and I am missing a birthday
party, here in Lagos there is a party every
week from Thursday to Sunday.
28. Yes I have.
29. Tiring, just when to sleep.
30. No, if I eat there I usually get bad
EMOTIONS: I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE WHITE
QUESTIONS:
Why 30 days, I have a 90 days visa?
Is she the engineer?
How many times have you gotten malaria?
Is it difficult to get an apartment here?
How many children per family is the average?
What is environmental day?
What time is church?
Why are there so many pieces of wood floating in the water?
For how long do you travel to get home?
Why did you fire her?
Would you take the bus there?
Are all those fences really necessary?
Who has gone to eat all those cakes?
Why don’t you swim?
Why don’t people turn off the light when they go to sleep?
Why is he watching TV in the middle of the road?
Are you not coming tomorrow?
Why does it say not for sale?
It is nearby, can’t we walk?
Why do you say that you are sorry, if it is not your fault?
Did you see the football game?
What do you think it means for Nigerians to have won?
Do you have your own room?
Are you tired?
Why have you gone to pick up a cake?
Did you eat lunch?
Do you need to stay and work overtime?
Have you had lunch yet?
How was your night?
Do you eat at “The white house”?
Do you need help?
Did you receive my message?
What time do I need to leave, so I get there on time?
What time did you have to wake up?
and have to run to the bathroom a lot,
so I just take some bisques and eat later
at home.
31. Just if you aren’t busy, I have a new
project that we can sketch together.
32. Yes I did, but the telephones lines
where very bad yesterday so I couldn’t
contact you back.
33. The driver needs to come back
before the environmental begins... So
around 6 am.
34. Early, to drive my brothers in law.
I feel that my emotions increase and get deeper. The fears others have for my safety is
not my biggest concern. Everyday life here creates a lot of empathy in me; I feel not only
that I can understand, but that I can carry the suffering of others. These feelings create
anger as well as they empower me. It is difficult to explain, but Lagos for me is happiness
somehow in the pain, I enjoy every little thing and I feel as if I am 1000 times stronger.
NOTICE: I choose to work with 8 emotions and see the weekly change; neutral equals
my emotional state at home. The emotions list is inspired by Silvan Tomkins affect theory,
which talks about the connection of an affect and its biological response as a heritage
that we are born with.
the geckos
my eyes
the electricity
my survival
the internet
my happiness
the walls
my pass
the darkness
my laugh
the plantain
my lunch
the eggs
my weakness
the stew
my debility
the car
my frustration
the traffic
my anger
the danger
my power
the humour
my freedom
the human power
my arrogance
the friendship
my skin
the chair
my vulnerability
IfmysecuritydependsonmyfreedomthenIprefertofallthantobecaptured
3635

QUOTES: THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG
Ikeepcrawlingintoyourlayers,deeplyfallingintoyourthoughts,Ikeepholdingintoeveryemotion,hangingextremelyandwithoutcontrol
3837

LAGOS STOCKHOLM
...in Lagos I experience art in
all it shapes. one spoken word
performance inspire me.
...from that nigth I write and
re write my own anger during
three months.
...in May 2013, at Haninge
square I perform 678 words
and 400 meters of anger.
405 PEOPLE ENTER MY
PERSONAL SPACE THE
2013.01.25
312 PEOPLE ENTER MY
PERSONAL SPACE THE
2013-01.31
293 PEOPLE ENTER MY
PERSONAL SPACE THE
2013-02.12
469 PEOPLE ENTER MY
PERSONAL SPACE THE
2013-02.20
346 PEOPLE ENTER MY
PERSONAL SPACE THE
2013-02.06
EXPLOSION: MY VOICE WILL REACH YOU
I don’t like to eat by myself if is not my own choice. The first
week I have difficulties to understand how, when and what to
eat so I eat very little. The second week I understand when to
eat, but still not what and how, so I eat very little. Finally, my
need to eat is bigger than my obsession of eating together with
others, so week 3 I at last begin to eat whatever I find, when,
and how I want to. From week 4 I have almost three meals per
day and I enjoy the food.
I AM BY MYSELF
I am usually not around strangers.
Sometimes I do spare time activities with others.
I sleep and eat by myself.
My direct impression of Lagos is that the people here are survivors, and that no rock is
big enough to stop a laugh. I am impressed with all the different expressions of art, from
music and sculpture to spoken word. With a very strong inner echo, an art project starts
to grow. It is performed in Haninge Centrum in May 2013.
ILSKA (anger): How long is my anger? My feeling cannot be mass-produced! I want
to start from an immaterial feeling and let it become material through drawing. The
performance piece becomes a manifestation of my anger on a 400 m long paper,
containing 678 words, 2770 letters, 668 spaces, 68 rows and 15 paragraphs.
More information http://aramburu.se/art/ilska.html
Cutsaregettingdeepersculpturingmyskininblack,tearsaregettingsweetershapingmysoultoattack
4039

it’s cold again
have to take out the garbage
feel offended
can’t eat red meat
don’t have time to shop
am too late too many salesmen call my
phone
my issues: depends on myself, I have the power to influence
cultural issues: depends on others, bigger groups, takes time to influence
structural issues: depends on a higher power, difficult to influence
out of coffee
have overslept
have a headache due to Detox
hair is so boring
don’t want to eat
the bus is late
there are beggars on the street
my
have washing time
my internet is too slow
forgot my card
must walk the dog
must recycle
must have time to workout
my
do not have time to work
am single
don’t want to sleep
don’t have any cash with me
must take care of sick children
again
could not sleep last night
my TV is too small
have not seen the sun today
have to buy new clothes
can’t eat am allergic
internet on my mobile is
finished
have no desire to eat
my clothes are so boring
must be able to pick the kids
didn’t sleep last night
can’t eat I am lactose
intolerant
losing too much hair
there is an ugly photo of me
on Facebook
must vote
don’t know what to eat for
lunch today
my hair is growing too slow
had no time to take photos of
the food
it is too wet outside
have no money for next
weekend
they do not accept bankcards
wage has been really low
this year
people are talking in a different
language
have to recharge my mobile
have a deadline today
We all have issues that lead us to break, or
we choose to adapt to daily. When I read
about the everyday issues of the cities I live
in I feel arrogant. It is a gift to realize that
my everyday issues in Sweden are not only
small and insignificant, but also that in the
majority of situations I am in control to do
something about it myself. I have recorded
some everyday issues that myself or peo-
ple around me experience in Sweden:
PERCEPTION: SWEDISH EVERYDAY ISSUES
...He seems frustrated and screams: “It’s because you have an oyibo in the car that you
are driving so badly!” oyibo- a word I have heard other times but haven’t paid attention
to- like a guy at the restaurant, the one parking the cars, he repeated it like 5 times to me
“oyibo oyibo oyibo oyibo oyibo....” My friend and the two girls got upset with the guy,
we went to the car and my friend told us to wait there while he went to talk to the parking
guy, to tell him that he had been disrespectful. When he got back to us I asked him why
it was disrespectful. He said that even if the word doesn’t mean anything negative in
itself, there is no reason for the guy to insist and repeat it so many times to us. I didn’t
understand a thing. Oyibo means white. But I didn’t understand why he repeated it so
many times, was it his way of saying hello? His response to seeing me? And why did
my friend get so upset? My biggest challenge is that I never saw myself as white, but
here I am whiter than snow, is that the reason I am invisible? It opens my eyes, I realize
that I am so arrogant believing that because I am not white in colour, I am not what
represents being white for a big population of the world. Even if I myself did not rape
their country, even if I did not steal, If I am not the one relying on their suffering, even if
I never regulated a way of benefit from their damage, even if I never have or will have
a bad intention... Why should they trust me? I am the one ignoring and accepting it.
When finally after a time they see me for who I am.
You can see in our eyes that nothing can destroy us, because when you’ve already died
once, you’re not afraid of next time, you become a liquid full of qualities for transforming
and surviving anything. People see me without asking me, or me telling them. We sing
and dance with the same pleasure. I know Lagos sounds like a painful experience, but
for me Lagos is wellbeing... It is where I have learned to scream, to not contaminate
myself with irrelevant issues. I learn that I can easily get overlooked, and that I am not in
control of that, because it is the other person’s choice, and that is why it is my choice not
to overlook other human beings. We as humans become humans when other humans
see us as that. I have learned to see beyond my issues- material values, the future or
the past... I have learned that my everyday is worth gold simply because I’m here one
more day... Opening a window, walking in the rain, running in the snow, dancing in
the queue, breathing air, drinking water… To see beyond and to feel the beauty in
everything that is. Like the chameleons hidden between concrete walls, behind garbage
or in the darkest places, coloured with 1000 patterns in red and green, so detailed that
you really need to be a close observer not to miss anything. In Lagos I have learned to
see beyond myself and my own breath.
Marriage
Engagement
Divorce
Vegetarianism
Harassment
Approval of others
What to wear
Cleaning
Garbage
Washing up
Cooking
Battery life
Electricity
Keys
Beauty salons
Cancellations
Rain
Disgust
Parents
Fans
Traffic
Buying credits
Kidnapping
Generators
Internet
Needs
Corruption
Working over time
Help in the home
Seatbelts
Infidelity
Finishing tasks
Parking
Football
Freezers
Stuffy air
Blocking
Surviving
Abuse
Equality
Renting out property
Losing weight
Politics
Unemployment
Needs
Repression
Illegalities
The police
Religion
Impostures
Sunburn
The bus
The subway
Systems
Harassment
Laptops
Tobacco
Smoking
Neighbours
Tea
PUNESTOCKHOLM LAGOS ISTANBUL
Appearance
Stress
Weather
Eating
Exercising
House tasks
Internet
Phone
Material things
Time
Musts
Can’t
Having enough
Transportation
Other people
Sleep
Health
Consuming
Emotions
Allergies
it’s too cold outside
my selfie is not good
don’t have time to cook
have pain in the head, hand,
arm, back, neck
tired of going on a diet
people talk too loud
bike was stolen
the elevator is out of service
there are too many people
out there
don’t have time to eat
no return policy
4241

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wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
bored and start exercise
corruption
cultural difference
noises
don’t think she will be avaible to adapt
hungry
Headache
Fatigue
Upset stomach
SLEEP PROBLEMS
HEADACHE
Fatigue
UPSET STOMACH
SLEEP PROBLEMS
HEADACHE
FATIGUE
UPSET STOMACH
SLEEP PROBLEMS
Headache
FATIGUE
UPSET STOMACH
SLEEP PROBLEMS
Headache
FATIGUE
Upset stomach
SLEEP PROBLEMS
Anxiety
RESTLESSNESS
ANXIETY
RESTLESSNESS
ANXIETY
RESTLESSNESS
SADNESS OR DEPRESSION
Anxiety
Restlessness
Anxiety
Restlessness
Angry outbursts
Tobacco use
Social withdrawal
Angry outbursts
Tobacco use
Social withdrawal
ANGRY OUTBURSTS
Tobacco use
SOCIAL WITHDRAWAL
ANGRY OUTBURSTS
Tobacco use
Social withdrawal
Angry outbursts
Tobacco use
Social withdrawal
has difficult to understand
frustrated and angry
feel a sence of group
lose appetite
Truant job
anger toward others
miss home
irritated and tired
give up to fit in
eat by herself
sadness and sarcasm.
AHA moment about whiteness
Truant
write poetry and diary
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KEYWORDS
äter mindre än det hon vill
inre ilska, visas inte utåt
inte hennes vanliga beteende
extremt utmattad av alla känslor
har inget att göra hemma
metalt tillstånd påverkar fysiskt
HER BODY HER MOOD HER BEHAVIOR
NOTES BY NATALIA ARAMBURU: SHE GIVES UP
WEEK 1: She’s irritated and insecure since these experiences are so different to her
prior ones. She thinks she will have a hard time adapting to the meals, the noise
and the politeness she is experiencing in the language. She hears about things like
corruption, kidnapping, robbery etc. but she doesn’t take it in. One day she goes
out on her own, and she feels she wants to get out more. She encounters suspicion
from other people, something she’s not used to. She is wondering whether they
remember that she’s there, to not get any attention and to not be asked her opinion
affects her. She doesn’t understand why everyone sleeps so much and are so tired.
She starts to exercise in her room. She feels alone.
WEEK 2: She is insisting on trying to find out whether people don’t eat lunch here,
or if there’s something she might have missed. She gets emotional when she thinks
about what the place looks like, and how she hasn’t noticed before. She laughs
sarcastically and talks about the things she really doesn’t like. She feels like everyone
is tired and sleep all the time. She herself is more tired than normal. She hasn’t taken
in the danger of going out alone, and is very taken up by the fact that she’s not
allowed to. She doesn’t seem aware of how different she looks to other people here.
WEEK 3: She feels like she needs to adapt to her surroundings. She eats alone, and
when she feels like it. The noise outside in the mornings annoy her, she’s used to
waking up on her own. She is irritated by the feeling of not knowing anything on
beforehand. She always has to wait for someone to go together with, sometimes
for hours. She is used to being in control, and in this situation she feels like she
doesn’t have any, and that she is very dependent on others. She is being sarcastic
about her situation. Finally she is accepted by the group, but not completely. She is
enjoying all the jokes, people are more open to her. Everyone sits around chatting
and she is asking a lot of questions. She realises that the stern surface and the
suspicion is cultural. She seems happier now that she gets why people have been a
bit distant towards her. She feels as if people are very emotional, deep and creative.
She admires their raw, honest and deep texts.
WEEK 4: She has lost her appetite but is forcing herself to eat even if she’s not
hungry. She is showing a lot of resilience and sadness, it comes across in the tone of
her voice and in the way she writes. She wonders whether she has lost herself or just
adapted. She is still not really a part of the group. She gets into situations that forces
her to become someone she doesn’t really want to be. Her ways start to change and
she doesn’t want to go to work anymore. She is very tired. She wants to sleep all the
time, and she sleeps on her way to and from work. Once at work she enjoys it, it
distracts her. She is mentally fatigued and feels as if her body can’t take any more.
WEEK 5: Her survival instinct has gotten stronger. She acts more like herself at
home, her real me comes out a bit. She thinks that time is moving slowly.
REFLECTION
She is questioning her ability to adapt.
She is insecure and is wondering why no one gives her attention.
She is very talkative in the interviews, is she in need for human contact?
She wants to adapt more and starts having lunch on her own.
She doesn’t understand everyone’s worries about “the dangers”.
She is writing a lot in her journal. Is it because she has too much time on her hands or
is it just a need for reflection?
Her fatigue takes over. She’s not in control of her physical fatigue.
Her voice, energy and will is gone. She is homesick. Perhaps she can’t take it much
longer?
She manages to find a sense of bring in a group, but doesn’t feel she is part of the
“us” notion.
NOTE
EXPERIENCE: She is very affected
emotionally by this trip; will she make
use of her new insights when she gets
back home?
DEVELOPMENT: She is developing her
soul and her psyche.
BELONGING: She never feels like she
is part of the group, but she strives to be
a part of it. She strives to be a part of a
group that doesn’t exist.
VIEW: She doesn’t see herself as different
from the others here, and so she doesn’t
get why she’s being excluded, or why the
suspicion she feels towards her.
EXAMINATION: She is questioning her
own thoughts and feelings, she opens up.
4443

When I get overlooked I feel like I don’t exist, I am like air, I am nothing. But still,
I continue to ignore other human beings. To no longer see other human beings
as subjects rather as objects is my built in reaction to avoid feeling uncomfortable,
suspicious, scared, sad, inshame, feeling guilty, angry or confused. And if air is how I
see you, then air is what you become.
RESOLUTION: I NEED TO BE SEEN TO BE A HUMAN BEEN
Jag var som luft,
som om jag inte fanns
i kamouflerat mönster
skrek jag tyst...
Jag var som intet,
som om jag sågs förbi
...och för varje blick,
blev jag mindre än ingenting
Hur viktigt är det att bli sedd för att känna mig som en människa? I Nigeria var jag den
vita främlingen en inte kunde lita på och det skapade situationer där jag kände mig
förbisedd. ”Jag finns inte, jag är som luft” är ett verk som grundar sig i min upplevelse att
känna mig förbisedd som nykomling, främling eller avvikande.
4847

it costs a lot to pay a
cleaning lady
INTERVIEW ARRIVAL
DEPARTURE INTERVIEW
friday
2013.06.28
.
monday
2013.07.08
.
monday
2013.07.22
.
monday
2013.07.01
interview
monday
2013.07.15
interview
monday
2013.07.29
interview
tuesday
2013.07.09
interview
tuesday
2013.07.23
interview
tuesday
2013.07.02
.
tuesday
2013.07.16
.
tuesday
2013.07.30
.
wednesday
2013.07.10
.
wednesday
2013.07.24
.
wednesday
2013.07.03
interview
wednesday
2013.07.17
interview
wednesday
2013.07.01
.
thursday
2013.07.11
interview
thursday
2013.07.25
interview
thursday
2013.07.04
.
thursday
2013.07.18
.
saturday
2013.06.29
interview
saturday
2013.07.06
.
saturday
2013.07.20
.
saturday
2013.07.13
interview
saturday
2013.07.27
interview
friday
2013.07.12
.
friday
2013.07.26
.
friday
2013.07.05
interview
friday
2013.07.19
interview
sunday
2013.06.30
.
sunday
2013.07.07
interview
sunday
2013.07.21
interview
sunday
2013.07.14
.
sunday
2013.07.28
.
The neighbour made
noises last night
cats make noises all night
need to be careful when I rent
out my apartment
prefer to take the subway, that
bus goes by ugly places
every time I see the police I
get upset
it is to hot outside at this time
let’s wait until the sun goes
down
there is not enough food at
home
traditional Muslims vote for
that political party
my last work place still owes
me two months salary
need to use my
credit card
lost my tobacco
tea needs to be
done Turkish style
the streets are so difficult too
orient in
it takes too long, I don’t like
to wait
I am on a diet
do not have money to the bus
need to charge
my laptop
it is to hot we need the aircon on
it is too cold on the subway
it is too late, I can’t go to the
hospital now
don’t know if I have any credit
on my bus card
the police harass the women
they arrest
the gas came into the house
need to fill my buss card with
credits
the tea is not done properly
there are too many people in
that place
a lot of people work ilegally
need to
charge
need to eat something fast,
have too
much work
there were too many people
at the store
need to sit outside so I can
smokethey want to
impose Islam
can’t do a lot of things if I
depend on my family
need a cigarette
if you work within the
government you can not wear
a head scarf
the smoke comes to me
need to lose weight
went out to an expensive place
so no money left
there will be too many people
on the bus
only 20% of the applicants get
in to the university the rest wait
the government has us
repressed so we smoke
to relax
we need to be at home after or
before 21:00
need to lose weigh
the traffic is so heavy
sometimes I stay over with
friend on the other side
don’t eat after 4pm
we don’t have time to eat
outside today
can’t prove that I worked there
because I worked illegally
when we have trouble we
don’t know if we should call
the police
don’t have money
don’t have change
my parents get worried if I
don’t answer my phone
they said that the ones that
helped during the riots are
terrorists
they changed the school
system, a 9year old kid needs
to choose a mayor
got sunburned
did not get paid for my work
don’t know anything about
how much the project costs
the tea is too bitter
need to be available if my
father calls, but batteries
will die
ISTANBUL
ISTANBUL
my fingers get yellow from
rolling the tobacco
EVERYDAY: I SAW A DOLPHIN
My everyday life in Istanbul is a loop of days that makes me one with time. I don’t feel any need for
structure, my routines are natural. To adapt to a city and a culture that seems to enjoy life is easy
for me. My everyday issues in Istanbul are generally things I can change together with others. If I
arrange them in five groups they are:
DIET - Perfection in the food I eat, or don’t eat.
RELIGION - Accepting and adapting to others.
AUTHORITY - Avoiding or confronting the authorities at the right time.
URBAN SPACE- The streets don’t feel accessible enough, lack of sidewalks, abundance of steps.
WORK - The lack of work, or too much of it.
Apersoniswhatexistsbeyondherneeds;thereflectionofwhatshebleeds
TheirblackFriday,yourwhitehearts,ouremptysouls
5251

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saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
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sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
LESS NEUTRAL MORE
joy
interest
surprise
fear
sadness
irritation
disgust
anger
joy
interest
surprise
fear
sadness
irritation
disgust
anger
joy
interest
surprise
fear
sadness
irritation
disgust
anger
joy
interest
surprise
fear
sadness
irritation
disgust
anger
joy
interest
surprise
fear
sadness
irritation
disgust
anger
MY HANDS BREAK
MY HANDS ARE FREE
MY HANDS ARE UNIQUE
MY HANDS CREATE
MY HANDS ARE ALIVE
MY HANDS ARE FRAGILE
MY HANDS HAVE FAILED
MY HANDS HAVE RESTED
MY HANDS ARE USEFULL
MY HANDS HAVE LEARNED
MY HANDS HAVE LIMITS
ANSWERS:
1. You can buy it in the little shops,
but it doesn’t matter- after maximum 3
weeks they will block your SIM-card if it’s
international.
2. He is asking to buy old things.
3. They are praying in the mosque.
4. A box per day.
5. We can’t! My friend had two accidents
last year, she fell on the frozen ground.
6. Yes it’s good business, I wanted to rent
out mine some months ago, if you rent
for a week you get paid more than rent
for a month.
7. They are protesting around the same
time 9pm, we also do it if we are at
home, we use kitchen pots, it has been
going on for one month.
8. No, I was just telling you that it can
happen so just be careful.
9. Yes of course, we even have some
extras at work.
10. Yes here.
11. No I am trying to lose weight so I
don’t eat after 4pm.
12. No, nobody has time after work for
being with friends and going out.
13. It’s well done, is a long tradition and
you can’t skip steps or invent new things.
14. Yes they are, I think the municipality
gives them something to calm them
down.
15. Yes, the government hands out food
everyday 9pm during Ramadan, but now
the Gezi park group also hands out food.
16. Yes I suppose every area has their
own, it’s a big thing here, they even have
a competition to be chosen. So they must
be very devoted? No, hahaha, after they
go door knocking asking for “gifts”.
17. It would look bad in the CV if I have
worked for less than 1 year.
18. Until 2am, I was happy because last
Friday I stayed until 6am.
19. No it’s very cool, send me the link.
20. Yes, but I don’t know the code.
21. Yes I need the money, and I have a
big apartment with 3 bedrooms.
22. Yes of course, and we pay back
little by little.
23. No, they don’t tell us the exact time.
All we know is that it comes every 20
minutes, but we don’t know when, and
if there is a lot of traffic maybe the bus
doesn’t come, and then we have to wait
for the next one.
24. No, the people that work can’t or,
only on the weekends, breakfast is a big
thing in Turkey, we eat a lot and it takes
forever.
25. Yes of course, we don’t eat like men.
26. No I have job interviews the morning
after, but my friends will come here
to visit.
27. Yes I have, I think it is important to
know, but the majority have not read it.
28. 2-3 interviews but ones my friend had
7 interviews.
29. It happens here that people argue
about work, personalities can clash when
QUESTIONS:
Where can I buy a SIM-card?
What is he screaming?
What is that sound?
How many cigarettes do u smoke a day?
How can you walk in winter with all these hills and steps?
Do you usually rent out your apartment?
What is that sound?
Why do we need to pay at the beach?
Do you have a mask for the gas?
Do you have books in English?
Do you eat dinner at home?
Do you work out?
What is real Turkish tea?
Don’t you think the dogs are too calm?
Do they give away food for free?
There must be several guys that play the drums?
If you want to quit your job, then why don’t you?
Did you stay late at work on Friday?
Have you seen this video?
Do you have Wi-Fi here?
Do you want to rent your apartment too?
Will you pay for the trip with a credit card?
Don’t you know when the bus comes?
Do you eat this breakfast every day?
Can you always order half sizes?
Will we go out tomorrow to celebrate your birthday?
Have you read the Quran?
How many interviews with the same employer do you usually have?
Why was she upset?
What are they signing to the police?
Why do you paint your hands when you get married?
Why is she is crying?
Where will you go on vacation?
Where can I buy credits for my bus card?
EMOTIONS: I HAVE FOUND MYSELF AGAIN
I feel like my emotions are balanced here. Fear doesn’t exist in me, not even when I am walking through gas let out by the police, because I feel like we are bigger and
stronger, and that we can accomplish anything. I am enchanted, and the feeling is so strong that I am even ignoring real physical pain. I feel at home and like if I find
myself again with every single step I take. NOTICE: I choose to work with 8 emotions and see the weekly change; neutral equals my emotional state at home. The
emotions list is inspired by Silvan Tomkins affect theory, which talks about the connection of an affect and its biological response as a heritage that we are born with.
the dolphin
my hands
the tea
my soreness
the conversations
my voice
the simplicity
my smile
the sounds
my skills
the civilization
my weakness
the people
my running
the night life
my humanity
the little chairs
my ignorance
the friendship
my obsession
the consumption
my habits
the group
my needs
the culture
my kindness
the dogs
my passion
the resilience
myself
we are so many women.
30. They are very brave when they sing
“dear uncle police give me gas!”
31. I don’t know, it is a tradition to do it 3
days before, maybe it’s shamanism.
32. Her husband has back pain so she is
sad and worried.
33. I will go to some Greek islands
and after i will visit my parents for
Morakabarak.
34. In the store in front of the bus stop.
Myreflectionwillneverbeyours;myshapeswillneverdryintodiet,becauseevenwhenyourefusetoseebeyondmyskinIhaveboneswithvoicesthatrefusetobequiet!
5453

QUOTES: HELL YEAH YOU LIVE THE LIFE HERE
Icounteverysecondofyourabsence,asifthespacebetweenuswasalandscape
5655

REFLECTION: EVERYTHING I DO IS BECAUSE YOU MIRROR ME
Eating out at restaurants
Sitting at a cafe
Leisurely walks
The gym / indoor sports
Running / swimming / boxing
Outdoor sports
Picnic
Book reading
Stroll in the woods
Hiking
Cultivate at home / at allotment
Library / magazine reading
Watch documentaries
Watch series / movies at home
Going to the movies
Sewing / knitting / weaving
Photography / film
Diary / poems / letters
Concerts / the theater / museums
Fixing home / car / equipment
Lectures / presentations
Going out dancing
Painting / drawing
Playing music / instruments / singing
Board games / bingo / slot machines
Wood work / metal handicrafts
Downhill skiing / skating rink
Recreational Fishing
Hiking
Sunbathing
In Istanbul my days are full of spare time activities and I can always
find something to do and to share with someone else. It is like a
domino game where I can always find something in common even
if we are all unique and different. Spare time activities improve
physical and mental health. To find the balance is to have a choice
to do spare time activities with others but also by myself.
LikeadominopieceIrelyonyourskinsowesoourchainbecomesamasterpiece
5857

536 PEOPLE ENTER MY
PERSONAL SPACE THE
2013.07.09
1019 PEOPLE ENTER
MY PERSONAL SPACE
THE 2013.07.04
1052 PEOPLE ENTER MY
PERSONAL SPACE THE
2013.07.30
556 PEOPLE ENTER MY
PERSONAL SPACE THE
2013.07.19
1018 PEOPLE ENTER
MY PERSONAL SPACE
THE 2013.07.26
ISTANBUL STOCKHOLM
...the first thing I embrace is
sitting down to drink tea, on the
little chairs I finally take a brake
...winter 2014 the mini bench is
born. I place it outside to take a
brake in the cold snow...create my own tea table and
place it at home. I use it as my
own furniture for 9months
I have difficulty to breath around cigarette smoke, and I suffer from allergic
reactions. The first week I am around the smoke I reach my limit. The second week
I try to avoid being around it, but I know that almost everybody smokes here. From
week 3 I feel like a passive smoker, I don’t even bother about the smoke anymore
because the sense of the group is stronger than my physical reaction to it.
I AM PART OF EVERYTHING
I am around people I know, or by myself.
I do spare time activities with others or by myself.
I sleep by myself.
I eat with others, or by myself.
EXPLOSION: A PLACE TO BREATHE
My direct impression of Istanbul is that it’s a society that knows how
to enjoy life, with activities like slowly drinking cups of tea and having
long discussions. Feeling a very strong need for keeping the calm
and emptiness the tea drinking gives me; an art project grows and is
installed in Årstafältet (Stockholm) in February 2014.
NYFIKEN BETONG (curious concrete): How much does my curiosity
weigh? I discover that my curiosity sometimes hinders me from stopping
and taking a break. I wanted to stop and sit down. This Installation is a
process of my curiosity, becoming a piece to sit down on. It is a 42kgs
heavy concrete bench made to create possibilities for a break.
http://aramburu.se/art/nyfikenbetong.html
Thetimeisheretodeal,timetokillandheal…timetoscreamandfeel,istimeforthewordstoshell
6059

ADAPTABLE
ADVENTUROUS
affectionate
arrogant
brave
calm
careful
communicative
compassionate
CONSIDERATE
determined
discreet
EASY GOING
emotional
ENERGETIC
ENTHUSIASTIC
fearless
friendly
generous
helpful
honest
humorous
INDEPENDENT
INTUITIVE
kind
loyal
melancholic
modest
nice
optimistic
passionate
patient
persistent
polite
powerful
practical
quiet
rational
reliable
reserved
SELF-CONFIDENCE
self-disciplined
sensitive
shy
sincere
SOCIABLE
sympathetic
tough
UNDERSTANDING
WILLING
ADAPTABLE
adventurous
affectionate
ARROGANT
brave
calm
CAREFUL
communicative
compassionate
considerate
determined
discreet
easy going
EMOTIONAL
energetic
enthusiastic
FEARLESS
friendly
generous
helpful
honest
humorous
independent
INTUITIVE
kind
loyal
MELANCHOLIC
MODEST
nice
OPTIMISTIC
passionate
PATIENT
persistent
POLITE
POWERFUL
practical
quiet
rational
reliable
RESERVED
self-confidence
SELF-DISCIPLINED
sensitive
shy
SINCERE
sociable
sympathetic
TOUGH
understanding
willing
adaptable
adventurous
affectionate
arrogant
brave
CALM
CAREFUL
communicative
compassionate
CONSIDERATE
determined
discreet
easy going
emotional
energetic
enthusiastic
fearless
friendly
generous
HELPFUL
honest
humorous
independent
INTUITIVE
kind
loyal
melancholic
modest
NICE
optimistic
passionate
patient
persistent
polite
powerful
PRACTICAL
quiet
rational
reliable
reserved
self-confidence
self-disciplined
sensitive
shy
sincere
SOCIABLE
sympathetic
tough
UNDERSTANDING
willing
DURING THE TRIPAFTER THE TRIP
OPTIMISTIC
EMOTIONAL
EASY GOING
SINCERE
ARROGANT
TOUGH
PRACTICAL
SOCIABLE
CONSIDERATE
MODEST
PUNELAGOSISTANBUL
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
TODAY
We all have different characteristics, but key is how and when we use them. I have
highlighted the ones that I experienced increased/ got stronger during this experiment.
Characteristics that increased because of survival or adaptation. Characteristics that
increased because of the group I was in, or because of my surroundings. Characteristics
that increased because of changes in me. Below I rate the ones that changed, 1 =
Today strong or 10= Today weak
PERCEPTION: CHARACTER THERMOMETER
What I stuck with for the first few days are: Good transport and public transport. The
smell of pastry and fresh orange juice everywhere. The sounds of prayers, traffic, and
people who talk is heard until morning. There are shops that are open around the
clock. People sitting everywhere on tiny chairs talking and drinking tea. Couple holding
hands ... With a feeling that they really enjoy, really want, it’s not automatically like
robots holding hands. I notice that the sound becomes more vivid or disturbing, as cats
having sex, neighbours having sex, ambulances passing on my street because there are
3 hospitals ... And the strangest sound is these birds, I have never heard such sound
before. I thought it was the cats but now I know that there are birds that sea rats, they
are everywhere and seem to not want to sleep. But perhaps even stranger is that I do not
hear the drums, they should wake one so that one time to eat before the sun comes up
... but I sleep past it as a baby.
The city is beautiful but I do not think about it, because I know that if I start I will be
stuck in a state of shock! But in short, it is the most beautiful I have ever seen! ... My
first day is very relaxing. I’m not on holiday and therefore I do not need to rush as others
to take photos or experience to the max ... For me it is enough to experience things like
go shopping, buy me a bun or accompany a friend to the bus stop. We have time to
experiment with cooking at home, we have time to play spin the bottle, go to the gay
parade, go dancing, meet my friend’s friends or family, and even have three couch
surfers visiting from Greece, Spain and Jordan. As the days are very intense although
we mostly lazing at home, something that feels natural. I tend to be at home at least one
day during the weekend and lazy at home.
Icouldbetheflowerthatisbesideyoualwaysstandingbehindyourshadow,butIrefusetostand,Iwasborntofly,andlikeapersistentbirdsingloud!
6261

hon har inget val, röken finns omkring henne
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
tuesday
wednesday
thursday
friday
saturday
sunday
monday
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
want to fit in
inlove with the city
Headache
Fatigue
Upset stomach
Sleep problems
Headache
Fatigue
Upset stomach
Sleep problems
Headache
Fatigue
Upset stomach
SLEEP PROBLEMS
Headache
Fatigue
Upset stomach
SLEEP PROBLEMS
Headache
Fatigue
Upset stomach
Sleep problems
Anxiety
Restlessness
Anxiety
Restlessness
Anxiety
Restlessness
Anxiety
Restlessness
Anxiety
Restlessness
Angry outbursts
TOBACCO USE
Social withdrawal
Angry outbursts
Tobacco use
Social withdrawal
Angry outbursts
TOBACCO USE
Social withdrawal
Angry outbursts
TOBACCO USE
Social withdrawal
Angry outbursts
TOBACCO USE
Social withdrawal
wake up late
walk starting daily
we-group feeling at home
truants
physical pain
wake up late
realize the reality
follow routines
we-group feeling atwork
physical pain
Wake up late
takes its own time.
start training
inlove with the city and the people
truants
physical pain
wake up late
takes its own time
starts reading book
truants
KEYWORDS
smärtan har gått över hennes gräns
hon väljer att vara run rök
jobbet är för upprepande
hinner inte sova ut
överarbetar handen
HER BODY HER MOOD HER BEHAVIOR
NOTES BY NATALIA ARAMBURU: SHE IS IN LOVE REFLECTION
Does her dream city make her blind for reality?
She adapts easily.
She has a hard time finding negative things. Not even the smoking bothers her.
She lets herself be affected since she wants to be part of the group and society.
She is relaxed. Is it like a vacation for her?
She experiences a lot of pain in her hand. How come she puts up with it?
She fights to find herself yet still she wants to be like everyone else. She tries to find a
balance for the two.
She accepts the everyday, and that everything isn’t perfect.
She chooses to be part of the “us” notion. She likes the different groups and enjoys
being a part of an “us”.
WEEK 1: She is in love with the city, the structure, the food, the environment etc. She
thinks she understands society and in that way it is easier for her to be part of it. The
city is almost like her dream city. She is so contempt she only mentions the positives.
She is in love with everything; she doesn’t even care about complaining about the
cigarette smoke. She enjoys the people she spends time with; she feels they have
shared interests and references. She goes out dancing at bars. The ones she spends
her time with quickly becomes her inner circle. She doesn’t understand the language
but experiences that everyone wants to help her. She likes people’s friendly ways.
WEEK 2: She is part of the group and this affects her subconsciously. One day
she doesn’t go to work and instead she spends time with the girls. The city and
the life they live reminds her a lot of her own life as single. She is more relaxed in
her way of talking. She points out and is surprised by the fact that there are a lot of
people. She doesn’t understand why her work friends are so much more withdrawn
compared to other people she spends time with. Her social life takes up a big part
of her everyday. She is still in love with the city. She is out a lot (shopping, spending
time at cafes, restaurants, spending time with other people, going to the movies,
to exhibitions etc.)
WEEK 3: She gets tired of work, is bored by working so much in CAD. She has a
friendly relationship with the girls. She is out a lot every day, regardless if she is on
her own or in the company of others. She still hasn’t adapted completely. She is
taken aback by the lifestyle of people in the city. She still hasn’t questioned anything
of society. She starts questioning her own behaviour, like that she should go to bed
earlier or eat breakfast, but she doesn’t change anything.
WEEK 4: She has an unbearable pain in her joints. She is one of the gang, mixes
naturally with the group and stays over at friends. She uses the “us” notion more.
She easily adapts to the Turkish life style, it reminds her of her own life at home. She
enjoys her lifestyle as a grown up. It is so much like her life at home that she points
straight to the things she dislikes rather than trying to act patient or be sensible like
she has in the other cities she has visited. She sleeps in longer and doesn’t exercise
at all, which is very unusual for her. Her initial infatuation for the city is gone and
she starts noticing things she hasn’t noticed before. She doesn’t think shopping is
fun anymore. She spends time with her friends from work; they chat and always
have lunch out together.
WEEK 5: She skips work one day to let her hand rest. She has started thinking about
the journey home, since the pain has gotten unbearable. She is used to the smoking
but sometimes she comments on it. She mostly adapts to it since she has to, even
though it’s something she normally is very against at home in Sweden.
NOTE
EXPERIENCE: She is not affected, no
change or development.
CHANGE: She goes back to old ways,
thought patterns and habits.
BELONGING: She is part of the same
social group as she would at home, she
has a strong sense of “us”.
VIEW: She realises her opportunities, and
opens her eyes to routines.
EXAMINATION: The questioning of
herself f.e. behaviour such as to stop
going out shopping or to start sleeping
in longer.
6463

Sleep is something that can easily be underestimated and turned into an item on a “to
do list”. In Istanbul, through the enchanting sounds, the rhythm of the everyday life,
and the uninterrupted tea drinking, my mind has found back to my body, and I sleep
like a baby. To sleep well is a sign of my mental and physical health but also I sign that
I am at home.
RESOLUTION: SOMETIMES HOME IS AN ILLUSION
Vad behöver jag för att känna mig hemma? När jag inte räknar timmar eller måste
avsluta sömnen med en väckarklocka då vet jag att jag är hemma. Under tiden jag
sover kommer jag fram till lösningar, sover jag väl blir jag mindre sjuk och är gladare.
Sömnen är en förutsättning för att jag ska fungera. Sömnbrist är stort hot mot hälsan,
men svenskar är ändå de som sover minst av alla européer.
I sleep like a baby, like if it was my first time
because when did sleeping become a bloody crime?
I nap like a flower and wake up with the sounds
because when did I forget that I l belong in the ground?
I snooze, I roll over, I bend, I hug and I rely
I doze, I get over, I dream, I become and I fly
cause when did I lose my passion collecting blue stars?
I slumber like a baby, like the one I always was
because I can’t justify my actions by destroying myself
I rest like an imprint, like the one under my skin
because I know I don’t exist to become a broken machine
6867

PUNE LAGOS ISTANBUL
. 2 .
4 3 3
2 3 .
2 4 .
2 5 .
. 2 .
. 3 .
1 2 1
2 3 .
. 3 .
2 3 .
. 2 2
. . .
. . 4
. 1 2
list of stress symptoms , 5 equals maximum
Headache
Fatigue
Upset stomach
Sleeping problems
Anxiety
Restlessness
Overeating undereating
Angry outbursts
Tobacco use
Social withdrawal
EVERYDAY STRESS
One interesting aspect of the experiment is to see the changes in Patricia’s ways, both
physically and psychologically, in regards to the different cities she goes to. She starts
using exercising as a tool to work with the different challenges she is experiencing in her
daily life. It is clear she uses it as a stress relief. In all three cities, she starts exercising
even when this isn’t part of the daily routine of those around her. Exercising becomes
something she feels is necessary to add to her daily routine wherever she goes.
PUNE: She exercises as a way of handling the notion of feeling locked up, and as a way
to find time to be by herself.
LAGOS: She exercises to handle her feeling of loneliness, and to fill the gaps she feels
she is experiencing in her daily life.
ISTANBUL: She exercises as a way of handling physical pain, she experiences as a
result of her work life.
OBSERVATION BY NATALIA ARAMBURU
INDEPENDENTLY ALONE
In most cultures community and being part of a group is seen as a necessity. But in our
western culture, this way of thinking has gradually changed- to be self sufficient and
independent is now seen as something positive, and has become the ideal that we live
by. Patricia’s opinion before travelling is that to be strong is to be able to handle things
on your own, and she is careful about having time and spare time to herself. During
the experiment she discovers how dependent she becomes on the sense of being part
of a group.
PUNE: She doesn’t have a choice- here she has to be part of a group. Her opinions
around the notion of the group as something negative changes and she can see the
advantages, and the sense of security the group can give her, especially considering the
situation she is in when in Pune.
LAGOS: She is not part of a group, but is alone. Here, she desperately feels she wants
to be part of a group. She feels the need of human contact and a strong need for
experiencing community with others. Her original view around independency is shook,
and she’s questioning whether alone is always best.
ISTANBUL: She is part of the group in a natural way that resembles her everyday life
in Sweden.
I FEEL SO ARROGANT
IrununtilIamdangerouslynear,IrunmilesuntilIteardownallthefuckingfear
Ineedtostretchmysoul,maybethenIcanfitinmybody
7473

OBJECTIFICATION BY NATALIA ARAMBURU
The question is whether Patricia’s sense of empathy for others changes in a surrounding
or a city with a higher population density. How does she turn subjects into objects? In this
experiment we have worked with three different cases where society, its structures and the
physical environment vary, but where the population density is about the same. What we
have seen is that the density of the population doesn’t seem to affect Patricia’s empathy
directly, and that other more basic factors seem to be of more relevant. These are factors
such as time (stress), sense of belonging (group) and recognition (experience).
Patricia’s empathy for the collective doesn’t change but it seems as if her empathy is
affected when she has a group tight in her inner circle or if she is in contact/connects
with single individuals. This seems to have to do with how much she can see herself in
the other, the more she sees herself the more empathy she develops. Such a simple
variable as time can punctuate her empathy. Old and new research within the subject
has shown that time can be a crucial factor to empathy. By turning up the tempo in work
life the ability for empathy disappears. Stress objectifies subjects; stress is connected to
survival and is a primitive state where egoism supersedes over other people’s needs.
In Patricia’s case it seems as when she is not experiencing stress, and when she is in a
more harmonious state, she is less inclined to objectifying subjects, even when they are
part of a bigger collective.
PUNE: There seems to be a change in empathy towards the group she is part of. The
collective is divided into two parts where the female group is enhanced and the male
group is reduced.
LAGOS: There seems to be a change in empathy since the sense of recognition is
strong. Patricia’s own experience of suffering deepens her empathy which in return
develops her psyche. The single individual affects, reminds and touches her causing a
strong empathetic development within the group. The compassion she feels for single
individuals creates an empathic generalisation towards the collective as a whole. Society
is divided into two groups, the people and the state. The people as a collective here
become the subject and the state becomes the object.
ISTANBUL: The level of empathy is neither increased nor decreased. The level of
empathy she experiences is similar to what she experiences in her everyday life at home.
The ones within the group that she is part of are the subjects (friends, colleagues). Other
people stay as subjects even though they are a collective. The balance in everyday life
and the lack of stress leads to a bigger buffer for objectifying subjects.
I FEEL SO ARROGANT
Iamtheresultofyourlackofempathy,withoutsoulandsewnskin,Iamyourmachine
7675

Finding my empathy is a highly subjective exercise especially when I find so many
definitions and words and for the same word. I select and organize 11 definitions in
a linear gradient, not defining what is better or worse but just what I may feel. I have
simplified the task of finding my empathy by asking the right questions. Depending on
the answer does the infographic guides me to understand what I am really feeling? The
questions and answers are based on my past experience in the project and in my life.
KNOWLEDGE: THE EVERYDAY LIFE MAKES ME BLIND
I FEEL SO ARROGANT
Likgiltighet : Detached Identifikation : Identification Igenkännande : Pathos Gensvar : Response Sympati : Sympathy Inlevelse : Impression Medömkan :Pity Medlidande : Commiseration Förståelse : Understanding Medkänsla : Compassion Insikt : Insight
Do you feel
tired or are you
yawning?
Do you remember
all the suffering you
have experience?
Do you feel
irritation, sadness,
joy, anger or fear?
Do you want to
feel?
Do you have
time?
Did you greet
a stranger?
Do you feel
stressed?
Do you feel?
Do you feel
curiosity or
surprise? Did you share
your hate?
Do you share
your shame?
Did you wake
up without the
alarm clock?
Do you feel
physical pain?
Were you offline
at least 6h?
Do you choose
not to cry in front
of others?
Do you
forgive?
Do you feel
inner pain?
NO
NO
NO
NO
NO
NO
NO
NO
NO
NO
NO
MAYBE
MAYBE MAYBE
MAYBE
MAYBE
MAYBE
MAYBE
MAYBE
MAYBE
MAYBE
YES YES
YES
YES
YES
YES
YES
YES
YES
YES
YES
YES
YES
YES
NO
NO
NO
Yourareconstantlyamemorywritteninmyscream,achaoticstreetthattrappedmyfeetinadream
7877

ANYTHING: FOREST OF WISDOM
REFERENCE
REFERENSER
QR-code scanner app is available to
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8079

Iwillcarryyouaroundlikemypreciousproperty,Iwilldragyouintomypresenttofightformyliberty,Iwillbetheoneandyouwillbeeverything…BecauseIwillbeourfutureaslongasyouaremypast

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