Understanding and Assessing Self Esteem

HAVE HAVEN August 7 , 2012
Foster Parent Training Donna Young, MS, Foster Parent Specialist

BUILDING SELF ESTEEM WITH
YOUR CHILDREN

TRAINING OBJECTIVES
 Examine the nature of self esteem and where it comes
from
 Recognize the symptoms of high and low self esteem
 Examine our own self esteem and how that may impact on
our children
 Identify a strategy for day to day parenting that builds our
own and our child's self esteem
 Examine practical everyday ways of ensuring we build self
esteem

WHAT DO WE WANT FOR OUR CHILDREN?

 I want the best for my children
 I want them to be responsible, happy and caring
 I want them to take their place in the World
 I want them to have successful relationships
 I want them to be productive in whatever they do and
gain satisfaction from it

DEFINITION OF SELF ESTEEM

"Self Esteem is realistic self awareness and a
belief that we are basically OK”

“A quiet feeling of self worth”

CORE SELF ESTEEM

Self
Confidence Self Trust
Core
Self
Esteem

Self Approval
Self Image

SYMPTOMS OF LOW SELF ESTEEM

Wish they were Boast
Feel inferior
someone else or unworthy

Symptoms
Rarely volunteer Lack energy

May bully Panic when Over dependence on
faced authority figures
with a new task
=
Anxiety

ATTITUDE – THE FOUNDATION

 Value them
 Spend time with them
 Respect them
 Trust them
 Commit to them
 Be their role model
 Be on their side

KEY QUESTIONS (1)

 Have I helped them feel good, or at least not bad,
about themselves today?
 Have I shown that I have understood their feelings
and/or their point of view on anything today?
 Have I shown any interest in, or asked about,
anything they have done today?

KEY QUESTIONS (2)

 Have I listened to them with my whole hearted
attention at least once?
 Will they think I am on their side?
 Try to aim for at least one "yes" every day.

PRAISE

Specific Deed not Doer

Praise
Timing Areas to Improve

ADVANTAGES OF INCREASED EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE

 Increased physical health

 Higher academic achievement

 Better formed relationships

 Less tendency to violent acts

 Emotionally healthy

FIVE STEPS TO EMOTIONAL COACHING

 Become aware of the child's emotion
 Recognise the emotion as an opportunity for
intimacy and teaching
 Put yourself in the child's shoes and
listen, acknowledging the child's feelings
 Help to find words to express the emotion
 Set limits while exploring ways to solve the problem

WHY DON’T WE LISTEN?

 We are pursuing our own line of thought
 We are relating it all to our own experience
 We switch off because we know what they are going
to say
 We judge the speaker, labelling everything they are
saying instead of listening

POSITIVE COMMUNICATION

“Can you hear me?”
Listening “Actions speak louder than words”
Body language

“You’re so clumsy” “Don’t spill it”
Labelling Making requests

“You think you’re so clever”
Put downs

WHY DO WE PUT OUR CHILDREN DOWN?

 To say what was said to us when we were young

 It is the right thing to do

 We are down on our reserves

PROBLEM SOLVING

 Describe the situation

 Sum up in their words

Generate ideas
Pick one
Confirm if solved

WHAT DOES SELF ESTEEM DO FOR OUR
CHILDREN?
 Face fewer obstacles to fulfilment
 The negative opinion of others will not immobilise
them
 They will not be undone by failure, they will learn
from it
 They will respect others
 They will find loving others easier and have lots of
love to give away!

AS PARENTS WE MUST:

 Accept ourselves, recognise what we are doing is the
best we can
 Recognise we have a choice about how to behave as a
parent
 Share our thoughts, feelings and needs honestly and
without fear of judgement
 Look after ourselves and ask for and gain support from
others

FOUR KEY TENETS FOR PARENTS

 To identify our own values
 To provide us and our children with a sense of
direction
 To accept responsibility for guiding and leading our
children to adulthood
 To avoid the extremes of child rearing fashions and
find a sustainable middle way.

TRAINING OBJECTIVES

 Examine the nature of self esteem and where it comes
from
 Recognise the symptoms of high and low self esteem
 Examine our own self esteem and how that may impact
on our children
 Identify a strategy for day to day parenting that builds
our own and our child's self esteem
 Examine practical everyday ways of ensuring we build
self esteem

Understanding and Assessing Self Esteem

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