What Is Assertiveness?
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The document provides a comprehensive overview of assertiveness, defining it as a key skill for healthy relationships that involves standing up for one's rights without infringing on others' rights. It discusses the benefits of assertiveness in personal and workplace contexts, including improved communication, increased self-esteem, and reduced fear in interactions. Additionally, it distinguishes assertive behavior from aggression and non-assertion, highlighting its importance in fostering cooperation and mutual respect.
What Is Assertiveness?
- 1. 1 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics ASSERTIVENESS What is Assertiveness?
- 2. 2 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics The Course Topics series from Manage Train Learn is a large collection of topics that will help you as a learner to quickly and easily master a range of skills in your everyday working life and life outside work. If you are a trainer, they are perfect for adding to your classroom courses and online learning plans. COURSE TOPICS FROM MTL The written content in this Slide Topic belongs exclusively to Manage Train Learn and may only be reprinted either by attribution to Manage Train Learn or with the express written permission of Manage Train Learn. They are designed as a series of numbered slides. As with all programmes on Slide Topics, these slides are fully editable and can be used in your own programmes, royalty-free. Your only limitation is that you may not re-publish or sell these slides as your own. Copyright Manage Train Learn 2020 onwards. Attribution: All images are from sources which do not require attribution and may be used for commercial uses. Sources include pixabay, unsplash, and freepik. These images may also be those which are in the public domain, out of copyright, for fair use, or allowed under a Creative Commons license.
- 3. 3 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics ARE YOU READY? OK, LET’S START!
- 4. 4 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics INTRODUCTION In our relationships with others, we all have it in us to behave in ways which are either predominantly aggressive or passive. These tendencies carry with them heavy burdens: aggression leads to conflict and revenge by others; passivity leads to low self-esteem and thoughts of "what- might-have-been". Learning how to be assertive is the route back to whole and healthy relationships. It builds mutual respect between people, seeks win-win outcomes to problems and develops self-confidence. It is one of the keys to happy and productive individuals and teams.
- 5. 5 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics DEFINING ASSERTIVENESS One researcher has discovered that there are more than 250 separate ways to define aggression, assertion and non- assertion. These range from the literal dictionary definitions to the popular understandings of the words; from the definitions of the words as modes of behaviour to their definitions as states of mind. The Concise Oxford Dictionary has the following definitions for words under "assert"... • "assert": declare or state clearly; insist on one's rights or opinions; demand recognition; vindicate a claim • "assertive": forthright; positive; dogmatic • "self-assertion": the aggressive promotion of oneself.
- 6. 6 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics WHY BE ASSERTIVE? The aims of Assertiveness in behaviour, thought and feeling are always positive. 1. At a personal level, one of the aims of Assertiveness may be to simply feel good about how we relate to others. 2. At a team level, one of the aims of Assertiveness may be to improve the way the team communicates with each other and with outsiders. 3. At an organisational level, one of the aims of Assertiveness may be to increase the contributions people make with the result that they feel more involved and committed to the enterprise.
- 7. 7 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics THE BENEFITS Assertiveness can be defined by looking at how people benefit when assertiveness is used in personal and workplace relationships. These benefits are that... 1. fear is eliminated 2. people make more contributions 3. communication is more honest 4. less time is spent ironing out disputes (and trying to find out who said what to whom, when and how, and did they mean it anyway) 5. people get on better with each other 6. work is focused on problems not personality differences 7. people know what's expected of them. In organisational life, Assertiveness changes the nature of authoritarian management, breaks down fiefdoms and empires, and enables people to make more and better contributions to how work is done.
- 8. 8 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics REPLACING FEAR One of the key benefits of Assertiveness is that it helps you eliminate the fear and stress which still today are present in many of our life and work relationships, be they demanding bosses, angry customers, or unhelpful colleagues. Fear and stress-based relationships create different forms of flight-fight reactions in us. These can take the form of avoiding people, giving in to them, battling them, bullying them, or manipulating them. All these routes lead to unease, disease, and ultimate exhaustion. With Assertiveness skills, you learn that fear doesn't have to exist in any relationship you choose to have, whatever the other person wants. Assertiveness gives you back personal control that allows you to act rather than react and to see everyone else the way you see yourself. With love and respect.
- 9. 9 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics THE OUTCOMES Compared to other modes of working, Assertiveness is like removing the shackles from the restrictions placed on the way we operate. Some of the consequences of assertive working are... 1. blame and fear are replaced by trust 2. people feel good about themselves 3. life becomes a process of working at things rather than having neat and easy answers 4. your confidence increases as you trust your own views 5. you respect others more by listening to them 6. you become more aware of how you and others behave 7. you become involved in situations but are also able to stand back and be detached.
- 10. 10 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics BUILDING YOUR SELF-ESTEEM A high level of self-esteem has now become an essential requirement of modern business life. Unlike the past models of business life, where people at work were required to know their place and look up to those above and down on those below, today's businesses require co-operation, equality, and respect for diversity. One of the skills that takes you there is self-esteem, the appreciation of your own worth and importance. And Assertiveness is one of the daily habits that will produce self-esteem. "High self-esteem workers making independent decisions, taking risks, vigorously pursuing new ideas and acting on their own initiative are exactly the employees needed for the 21st century." (BBC Health)
- 11. 11 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics THE CONFIDENCE LANE Assertiveness and confidence are inextricably linked together. For example, when you know that you have a right to be in your place in the world, to occupy the space you are in, and the right to express what you want, you are both thinking and behaving assertively and confidently. Imagine a 3-lane highway, labelled respectively "Weakness", "Confidence", and "Dominance". When you drive along the inside lane of letting others walk all over you, you know you're in the slow lane of Weakness and it's time to step up into a better lane. When you find yourself driving along the outside lane of overtaking everyone else with your power, you know you're in the high-speed lane of Dominance and it's time to step down. Use your dashboard gauge of awareness and feedback to stay in the middle lane of Confidence and your journey will be successful for both you and others.
- 12. 12 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics DIMENSIONS One of the reasons why a simple definition of assertiveness is elusive is that assertiveness works on many levels. It is multi-dimensional. 1. it is a way to express ourselves; it is a way of projecting thoughts, opinions, needs, wants, values and rights; it is a way of behaving that is both "here and now" and developmental. 2. it avoids dogmatic certainties about ourselves and others 3. it replaces "either/or", "black or white", "win/lose", "for-us-or-against-us" thinking with "both/and", "black and white", "win-win" thinking 4. it encourages diversity of opinion 5. it is "we may be right" rather than "we are right" 6. it is the style of constructive leadership, not destroy- the-opposition leadership 7. it is about life as process, not life as fixed.
- 13. 13 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics HISTORICAL ORIGINS "Assertiveness" in its modern meaning is closely linked to its recent historical origins. Assertiveness and in particular assertiveness training was first used as a non-aggressive way to deal with Civil Rights abuses in America in the 1960’s. Since then it has been successfully used by other minority or disadvantaged groups such as women's groups and minority groups as a way to improve self-esteem and communication. More recently, Assertiveness and assertiveness training have been recognised for the many advantages they bring to personal relationships, social situations and the workplace. The applications of Assertiveness are transferrable across a range of life experiences.
- 14. 14 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics ASSERTIVE SKILLS Assertiveness is a skill that leads to changes in how we relate to others and how we see ourselves. Because of this, Assertiveness is regularly used in the following kinds of skill training... 1. communications, eg in listening to others, expressing ourselves and giving feedback 2. managing others, eg coaching and instructing 3. presentations, eg dealing with a difficult audience 4. interviewing, eg staying in control of the interview 5. managing change, eg selling change to others 6. managing stress, eg limiting workloads by saying No 7. leadership, eg taking hard decisions 8. appraisal, eg facing up to an individual's under- performance 9. self-development, eg asking for help from others 10. counselling, eg challenging people to face issues 11. negotiation, eg resisting emotional blackmail.
- 15. 15 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics THE ASSERTIVE JOURNEY In her book, "Be Assertive", Beverley Hare describes the journey she made from a time when she felt as if she had lost touch with her own identity to a time 11 years later when she believed she had re-gained it. This was her journey... 1. from low self-esteem to improved self-esteem 2. from little confidence to improved confidence 3. from believing she was unintelligent to believing she was intelligent 4. from believing she was unattractive to believing she was attractive 5. from dependence to independence 6. from feeling passive to feeling active 7. from predominantly non-assertive to predominantly assertive behaviour 8. from obsessive dependent relationships to interdependent relationships 9. from being sensitive to criticism to handling criticism well
- 16. 16 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics PERSONAL EXPRESSION The authors Ken and Kate Back, use a definition of Assertiveness that emphasises its value as a means of personal expression and communication. "Assertiveness is a way of expressing your needs, wants, opinions, feelings and beliefs (and rights) in direct, honest and appropriate ways.“ Other writers emphasise the behavioural basis of Assertiveness: "Assertiveness is simply the behaviour based on valuing yourself enough to insist on getting what you want and need by using fair and reasonable means.“ Put simply, Assertiveness = Confidence.
- 17. 17 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics THE THREE MODES A.J.Lange and P.Jakubowski, in their book "Responsible Assertive Behaviour" provide a definition of Assertiveness in which it is compared to aggression and non-assertion. 1. Non-assertion is violating one's own rights by failing to express honest feelings, thoughts and beliefs and consequently allowing others to violate oneself. 2. Aggression is directly standing up for personal rights and expressing thoughts, feelings and beliefs in a way which is often dishonest, usually inappropriate and always violates the rights of the other person. 3. Assertiveness is standing up for personal rights and expressing thoughts, feelings and beliefs in direct, honest and appropriate ways which do not violate another person's rights.
- 18. 18 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR Aggressive behaviour means... 1. getting your own way, no matter what 2. winning at all costs 3. being loud, abusive, controlling, manipulative, intimidating, violent, sarcastic 4. using put-downs of others 5. using any trick or game to show others are weaker than you. While in many parts of our society the aggressive type is admired for their strength, the aggressive person is basically a coward at heart. Their behaviour towards others is likely to create a resentment-revenge cycle which will re-bound on them one day.
- 19. 19 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics NON-ASSERTION Non-assertive or passive behaviour means... 1. keeping quiet for fear of upsetting others 2. avoiding conflict at any cost 3. putting others' needs ahead of your own 4. being vague about your own needs 5. excessive apologising 6. pretending to be indecisive as a way of taking a different stand 7. bottling things up. The person who relies on passive behaviour does so in the hope that they will be safe and protected by others. There is every likelihood that others will despise their weakness and soon come to lose respect for them. The passive person may become bitter in later life for lost opportunities.
- 20. 20 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOUR Assertive behaviour means... 1. being open, honest and vulnerable 2. standing up for yourself 3. refusing to be intimidated 4. finding win-win solutions to conflict 5. being equal with others while retaining your uniqueness 6. listening to others 7. showing understanding. While on the surface an assertive lifestyle seems to carry with it many dangers - the possibility that others will knock you down in flames for being so open and honest - it is the only route to personal respect and respect for others.
- 21. 21 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics WHAT ASSERTIVENESS IS NOT In learning to be more confident and assertive, many people overdo the effect and slip into aggressively-expressed assertions. Equally, many people who aim to be assertive, step back from conflict in case they infringe other people’s rights. Assertiveness is not about dominating, resisting, or feeling forced to yield to others. It is never about becoming emotional and angry. Nor is it about forcing your point of view onto other people. What assertiveness does aim to do is to emphasise the value of clear, calm, frank and often minimal communication as a means of establishing relationships in which everyone knows where they stand and no-one feels ill-used.
- 22. 22 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics PROCESS, NOT FINALITY There is little call for Assertiveness in stable environments where a ruling elite governs through rules and conformity. Such environments create a view of life as fixed and final. In change environments, however, life is seen as process. In such environments,... 1. life is not static but evolving 2. listening is a predominant social skill 3. the quality of relationships matters more than status 4. learning is an ongoing requirement for survival 5. there is a recognition that everyone is important in the human enterprise 6. life is seen as paradoxical, complex and diverse 7. "both...and" replaces "either...or" 8. there are no certainties, just possibilities 9. being in process is more important than completing the process 10. assertiveness is a prime social skill.
- 23. 23 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics THAT’S IT! WELL DONE!
- 24. 24 | What Is Assertiveness? Assertiveness MTL Course Topics THANK YOU This has been a Slide Topic from Manage Train Learn