The B-word

Hey, we need to talk. This is important.

I’ve been hearing the b-word being thrown around a lot, and I have something to say about it.

Burnout. (Which b-word did you think I meant?)

Even only 25 days into the year, I’m hearing it more and more frequently. I’m worried for us. We’re tired, we’re running thin, there’s nothing left in the tank. We’re worried because we’re in the most economically uncertain time in recent history. Massive numbers of people are losing their jobs daily. I’ve read about employees being harassed by their manager for not being glued to their computers and phones. Courts are passing unprecedented verdicts in favour of employers over employee time theft.

Because of all of this, we’re afraid to say “no”, but at the same time we are struggling with how we can possibly take on more.

If you’re familiar with the US version of the office, early in the series there’s an episode when the receptionist, Pam, says she usually tries to wait as long as she can before taking her vacation and this year, she lasted to the third week of January. We’re right on track, aren’t we?

Dwelling on last week’s news, I’m stuck on how Jacinda Ardern publicly admitted it was her time to resign because she couldn’t give any more. This is the type of strength, and leadership, and example we need right now.

I enjoyed this article on BBC, “Jacinda Ardern's burnout highlights the pressure world leaders face”.

Side note: I could personally write books upon books about the incredible leadership Jacinda’s provided in her nearly six-year tenure as Prime Minister. I cannot commend her enough for stepping up and owning how it was time for her to pass the baton. But Jacinda’s journey aside, let’s get back to that b-word.

This isn’t easy for me but I’m going to be real with you: I’ve felt burnout, bad. I felt life going sideways because I couldn’t sleep, and I was constantly fatigued. For someone who lives with a severe case of anemia, I can’t afford for my energy sources to be anymore depleted. I felt exhaustion from tasks as simple as making dinner.

I had terrible headaches, stomach aches, and I couldn’t concentrate to even get started with my day. On more than one occasion, I had burst into a sobbing fit during my workout because I felt an unusual amount of pressure in simply convincing myself that I could face the day.

I longed for validation - that someone, somewhere, would maybe recognize all the things I was doing and would finally tell me my efforts weren’t going unnoticed and would be rewarded. I felt like all my hard work was for nothing, had no value, and wasn’t good enough. It felt like no one understood me, I felt alone, and I felt a load of resentment for these feelings because despite it all, I still had it good.

With each day that went on, things just stopped making any sense at all. I was embarrassed, and ashamed, because I had been a champion for my family, friends, colleagues who were facing burnout. I encouraged them that it was important to take notice of how they felt and supported them in making adjustments. Yet, I wasn’t heeding my own advice. And so, I finally gave up and stopped what I was doing. I took my vacation. I shut down my computer, I turned off my phone, and I stopped thinking about anything that wasn’t my family for two weeks. It took six days - I kept track - for me to start to feel normal again. And then, I made myself a deal: never again.

Here's what I promised myself:

• Take a break: When I am starting to feel overwhelmed I have to take 5 to 10 minutes away to breathe. I leave the room, get some fresh air, put in my headphones and scream out a song, or just text a friend.
• Have a glass of water: As a young adult I smoked and when I was ready to quit, drinking water was such an effective activity that helped me divert my attention from the craving. It works for this too.
• Just say no: Okay, this isn’t an absolute because sometimes you don’t need to say no, but you need to make sure that what you’re saying yes to is going to have a benefit for you, and not be an inconvenience. I have a buddy for this – I am not allowed to say yes to taking on anything new until I clear it with my buddy. We don’t work on the same team, so there’s no bias. Our agreement is that I must tell her the details and I’m not allowed to say ‘yes’ until I can prove it aligns with my goals.

The good news? I learned a lot from this experience, and I’m feeling much better. I’ve read a lot about burnout, and I’ve grown enough to understand this is does not define me. I’ve set clear goals and expectations for myself. I know what I am going to do when the menacing, dark face of burnout tries to come around these parts again.

I’ve found that a key tactic in preventing burnout is being aware of what to look for, this is a good resource page you can read for more information on spotting the signs.

If you need a buddy, you know I’ll keep you honest. You’re not on your own here, I promise – we can have our own screamo karaoke!

Burnout can happen to anyone, anytime, and often to the unsuspecting. Just because Neil asked if it was better to burnout than to fade away, does not mean you’re meant to answer.

Know that your efforts are not wasted. I see you, and I see how hard you're working. You don't need to be at the edge of burnout, or even in the fire, to prove your value. Don't lose sight of what keeps your work, your family, your health, and your goals in balance.