Coping with COVID-19: To Avoid Getting on Each Other’s Nerves, I Suggest the “Two-Strike Method.”
Gretchen Rubin
Author of 7 NYT bestsellers on happiness & human nature | New advice podcast “Since You Asked” out now! Subscribe & listen below
I'm in my apartment with my husband, two daughters, and dog.
I feel so fortunate to be here, all healthy and safe together (knock on wood). I never forget that for a moment.
At the same time, because we're spending so much together, and not seeing other people, we're going to start getting on each other's nerves. That's inevitable.
To manage this, I proposed my "Two-Strike Method" to my family.
Each family member has two opportunities—two chances to strike—that is, to tell another family member that he or she has to stop a certain habit.
For instance, I wear shoes all the time; I hate to be barefoot or even in slippers. It's possible that from time to time, I might sit on my bed and read, with my shoes on. Or even get under a blanket with my shoes on. Or put my shoes on furniture. A family member could use one of his or her strikes to make me stop.
If someone strikes out your behavior, you have to stop it.
Under this policy, there would be a total of eight family strikes to be used. Coordination is permitted, to get maximum value from every strike.
No one's used one yet, but there have been a lot of threats.
What I've discovered is that the threats are a useful aspect—maybe the most useful aspect—of this method. It's playful and funny to say, "If you leave a dirty dish on the counter again, I'm going to use one of my strikes on you!" And that's easier to hear than, "You never blah blah blah, you always blah blah blah, why can't you blah blah blah..." It's an easy way to communicate that we're bugging each other.
Have you found some good ways to stop getting on each other's nerves?
With everything going on in the world, this may seem like a trivial problem to consider—but the more energy, calm, focus, and love we have when this terrible time is over, the better prepared we will be to begin the process of recovery.
Want to check out the other resources I've created for coping during COVID-19? Click here.
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5yLove it- I was wondering what you were doing with all of this new unman behavior to consider! I am continually fascinated with everyone’s reactions and decisions.. Also- funny- I give design clients “veto” power when I help couples decorate their home! If one looooves the cheetah prints, the other can veto- no questions asked- no hard feelings. Sometimes I let them decide how many vetoes they can use- then they hardly use any! Fascinating we are :)
On Sabbatical until 2026
5ySaw in a social post that couples or roommates should invent a fictional co-worker to blame everything on. I know you love the office so maybe "Dwight" can be the bad guy. Dwight left dishes in the sink again. Dwights desk is really messy. Dwight is such a loud talker on conference calls... It can be a way to bring in humor to highlight issues that might not make it to strike yet, but can be expressed so that people don't build up anger and frustration.
Realtor at 360 Realty
5yLove this idea, thank you! My kiddoes are younger (6 and 9), so we have a similar system for them. If we notice they're getting on each others nerves, we ask them to stop, think, and apologize if necessary. If it happens again, they each have an area they can go to in order to have their own space for 20 minutes. They love each other, so being forced to separate for a bit usually takes care of the 'bugging' issue for a while!
Director@Salesforce| Enterprise AI & Data Infrastructure | Architecting Multimodal Pipelines + AI Agents | Data Cloud & Agentforce
5y"be the change you wish to see in the world" I keep reminding myself this.