The Ego Fortress: Why You Are the Trash You Complain About

“Men are trash” is a common phrase on the internet. A very simplistic, overgeneralized view of the whole male species. If that were true, the earth would be a big dumpster. Thank God we do recycle trash.

We tend to think we are in a world full of trash, but the truth is that we are the world that is full of trash. Our perception of the world shapes how we see it, and that becomes our world. We perceive the world through an internal lens. Our subjective mental representation of the world (schemata) becomes our guide for interpreting what happens to us or in our environment.

The more we constrict our exposure to experiences, be it intellectual or physical, the more our world shrinks. All humans live in their own world, but geographically on the same planet Earth. Our experiences from childhood to adolescence construct our worlds brick by brick. By the time one reaches adulthood, most people have their world ready. At this point, most people are rigid and unwilling to adjust or change the bricks.

We create cocoons to protect ourselves from invasion by other people (other worlds). We cling to our world and protect it from disintegration. Removing or adjusting multiple bricks in one’s world might mean a collapse, either into neurosis or psychosis. Opening up to other worlds might mean an upgrade, but few people are willing to take the risk.

We have a narcissistic attachment to our thoughts, beliefs, ideas, attitudes, and behaviours. Maybe that’s why it’s so seductive to mirror other people’s behaviours and thoughts; it flatters their ego. I agree with what British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli said: “Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours.”

The universe is a jungle. Sometimes we are invaded by other worlds, and we get hurt in the process. We grow defensive, rationalize, and close ourselves off from external influence. We seek solitude and comfort in our cocoons.

In our little, constricted world, we experience fear, pain, guilt, and ruminate over our terrible lives. In turn, we get depressed, anxious, hyperactivated, anhedonic, neurotic, and sometimes psychotic. We feel terrorized by our experience of life and lose the perception that life can improve. This further pushes us down the drainpipe, we feel trapped, like a caged beast. We become helpless, hence the term learned helplessness.

In other cases, we use social media as a façade, often pretending our lives are great. We fake richness, love, having it all figured out, success, intelligence, philanthropy, and refined taste. We feel this makes us safe, but rather, it makes us more defensive and hyper-alert, always ready to rationalize, deny, or lie to protect our world from crumbling. Social media life isn’t a secure citadel; it can crumble at any time, and you know it.

We actually live in anticipatory reality, that’s how our brain’s neurochemistry works. Let’s say you expect to have steamy coitus in the evening. With such anticipation, the brain releases dopamine (the pleasure, reward, and motivation neurotransmitter), which leads to a spike above baseline. This is followed by a drop in dopamine levels below baseline, which pushes you to act in ways to ensure you achieve your goal.

The pain of working toward the goal is what we call motivation. It’s aimed at restoring the baseline levels and more. This happens with both short-term and long-term goals, which is why it’s important to break long-term goals into milestones. The pain of waiting for the reward is so intense that people end up distracting themselves with other pleasures, or abandoning the goal.

Other individuals end up using drugs as a way to cope with life. That’s why the alcohol industry has flourished. The bottle becomes a channel to escape reality. A substratum of individuals ends up addicted, which makes their lives intolerable and unbearable. They grow more defensive, more guilty, and their lives become more miserable. Their dopamine levels are always below baseline; pain is their constant reality. Their world constricts. They isolate and lose perspective over everything else.

It’s possible you are a shapeshifter or chameleon, adapting to your environment to hide from other members of your species. But you can’t hide from yourself. No one can save you from yourself, not even Jesus Christ!

I suppose you could make the necessary changes to transform your life and make it more meaningful. You could take up a new role, act differently, and embrace your fate. The choice is entirely yours, regardless of the chaos in your life. More specifically, your attitude.

“People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own soul” ~Carl Jung

~John Wanjiru

Mental Health Professional  

wanjirukjohn@gmail.com